A Voice in the Wind
I based this story off of (but not literally to) the song "I'm Still Waiting" by Jamie O'Neal. This is a very sad and tragic tale - a story that the fans of Elisa and Goliath's relationship will most likely abhor. But if anyone has read my Voltron fics can attest that this is just the beginning! ;-) This is my winning sad tale entry to Midnightzstorm's little contest.
I can still her your sweet voice in the winds that blow past my lofty perch. My love, my dearest friend, my beautiful Elisa. It has been so very long … sixteen long years – yet, the pain has never dulled in my broken heart! The night you left us all was the worse night of my life, and all that I have had to keep me going (besides knowing that you would not want me to abandon our Clan for solitude and grief) is the precious gift you left behind for us all.
I remember that dire night as if it only happened moments ago.
You called wanting to talk to me. I still remember how your voice sounded over Owen's little cell phone. Rich, sweet, and hauntingly beautiful – as the sight of you has always been to me, since the night I caught you after causing you to fall from the Castle's dizzying heights. You sounded so close, but I knew that you were undercover in another city. I wish you had told me just how dangerous it had been!
"Hey Big Guy! Guess what!" You sang happily into the phone.
After two months forgoing all contact with you, it was wonderful to hear you sweet voice once more. I didn't care if it broke every rule of police work – as you had explained it to me before you left. All I knew is that I had missed you terribly for two months.
"Elisa … I thought that it was too dangerous to call us?" I remember thinking that if I had known otherwise I would have been with you every night by phone at the least.
Your chuckle was so pleasant that I could have sworn that there was no danger at all. But, you wouldn't have left us for so long – you wouldn't have left me. "I was Goliath, but that time is over and done with. I'm on the interstate right now, and I'm only two exits before I'll be back in old NYC again!"
"You're coming home right now? Does that mean the investigation is over with?" My heart soared at the thought of holding you close again. I remember the night before you left … and how it had sustained me through those lonely nights.
"Yeah love, I'm coming home! But, the investigation isn't through quiet yet. I have an interesting disk that I need to turn in to Captain Chavez. But, I am bringing home a very special gift for you, my mate. It's been keeping me company through these lonely nights." I remember how sad you suddenly sounded.
I knew then that I hadn't been the only one who had suffered. We became mates the night before you were to leave – I knew it was mostly because you were afraid of not doing so, and something happening to you during the assignment.
"Maria is here visiting with Hudson, my mate. If you like, I can ask them to come with me to your apartment." What you didn't know then was that they were both standing there listening to me.
Again you chuckled, "that would save me a trip to the station. And I'd rather not be stuck there for any more time than needed. I miss you so much, Goliath. Here's my exit- yea! I am never going to let Chavez put me on an assignment like this again! I don't think that I could take it."
"Maria didn't put you on this love, and you know that. You were requested. But … I agree. I have missed you as well, my mate and dear love." Though it was not as tearing as it had been in the nights before, there was still an aching in my heart. I knew that it would not leave me until I had you safely in my arms once again.
For the next fifteen minutes I caught you up with what had happened in the Castle. Alex had begun to walk (not crawl) which meant we had to baby proof the entire Castle (right then I didn't realize why this made you laugh so heartily). Fox was found to be pregnant again (which made you laugh some more) – another son who they were already calling Edward (meaning guardian). While you were away, Hudson and Maria had begun seeing one another as we once did (that earned me a slug in the arm from his soon to be mate). Two females became a part of our Clan – one from Avalon (one of Angela's rookery sisters named Jewel) and one from France (by the name of Celeste). Lexington and Brooklyn were courting the pair, and seemed to be making good progress in it.
"I'm home now Big Guy, twenty minutes and then you'll be here - right?" I loved your sweet chuckle.
I smiled, knowing that you knew better. "I'll be there just as you get your jacket off and start to get comfortable. And I won't be alone."
"I know … I was just teasing you. You know I love you right?" You sounded so insecure at that moment. That was unlike you, and I didn't know right then that it was perfectly normal for you at that point.
"Yes, my Elisa. I have known that for some time now. I hope that you know that I love you so much more." I could hear the growl in your throat at my little challenge. I loved that growl you made.
