MAYBE, PERHAPS, PROBABLY SO

Chapter 1: M-I-L-K

Rachel: Oh! Hello there. What a pleasure to meet you. I am Rachel Barbra Berry.

Please excuse me if my manners are not up to par today; I have been a little distracted. Today is the last day I walk down the halls of McKinley High School as a student because tomorrow we graduate! Next time I walk these halls, should Mr. Schue request my assistance as a trained New York professional or to make a cameo as Lima's only real celebrity during an assembly, I will be an alumnus. Isn't it exciting?

Have you met any of my other Glee Club colleagues? They are all as equally, if not more excited to graduate as I am. While she may not admit it outright, Quinn is extremely anxious to begin her matriculation at Yale and I could not be more proud of her. Considering that she had a near death experience, which I cannot help but feel guilty for, she clearly deserves to be happy.

And Finn, well, after we parted ways, he willingly took over Burt's garage while he fulfills his congressional duties. He always had a knack for spatial recognition of car parts.

But I really should not be gossiping. You should ask them yourself. Now if you will excuse me, I have to finish mentally preparing tonight's wardrobe for Noah's graduation party. Lovely to have met you.

Quinn: Fabray. Quinn Fabray, but you can call me Q. Let me guess, Rachel told you? I swear I think she's more excited about Yale than I am. It should be cool. I haven't decided on a major yet. We can't all have a 30-year life plan like Rach, but statistics show that people change their majors 3 times before graduating college anyway. Either way, I'm glad I'll be out on the east coast and in case I need a PowerPoint presentation on the pros and cons of using fabric softener before the final rinse cycle or in one of those time-release balls, Rachel's a little over an hour away.

Santana? Well, she'll be in California, but Brit made her promise to Skype me at least twice a month.

Kurt's going to be pretty close by, too. It sucked that he didn't make it into NYADA, but there are always other schools. He still has plenty of time to decide the right school for him. He's pretty excited to be living in D.C. as Burt's personal stylist for a few months while he figures out his next steps, though. Not that you heard this from me, but I've seen his sketchbook and with a little push and some schooling, I can easily see him working it on TV with Tim Gunn and a ream of tulle.

I guess you could say Rachel and I have become good friends. I swear, if you had told me that 3 years ago, I would have laughed in your face. Things between us really changed after the accident. Not just for me, but everyone. The whole school realized that even the "beautiful and perfect head cheerleader" would die some day.

Life's short, right?

So, finding my ticket out of here and nearly losing everything just as quickly made me realize that the only thing that matters is being happy. Being alive and miserable or vindictive is no way to live. Hell, it's not living at all.

So I say be happy, however that may be, and don't just be, but rather live your life. You'll never know until you let go and try.

Is that valedictorian speech enough for you?

Rachel: Excuse me. While I admire Quinn's valor, I do believe she is being rather blasé. Her outlook on life has, I must admit, improved for the better. However, she neglected to mention a few details.

First, she was texting me – me of all people – when she was hit by that idiot's truck.

Second, if I had not pressured her to hurry to my near-wedding because Finn did not want to "lose our spot," she would have seen said idiot's car and could have hit the breaks.

Third, I sat in her hospital room everyday after school and all day on the weekends for nearly two weeks before she was finally released.

Fourth, as a result of the accident she was confined to a wheelchair.

Lastly, if it was not for Artie and me pushing her to work through her rehabilitation, she might still be in that chair.

Just a few minor details.

Finn: Hey. Um, my name's Finn Hudson and I'll be graduating this year. I was quarterback of the football team and co-captain of the Glee Club. Uh... I'm not very good at these things. Am I supposed to say a hobby or my favorite food or something?

Ok. Well I'm sure Rachel's told you about me. We used to date. I actually thought we were going to get married, but then Quinn had her accident on the way to our wedding and that made the whole thing feel cursed. I mean she could have died because of us.

I don't know, but maybe everyone was right, we're too young to get married. But I don't think so. Either way, Rach wanted to call the whole thing off. She said it didn't "feel right."

