I'm not sorry.


Doofenshmirtz walked into the L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. meeting to find everyone gossiping to each other about

something. Doofenshmirtz chose a spot beside Dr. Diminutive, who was gossiping urgently to Rodney.

"I keep hearing about a new leader," Doof heard Rodney say as he sat down.

Diminutive shrugged, "I don't know anything about it. What about you Heinz?"

Doof raised an eyebrow in confusion, "I never heard anything about a new leader. I didn't even know

L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. had a leader."

Rodney shook his head, "Neither did we."

"Sssshh! It's starting!" Diminutive shushed the people around him, who glared at him, clearly irritated. The

lights dimmed, spotlights shined on the podium. Foot steps were heard, but no one saw anyone. The person

must have been shorter than Diminutive himself! A child perhaps? But how would a child be able to "lead" a

large group of evil scientists?

Suddenly, the figure appeared over the podium, "Hello! And welcome to this meeting of Love Muffin! Where

we loooovvvee muffiiiinnssss!"

Doofenshmirtz, along with everyone around him, was shocked to see that it wasn't a person at all, but a horse!

Or, more like a pony, with wings! And crossed eyes! Something was amiss.

"Did anypony bring the celebratory banana nut chocolate chip muffins today?" the flying pony asked.

The room was silent. The pony giggled, "Oh! Silly me, I forgot to introduce myself! Hello, again, everypony.

My name is Derpy Ditzy-Doo Hooves and I am your new Muffin Loving President!"

Every man and woman stared at Derpy. What in the world was happening?

"So I'm guessing no pony brought the muffins? That's okay, 'cause I brought enough for everypony!"Derpy

waved off-stage and muffins fell from the ceiling. Evil scientists caught them, a few tasted them, found them

delicious and began shoving them into their mouths. Diminutive was one of these people. Doof and Rodney

exchanged a glance they rarely exchanged. The glance both knew meant they had to work together. Both

gagged slightly at the idea.

Rodney stood up and waved his muffin in the air, "Excuse me! But what exactly is the point of these muffins?"

Derpy smiled, "They are for eating and sharing, silly! Wait a minute," Derpy narrowed her eyes at Rodney,

"You're not a pony. None of you are ponies! What are you all? You look funny! Who ever heard of walking

on two legs? Well, Lyra tries to sometimes. Oh, and Spike does, too. And so do birds, and monkeys, and-"

"So this is our new leader?" Doof stood, interrupting the pony's babble, "It doesn't even know what

L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. stands for!"

"Excuse me!" Derpy scolded, "I am a lady. And I do too know what Love Muffin stands for. It's really We

Love Muffins, but you didn't have enough room on the banner to make it all fit, so you shortened it to Love

Muffin. If you hadn't used all capitals you would have been able to fit the last "s" at least."

Doof facepalmed. Rodney threw his muffin back, causing Diminutive to crawl back and fight for it. "It's not

even a human being! How did a pony become our leader?"

Derpy answered the question, "Because I showed I was a better lover of muffins than the previous one."

"Who was the previous leader?" someone in the crowd asked.

"There was none! That's why I was able to prove I loved muffins better. Because no one else challenged

me."

Doof was hit in the head by a blueberry muffin. He picked it up and looked at it. Blueberry was his favorite

muffin, next to doonkelberry, of course. Doofenshmirtz took a bite of the muffin and instantly fell into a chasm

of love. The muffin was delicious. More delicious than anything he'd ever eaten. Soon his world became

nothing but muffins. Muffins, muffins, muffins.

Derpy giggled to herself, her eyes turning normal. No world could escape the power of her muffins.