When I'm in the real world, I'm Don Daishi: a regular-named punk with a whole lot of hate and about as much love as a mosquito. So, when I'm in the virtual world, I'm Hiko, the thief you wish you never met who's looking to turn this gaming thing into something worth while. Leave your psychological, therapist shtick at the door. I already know, okay. I'm compensating for the things I never got in my real life, and I'm reaching for the things I'll never get. It just so happens that the things I do get my hands on, I'd rather throw back to where they came from.


Something Well Worth Stealing

Chapter 1: I've Seen Beta Days, but I've Also Seen Worse


"Mind telling me what the hell I'm looking at, right now?"

If someone just so happened to be holding me up at gun-point, forcing me to make a list of all the things I hate in this damn world... Hell, it'd be a goddamn novel: a trilogy, even. There'd be bonus content and an interview with yours truly just holding up the middle finger. I got a whole lot of hate in me. I could hate the world and still have enough hate in the tank to hate half the stupid galaxy. I'm a hateful kind of a guy. I hate things.

"I'm talking about this e-mail about beta testing, Ken. I thought it was just spam, but then I checked this shit out and it's no bull."

I have a few reasons for why I'm such a prick; I mean, I wasn't always the way I am. No shit, right? It's not like I popped out of the womb flipping off the medical staff and cussing out my parents. Ask the salad tossers from my earlier school days. They'd tell you that back in the day, I was a pretty all right guy with a bit of a flair for defiance.

"My point is you're the only jerk-off I've given my e-mail address to. It ain't too much of a stretch to figure out your conniving ass had something to do with this."

My parents weren't exactly top notch role models, and I guess that brushed off on my me. A lifetime worth of trauma later, I was passed along to my asshole of an uncle. Where is he right now? That's an excellent question, and I'll get back to you when I figure out the answer to that one.

"Yo, genius, I don't even have a NerveGear. What am I supposed to do with some beta program for it, huh? Make a fucking shrine for MMOs with it in the center?"

So, I'm just your regular-named guy toting enough hate to make Pol Pot look like a caregiver. I don't have a whole lot going for me. Hell, that's a fucking understatement. I guess... I'm still holding out for that one something that makes this lifetime's ration of crap seem worth it.

"You stole one for me? Gee, you shouldn't have, and here, I didn't get you anything. Fuck it, I got nothing else going on. Sword Art Online, huh? Let the games begin, I guess."

Oh, where are my manners? The name's Don Daishi. I'm fourteen years-old, but you probably wouldn't have been able to tell going off the way I talk. I was just talking on the phone to the only friend I have: the one guy who didn't think I was the scum of the Earth... or maybe he just didn't care. His name's Ken, and he took it upon himself to throw my e-mail address into some beta testing volunteer thing. He tossed his own e-mail into the mix because he wanted a better chance to get into this exclusive beta that I couldn't give a single, solid fuck about.

For better or worse, I'm in it, and I might as well check this thing out. Ken went through the trouble of stealing me one of those NerveGears, and it ain't even my birthday. I guess it's time for me to start tearing it up in the virtual world. I mean, who am I to turn down the generous gifts of a dear friend?


(Day 1 of the Beta - Starting City)

It was a whole new grind, I guess: bunch of startled mouth-breathers looking for shit to pop-off or something. Everyone was scare-crowing in the spawning point of this Sword Art Online beta, staring at all the pretty-boy avatars that sure as hell weren't accurate reps for their real life bodies. "The hell are they all waiting for? No one's going to roll out the red carpet for you all."

Some of the players that were close enough to me must have heard me since they turned to me, looking like they really did expect someone to give them the celebrity treatment.

"Ah, I'd recognize that asshole-ish tone and that scowl anywhere." I turned to face the guy who said that and came face-to-face with a guy with half blue, half black spiky hair. His gray eyes stared into my black ones with a glint of amusement that I could pick out anywhere.

"Ken, that's you, right? What the hell are we supposed to be doi- Wait, your name in the game is Nek? Wow, way to be original, you fucking jackass," I said, smirking as Ken- ahem, Nek's eyes narrowed.