"No way! You couldn't love me more than I love you! I'd better let you go so you can get here faster. I'm at my front door now, so I'll leave the skylight unlocked. Just come right in, okay. My little surprise is going to be obvious to you – at least I hope that it will."
I was ready to launch myself into the winds right then. I wanted to be there waiting for you, but you wanted to be all ready to see the expression on my face when I saw your surprise. That's when my world suddenly crashed around me.
You were chuckling, the sneaky one that was reserved for only the most special of surprises. I could easily hear the door shut and bolt behind you. I heard you keys hit the table near the door. Then it struck without any warning! I can still hear it echoing in my mind to this day.
"Who are you? … Goliath," you screamed out in fear. And then came the clap, like a small bolt of lightning had touched down in your apartment – but I knew it wasn't that. I knew that it had been a gunshot!
"ELISA!!! " I roared out, and launched after throwing the phone to the ground.
It felt like an eternity between the Castle and your apartment, while in truth it was a few minutes. I knew that my mate was in danger, and that I wasn't there to protect you! Hudson and Maria had been able to catch up to me in mid-flight, and were on your balcony in time enough to open the skylight before I landed. I was going so fast that I landed hard. Later I was told that I had cracked the cement floor, but it didn't matter to me – then or now.
A man I didn't know was bent over near the fireplace, I didn't know he was searching your body. I roared and rushed at him – quickly pinning him to the far wall by his throat. It wasn't until Maria screamed out your name that I dropped him and turned to see you – lying on the floor bleeding from a wound to your chest. Even worse I saw what had been your surprise for me; you were pregnant with our first child!
Obviously I had gotten you so during our mating glide, but you couldn't leave the job you had been sent to do without giving away the police already undercover, all of who had worked on that case for years. I remembered how hoarse and weary your voice was when you spoke while you reached out to me.
"Goliath … save the baby … please."
I grabbed you up in my arms and tore out of that place with all the speed that was in me. I still can smell the scent of you blood as it covered my body in that flight. You kept talking to me. You had so much to say – but not enough time to say it.
"I love you, Goliath. And I love the Clan, and our baby."
I was so worried for you. Now I wish that I had only listened. "Hush, my mate and love. We will be home soon, and everything will be alright."
"Listen to me! You promise me that you are not going to try and get revenge! Goliath, worry about making a life for our baby, and not revenge. Remember what revenge has gotten this Clan in the past."
That hurt. You knew that you were not going to survive, and didn't want me to continue the cycle of destruction we had seen and suffered under for so long. I was still hoping to repair you body enough to bring you with me into stone sleep, hoping that you could stay with us until sunrise at the least.
"I don't want people to hurt when they hear her name, so don't give her my first name as hers. I always thought that Fox's real name is a pretty name … Janie Elisa Wyvern. Yeah, I like that one. Promise me …" You gasped in pain. I think that I knew then that you would not see the sunrise, and that soon you would leave me alone.
What else could I do? "I swear it – to both."
"Hey, I'll always be with you Big Guy. Do you think that I'd completely leave you – no way. I'll live on through you … the rest … through our baby girl. Tell little Janie that I love her so very much. Don't bottle yourself up from her, my mate. Tell her all about me … over and over again … as often as she asks. Your memories will be her only ones."
Already the tears were falling from my eyes at that point. I barely saw the Castle - my vision was so blurred. I could feel you slipping away, and there was nothing that I could do about it! "I swear I'll try to remember that. I love you, my mate – my Elisa."
"I've known that for a long time, Goliath. I wish that I could see what she will look like. I wish that I could feel her being birthed out of me the right way. I'm so tired. So very tired."
You were almost gone then. I had to tell you. "I will never take another mate, my Elisa. None can take your place, so I will live with what memories we made and live for our daughter. I do so swear." I believed then that you were carrying a girl child in your womb.
You whispered my name before going unconscious. I rested you on the gurney, and stood there watching as the doctors and nurses took you away. Only when you had disappeared did I finally collapsed and roared out in my grief. You had become such a part of my life that I couldn't see how I was going to go on without you. Soon all of the Clan, the Xanatoses, Owen, the mutates, and your birth family were gathered around me.
