Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead or any characters from The Walking Dead, or ny canon/ non-AU material or dialogue. The only own my OC's and AU material.


The plain is open and bare. The sky is gray with winter. If it rains, it'll snow. The dog's barking is getting closer. I turn up the collar of my jacket.

"She's getting close."

"Yeah, I hear her," Lourdes says, continuing to file her nails, "So…"

"So?" I arch my brow, looking at her.

"Did you and him...?"

I bite my lip, keeping an eye out. "Yeah."

"And?"

"And…." I spot the dog, "There she is."

Lourdes looks out ahead, putting her hand on the lever of the door and pulling it open. "Yep."

I get out of the car as well, watching for the first signs of the dead. Cleo comes sprinting as fast as she can on four legs our way, no longer barking.

Lourdes whistles to her and it's not long until I see the herd of husks come straggling from beyond the trees. The dog finally makes it to the truck, running around to Lourdes' side where the door's open and leaping in.

"Good girl." Lourdes gives her a pat on the back, feeding her a treat, before going to shut the door.

"Don't shut the door," I tell her and she looks across at me, "If we don't make it, she'll get trapped in there and they'll hear her barking."

Lourdes nods, remembering to do the smart thing, rather than the peace of mind thing. "Yeah."

The herd comes in fairly quickly. There's not as many as we thought, probably only about twenty-five or thirty. We wait for them to come about halfway into the plain, before we go out to meet them.

I pull my knife from my belt as I stride through the yellow, knee-high grass. My eyes keep on this one rotter in particular. It's taller than most of the others and it's got this mangled shirt that perturbs me.

An arm claws at me, but I dodge it and jam my knife into the side of the corpse's skull, dropping it to the ground. Lourdes does the same to the rotters that reach for her. One by one, we go through them; either by driving our knives into their heads, or stomping them into the ground. It doesn't matter how you do it, trust me, so long as the brain, or whatever's left of it, is destroyed.

I don't have a watch, but I'd say it takes about ten minutes to take them all down. Both of us finally stop when the only one aside from ourselves left standing is the other. We look at one another, panting from the task and the adrenaline.

"I thought you said there was at least fifty?" Lourdes breathes.

"You'd rather had fifty than thirty?" I retort, crouching down to wipe the blood from my knife onto the shirt of a dead one.

She scoffs. "No, but you just made it seem like a big deal."

"Thirty dead isn't a big deal?"

Lourdes shrugs her shoulders, cleaning off her knife as well, "I'm not saying it isn't, I'm just saying, we didn't have to have Cleo do a bait run for thirty dead."

"I thought there was fifty or more, okay?" I roll my eyes. "Christ Almighty."

"It's weird hearing you all religious while on your feet."

I give her my middle finger and stalk back to the truck. The dog's sitting perfectly in the middle, no longer barking because of the dead are no longer growling.

She gets a little excited when Lourdes comes closer to her door and it makes Lourdes smile. "Are you happy to see me? Huh? You're glad I didn't bite it?"

I can't help but smile at how much she loves this sweet bull terrier. The dog licks her face and then rests her head and front paws in Lourdes' lap.

I fire up the engine and we head for home in the old beat up Jeep. We're quiet for a few miles, tired. Lourdes pets Cleo's head while looking out her window, while I keep my eyes on the road, waiting to the see the exit that'll mean we're there.

"You on shift tonight?"

"No, not until Friday," I answer, "Why?"

"I just wanted to know if I was going to be eating dinner and sleeping alone tonight."

"Oh, well, you're never alone with this little badass around." I pat Cleo on the back.

"Yeah, well, this little badass stunk up my whole place last night, because someone gave her a handful of treats and a rawhide bone."

"Keep them out of reach."

She rolls her eyes. "We're here."

"Yeah," I wait for the gates to open, "About damn time."

Once we drive though, the people at the gates close them back up. I park the Jeep and the three of us hop out.

"Pippa!"

I look over my shoulder when my name's called. "Yeah?"

"I need you over at the hospital for counts."

"Alright, I'll be there in a minute," I glance at Lourdes, "We literally just walked in."

She shrugs, smiling.

"Can you go relieve Lydia?"

"Sure," She nods before whistling, "Come on, Cleo. Come on."