But don't think I went without a fight. I tried everything that girls usually like. I got her flowers, a stuffed teddy bear, and jewelry. I even sang to her. I gave her that smile I know she just can't resist. I even remembered she didn't eat meat and stuff. I tried volunteering to make houses for people who had lost their homes. I showed her the email confirmation and everything. I guess it didn't work.

Santana: I'm doing this for Brit Brit and to keep Rachel off my back. Gots it?

K.

So I'm totally blowing this place off, too. Let's be real here, wouldn't you? Lima, Ohio's not exactly the most open-minded metropolitan city, now is it?

Rachel: I'm sorry but I cannot let you leave with all of Finn's... inaccuracies. "Meat and stuff?" If Quinn could remember and go out of her way to ensure that any meal she cooked was vegan friendly, and she's only been my friend for a year or so, I think that my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years should be able to remember that not only do I not eat meat, but any and all animal byproducts! I can understand that the typical non-vegan may not realize that gelatin, found in gummy bears for instance, is in fact non-vegan, but milk chocolate?

Milk. Chocolate.

M-I-L-K.

And his song? I didn't know whether to be insulted or relieved. Slightly changing the lyrics to a song he sang to his ex-girlfriend and my current best friend, is simply laughable and borderline offensive. No, scratch that. It is not offensive. It's moronic.

I could be having his baby, but I chose wisely against it.

Did he tell you that he volunteered with Habitat For Humanity? Did he also tell you that he stayed up playing video games and eating junk food with Puck too late the night before and decided to "sleep it off" for the entire next day? So much for wanting to "help out people who don't have stuff."

And to think that I almost...

Quinn: Great, you got her all worked up. "It's ok, Rach. It's in the past and you've got your whole future in New York. Remember our breathing exercises."

Finn: Shit. Did Rachel freak out again? I've never been able to like, fix her or calm her down and stuff when she gets like that. Maybe it's a good thing we didn't work out. I wouldn't know how to deal with her when she loses a part or starts talking about how we need to save the baby seals. She tried to make me a Pita member, but I told her I didn't really like Greek food. She got mad at that, but I can't help it. My stomach can't handle those spices.

Rachel: PETA? PETA! You see! He doesn't even realize… He thinks that… Greek food? I just can't even… How many times did I explain that PETA is not a pita!

It goes in one ear and out the other with him! I'm just so… I can't even… and to think that I almost!

MIIIIILLLKK!

Santana: Oh, this is just rich. It's like watching a monkey in a suit trying to work a calculator. Have you seen that youtube video? You can't help but laugh because it looks like he knows what he's doing, but then you realize he doesn't know math. Pushing a button for pushing a button's sake doesn't make you a mathematician.

Quinn: Excuse me? Why would Rachel not get a part? There's not a doubt in my mind that she can succeed at any part she endeavors.

And he claims that he loves her and believes in her? What a douche.

Rachel: I have never noticed how much Quinn and I have in common. For the majority of this summer, Quinn, Santana, Brittany, and I have all bonded more than I could have ever hoped.

Once Mr. Fabray learned of Quinn's acceptance into Yale, he opened up his heart, or his checkbook rather, and tried to show her that he cared for her… in his own way. The Fabray family dynamic is fascinating and so vastly different from mine and although I try my best not to judge, as it is certainly not my place, my heart goes out to Quinn when she is let down or hurt by another one of Mr. Fabray's empty promises.

Notwithstanding, I can happily say that much of our summer was spent happily at the Fabray lake house. Quinn used to spend her summer's there as a child with her sister and parents. Now that everyone has separated, for lack of a better term, the house is nearly empty year round. So as a congratulatory notion, Mr. Fabray let the four of us use the house and jet skis whenever we would like.