"Yeah, no one man can have all that asshole... except Don, or should I call you Hiko, now?" Nek said, eyeing the HP gauge next to my avatar.

"Call me whatever your little heart tells you to call me. So, what the hell do we do here and when do I get to stab stuff?"

"Easy there, sociopath. Let's figure out how to actually play this game first before we go full-barbarian," Nek advised, waving his hand like he was trying to calm a riled-up dog.

"I'm not a fucking sociopath," I muttered, ignoring the stupid smirk on Nek's face. "So, are we going to chill here with our thumbs up our asses for a few more minutes or are we going to get this show bumping?"

Nek nodded and took the lead. We navigated through the crowd of hundreds to get out of the starting point and actually do something. When we finally strong-armed our way through, Nek stopped on a dime and his eyes focused on something apparently to his right.

"The hell are you lookin-" I stopped when I looked to my right to see what was so damn interesting for Nek and ended up seeing some prompt telling me to open up my menu with a swipe of my right hand. I sighed and did as the prompt told me. I squinted at all the columns. Tapping on the columns opened up more columns, and goddamn it, this game was giving me a sharp pain in my head.

"Damn NerveGear's got me groping myself for calibration," I ground out, recalling the weird ass prerequisite the virtual reality device demanded. "Now, this game's got me fumbling around like a caveman in a rave. Why am I here, again?"

"Because all this didn't cost you a thing... and you had nothing else to do," Nek said, looking about as much of a bumbling jackass as I did at the moment. "Holy hell!" he suddenly shouted. When I turned to look, I was greeted by the sight of his half naked avatar.

"Bro, you got five seconds to get your clothes back on before I disown you," I said halfheartedly as I started checking out the stuff in my inventory.

"I hate you, Hiko."

"Join the club. I hear they go on field trips and shit."


(Day 1 of the Beta - Grassland outside of the Starting City)

I stood with a broad sword over my shoulder and a smirk on my face. "Hey, Nek. Do you think there's a snapshot feature in this game? That'd be bitchin' right about now."

Nek wasn't sharing in the mirth. He was currently getting worked over by a boar, and it was utterly hilarious.

"For fuck's sake, man. This is getting a little embarrassing," I said, staring unblinkingly at the situation of Nek being charged and bullied by cannon fodder. "That boar's giving you the corporation. It gave you its fucking business card and said, 'Call me if you have any more questions about the smack-down I'm laying on you.'"

"Thanks for the commentary, asshole." Nek side-stepped another headfirst charge from the boar and countered with an overhead swing of his sword. "And thanks for not helping me, by the way. Your generosity is greatly appreciated," he spat out, managing another nice hit on the boar.

"Help, huh?" I checked my wrist for an imaginary watch. "Yeah, I should be able to fit that into my schedule," I said, smirking like a fiend as I charged in with my sword at my side. Nek dodged a rush from the boar, and turned to face it just as it jumped at him, again. I crouched low in the middle of my stride and popped up with a decent jump of my own while slashing at the boar in a wide arc, catching the little shit right out of the air.

"Ha," I scoffed with a smirk, watching confidently as the boar burst into blue shards and a prompt appeared in front of my face, showing my EXP and monetary gain. I even went up a level. "I make this shit look easy."

"You're the literal worst." I turned to face the irritated Nek as he looked like he was about to rage on me. "That was my kill. I had that bastard dead-to-rights, and you just had to be Don... or Hiko, rather."

Smirk still in place, I stuck my middle finger in Nek's face. "That's what I think of your kill." I stuck my other middle finger in his face, too. "And that's for calling me the worst. With those crappy combat skills you were flailing around with, how could I possibly be the worst? I'm pretty sure you're holding that spot down like it's your fucking job."

Nek was practically growling at me. Then, he stopped all together and stared at me like he was seeing me for the first time. "Don... you're actually enjoying yourself right now, aren't you?"

What?

"I've never seen you this lively before, man," Nek said, keeping that stare leveled on me. "You're seriously enjoying this game and don't try to deny it. In anything you do, you always look like everything's a pain in the ass and isn't worth your time, but right now, you're having fun."

I quickly looked away and scoffed. If he were trying to get me back for ragging on him... well-played.