I head towards the hospital, tucking my keys into my pocket. I pass the gardens and the crops on the way, saying hi or nodding to the people tending to them.

"Hey, Pip!"

I smile. "Martin."

"You just come back from taking care of that herd?"

"Yeah," I reply, "It wasn't as big as we thought."

"Well, you still better wipe the blood off your face before you get home."

I chuckle. "Where you headed?"

"I'm gonna check Ursa to make sure she's not rusted from the rain."

"Cool beans."

"Where you going?"

"Hospital for counts," I tell him, "I'll see ya later."

"Alright. See ya."

I go to the hospital, where Meredith, the woman who called for my attention is. She's standing in front of one of the glass medicine cabinets that's open.

"What do we have?"

"Why don't I tell you what we don't have?" She replies, looking up from her clipboard.

"Alright," I check the clock on the wall, "What don't we have?"

"We don't have antibiotics," Meredith informs me, "Or anti-inflammatories." She looks at me. "And we're dangerously low on insulin."

"Shit," I curse, looking at the bare space in the cabinet, "Didn't Jim's team pull in meds a few days ago? What was in that?"

"Aspirin and Imodium."

"So, we can reduce headaches and the shits." I put my hands on my hips.

"And fevers."

"Wonderful," I sigh, looking across the other cabinets. "Well, at least we're not in want of first aid."

"But we are in want of the crucial stuff."

"Yeah…" I bite my lip. "Well, I guess that's top priority for runs."

"Thank you," She says, "I'm worried about having three diabetics and the insulin running out."

I nod my head. "Same. I'll let them know."

"Good," Meredith hands me her clipboard and pen, "I just need you to sign here, please."

I sign my initials at the bottom to verify I've seen our piss-poor stock of meds.

"Thank you," She takes it back, "I'm sorry to bother you with it now, I know you want to get home."

"No, this is important. I appreciate you bringing it to my attention immediately," I give a final exhale, before turning to leave, "Well, I better get going."

"Of course, thanks again, Pip."

"Sure." I leave the hospital and walk home. I didn't want to be hit with that shit news right as I came in, but I guess it's my job to know these things; I wanted to lead this place.

I became leader of Halcyon about a year ago after I killed one of two doctors. The old leader couldn't stand and deliver, so I had to.

It's a big place, Halcyon. We didn't name it that, it came with the old town. It was one of those old timey parts of a town that the local government flipped into a tourist attraction. It turned out to be a great place to settle, considering the roads aren't paved and the dirt is usable. The buildings are old, but sturdy as hell and fairly breathtaking to behold. I think the last renovations it's had was in the 1930s, except for the ones we made here and there, including the fort like wall to keep the dead out.

We've called this place home for the last two years. A few of us found it after two years of struggling to find a permanent place that was safe from the dead and the living that are perhaps more dangerous. We lucked out, despite losing friends and loved ones along the way.

I come up on my house and smile when I hear laughter coming from inside. I knock on the door, which makes them go silent, before opening the door.

"Anyone home?" I call out as I step into the house.

"Mommy!"

"Hey!" I open my arms up to the boy running my way.

"You're home, you're home!" Abel hugs me tightly.

"I'm home, I'm home!" I kiss his cheek. "Did you miss me?"

"Yeah!" He claims as I pick him up. "You were gone forever."

"No, I wasn't," I laugh, "I was only gone for a few hours, silly." I look at Lourdes who's sitting in the armchair with her eyes closed. "Where's your brother?"

Abel points over to the window that oversees the back. I carry him over and look out to find Jolyon playing fetch with Cleo. I knock on the window to get his attention, waving him in when he sees me. He takes the tennis ball from Cleo when she's retrieved it and heads this way with her trotting behind. There's no backdoor, so he and the dog come all the way around.

"Hey, punk."

"Hi, Mom." Jol gives Cleo the ball, before coming this way. He hugs me by the waist.

I put my arm around him. "Did you miss me?"

"You were only gone for a little bit," He says, "But yeah, I missed you."

I give him a peck on the head. "I missed you, too."

"Do you wanna play catch after dinner?"

I smile. "Did you do all your homework?"

"Yes."

"And Lourdes checked it?"

"Lydia checked it." Lourdes murmurs.

"Alright, we can play catch after dinner."

"I wanna play, too!" Abel chimes in.