Several days have been spent lying about on the deck overlooking the lake allowing the sun's rays to naturally darken our skin, with protection of course. SPF-75 or higher to preserve my youthful appearance and prevent melanoma. While Santana and I are naturally blessed with a tanned skin tone, Quinn has taken on a lovely glow, which, paired with her sun-kissed blonde hair, only makes her that much more beautiful. She might as well submit a picture of herself kicking her feet in the cool lake water to the GAP because she looks like a walking advertisement. It really is unfair for the rest of us.

Brittany is a very talented swimmer as is Santana. I pride myself on my various abilities, but swimming has never been my strong suit. So that means that anytime we play chicken or have swimming races, we split ourselves up with Brittany and Santana on opposite teams. I have a sneaking suspicion that Quinn lets me win whenever it comes down to the two of us in the final leg, but she always feigns ignorance. Who knew Quinn Fabray, former-HBIC, could be so chivalrous?

Quinn: I truly loved those nights when the four of us would stay inside, play board games, and talk over some wine coolers. Trust me, getting Rachel to drink again was like asking for a pardon from the Pope, but I have my ways. Being drunk was never the point, though. Maybe it was really more for Santana's and my benefit at first, but we were all able to speak much more freely – more honestly.

Granted, not every conversation was awe inspiring, but every once in a while, we'd all learn a little bit more about the other in such a way that I never thought I'd be sharing so openly.

And some days, well, some days were even that much more special. Brittany and Santana would often scamper off into the boathouse or the surrounding woods, leaving Rachel and me in the main house alone. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with Brit and Santana, but I also cherish the time I get to spend with Rachel one-on-one, having lost so many years to my own insecurities. I can never forgive myself fully for treating her the way that I did, and I've told her as much. She's such a kind person and even though she says it's all in the past, it'll always be something that plagues me.

Last Friday, Brittana snuck off to the hammock in the woods for some alone time, as usual. But this time was different. I was braiding Rachel's hair because even though I prefer my hair short, I miss having a long braid. That, and Rachel looks really good in a braid. As my fingers were working on auto-pilot, our conversation turned toward a… more intimate nature? Ok, we started talking about sex. But talking about sex as teenagers isn't weird, right? Girls talk about sex all the time. It's perfectly normal.

I didn't really have much to contribute to the conversation, seeing as how my one experience ended in the worse case scenario for a teenager. Hearing about Rachel's first time, albeit vaguely, made my stomach physically hurt and maybe pull at her hair a little harshly, but from what I gathered it wasn't earth-shattering. That made me a little happy. Rachel, however, knew exactly what she was expecting in her ultimate partner and the way she described how she imagined having sex with the right person would make her feel… well I couldn't help myself. I found my fingers no longer braiding her hair, but instead scratching her scalp and lazily running through her hair.

I don't know how it happened, but there was Rachel sitting in front of me Indian style, leaning her back on my front with my fingers pulling through her hair as I stared at her parted lips and the satisfied sounds escaping her throat. She was just so – sexy. My hands couldn't help themselves; they had a mind of their own. One hand kept playing with her hair, while the other began messaging her shoulders, occasionally dipping down to her collarbones. I could feel her breath quickening. She wasn't moaning anymore and other than my labored breathing, neither of us dared to make a sound. The weirdest thing was that she didn't stop me. Her skin felt so good beneath my hands and the fruity scent of her hair was making me hazy.

The next thing I knew, both of my hands were massaging her shoulders and dipping beneath the collar of her loose fitting V-neck t-shirt, closer and closer to her chest. She was pushing her head back onto my chest allowing me a better view and my mouth was right against her neck. There's no way my hot breath wasn't wetting her neck. But she let me.

If it wasn't for Santana and Brittany coming back into the house with a start, I don't know what would have happened. They came in through the back door, so we had enough time in the living room to pull apart and gather our senses.

We didn't have anything to drink that night. What the hell do you think all of that means?

Brittany: I'm super excited for our sleepover tonight, but I'm also kinda sad. Rachel and Q are gonna be leaving next week and so will San and me. Well, I'm not leaving leaving, but I'm gonna help San settle in and then fly back home. One year will fly by fast, right? San told me not to think about it and I'm really trying not to.