Nek walked up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "And this has been a touching moment with Don Daishi."


(Day 5 of the Beta - Horunka Village)

"So, were you actually listening to the NPC about this quest or are we going to have to bail on this? Hell, I wasn't even planning on taking the quest. I was just breaking into the house to see if I could cop some free stuff," I said, looking over to Nek who shrugged and looked over to the other guy that happened to be following us: some dude decked out in blue and brown who was almost as much of a sharp-tongued, smart-ass as me. He was just much more subtle about it.

"I paid extra close attention to quest description since I knew you definitely wouldn't. Aren't you glad I'm here?" the guy who went by the name Kirito said condescendingly. What'd I tell you? Vintage, subtle ass.

Kirito was only rolling with us because he went to check the NPC's house at the same time as us and all three of us ended up taking the quest.

"Well, genius? What's the deal? Who're we stabbing? What're we grabbing?" I asked, shooting Kirito a glance.

"The villager's daughter is very sick and all the medicine that they've tried before didn't do a thing for her. Our job is to battle the plants that are somewhere to the west of here in the hopes that one of them has the secret medicine we're looking for," Kirito said, returning my glance before facing ahead.

"How come the lady of the hour and her mother know that this particular medicine's going to do the trick? Has this shit happened to them before?" I asked evenly, looking at both of my travelling companions dryly.

Nek nodded in agreement. "Hey, do you think if this quest goes untouched or if we take too long to get this medicine, the daughter dies of whatever sickness she has?"

"Want to find out?" I asked, smirking at Nek who returned the expression with a grin of his own.

"I see you both have handled all your personal issues the right way," Kirito chimed in.

"Nah, we're getting shit out of this quest, right? Might as well see it through," I said, ignoring Kirito and shoving my hands in the pockets of my black pants.


(Forest West of Horunka Village)

"For a plant, these fuckers have hella good dental hygiene," I said, side-stepping a vine attack and hacking through one of the Nepents with a hay-maker of a sword swing. "For real, these things could be the face of Colgate one day."

Nek grunted and winced as he was swept of his feet by a vine, courtesy of one of the Nepents. Kirito and I quickly jumped in to keep the Nepent off Nek's back. He gave the thing a clean, refined slice, and I was feeling pretty cheeky, so I jump-kicked the Nepent in the teeth before kicking off and bisecting it with an outward slash.

"You good, bro?" I questioned, tossing Nek a glance over my shoulder. Kirito gave him a hand and helped him up.

"Yeah, I'm peachy," Nek said, brushing himself off and checking his HP to see if really was as peachy as he said.

"How're we splitting the spoils, by the way? I'd love to say what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine, but I'm pretty sure we'd have a battle royale, cage style, if I said that," I said, resting my sword over my shoulder.

Kirito gave it some thought before he piped up. "How about... the one who finds the Little Nepent and gets his hands on the medicine is prize keeper. Agreed?"

I smirked and nodded. Apparently, the Little Nepents were a rare spawn opposed to the common busters, but I was feeling pretty good about my chances of taking the quest spoils straight to the bank.

Nek nodded as well and readied himself for another bout.

"If nothing else, this is great grinding for our levels," Kirito added.

With that, Kirito and Nek jumped back into the fray. I stood back a bit, though. Looking around the area, the trees were spaced out pretty decently. They sure as hell couldn't be called cluttered. Smirking, I climbed up the closest tree to a pretty high branch and looked over the area. I could see Kirito and Nek fighting the respawning Nepents. Slightly further away, I could see a special little snowflake just waiting for me to dice.

I smirked as I jumped off the tree landing on one of the Nepents. I jumped off it and landed on another. I jumped off that one and landed in front of another which I stabbed. I kept my sword in the Nepent and jumped again, dealing the plant monster a fatal blow. At this point, I was laughing, practically cackling like a fucking madman. "Hell yeah! I'm going in!"

Out of nowhere, I see Nek and Kirito sprinting and catching up to me as I was gunning for the Little Nepent, our goal. It was like our sole missions in life: merk the hell out of this plant that had a flower blooming on its on top of its mouth.

