Abyss
You would never guess that darkness had a sense of feeling. But down here it was so much more then just what my eyes could see. Sure there was the occasional sparkle of the great river Styx but that never stood up against the sun's light, how I could feel it's warmth flood my skin, set it aflame. Yes, there was nothing quite like it or at least nothing I was willing to admit.
Then there was you, the one being that was as much at home here as the shadows that occupied the dimly lit halls of your castle. How I look upon that fateful first encounter with such terror, even now when it has been weeks passed that day, since I was stolen from the sun. I still hate you for it, in my own way, despite your kindness and pledge to keep me safe. I'm not quite sure how you think that, in spite of stealing me from my home, mother, and friends, you could possibly love me and it's because of those facts that I couldn't reciprocate your feelings. I try to push aside those feelings, the ones that tell me to hate you, and that I should give you a fair chance, try to see from your point of view. But if you love me like you say you do, you would let me return to the place that would make me happy and it isn't here . . . at least that's what I tell myself.
But the way you look at me, the way you smile when I smile, stirs feelings in my soul that I know shouldn't be there. I think it's your eyes, which in my opinion shine more then the sun (Please don't tell Helios that). That is if you're able to find them behind the curtain of black hair (I don't mind though, the long hair makes you look dark but very handsome). Those eyes show more then I think you're willing to admit, though behind that ice like blue there's more then just that admiration for me, there's a fear that I can't quite place, no matter how hard I try. You're the God of the Dead, what could you possibly be afraid of? I want to help you with that fear, somehow in my own way. I guess it's my nature.
There were those few instances in your presence that I treasure more then light itself, shocking as that may be. Your gentle though just a little bit tense as if you're afraid of what I might say, but I'm the last person you should be afraid of, hell, I had trouble killing the spider that lives in the corner in my room (in fact it's still living to this very day). I wish I knew what bothers you so much, however in not knowing it also bothers me. To think that I'm concerned doesn't make me worry like it would have when you first placed me down here to live. I'd laugh just so I could see you smile. You do have an excellent smile by the way. Just thought you'd like to know.
I remember that time when you took me on a tour of your castle, about four days after my kidnapping. You were so tense that even I noticed the subtle way you clench and unclench your hands, your knuckles nearly white even though your skin is already such a pale color. I trailed behind you and slightly off to the right, my eyes trained on the ground careful not to make contact with the eyes that I now love to look at every chance I get. You spoke to me softly, your deep voice somewhat raspy as if you don't spend much time talking. I listened mostly because there wasn't any way I could not, I wanted to hate you with my entire being back then but there was something that kept me from doing that. Nevertheless, I found myself entranced by the story you told, or to be completely truthful, by your voice. In your own unique way you have one of the most pleasing voices to listen to.
In a way I have not only become accustomed to the darkness, the deep abyss where you dwell, but to your company. You have the mysterious ability to make me feel comfortable regardless of how much I loathe the dark. In fact it was because of you that I now feel so at home in the black and no longer wish for the sun. These new feelings that are slowly beginning to fester themselves within me confuse me. I should hate you; I do hate you . . . If only you knew how each time I say that it becomes less and less convincing.
Even now as I look upon your motionless form, sitting somewhat slouched forward in your black throne, your head resting in your open hand, eyes narrowed slightly in concentration, there's this feeling swelling deep inside me. As if sensing my scrutiny your eyes dart to me and the firmly held line of your lips soften into an almost complete smile. I smile brightly back in hope of cheering your solemn mood, which is becoming more frequent as of late. I have a feeling there's something you're not telling me and it's making me worry.
Your brows suddenly crease, your lips tilting into a frown as you stand in a flurry of black cloth. You make your way slowly to where I'm seated and even though I love those ice eyes of yours I can't help but look away, afraid you might see something I don't want you to.
You kneel before me, trying in vain to look into my eyes but I will myself to resist the urge to look at you, though I can see that all familiar blue out of the corner of my eye. You sigh, your warm breath dancing across my skin as you place a hooked finger under my chin and tilt my face to look at you.
"Love," you say, as if you've known me all your life. "what is wrong?"
I unconsciously lean into your touch when you remove your finger from under my chin to cup the left side of my face. Your hand is surprisingly warm even though the Underworld is a bit on the cold side.
"I don't know." I say; internally mad at myself for loosing the cool I had struggled to keep a hold of. I hope you don't notice the way my voice falters, even I attempt to write it off as nothing but there is that voice in my head that says I'm lying and it's just that I don't want you to know.
Your eyes suddenly look sad and the sight itself nearly brings me to tears. "Please, love, don't lie to me. Even after all I have done to you, I still deserve to hear true words from you."
I know the tears are there now, and I blame you for it even though I know it's not your fault. "What if I am telling the truth?" I ask, willing myself to retain that self-control.
You smile then, a sad smile that matches your eyes. "Then tell me that."
I open my mouth to say just that but the words won't pass and I find myself lost in your eyes. "Tell me that you don't feel anything." You whisper, leaning closer to rest your forehead against my own. "And I swear to leave you be."
Again I cannot find my voice and I watch you slowly withdraw, your eyes staring intently into mine as if reading some cryptic message hidden there. I wonder fleetingly if you're able to see what I've just come to recognize and I suddenly wish you were closer.
My mouth opens to tell you just that, the one thing you've been waiting to hear and the one thing I have just accepted, but the words never pass my mouth as my lips were captured in yours. I marvel in how soft they feel against my own as one of your arms snakes around my waist to pull me closer and my arms wrap around your neck.
You break the kiss, our bearthing ragged, and you tuck my head under your chin. I rest my head against your chest; the mesmerizing sound of your heartbeat nearly lulls me to sleep. My hands hold tightly to the fabric of your shirt just daring the gods to tear us apart.
"You were about to say something, I presume." Your voice rumbles from your chest and I would almost swear that I could hear a true smile in your voice. I do not look up for I'm too content where I am.
"I love you." I am being truthful this time, to both you and myself.
"I love you as well." I can hear it in your voice, the happiness has finally come to you and fear has finally left. You're no longer tense as you clutch me tighter to you and I welcome, wholeheartedly, the security you provide. I decide then and there that if this should be my fate, to dwell in Hell, then I accept that destiny with open arms simply knowing that you will be there. If this is the abyss then cover me with darkness.
"Yet here in my soul
I want you to know
I'll never leave"
Evermore – falling away