"You do?" I smile at him and then glance over at Jolyon. "What do you say, Jol?"

"He doesn't have a glove."

"Well, we'll toss 'em to him slow."

"Okay." Jolyon says, a little annoyed.

I pet his head. "Just for a few minutes and then we can throw some fast ones to each other, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

I put Abel down. "Who's hungry? Show of hands."

"Me!" Abel raises his hand.

"You?" I raise my hand as well. "So am I. Jol?"

"Yeah." Jolyon raises his hand.

"Alright," I turn towards Lourdes, "Lour?"

She lifts her hand.

I chuckle. "Okay then, how does spaghetti sound?"

"Yeah!"

I snicker at Abel's excitement. Spaghetti's his favorite meal. "Alrighty, I'll get the water boiling."

After dinner, my boys and I go out to play some catch, while Lourdes reads in her lounge chair she's sharing with the dog.

"You ready, babe?"

"Yeah." Abel nods.

"Okay." I toss it underhand to him. It rolls to him and he picks it up.

"Catch, Jol!" Abel throws it towards Jolyon.

Jolyon walks forward to get the ball where it lands. "You have to throw it like I showed you."

"I did!"

"No, you didn't," Jolyon tosses the ball to me, "You have to throw it like that."

"He's learning," I catch the ball in my mitt, "You didn't get the hang of it right away."

"We need a batting cage."

I grin a little. "We have a t-ball stand."

"That's not the same."

I sigh, "I know, but we don't have the space."

"Yeah…"

"Hey, what's going on here?"

I look over and smile. "We're having a little family game of catch. Beat it."

Martin grins, walking over. "You wanted to talk to me."

"I did?" I look up in thought. "Oh, yeah, I did."

He chuckles. "Woman, I think you need a planner or maybe a pen so you can write all this shit down on your arm, or something."

"Yeah, go find me a pen then, smartass," I toss the ball to Abel, "Catch."

"Nice catch, kiddo." Martin tells Abel as he picks up the ball from off the ground. "Hey, Jol. How's it going?"

"Good," Jolyon replies, "Wanna play?"

"Wish, I could, but I gotta get back to Ursa after your mom and I done talking," Martin tells him, "Maybe tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." Jolyon nods, walking after the ball that his four year old brother threw askew."

"Lour, can you step in for me?"

"I can try." She gets up from the lawn chair. "Hey, Marty."

"Lourdes," Martin nods, blinking back to me, "Shall we?"

"Talk business? Yes, I think that would be appropriate."

"Cool."

Him and I stroll off. "I need the run teams to start looking for medicine."

"Don't they always?"

"Yeah, but I need this to be top priority," I retort, "We're low on a lot of serious meds and we need to make it our prime focus when we're out there."

"Okay, but you know I do dog runs?" He looks at me. "You have to talk to the hyenas, if you-"

"Would you stop calling them hyenas, for god sake?" I stifle a laugh.

"Hey, Vera was the one who started calling the taskers in charge of rerouting the dead away dogs after Lourdes' pooch," He laughs, "They go out and scavenge like hyenas, so…"

I roll my eyes. "What do you call those who don't go out at all? The ones who stay here and work?"

"Donkeys."

I arch my brow at him and he laughs. "Really? Because I've never met a bigger group of jackasses than-"

"Hush your mouth."

I chuckle a little. "Don't call them donkeys. Or hyenas...or dogs, okay?"

"It's all in good fun, Pip."

"Yeah, but we're not animals, Marty."

He turns his head. "Okay, we'll cut it out...prude."

I smile. "How's Ursa?"

"Clean as a whistle," He reports, "There was a weak, but it wasn't bad, I got it fixed in under an hour."

"Oh, impressive."

"Yeah, you think so?"

"I'm not so sure I could do that in under an hour."

"Could you do it at all?"

"Mm, nope, I couldn't."

We laugh.

"But anyway, I need you to relay that to the run teams. I'll pass it along tomorrow when I have time."

"You got it."

"Thanks."

Martin nods, tucking his hands in his jacket pockets. "How are the kids?"

"Good, thanks for asking."

"And you?"

"I'm...busy and tired as hell, but my kids are still breathing, so I'm fantastic."

He smiles. "Good to hear."

I smile back, crossing my arms against the cold.

