Title: All the Good Things
Author: mindy35
Rating: a strong K+, sexual themes
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money made, just fun had.
Spoilers: Nope
Pairing: Castle/Beckett
Summary: Castle misses sex. Beckett offers some consolation.
-x-x-x-
They're on stakeout. And have been for hours.
It's one of those hot, sticky New York nights no one can escape, no matter how high the air-con is blasted. Their car smells like stale coffee, acute boredom and Beckett's understated perfume. They long ago exhausted all talk of the case, have likewise given up on the radio and are now sitting in intermittent silence, waiting for their perp to show his scruffy little face. Not a shadow has darkened his doorway since they arrived. But right next door, two twenty-somethings have been eagerly going at it for the past half-hour.
Every bit the professional, Beckett simply chooses to ignore them, keeping her gaze trained on the more important entrance. When they first started up, Castle found the floorshow a rather amusing diversion on a rather dull night. Then he began to find them and their obvious lust for one another irritating. Now, as the young man's hands venture up his undulating date's skirt in search of her ass and as her tongue tangles boldly with his in the sultry summer air, Castle is starting to feel a little wistful.
He lets out another in a series of loud, piteous sighs, prompting Beckett to finally, if somewhat reluctantly, demand:
"What?"
Castle sighs again, head tipped glumly against the window. "I miss sex."
"Castle." Beckett darts him a reproving look, sticking her hand in the M&M packet that sits between them and throwing a few in her mouth.
"What?" he replies, lifting his head to look at her with insistently innocent eyes. "I'm not being funny here. Or trying to make anyone uncomfortable. This is not a come-on in any way, shape or form. But Beckett, seriously – one single person to another…don't you miss sex?"
Beckett eyes him a moment, cheeks hollowing as she sucks on the candy. "You seriously want to have this conversation? Now?"
"I seriously do," he nods earnestly. "Here and now."
She turns away, gaze focused on their target's door as she tells him lightly, "Truth is, I try not to think about it. There are other things in life."
"Of course there are," he agrees, bobbing his head a few times. "There's food, movies, work, poker – all good things, all highly enjoyable things." He stalls, his enthusiasm flagging. "Course…I've never been very good at losing at cards. And I much prefer your work to mine. Despite the fact that the donut consummation that comes along with it has an unhealthy effect on my waistline. On the upside, some movies are so bad that they're good. So there's that, I s'pose..."
"See, there you go," she mutters with an overabundance of cheer. "Feel better? Conversation over?"
Castle closes his eyes, drawing in a deep breath. "But none of those things, no matter how good they are, feels anywhere near as good as sex does."
"Apparently not."
"And God, it's been awhile." He opens his eyes to look at her. "Which is such a waste because I really am very good at sex."
Beckett looks away, muttering dryly, "Well, that's just something I will have to take your word on."
"At least, I used to be good at sex," he goes on, scrubbing his stubble pensively. "It's been so long that I'm not sure I even remember where all the parts go."
She pops some more M&Ms, crunching down on them. "I'm sure it'll come back to you."
"Frankly—"
"Oh, now we're being frank?" she interrupts, eyebrows lifted.
"Frankly," Castle presses on, bypassing her incredulity, "the last time I had sex, it wasn't even all that great. I mean, I was spectacular, as I usually am. Well, from what I can recall anyway. The rest of it is pretty hazy though..."
Beckett rolls her eyes at him. "Come on, Castle, it hasn't been that long."
"It's been months. Months, Beckett." He pauses, absently pulling a couple of buttons free on his shirt as he does the calculations in his head. "In fact, it's been nearly a year. Maybe more, it certainly feels like more. I can't believe that. I've never gone that long without sex. It's unhealthy."
"It's not unhealthy."
"Yes. It is," he insists, holding up an edifying finger. "Sex is very good for you, it's a well-known fact. Gets the blood rushing and the heart pounding. Does all sorts of good things to your insides. Not to mention that it makes life exciting, makes a person feel alive and all tingly."
"Well, there are other ways to," she falters, finishing in a faint voice, "…feel alive and tingly."
Castle leans forward, peering at her averted face. "You mean…solo ways? Are you talking about self-pleasure?"
"I am not discussing that with you," she says, reaching for the casefile on the dash.