"Ah! It's going to be a photo finish!" Nek shouted as the three of us hustled.

"Like hell it is!" I objected. I held my sword over my head, lined it up real nice, and chucked it with every letter to my name at the Little Nepent. Kirito and Nek's mouths were wide open in shock as they saw me throw my weapon.

What'd I say? I said I was taking the spoils straight to the bank.

Or at least I would if the sword actually hit the Little Nepent. Before you ask, the little bastard didn't dodge. It didn't have to. I just fucking missed it all together.

The shame is real.

"Yes! Hell yes! I got that bastard!" I could hear Nek gloating. Kick some dirt in my face while you're at it, why don't you?

Now, I have to walk over to get my sword back. That's the damn walk of shame, you know. How about we let this moment die here, okay?


(Day 15 of the Beta - 1st Floor Dungeon)

There was a huge group behind me and we were all staring at a huge door bordered by two giant cups of fire. Either we just hit up the secret national bank of SAO or we were gawking at the room of some big daddy monster. I fiddled with a couple throwing picks (yeah, that's right. I bumped my throwing game up. I'm not a throwing-scrub anymore!) in my left hand as I looked at all the players behind me who were standing there like an army waiting for orders.

I cleared my throat. "At times like these, folks need a leader to give'em a kick-ass speech or something, right?" I asked, not really expecting anyone to answer me. So, I walked forward a bit and turned around to face all the players, dredging up the best look of determination of all time. "When I look around this crowd, I see nothing but a bunch of twinkle-eyed, mouth-breathing, basic bitches." With that, I turned around and faced the massive door, smirking like a fiend.

"Was that the speech? Is that all? That was pretty weak-sauce, even for you, Hiko," someone chimed in.

"Hop off my nuts. If you actually need me to motivate you before you fight something in a video game, I think you need to check yourself," I responded.

Huh. It just occurred to me how hella organized we were. Oh, what the hell.

"Tally-ho, fuckers!" I shouted, tossing the door open. "Time to nut up boys."

Nek walked ahead of the others to walk next to me as we confidently strolled in the room. It seemed barren as hell. Pillars were all over the sides of the room and there was a red doodle pattern on the floor, and that was pretty much it.

Well, at least until we noticed the giant dog thing sitting pretty like a king on his throne. It jumped off its seat and landed with a mighty roar after grabbing its ax. Immediately, three mooks spawned and came at us like spider-monkeys with the big dog standing back.

I wasn't having any of that passive bullshit.

I dashed in between the three mooks, and went straight for Illfang. I chucked a handful of throwing picks. I'll be damned if I miss this time. I got a massive target, after all. The picks hit their mark, but Illfang barely flinched. Even still, the picks stayed in and chipped off little bits of Illfang's health.

And really, what more can I ask for from my pocket-portable ass pains?

Quickly following the picks, I pulled out one of the daggers I have strapped to my sides and rushed in. But alas poor Yorick, that was a feint. I figured the picks were too small for Illfang to register as a legit threat, but a dagger might rustle its jimmies. So, I rushed in and made sure to dodge its ax swing, dashing around it with all the speed I could squeeze out and throwing the dagger at its back. One more dagger. Another. A fourth one, too, because why the hell not?

That was all the throws I could fit in during Illfang's lag time between attacks. All in all, I took down just a little under half of the first of four HP bars with just a few picks and some daggers.

"Yo, dog guy! You think you could toss those daggers and picks this way. That shit ain't cheap, and I sort of want to chuck'em at you, again. Be a good sport, would ya?" I said, waving my hand to get Illfang's attention. I swear the bastard growled at me. "Or you could be a bitch about it. That's cool, too."

I looked over to where the wonder boys were handling business against Illfang's squad of Ruin Kobold Sentinels. The mooks were outnumbered something fierce, so it really wasn't much of a battle. The wonder boys took care of that and were making their way over to the main event. I could see Kirito and Nek at the forefront of the crowd.

All eyes on me, huh?