A few minutes after you were taken to surgery, a nurse came out with a disk – much like the ones that Lexington uses on his own computer. She said that you had taped it to the side of your belly. Maria took it, "it's probably what that guy had been searching her for. Shot a pregnant woman for one of these?"
"She said something about needing to give that to you. She said that the investigation hadn't finished because of it." That was all I could say. I'm still surprised that I didn't scream or roared it. I couldn't even cry.
Xanatos said that I was in shock. He has become a different man since you left, my Elisa. His smirk only seems to come out when Janie confronts him about something or when she asks him about you. Only then do I see the old David Xanatos emerge.
Hours passed without any word. We all went inside to sit in the waiting room, but no one felt like talking then. At last, the doctor came out. I could see in his demeanor that he had bad news.
"I'm sorry, but there was just too much damage. Elisa died about a half hour ago."
The tears came at last. All around me was chaos. The females began to scream in disbelief, and the males cried themselves as they tried to comfort the ladies (even Xanatos and Owen cried my love).
"And the baby?" I asked as kindly as I could at that moment.
The Doctor swallowed nervously at my voice, but Xanatos nodded for the man to continue. "I thought that the child would be her biggest concern, so we've done all we can. Using new technologies, we've recreated the womb environment as best as we could. We're constantly scanning and the baby seems fine so far. But, we have no idea when it would have been birthed …"
"Four months from now. An egg be birthed at six months, and it hatches ten years later … though we can't be sure of that given Elisa being human and all." Hudson answered.
"Well, we'll keep scanning the egg until it hatches. We know its sex if anyone is interested in learning."
Diane chuckled against her husband's chest. "Remember how Elisa was so certain that she was carrying a little girl. It would be nice if she had been right."
Angela sniffled her weeping enough to speak, "am I going to have a little sister, doctor?"
"Yes. The baby is a girl."
Again there was weeping. You had been right my love. The doctor excused himself after I thanked him for doing what he could. It was a few minutes before anyone could speak again. And it was I who had to begin it.
"Elisa asked that the baby not have her name for a first name. She was afraid that it would be too painful for the rest of us."
"Did she say what she wanted the baby to be named, son?" Peter asked me. I still can't believe it when he calls me so, my dearest - as I am older than him by a large margin, even without including the thousand-year sleep that our Clan endured.
I looked over at Fox and Xanatos with a slight grin, remembering your words. "Janie Elisa Wyvern."
It had the effect that I knew you would've expected. I wondered if you were standing there watching as Fox gasped and looked at me with a look of complete shock in her eyes. "Oh, Goliath. I don't know what to say."
"She thought the name is beautiful, and I know that she felt that without you and Alexander, things would have been very different."
"I'm honored." was all that she could say.
Owen was practical as ever, but I saw the hurt under his façade, "I can handle the funeral arrangements if it would be easier on everyone."
I know that it was his way, but he seemingly refused to wipe the tears from his face. Looking around that room, I saw that there were so many lives that yours had touched my love. I finally asked, "Do any of you object?"
Everyone shook their heads. Now we faced the task of preparing to tell you goodbye. Peter looked over at me and asked a question I never thought he would, "Goliath, how were funerals arranged in the Clan?"
I explained how everyone would gather for a week to say their final goodbyes and to remember the one who had passed on. Then I explained the wind ceremony to them. When Diane smiled just slightly at how the hope was to keep the departed with us forever, I never expected that what I had hoped for was in her mind.
"That sounds better than putting her in the ground. Peter she never was quiet a normal person, and she hated burials and the like."
Peter smiled, "I know. You're right Diane. Looks like there'll be a wind ceremony and not a burial."
I wonder if your parents will ever fully know how important or appreciated that decision was to our Clan – to me. And so, beginning three days later, was the remembrance week. It was a week full of surprises.
We had your body laid out in the Castle's old chapel; I remembered how you loved it in there (which was why I made sure our mating ritual would be held there – because it was a special part of our home to you). From that first night throughout the week, officers from you precinct came and spoke with the Clans that gathered. It seemed that they all knew we had lived in the clock tower, and they had figured out on their own about my relationship to you. When they heard that the baby was safe, many said that at the least a small part of you was still with us all. Somehow that helped sooth a portion of the hurting your death had brought me.