"It's not the same," he states emphatically.
"Did you hear what I said?" she asks in a high-pitched voice.
"Well, you're single too, right?"
Her eyes drop to the file. "Yes, but—"
"And how long's it been for you?"
"Definitely not discussing that, Castle."
"And I'm not sure I want to know. But however long it's been, it's still not the same. Is it?" He pauses, eyes tracing her bent profile. "It's not the same as being touched by someone else, being close to them, being surprised by them, being…you know, moved by them."
Beckett is silent a moment. She glances over at him from behind the fall of her hair. "No. It's not the same."
"That's all I'm saying," he says, sinking back in his seat. "Such a waste…."
"You said that already."
"The first time was for me, the second was for you."
"Well…thanks."
He looks over at her then shifts in his seat to face her. "I mean, look at you. You are an incredibly beautiful woman."
"Castle." She snaps the file shut, hugs it to her chest.
He holds up a hand. "Just a statement of fact, Beckett. I've always thought so."
She blinks a few times, a small smile on her lips. "That's…nice, I guess."
"And not just beautiful," he goes on, expression eager and tongue running away with itself. "Sexy, smart. Intriguing, funny. The real deal, the full package. Really, you have no business walking around in the world being all amazing and not being adored within an inch of your life. It makes no sense to me, the thought of you going home to an empty bed, no one there to kiss you hello and rub your feet and make wild, passionate, long-lasting love to you on a nightly basis."
Beckett throws the casefile back on the dash, casting him a lopsided smile. "You suggesting I go out and bag me some eye-candy to take home and ravish?"
"I was not suggesting that," Castle stammers, retreating in his seat a little. "I was simply pointing out…"
"What?" she asks, watching him fumble for a reply.
"That you are missing out," he answers eventually.
Beckett nods. "Uh."
"In fact, currently, we are both missing out," he says, eyes wide.
She nods again. "Uh huh."
"On one of life's greatest pleasures," he adds, sweeping a hand through the air.
She swallows her smile. "Hm."
"And that life without sex…" He sighs one more time, deeply and profoundly.
She quirks a brow at him. "Mm…?"
"Kinda sucks."
"Well, Castle…" Beckett leans over, invading his space briefly as she searches the glove compartment for her binoculars. Righting herself, she lifts the binoculars to her eyes and continues her thought, "if you're really that desperate, you could always go out and bag yourself some eye-candy to take home and ravish. If I recall, that used to be your favorite pastime."
"Used to be," he mutters, grabbing a fistful of M&Ms. "Not anymore."
"S'that a fact?" she muses, taking a thorough look at the fire escape and roof of the building.
Castle hums, juggling the candy in his palm before tossing it down his throat. "Getting too old for that now, anyway."
"I see." She lowers the binocs, eyes downcast as she rubs their lenses with the hem of her shirt. "Think maybe it's time to settle down then, find Mrs Castle the Third?"
"It's not a terrible idea," he murmurs, tilting his head to one side. "Although I won't be making the same mistakes I made the first time. Or the second. Especially the second."
Beckett looks across at him, then away again. "Which were what?"
"Well, if we're speaking on a purely physical level," he begins, stealing the binoculars from her lap and giving the residence a onceover himself, "Meredith and I had this incredibly strong sexual connection…but there was no substance to it, nothing to talk about afterwards. Which made me hate myself a little bit. Whereas Gina and I had more of an intellectual connection, we were expert at wordplay – a little too expert as it turned out." He drops the binocs, lips pursing in thought before he goes on. "But then there was no…you know – no heat, no grunt, no…I-must-tear-your-clothes-off-right-now-and-have-you-or-I-won't-be-able-to-take-my-next-breath. Know what I mean?"
Beckett nods, eyes fixed on his face. "I know exactly what you mean."
He turns to look at her, startled to encounter her intent gaze. "And marriage has to have some of that, right?"
She nods again. "If you're lucky."
"Yeah. I little bit of grunt and a little bit of substance."
"Preferably with someone you still want to talk to after years and years of mandatory togetherness."
"Exactly." He shifts closer, handing the binoculars back. "Is that so much to ask?"
She takes them, shooting him a small smile. "You'll get there, Castle, you'll find her."
