Comments: The title and some of the lines in story are lyrics from Tool's Opiate. Now... On to the disclaimers!
Sean: Rogue does not own any Superstar of the WWE.
Rogue: But I'd like to! ^__^
Sean: She owns no rights to Opiate or Tool in general.
Rogue: ::holds up a sign that says "Maynard Rocks!"::
Sean: Actually, that sign doesn't 'say' anything. Signs don't talk.
Rogue: ::presses button on the back of the sign so that, in her voice, it says "Maynard Rocks!"::
Sean: o_O I stand corrected.
Rogue: I love a man who can admit him mistakes. On wit dah show!!
Part One
(Inside the living room of the DLL Complex, Sean and Bradshaw are trying to build a bigger entertainment center while Prue reads them the directions. Rogue is pulling things out of various shopping bags. Chibi chibi is driving around a remote controlled truck. Fyre, Thunder, and Beth enter the room.)
Fyre: O__O What is all this stuff!
Rogue: (looks up from her Sailormoon comic book) Huh? Oh? This... (makes a sweeping motion) is some new stuff I got... Well, WE got...
Thunder: How could you afford all this stuff? You're just a college student.
Sean: (picks up a screw driver) A broke college student.
Beth: Exactly... So... Spill the beans. Where'd you get all this loot?
Rogue: Well. Stephanie McMahon and Eric Bitchoff -
Prue: Bishoff.
Rogue: (shrugs) You say tomato... Anyway... They were looking for a way to guarantee that their respective shows got the best talent. And they got it into their heads that sweet, little ole me could kinda talk the guys into changing teams. Since they'd do just about anything to keep me happy.
Sean: To keep you from wailin', you mean. (Ducks a flying sneaker)
Fyre: You mean they bought you all this stuff?
Rogue: ^______^ Yup!
Thunder: And you have no intention of trying to recruit people, do you?
Rogue: (pouts) It's my summer vacation. I ain't recruitin' squat.
Beth: And do they know this?
Rogue: Nope!
Beth: That's pretty dishonest.
Rogue: (frowns) Does this mean that you don't want your new Fozzy CD?
Beth: (thinks) Give it here.
(Beth takes the CD, flops down on the couch, and puts it into her new Discman.)
Prue: (whispers to Rogue) You think Fyre and Thunder will make you return the stuff?
Rogue: Nah. I gots a plan!
(Rogue goes over to Fyre and Thunder, who are busy trying to figure out what they should do.)
Rogue: (to Fyre) Do you want the bag with the Kane merchandise. (holds up bag in her right hand) or the bag with the Triple H merchandise? (holds up bag in her left hand)
Fyre: (looks from one bag to the other) "Or"?
Rogue: No "or"?
Fyre: (takes both bags) No "or".
(Fyre goes to sit on the other end of the couch. She pulls out a Triple H T- shirt and a Kane action figure. Rogue now approaches Thunder.)
Thunder: You got a bag full of goodies for me too?
Rogue: (tilts her head and smiles) Would you like to sit in my new leather recliner chair?
Thunder: Umm....
Rogue: (leads her to the chair) Isn't it nice? It has both heat and massage!
Thunder: That's very nice.
(She tries to get up but Rogue pushes her back down.)
Rogue: It vibrates too!
(Rogue turns the dial on the remote control to the first notch.)
Rogue: Nice, right?
Thunder: Yuh huh.
Rogue: Hmm. I wonder what would happen if I turned it up all the way.
(She turns the dial up to the max. The chair begins to visibly shake. Thunder gets a big smile on her face and her eyes roll back into her head.)
Rogue: (laughs) Who knew Thunder could do a Lord of Darkness impression?
Bradshaw: o_O So sweet.. And yet..
Sean: So stupid....
Fyre: Why don't you sit over here between me and Beth. Leave Thunder alone with her new favorite toy... I mean, chair.
Thunder: Toy, my ass. This thing's good! I might have to give Taker the night off.
Beth: Yeah. Let him rest that third leg of his.
(Chibi chibi, apparently forgotten by the rest of the group for the time being, tilts her head to one side and opens her mouth as if to say something. But instead, she shrugs her shoulders and goes back to her truck.)
(Rogue settles on the cushion between Beth and Fyre and continues reading her comic book. Beth has already put on her new "Larger Than Life" T-shirt and now has her Chris Jericho figure dancing across Rogue's lap. Fyre put Kane on top of Rogue's head. Apparently, he was about to do a flying clothesline onto Jericho. Then Fyre got a better idea.)
Fyre: Hey! Where are Chibi chibi's Barbie clothes?
Rogue: Why?
Fyre: We could dress up the dolls!
Beth: I don't think Chris would fit into Barbie's hot pink miniskirt.
Sean: Chibi chibi doesn't have any more Barbie dolls.
Prue: Why not? Aren't all little girls supposed to like Barbie?
Rogue: Truthfully, I can't stand that thing. All those clothes and those cars and she had to walk around in high heels all the time.
Sean: Yeah. Well, Prue said "little girls". I don't think you qualify anymore.
(Rogue pulls off her other shoe and chucks it at Sean's head. He ducks again and sticks out his tongue.)
Bradshaw: Well, she used to have dolls.
Prue: What happened?
Rogue: The first one she had she dipped her head in some paint.
Fyre: Apparently, Barbie's hair applies paint to a canvas quite well.
Thunder: She chopped all the hair off the next one she got.
Beth: She didn't know it wouldn't grow back.
Bradshaw: Then she pulled the thing's head off.
Sean: She launched another one into a tree with a slingshot.
Rogue: And the last one... (sighs and shakes her head) Well...
Bradshaw: She went outside on a sunny day with it. Along with a magnifying glass.
Prue: Oh no.
Sean: By the time I got out there, she'd melted a dime-sized hole where the face woulda been and the hair had burst into flames.
Thunder: She's going through a destructive period.
Fyre: If it can't be stomped on, dropped from a third story window, or nuked in the microwave without retaining the original shape, color, texture, or smell, then its no good to her.
(They all turn to Chibi chibi and see her ramming her new toy into the wall over and over and over.)
Sean: I give that truck two weeks.
Beth: And yet the goldfish is still with us?
Fyre: She likes the goldfish.