Arthur and the London Clan came in the first night, and remained for a week afterwards. Una sobbed near Griff. It seems that soon after we left London during our world tour, the pair became mates. I could just see a slight bulge in her gown, meaning that she was expecting. They asked if it would be alright to name it after you my mate if the baby was a girl. The thought made me smile for the first time in so long; you never spoke against that, so I told them that the Clan would see it as an honor to you.
Tom, Princess Kathryn, and the Avalon Clan too spent an extra week with us. For a long time all that the Princess could do was sit there by Tom, staring at your body. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that it all seemed so unreal to her. She sat there hoping that if she focused her energy towards you long and hard enough that you would awaken, and this would all be over as in the tales Kathryn was told as a child – happily ever after I think is what she called it.
Angela and Jewel sat with their rookery siblings and spoke of you. Angela admitted that you were very much a mother to her, and only hopes that she would be a mother like you someday. Jewel hoped to be as loved as you were, my mate. What she never knew was that Brooklyn was standing there watching her the entire time every night of the remembrance week. I think that hearing that gave my second a hope of his own.
Taurus brought a small group from New Olympus to give their respects. He told me that the city was in mourning for Elisa's senseless death. You changed all of their views of humans my love. Boreas has named a day of reflection and celebration for you – your birthday of all days. I promised to have Owen keep their people up-to-date with the upcoming trial, and on our daughter's condition.
The Clan from Ishimura, Japan came next. It seems that both the Clan and their human friends held a memorial to you before leaving to come to New York. You were the first person they had ever done such for.
By the time we were showing our guests to their rooms, all we had ever met were there in the Castle. The Princess mentioned casually that this was probably the busiest the place had been in a long time – excluding fighting of course. I had to chuckle at that, for she was right.
A few minutes before sunrise, Matt came up to my tower the same way you had many a time. "Hello Matt, have you been to see Elisa?"
"I'm going to. I wanted to talk to you before you hit the hay – I mean go to sleep. I know that you're probably sick of hearing meaningless apologies from those who did nothing wrong, so I won't say that I'm sorry. I know I got sick of those two words fast after my dad died. I should have been there for her …" Matt sobbed as he finally broke down.
I knew that Matt was probably the only one who had a notion of what I was feeling inside. He had been on vacation when you left us, and had returned to work to learn of your fate, my Elisa. I said what I knew we both needed to hear. "Neither of us could have seen this coming. All we can do now is make certain that justice is done, and that Janie learns all she can of Elisa."
"Chavez said you don't want the D.A. to go for the death penalty. Why?"
I had to swallow at that. I did want that human who took you from us dead. But … "I gave Elisa my word that I would not seek revenge. Our Clan has suffered far too much in the name of revenge, and she didn't want to be the war cry of a new chapter to the hate. So, long as he never has his freedom again - he may retain his pitiful life."
Matt seemed to understand that. As I felt stone sleep overtake me, I remember hearing Matt vow he would never let you be forgotten my love.
Knowing that the rest of us would be unable to face watching your body burn, that Saturday Fox and Xanatos witnesses your cremation for us all – while Lord Oberon and Queen Tatiana played with Alexander. He introduced the couple to our daughter's still growing egg. Both became determined to help in the care of Janie when Alex blew her egg a kiss.
Saturday night we all traveled to Xanatos' estate in Maine that had been renamed "Sperare Novus". In Latin this means new hope. He built it so that the Clan would have a place to go when we wanted to vacation or celebrate out of the media attentions. I think that this is the one of the few places he has had built that does not bear his name in one fashion or another.
Protecting us on one side is a high mountain. It was on its highest ledge that we held your wind ceremony.
The place was quite beautiful. I think that you would have loved that spot, had you been allowed to live to see it. The ceremony had to change slightly – given all of the officers and detectives that were there. Oberon used his magic to hold your ashes high above the group, as not all of the gathered had the ability to glide/levitate.