I smirked and focused on the quickly approaching Illfang. How about I let you all in on a little secret? Sword Art Online has a strict ten item policy; that is, a player can only equip ten things at a time. Following that little rule, I'm decked out in some really simple clothes: red shirt, black pants, boots, and a chest plate so I don't get completely boned by any hit. That leaves me six choices for weapons: four of which are daggers, one is a sword I got on my back, and for the finishing touch...

At this point, I was smirking like a fiend as my fingers reached for the weapon strapped to my waist, sitting nice and tight above the daggers on both sides. They were claws, Tiger Claws. They're as brutal as they sound: equip'em to your hands and tear shit up, no finesse needed.

Now, that's a style I just knew I could get down with.

When Illfang finally bridged the distance between us, the dog boss went for a few ax swings this time around. I felt the force behind one of the swings as I narrowly avoided getting my head taken, and I just knew, with the little armor I was toting, any one of those swings could be a game-ender. Good times all around.

I took Illfang's lag time as a chance to make my move. With the claws that extended about 33 centimeters from my hand, my range wasn't all that, but my attack speed and damage output were pretty damn boss. Claws had incredibly small lag time between skills, so you could really go wild with them.

I got in real close to Illfang, then I began my assault: swipe after swipe after swipe, alternating my attacking hand whenever it was easier. After the swipes, I started stabbing the claws into Illfang's hella large body. I got nicked by a retaliatory ax swing from Illfang when I got just a little too into my clawed assault. I just barely managed to avoid the brunt of that swing before I sprinted to get at Illfang's back. I did a 360 immediately after with my claws held out at my side. I was seriously cranking out the force with that little spin move, a sword skill-ahem, claw skill called Spiral Claw.

The lag for that skill was enough for Illfang to take a pot shot against me. He pimp-smacked me with the back of his ax, sending me careening back as the wonder boys took my place in the battle.

"Fuck." One glance at my remaining HP elicited the curse from me. I was working with under half. Think about that one for a sec. I got smacked by the BACK of the ax and it took out over half of my health. Lifting my head, I was lucky enough to catch the tail-end of two of the wonder boys getting merked by a single ax swing. "Glad to see I'm not the token glass cannon."

I got out a potion from my inventory and shotgunned that shit. Looking back up to the battle, I saw Kirito parrying Illfang's attacks with Nek and quite a few of the wonder boys taking any chance they could get to land a solid hit. Nek was using his Anneal Blade. Good for him.

Huh. Checking out Illfang's health, I saw that it was looking pretty unhealthy. (See what I did there?) Illfang was walking with under half of its second bar of health. I guess I did more damage with my clawed barrage than I figured.

Well, time for me to go back on the grind. I swapped out my claws for the one-handed long sword on my back and rushed in. When I got close, I crouched low and popped up with an inward arcing slash that caught Illfang when it was recovering from a failed attack on a shield user. Kirito took his chance to go in, showing off some fancy swordsmanship. Then, Nek took his turn, hacking at Illfang with a pretty impressive combination.

Suddenly, Illfang started shuddering, dropped its ax, and pulled a talwar out of its ass. Oh, and more mooks showed up. Just like before, they were grossly outnumbered and were easily handled by the wonder boys. And like clockwork, I went straight for the big dog. This time, though, Kirito and Nek came with me, grinning with knowing looks on their faces.

"I don't know what you're both cheesing for. That dog's going for a ride on the Hiko ass-kicking express, and I only got enough tickets for Illfang and myself," I said, sprinting to get ahead of them and swapping to my claws. "And I don't offer free rides."

"Oh? I seem to remember the last time you tried to take on Illfang on your own, you tried to set a record for the long jump after it smacked you with its ax," Kirito pointed out, turning up his speed to keep up with me.

"And I'll be damned if I let you take this boss yourself. No one will ever hear the end of your bragging," Nek added, going tit-for-tat with Kirito and me. "Plus, your ego might literally explode if it gets anymore fuel."

Heh. "What can I say? When you're right, you're right. How about the guy who lands the coup de grâce is the winner?" I offered, smirking confidently as we started closing in on Illfang who, in turn, lunged at us with its talwar at the ready.

Everyone was in agreement. Good stuff, good stuff.

