"Marci!" Bonni calls.

"Where are you?!" I ask.

"In the bathroom, come in!" she yells back.

Ooohh, I think. Bonni wants a little romance time, eh? I grin,

"COMING!" I yell.

I open the door.

"Well, I guess you want some pussy time Bo-"

I pause when I see Bonni undressing a tiny body.

Once the shirt is off, my three year old daughter Candi says,

"By pussy, you mean like a kitty, right Momma?".

"O-oh. Of course!" I say.

Thank glob I was able to recover from that one! Bonni gives me a look.

"So, whataya want babe?" I ask Bonni.

"I was hoping you could help me give Candi a bath." she says.

"Of course!" I say.

"Great!" she says, "So you start the water running. Warm water, not to cold, not to hot.".

I float over to the tub. I start the water, adjusting the tempature. I feel the water. Way too cold! I make it hotter. THAT feels good. I turn around to see Candi's cute pink naked toddler body. Bonni is next to hands me a bottle of bubble bath and says,

"Add this to the running water.".

I do, but it barley bubbles, so I add a ton more, and empty the bottle! I hear Bonni babbling random things, so I turn around and see Bonni with Candi on her lap, a big picture book surrounding both of them.

"Uh, what the lump are you reading?" I ask.

Bonni puts the book down.

"Don't use that language in front of Candi!" she scolds, "And I'm reading Bathy Time, I have to read it to Candi every night before she takes her bath.".

"That's retared." I say.

Bonni's eyes look like their about to pop out of their sockets.

"Ooh, the bathy is ready!" Candi says pointing to the tub.

Both me and Bonni look at the tub to find a gigantic mass of foam bubbling over. I can tell Bonni is about to have the meltdown of a lifetime when Candi squeals,

"And extra bubbles, just the way I like it!".

She runs to me and hugs my legs.

"Thank you Momma!" she says happily.

I smile, and Bonni softens enough that she doesn't kill me.

"It's time to get into the tub, kiddo." I say as I pick her up and dangle her above the tub.

She giggles as I lower her in. As soon as I let go of her she screeches.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she screams, "TO HAWT, TO HAWT!".

I quickly pull her out and feel the water.

"Oh, c'mon!" I say, "It's not THAT hot.".

Bonni comes over to feel it.

"AH!" she squeaks as she quickly pulls her hand out, "It's BURNING hot Marci!".

I feel it again. Still feels lukewarm.

"I guess since I'm a cold blooded vampire hot isn't that hot to me." I say.

"Let's drain the tub and fill it up again. This time I check the tempature. You read Candi her story again." Bonni says.

"Kk, sounds good to me!" I say.

I sit on the toilet with Candi on my lap. I start to read the story.

"Once their was a boy named Bob." I say, "Bobby didn't like bathies."

As I read on I realize this is the stupidest thing I've ever read. But I don't dare to say it out loud in fear Candi will throw a tantrum because I insulted her favorite book. The story is about I boy names Bob who didn't like baths because he wanted to stay dirty. His parents kept looking for ways for him to enjoy baths. They but bubbles in it, they let him play with his toy boat in it, they read him stories on the toilet (like I'm doing right now). Finally he found a rubber duck in a store and he loved baths because he got to take them with the duck. The end! Just as I finish Bonni calls,

"The bath is ready!"

"Yay!" Candi says, "Bathy time! Bathy time! Bathy ti-"

She frowns when she looks in the tub.

"Where are all the bubbles momma?" she asks.

"I'm sorry," Bonni says, "But SOMEBODY used up the whole bottle."

Then Bonni stares at me.

"I don't wanna takea bath without bubbles." Candi pouts as she crosses her arms.

"I'm sorry Candi, but your going to have to take your ba-"

Just as Bonni grabs her and is about to pick her up Candi runs out the door yelling, "NO BAFF! NO BAFF! NO BAFF! NO BAFF!"

When I look at the door all I see is a cute pink butt attached to a little body.

"Oh boy." I say covering my mouth trying to cover my laughs.

"DON'T JUST STAND THEIR!" Bonni yells, "GET HER AND BRING HER BACK BEFORE THE CANDY PEOPLE SEE!"

I obey her orders and quickly fly to Candi, who is currently using her little fangs to chomp on a terrified Peppermint Butler. I scoop her up and say,

"Sorry P-But.".

When I reach the bathroom door where Bonni is standing, I can see she's giggling.

"Okay," she says, "I have to admit that WAS a little funny.".

"Sure was." I say as I look down in my arms to see Candi who's sucking her thumb.

"She's our little bath monster!".