Murderous Seconds
By Dr FooFoo

Part One : Delirium

==
I wonder where we're all going
I'm homesick for your tribal knowing
Wonder why the wind keeps blowing
You through my mind
- Crystal Baller [Third Eye Blind]
==

Richard's easy because he has a one-track mind... But he's hard because he can make that track seem like something completely different. He pulls me in like that; drags me down. He's done it so many times, but I still purposely fall for it... Fall for him.

I'm overcome with feeling for him; a feeling I can't describe or name. I'd like to think it's love but I've never loved anyone besides him so I don't know what it's like. But still, I'd like to think... And I'd like to think he feels the same way towards me. I've seen it in his eyes a few times... Like that time I told him to be patient when he wanted to rush the murder. I think I saw something in his expression then... Or that time he had me pressed up against my bedroom wall... He was so jealous and he couldn't hide it.

Lisa... She was my only friend besides Richard. I got upset when he used her just for the chance to be the only one I think about. He said he did it because she was using me... I don't know anymore. I'm sure Richard's lied to me before to get me to do things. He's just like that. I don't mind that anymore though; I've gotten over it, I think, because I know that for every lie he tells me, he does at least ten things that reconfirm to me the fact that I love him.

I think he's lonely. I think that's why he tries so hard to be noticed and to draw attention to himself. I give him as much attention as I can, but he always wants more. Sometimes I wonder if he's just using me, but then he does something like leave me a mysteriously romantic note in my locker or on my desk and I realize I don't care because I love him.

I just wish he loved me back.