Ciara sat in the cafe, laptop open in front of her. The blank cursor seemed to taunt her - clearly there was no blogging to be done today. She barely had patience for the idea when Marlena had brought it up in therapy. But she had to admit, the few times she had managed to write her thoughts out it did seem to help clear the mental clutter.
Not today.
Her father's bike was always the easiest way to escape, but with the snow setting in it was increasingly less practical. And after everything that had happened recently... the aftermath of the cabin, to giving it a real shot with Tripp, to constantly trying to escape her mother seeking to control her every move, there was a lot to unpack. But there was one subject she didn't want to even go near, even in her own mind. It was what was at the center of all the rest of it - Ben Weston.
She knew better than to try to run and distance herself, but she couldn't help it - that's what she did. What she felt was too big, too complicated. In the silent places of her mind that she'd only began to share with Ben at the cabin, Ciara felt as though she was broken beyond repair - she couldn't escape her past. She was damaged goods, end of story.
Sometimes, even now, she wanted to jump on her bike and never look back. She had learned her lesson on that one, as the last time she'd tried she'd nearly gotten herself killed. But then, a stranger picked her up out of her own her wreckage, and carried her to safety...
At the cabin, she'd felt free. For the first time in her life she knew she was in the right place at the right time. Though she'd been bruised and her leg was broken, for once she hadn't been a victim. Of all people it was Ben Weston who had allowed her to simply be her, no expectations or assumptions. When he looked at her, he didn't see the horrible things that had happened to her. He'd made her feel accepted exactly as she was. Against all odds, they had connected on a deeper level than she had with anyone, ever. And it was him who had made her feel something more real and powerful than she'd ever known, something that scared her more than she could say.
Memories of the past few months came unbidden to her mind - reaching for his hand in the cabin to bring him out of his tortured thoughts. Then, seeing her father's bike restored at his hands and running into his arms, letting him hold her; to Ciara falling in the square but his strong hands catching her, always gently and carefully protecting her. Then to standing in front of her mother defending Ben, fire running through her veins as she did because she knew in her heart that he was worth it; to sitting across from him in the Brady Pub, listening to memories of his horrific childhood laid out. How he had tried to shut inside of himself, and how natural it felt reaching her hands to him, holding him if only to let him know she wouldn't leave.
It was that moment that she couldn't seem to let go of: how right it felt as he held her hands, and how every person within a 5 mile radius seemed to disappear when they were together. He'd looked at her in that moment like she was the only thing anchoring him to the universe. And then the way his hand held her face as he leaned in to kiss her, close enough that she could feel his breath on her lips...
She shut the laptop quickly to snap herself out of her reverie. The fact was - Ben was off limits, in more ways than one. She was with Tripp, she loved Tripp - he was a good guy. They had history. And besides, nothing could ever come of her and Ben. Right?
As she thought it, the way her heart ached seemed to answer the silent question for her. What ridiculous thing had she said to him? "I thought we just got caught up in a moment." Internally she kicked herself. A moment, yes... but it certainly had been building between them, exactly as he'd said. She'd been furious with him for suggesting that the only reason she'd slept with Tripp was because he was out of the picture. She had made that decision, she had reasoned. But since he'd said it, she'd considered it further - Hadn't it been that night that she'd decided to be with him? Hadn't she felt so betrayed, so stupid for trusting and being so wrong again that she wanted to regain control? Of her mind, her body, her heart?
The moment she'd heard Ben was guilty of setting the fire, and there was proof, she was devastated. The fact that she slept with Tripp right after couldn't be coincidental, no matter what she'd tried to convince herself of. She'd been so cold to him at the police station, trying desperately to say something to hurt him the way he had hurt her and betrayed her trust... or so she'd thought. The look in Ben's eyes at the thought she had lost all faith in him made his heart sink, even now months later.
From the moment she took his hand in the cabin, pulling him from his own mental prison, something between them had opened. It was a chasm of feelings she'd thought impossible for someone like her. She was broken, far too much to love or be loved... but still, something deeper and stronger than anything she'd ever known had begun between her and Ben. She couldn't deny it to herself any longer.
Sitting alone in her grandfather's club, Ciara let her true feelings wash over her. The air around her seemed to shift though no one else seemed to notice - and then she realized it was amazing she'd ever been able to deny it at all. Suddenly she knew she needed to go back to the loft and talk to Tripp - this could change everything between them. She didn't know where or if they would stand at the end of it, but she had to be honest. With him... and with herself.
Before she could even catch her bearings she realized it was happening again - a phenomenon she couldn't explain. She'd felt it first in the cabin, most recently at the Brady Pub, and so many times in between: Ciara's senses heightened, almost like static electricity all over her body. Something deep inside clicked into place that she hadn't even realized she was missing: and there he was.
The club doors had opened and Ben walked in. The couple stumbling in not a moment behind him would have caused any other person to stumble. But instead, he gracefully stepped almost immediately to the side, shaking off the snow from his hoodie. Ciara froze in place, unable to look away. It was almost hypnotic, watching him sweep his hand quickly through his wet hair to remove the excess water, just like he did getting out of the shower - a thought her mind pushed away quickly, since the remainder of that memory included him clad only in a towel. She'd been watching him for nearly a full 10 seconds when he caught his bearings and they locked eyes. And as always, it seemed that as he did he could see right through any of her pretenses.
He began to walk over to her, his eyes never leaving hers. Every step he took resonated inside of Ciara. As the epiphany she'd had just moments before solidified it's way through her whole body, her heart beat so loudly she could hear it in her ears. She was sure he'd be able to hear it if he came any nearer. How was it that could she want him to stay away AND come closer? Coming to a stop, Ben gave a tentative half smile at the chair in front of her, his strong hands gripping the back of it.
"Is this seat taken?"
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