"Uh, hey, listen, I was gonna make some eggplant parm tomorrow night and I was wondering if you could show me how to do that."

I snicker. "You like eggplant parm?"

"Not terribly, but I can eat anything when I'm hungry enough...or I have incentive to."

"Well, you don't appear to be starving, so what would be your incentive then?"

"The pleasure of having you over for dinner, " He answers, "And the boys, of course."

My smile lessens a little as I glance down at my feet. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, what do you say?"

"Um," I exhale, meeting his gaze, "Martin, I don't know."

"It's just dinner," He shrugs, "Your kids will be there, it's no big deal. Hell, you can even bring your other half with you."

I start to chuckle and so does he. Lourdes really is like my other half.

"I don't know, Marty, I-"

"Look, I know you said what happened between us a few weeks ago was a mistake, but...it didn't feel like that to me."

I look up at him. It didn't feel that way to me either. "I told you I'm…not ready for a relationship."

"It doesn't have to be a relationship," Martin says, "We could just be friends for now."

"What? With benefits?" I scoff, turning around, "Yeah, no thanks."

"I don't mean like that, Pip. Jesus, would you slow down a minute!"

I roll my eyes, coming to a stop.

Martin stands in front of me. "I meant we just hang out...maybe something happens down the line, when you're ready, maybe not."

I scan his eyes. "You're banking on something happening down the line."

"I'm hoping, yeah," Martin nods, "But if it doesn't, then it doesn't."

I stare at him in disbelief. "You'd be okay with that?"

"Jesus, what kinda asshole do you think I am?"

A grin creeps up on my face and it makes him smile.

"Ain't nobody here gonna mess with you anyway after what you did."

I shove his shoulder. "Shut your mouth."

"So, is that a...maybe?"

I settle my smile. "That's a definite maybe."

"Well, alright." He retorts, smiling brighter.

"Get back to work." I head back to the house.

"Yes, ma'am."

As I walk, my smile lowers. I'm not sure if it's because of how I felt just now, or how he feels.

"But the spider did not answer. She had fallen asleep. It had been a very, very busy day." I close the book. "The end."

"You're a very busy spider." Abel rubs his eyes, sleepy.

"I'm a very busy spider?" I put my arm around him.

"Yeah, you're busy a lot."

"I know," I lay my cheek on the top of his head, "Mommy's got a lot of work."

"You should take a break."

I smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, like a vacation."

"A vacation? Where would we go?"

"Um, I don't know."

"Put a pin in it and let me know when you figure it out, okay?"

"Okay."

"You ready for bed?"

"Yeah," He says with a yawn.

"Okay." I snuggle with him down into the covers. "Sleep tight."

"Sleep tight." Abel repeats.

"Mom?"

I open my eyes and glance over at the open door where my tall seven year old stands.

"Yeah?"

He looks back at me plainly. "I can't sleep."

"Why not? What's the matter?"

"I don't know," He shrugs, "I just can't."

"Okay…"I think for a second, "Do you maybe wanna come lay with us?"

"Um, okay." Jolyon comes over to the bed and climbs up on the other side of me. He lays facing me.

"What's wrong, punk?" I ask him. "You seemed a little down in the dumps today."

Jol shrugs his shoulder. "It's nothing."

"Is it because I'm working a lot?"

"No."

"...Is it because I let Abel play catch with us?" I inquire next. "Because if you want a little one on one time, all you have to do is ask."

"No, I don't care that he played," Jolyon tells me, "He needs to have his own mitt."

"Well, maybe for his birthday, we can see if we can scrape one up."

He nods. "Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Negan taught me how to throw, huh?"

I smile faintly. "Of course he did. You remember, you and him use to practice while I graded papers."

"Yeah…"His eyes trail down, "Sometime, I forget."

My smile fades off. "Forget?"

"Yeah, I don't know why, but sometimes I forget about him. Like what he sounds like or what he looks like."

I feel a heaviness in my chest.

"What if he's alive and we find him, but we don't know it's him, because we forget what looks like?"Jol's eyes look up to mine in question. "And what if when he tells us it's him, we don't know because we forgot his voice?"

I smile softly for him. "If he's out there somewhere and we find him, or he finds us, you can bet your bottom we'd know exactly who he was. And he'd know us."

"You think so?"

