My life has mainly been one big emotional mess. From my earliest memories to now, the feelings and moments that have always been the clearest are the unpleasant ones; the pain, horror, fear and times so terrifying that I can't even begin to describe them. Mainly because I can't think of enough bad words.
I've often asked myself why. Not just on one specific thing, but on many. But I can never seem to find an answer to all the questions which I just can't ignore. All the inquiries I've never made. They cloud my mind and often prevent me from concentrating on things I'd much rather be doing instead.
All I know is that he's gone. My leader, my idol, everything I aspired to be. I served him loyally for uncountable years; nonchalant, calm, unshakable. Never seeming to miss a single thing. The right hand man and trusted friend of the only person I've ever looked up to. And I would have continued to be all of those things, right until the end. But in my blind servitude to him, I forgot something. Something that Sedgar reminded me of that one day near Pales. He said: "Wolf, do you remember what Coyote said to you, the day you became commander of the Wolfguard? 'If I should wander from the path of the righteous, please... lead me back onto it.'" I can't remember ever feeling so ashamed. Ashamed of the fact that I forgot the words of my liege, ashamed of my stubbornness and ashamed of my ridiculous ignorance towards the obvious problems with the one I served.
But I didn't let anyone see my pain. Sedgar, Vyland and Roshea were the only ones that really understood. They felt the same way as I, albeit slightly less intensely. They knew what I was going through. They could identify with the mental agony I was in. But I never told them anything. I just kept my head held high and carried on like I didn't care. I fooled prince Marth, I fooled that woman who was his most trusted knight, I even managed to deceive my brothers to a degree. But all the walls I built around myself just crumbled on the cursed day that I had to bring him to his knees. The one I had admired and loyally followed for so long, twisted and corrupted beyond any recognition.
Lord Hardin and I had come face-to-face on the field of battle. His black eyes glaring at me like a demon's and his red robes fluttering in the light breeze of the Akaneian plains, we just froze, staring at each other. He looked at me with complete hatred, something I had never before seen and thought I never would. I was the only one with an opening. I was the only one who could bring him down. Conflicting voices had battled fiercely in my head like never before. I didn't know what to do, even though I had already lived that dreaded moment a million times.
Even now it seems unbelievable that I ended up squaring off against the one I had always striven to protect and assist. How it happened, however, is a rather long story.
It had all started in the north-east plains of Aurelis, in the house of some important aristocrat. I never really bothered to find out who he was. All I know is that I was given orders and expected to follow them without hesitation. I was nothing more than a slave; a weak, helpless boy who knew as much about free will as Medeus knew about peace. I never questioned and I never disobeyed. Part of this was because I didn't know any different, but mainly it was for fear of the punishment that would follow if I were to do so. Either way, I could and will never forget that one, fateful day that changed my life forever...
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