Sally pushed aside the vertical blinds of the Preventer's break room

(From Val's Column) Writing Homework: Write a short "elephant in the room" piece. It doesn't have to be very long, but there is a tricky part to it: you must never mention the problem by name. However, you must also make it possible for the reader to understand what the problem is by the end of the piece. It may be difficult, but I have faith in you. Good luck. Also, I really suggest you read "Hills like White Elephants" by Ernest Hemingway and try to discover what the couple is talking about.

An Uncomfortable Discussion

By Elly Leaverton

Sally pushed aside the vertical blinds of the Preventer's break room. She gasped when she saw who was entering the building.

"What?" asked Lady Une, holding a freshly poured cup of coffee.

"She's here," said Sally.

"No," exclaimed Lady Une. She walked to the window to see for herself. "It is her. Why would she do this? I told her to take at least two weeks."

"You should talk to her," said Sally.

"No, I don't want to upset her. It's best not to bring it up." Lady Une looked down at her coffee mug as if the depths of it held answers for her.

Sally sighed deeply. "Your right. If she wants to come back so soon, it's up to her."

"Yes," Lady Une agreed.

The break room door opened and a cheerful Hilde stood in the doorway. Her face brightened when she saw the room's occupants.

"Hi Sally! Hi Lady Une!" said Hilde. "Hope someone made coffee!"

Sally blinked stupidly.

Lady Une tried to fill in the gap with a quick, "Yes, but it's strong. I think Wufei made it."

Hilde made a face. "Yuck! I'll have to cut it with milk then." Absentmindedly, Hilde placed a hand on her lower back as if supporting it and walked over to the coffee-maker.

Startled, Lady Une and Sally looked at each other. Lady Une gave Sally an imperceptible shake of her head.

Hilde stood sideways to the counter as she poured cream and milk into her mug. With a pause and a start, she realized what she was doing. She turned and faced the counter to finish the process.

"So where is Wufei?" Hilde asked.

"I sent him out with D…Duo this morning," said Lady Une.

"Poor Wufei!" cried Hilde. "He hates to patrol with Duo." Hilde turned to face the two women with her mug in hand. She brought one arm up under her breasts, then looked down. She corrected the motion by crossing her arms properly.

"He won't mind Duo much today," said Sally.

Lady Une shot a glare at Sally. Sally blushed and looked down at her mug.

"Oh?" asked Hilde. "Why is that?"

"What Sally means to say is Duo looked a little tired this morning. She doesn't think he'll bother Wufei today," Lady Une said smoothly.

Hilde looked down and tugged at the front of her shirt. "Yes, he is tired. We both were a little tired this morning."

"Well, Hilde, I was thinking of having you review the satellite data this morning. You have the best eyes for it." Lady Une watched Hilde pull the front of her shirt smooth. She felt a pang in her heart for the younger woman. First Duo walked through like a zombie, now this.

Hilde forced a smile. "Yes, I love running the data. Just my spying nature I guess. Love to look at all those other people. My own private soap opera!"

The three women chuckled softly. They all took drinks from their mugs, not looking at each other.

The break room door opened and all three women looked to see Heero standing there.

"Good Morning," he said in his quiet neutral tone. He scanned the room and his eyes came to rest on Hilde.

"Hilde," he said with just a touch of surprise.

"Good Morning Heero."

He walked over to her and took her by the shoulders. "I'm so sorry." He pulled her into a gentle hug.

"Oh, it's alright Heero," Hilde said as she returned the hug. "There's always next time." She pulled away. "I have to go read the sat data now." She stepped around him and walked towards the door.

Lady Une and Sally watched with concern in their eyes. Heero turned as she moved past him.

In the doorway, Hilde paused and looked at each person briefly, not making eye contact with any of them.

"Don't worry about us, you three," said Hilde in her forced cheerful voice. "Duo and I have made it through a lot worse than this. We'll be fine." Her voice cracked slightly on the last word.

Hilde quickly pulled the door shut behind her. She leaned on the closed door, as a few tears escaped from her eyes.

"Damn," she said as the emptiness choked her. "Maybe it was too soon?"

Lessons Learned:

What surprised me, when I began to write this little scene, was how slowly I seemed to go. I knew the problem I wanted to present, and suddenly each motion of my characters' bodies became important. Also, I was surprised at how much information you can convey with a short sentence describing the motions of someone's body. In the written format, I seem to be locked into what I learned at engineering college. My technical writing professor had a cute saying for it: "Tell them what you're going to tell them. Tell them. Then tell them what you told them." But not being able to do that suddenly sucked me into the scene. I was forced to peer out of the eyes of each of my characters to come up with the body language sentences. Also, I felt more emotionally involved with the actions. I'm coming from my point of view of course, but I now see the power in this kind of writing. I think not knowing everything from the start makes the whole scene more heartrending. I think much would be lost from this scene if the reader were told the problem up front.

I learned that I still could dip into people's thoughts without giving away the problem. It's more realistic in my mind. How many of us recap things in our mind? I'm more likely to think, "That's funny!" than I am to think, "That clown over there riding the donkey is funny." Perhaps that's blindingly obvious to other writers, but for me, it is new information.

I also learned how make words seem pointless. At least in my mind, the words between Hilde and Lady Une meant absolutely nothing. And the kicker is: they didn't have to mean anything. Only the fact that they were talking and weren't talking about the problem mattered. Before this, I would never put pointless dialogue into a story, but I see now there is power in that too. It surprised me to learn that sometimes speaking is body language itself.

Okay, that's what I learned just by writing (or trying to write) a short "elephant in the room" piece. What I need to know now is: did I succeed? Do you know what the problem is? By the end of the piece, was it clear?