"You really think so?" He leans back again, head dropping back against the headrest, "Because I'm starting to doubt my own charm."
"Oh, don't ever do that." She pauses, reaches across to give his arm a quick squeeze. "Have a little faith, it'll all work out. I'd bet my badge on it."
Castle looks down at his arm, brow twitching slightly, then back at the saggy ceiling of the car. "And in the meantime…I guess I will just go home to my big, empty, cold bed each night. Where I stare at the ceiling and count sheep. While I feel myself age and waste away by the day."
Beckett laughs softly. "God, what a dramaqueen."
"You're not getting any younger either, you know. Life is for the living, Beckett." He lifts his head, eyes flashing in the low light as he grasps the air with one hand. "Life is for those who grab it by the balls and squeeze every last drop of juice out of it."
"You wanna grab life by the balls?"
"Speaking metaphorically, I do."
"Then I tell you what—" she props an elbow on the car door and her head in her hand, fingers delving into her own hair, "when this case is closed, why don't you come over?"
Castle straightens in his seat. "Where? To your place?"
She nods, shrugging one shoulder. "We can open a bottle of wine, watch a movie. Discuss your mid-life crisis some more. Indulge in all the good things in life."
"Minus one."
"Minus one, Castle." Her eyes drop from his, cutting to the amorous couple in the doorway with their mouths fused and their hands all over each other. "I mean, I can't guarantee that it will make your blood rush and your heart pound but the Chinese take-out in my neighbourhood is to die for. Or to live for, if you prefer."
"Can I choose the movie?" he asks, face lit with hope.
"Absolutely. Your choice," she says, before adding a sharp proviso. "Although I'm not watching anything with werewolves, vampires or swamp creatures who emerge from ooze to snatch damsels in distress."
Castle bobs his head. "Got it. Nothing B-grade, I swear. Can we play poker too?"
"Sure. If you wanna go home broke."
"Strip poker?"
"Oh, you wanna go home naked."
Castle just grins at her. "I'll bring the cards. And the entertainment. And the wine."
"Good." She nods, faces front again. "It's a date. Well, not a date. A…"
"A celebration of life and all it has to offer," Castle concludes with his usual authorial flair.
"A little extreme," she mumbles, stifling a laugh. "But okay…"
Watching the twenty-something male limp away from the object of his lust and down the street, Castle downs a few more M&Ms, practically bouncing in his seat with anticipation. Beckett fiddles with the air-conditioning knobs, turning one of the ducts towards her flushed face. She keeps her eyes peeled for their suspect though and can't help noticing the woman from the stoop in the upstairs window, watching as her lover leaves. Silence pervades the air again as the two of them resume their stakeout, though with a little more enthusiasm than before. And the next time they reach for the M&Ms, they do so at the same time, their hands bumping accidentally.
On Friday night, Castle arrives at Beckett's door a little earlier than was agreed upon. He pauses before knocking on the door, heart pounding uncontrollably in his chest. It still does that, at just the thought of seeing her, even after so many years. He can't help it, can't calm it – and doesn't really want to. When he gets up the nerve to knock and actually sees her, dressed in soft worn jeans and a sheer shirt, with caramel-colored curls piled in a heap on her head and – most dazzling of all – a wide, welcoming smile on her face just for him, his blood begins to rush through his veins. The feeling launches him into a high that doesn't stop for the rest of the evening. And when Kate Beckett falls asleep on his shoulder towards the end of the second 'Matrix' movie – he brought the boxset, deliberately choosing something that would take a while to get through – Castle has never in his life felt quite so alive.
It isn't until Monday morning though, when he arrives at the precinct to see her sauntering into the bullpen smugly sporting the shirt she won from him at poker, the waist cinched in by a thin brown belt and the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, that the reason behind his self-imposed celibacy really hits him. She is worth any amount of waiting. Worth every risk he's taken and every sleepless night in the past four years. And while he misses the abundance of sex he used to have, it means little in comparison to the incredibly satisfying sex he hopes to be having in the future. Until then, Kate Beckett is the most exciting woman he's ever known. And he doesn't intend to miss out on one second of being with her. Particularly not a second that includes her wearing his shirt. So with her customary coffee in hand, Castle makes his way towards her, a renewed spring in his step and heart pounding madly in his chest.
END.