"I know so," I confidently tell him, "Who could forget a terrific person like Negan? And who could forget a terrific kid like you?"

Jolyon peers over at Abel curled up under my arm. "That'd be cool if we did find him. Then Abel could meet him."

"Yeah, that'd be pretty cool." I sigh.

"Do you still look for him?"

My eyes gaze into the dark. "Yeah."

"Do you think Dad's alive in Texas?"

"I...I think there's a good chance," I smile over at him, "That place was always bragging about packing heat, so hopefully they can own up to it."

He smiles a little. "Yeah."

I run my hand over his head. "I love you, Jol."

"I love you, too, Mom."

We both remain quiet, until we fall asleep. In the middle of this, I think about Negan.

I wish I could say I thought about him a lot. But I don't; I've been so busy the last few years with keeping my family alive and working to build our community that I've forgotten to look for him.

After so long of looking, even in dead faces one has to stop and focus on the living, focus on the bigger picture.

I tell my sons that I still look for him, but in truth, I stopped by time the youngest had his first birthday, which was around the same that my father had died.

It was a hard thing to do, but I had to. I had to look out for my own instead of going out on a one person search party for him. He'd understand that, I like to think.

I do think of him sometimes. Not often, but I do. Our son has his eyes and his smile. And his laugh. Jolyon asked what if we forget him, but I never could.

That's when I think of him, when I remember that I'm supposed to be looking for him; when Abel reminds me of him.

The next morning is foggy and because I think my boys missed me a little yesterday, I take the morning to sleep in and make breakfast with leisure. The boys argued at first whether we were having blueberry, or cinnamon streusel muffins, so I made both with some eggs and hashbrowns.

"Mom, Abel won't put on his long johns!"

"Put on your long johns, Abel, it's cold outside!" I call out from the kitchen.

"I don't like them!" Abel complains.

"You will put them on to keep warm!"

"No way!" He chuckles.

"Abel!" Jolyon groans.

I smile, hearing the sound of his feet coming this way. "Abel Joseph Smith," I swing around and catch him up in my arms, "You put those long underwear on right now, or I'll paddle your bottom!"

"No, no!" He laughs wildly. "Don't spank me!"

I cackle with him. "Put on your long johns, please. I don't want you to get cold, if you go out."

"I'll wear pants."

"You're darn right you'll wear pants, but you will also put on your long johns or...you can't have hash browns."

"But they're my favorite!"

"Well, then you better have Jol go help you into those long johns, huh?" I set him down.

"Okay, okay!" Abel runs to the one room in the house aside from the bathroom, which is where we all change.

The front door opens and the padding of Cleo's paws lets me know it's Lourdes. "Morning!"

"Morning."

"Oh, are you making muffins?"

"I am, did you smell it from next door?"

"I did," She snickers, "Is there enough for me?"

"Always." I close the oven door, turning around. "How was your cozy night alone?"

She smirks mischievously. "Well…"

I chuckle. "May I ask who?"

"Jim."

"Oh, nice, he's a hottie. Respectfully."

She raises her brows. "There's definitely something to respect."

"I didn't know you two were a thing."

"We're not," She shoos, sitting down, "It was just a little fun is all. An itch."

"Oh, okay."

"I like him, he's a cool guy and all, but…"

"But?"

"But-"

"Aunt Lourdes!" Abel cheers.

"Hey, baby!" Lourdes helps him up on her lap. "How are you this fine morning?"

"I wiped my booger on a tissue and then threw it away."

"Well, look at you, all accomplished."

"Do you wanna go on vacation with us?"

"Vacation?" She kisses his cheek. "What vacation?"

"Mom's busy, so we're gonna go on vacation."

"Oh, yeah?" She looks over at me and I smile, shrugging.

"Yeah," Abel glances my way as well, "I know where we can go, Mom."

"You do, huh?"

"Yeah," He smiles, "We can go where dad is and play with him."

My eyes move from my son to Lourdes who has the same look on her face as I do. When I look back to Abel I smile.

There's a knock on the door.

"Come in!"

It's Martin. "Hey."

"Hey," I tuck some hair behind my ear, "What's up?"

He hikes his thumbs backwards. "You got a visitor."

"Oh? Who?"

"That Jesus fella."


Thanks for reading! Hope you all enjoy!