Parrying and dodging Illfang's attacks were a little trickier this time around. With the talwar, Illfang's moves were smoother and quicker, so we were definitely kept on our toes. Eventually, our opportunity presented itself after my head was nearly taken off when Illfang stepped back and went through his usual post-attack lag.

I was on it in an instant, swiping and stabbing with everything I had. I read its counterattack from a mile away this time and I jumped back so I wouldn't get wrecked. Kirito went in at that moment, using a strong sword skill. He was forced to back out to avoid a nasty slash from the big dog. Nek slipped in and went wild with his Anneal Blade until he had to duck under and talwar slash and bow out.

Now, it was between Kirito and me for who would get the finishing blow. We both dashed in. I wound my arm back for what would be a lethal chain of clawed swipes and Kirito readied himself for a sword skill. It so damn close, I'm telling you. It was totally up in the air as to who would get that sweet taste of victory.

Until a sword, the Anneal Blade, flew over both our heads and found itself neatly planted between Illfang's eyes. The dog froze before exploding like a blue firework.

"No..." I turned, full of disbelief, to face Nek. "No, you fucking didn't."

Kirito wasn't feeling any less shocked if his gaping mouth and wide eyes were any indications.

Grinning like a madman who had it made, Nek shot me cocky glance. "And that's how you throw a sword, Hiko."

Prick.

"Hey! I got a bonus for getting the last attack!"

Double prick.

And now I have to go pick up my daggers and picks I threw at the kickoff of the battle. Ah, walk of shame, we meet again. When I turned back around, I saw Nek sporting a new, black long coat.

"Son of a bitch!" I shouted, throwing my hands up in frustration. "And the coat's badass, too?! Kick some fucking dirt and spit in my face while you're at it!"

Huh. I wonder... if this is that thing that'll make my crappy life seem that much less crappy.

Looking around at the wonder boys fist pumping, Nek showing off his new coat like a fashion model on the catwalk, and Kirito looking like he was about to go full rage-mode, I found myself feeling excited about what's to come... hopeful that this was just the start. And I found myself smiling-an honest-to-God smile, something I hadn't known in years.

"Come on, Nek," I said, throwing my arm over his shoulders. "The ride's just getting started, and you'd better believe its only getting better from here. So, let's get a move on, damn it!"


Character Profiles:

Don Daishi

Avatar Name: Hiko

Known Aliases: King of Thieves (self-given)

Age: 14

Height: 63 inches (160 cm.)

Weight: 136 lbs. (61.6 kg.)

Appearance: Black hair that reaches to the middle of his back with bangs covering most of forehead, black eyes, slightly muscular frame, preference for red clothing

Personality: Perpetual scowl, constantly irritated, easily enraged, arrogant, vulgar, sarcastic, savvy, fiercely protective

Likes: "Getting away with it, scot-free.", fighting, knowing something others don't, attractive women, spicy food, large sandwiches, fear, money

Dislikes: Getting caught, monotony, real-life, people (with very few exceptions), the idea of perfection, poverty, being nice, being compared to a fox

Specialties: Hand-to-hand combat (street-fighting style), "reading" his opponents, taunting, finding flaws that aren't easily noticeable, stealth, theft, unpredictability

Ken Kaito

Avatar Name: Nek

Age: 15

Height: 64 inches (162.6 cm.)

Weight: 139 lbs. (63 kg.)

Appearance: Short brown hair, cut low on the sides, spiky on the top, gray eyes, toned frame

Personality: Unexpectedly caring and perceptive, laid-back (unless riled up by Don)

Likes: Opportunities, his friend Don, being alive, the smell of mint tea, spicy food

Dislikes: Don's cockiness, coleslaw

Specialties: Opportunistic (takes any chance that presents itself regardless of risk)


Fear not the OC characters, my friends.

Well, this is my first dabble in the Sword Art Online fanfiction world, and I hope its an enjoyable one. Also, vulgar, colloquial language is a mainstay in this one. Sorry if that's not your cup of tea.

I don't know how original my ideas for this fic are since I haven't ready many SAO fanfictions, but I think readers won't really expect the direction this one is heading in.

That's a hint for the next chapter, by the way. Until next time, homies.