Demona (disguised as Dominique Destine by Tatiana for the service) said that you had been taken long before it was your time. That she would miss you, because you seemed to be one of the rare people that gave her any kind of true challenge in this lifetime. I never thought that your passing would affect her like that, Elisa.
MacBeth said that you were a true lady with the heart of the greatest of warriors. Talon said that he was proud to call you his sister, and vowed that Janie would grow up to make her mom proud. Maria said that you were a cop that she could always depend on and that she would never be able to truly replace. She went on to say that you would never be gone completely so long as we all keep you in our hearts and minds.
Those are the ones that stick out in my mind, even to today – our daughter's birthday. I simply thanked all of those who came for helping our Clan say goodbye to my mate. I told them what I wanted - of how special you were to the Clan and myself. How you, my Elisa, introduced those gathered to us - sometimes inadvertently (that receiving laughter from those who met us during our World Tour). That with friends like them my youngest daughter Janie Elisa would be certain to know what kind of human her mother was.
Hudson spoke of how above us your ashes were going to be set upon the wind, some raining down on her friends to keep her with all that had gathered forever. He said his final farewell to thee, my love - and then ended the ceremony.
"We all be dust of the one, and so shall we return. For all be one with the wind."
At that moment, Oberon spread you out above us. I still can remember the feeling of you wrapping yourself into my arms in a final embrace that night.
If you could only see our Janie now my Elisa, she is her mother's gargoyle form made over – with my coloring that is.
At four years old, Janie loved to watch TV with Alexander (I could see how much he cared for her even then). That is when she learned of how human children go to school. Knowing that was something that you did, our little girl wanted to go too – just so she'd be as like her mommy as she already was like her daddy.
Zafiro told me to allow Janie to use the sun amulet that is in our protection. He hoped that she could help start bringing humans and gargoyles together. She was the first half-breed child accepted into public school. It was hard on her in the beginning and still is now – but since she is you all over she is determined to be the first of our Clan to graduate from public high school with humans. As we are, Janie is very proud of all that she accomplishes.
She has joined the school chorus and drama clubs, just as you did in school (why you never sang for me will forever be a mystery in my heart). She is kind, loving, popular (too much so with the males, I think), and every bit you. If she continues as she has in the past, she will be the class valedictorian.
This evening, she formerly asked me for permission to go to the Police Academy. It looks like she is determined to become a de-tec-tive like her mother. She reminded me that in our way gargoyles are detectives too, but she wanted this so that future generations will be able to if they want to. As I said before she is her mother made over – and like her mother I cannot tell the child no when she feels it is the right thing to do.
Maria has already secured your old desk and badge for her – if she continues on. But, I think that changing Janie Elisa Wyvern's mind would be no easier than trying to change the mind of one former second class detective by the name of Elisa Maza-Wyvern.
Time for patrol my Elisa. And as with every night since you've been gone, I feel you near urging me to do what I have always done – protect. At the least, now you don't need me to hold you any more, as we glide above this our city.
I'm Still Waiting (Jamie O'Neal - Shiver)
What I'm feeling …. time is gonna heal it,
I've been hearing that for so long now!
They say I'll move on … got to try and be strong,
Life will go on … I'll get through this somehow.
Oh, but how when …
I'm still waiting,
For you to come back - if you could only come back!
I'm aching,
For you to walk through that door … hold me once more!
But, you won't (you won't) … still I go on waiting!
It was a Sunday … we buried you in the rain.
I never knew pain till that first night alone!
Open your closet … breathed you in and lost it!
The truth of it, baby, finally hit home!
No, you're not coming home!
But …
I'm still waiting,
For you to come back – if you could only come back!
I'm aching,
For you to walk through that door … hold me once more!
But, you won't (you won't) … still I go on waiting!
Wish you could talk to me somehow! (talk to me somehow!)
Tell me what do I do now?
I'm still waiting …
Ohhh … I'm aching,
For you to walk through that door … hold me once more!
But, you won't (you won't) …
Yeah, I know (I know) …
That you won't (you won't) …
Still I go on waiting!
Mmmm Mmmmm Mmm.
So is that sad enough? Don't worry, all of the readers of my Voltron fan fics on the vbeta yahoo group can tell you that I never kill off so important a character without a plan to bring them back.