There's always sexting and Skype.

We're driving to California because San says that you have to drive everywhere and she'll need her car. I don't really care, but I know that our road trip will be really fun. And she promised we could stop at the Grand Canyon to see the cute mountain goats!

Quinn: I shouldn't be surprised that I'm the last to show up. Santana and Brittany practically live together and Rachel's always at least 15 minutes early.

"Quinn, to be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late. To be late is unacceptable."

So although I'm late, I have a good excuse. I couldn't find Rachel's favorite brand of vegan mozzarella cheese, Daiya™, and had to drive 30 minutes to the next town over. We're making vegan pizzas tonight and I wanted everything to be perfect, especially if we're going to convince Santana that vegan food isn't half bad.

I'm not gonna lie, the first time Rachel had made me vegan sausage and mushroom pizza, I had no idea it wasn't real meat! So when it comes to eating her cooking, I'm definitely a fan.

Walking in on Brittany and Rachel in an intense paper, rock, scissors match while Santana referees is something everyone should witness once in their lives.

All three chant, "Paper, rock, scissors, shoot!"

"Cheating! That's cheating! You can't do that Rachel! That's not a real thingy!"

"Oh I can assure you it is real, Brit. This is the symbol for 'treasure chest' and it is nearly indestructible."

"What? No, that's not real at all! I let in jackhammer, volcano, and invisibility, but I've never heard of treasure chest and believe me, as president of Lima's Little Mermaid fan club, I would know. San, help me out."

Apparently Rachel rubs off on everyone.

I watch Santana mull it over.

"Actually, I think I've heard of it," I contribute. "However, it can be beaten by a key, a torch, or by the god symbol."

"I don't know. I've never heard of that," Santana says while looking at Brittany.

"Well, what did you throw, B?" I inquire.

"You can't tell?"

All three of us stare at her contorted hands.

"Is it a walrus?" Santana asks.

"Nope. It's a magic lamp, and according to Aladdin, I get three wishes. I wish for your treasure chest to open. So I win!"

Two pizzas and three pitchers of organic lemonade later, we turn to more serious conversations about our lives and futures.

I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy toward Brittany and Santana. They have their stuff figured out, you know? They have each other. San may be moving to a new city and have new possibilities waiting for her, but she won't be alone. She has Brittany to share everything with. She has a rock. And to imagine that Santana would cheat on Brittany and break her heart is silly. San would throw herself in front of a train before that happened.

And me? What or who do I have? No one. Nothing.

And it's not that I need someone, it's just that, I don't know. It would be nice to have someone to share in my happiness when something goes right or I make new friends. Maybe even someone to share a soy hot chocolate with. That's not asking for too much, is it?

Rachel: I do not mean to toot my own horn, but my vegan pizzas have been a hit! After a few lewd questions from Santana and a legitimate concern of becoming a vegetable herself by Brittany, a crumb could not be found.

I am so excited to live in New York! Hearing Santana and Brittany talk about their upcoming epic road trip and San's new apartment in LA, I cannot help but wonder how I am going to decorate my apartment, what restaurants I will frequent, what people I will meet, and of which shows I will land a leading role. New York has always been my dream and realizing that I almost abandoned it because of Finn, reaffirms that the choices I have made are the right ones. Please do not mention I said that to Quinn because then she will say, "I told you so."

That is the ironic part. She really did.

However, that is beside the point. We are all having such a wonderful time and I cannot help but feel a precipitant sense of loss.

"You guys," I interject. "I know that we are having a good time and I cannot help but feel so grateful for having you all in my life, but I wanted to say that I wish we had done this sooner because this is our last chance to all be together. I am going to miss you all so much. And by this, I mean become friends."

Brittany reaches for Quinn's and my hands with tears in her eyes.

"Whoo! I totally know what you mean, but that shit's too deep right now," Santana says as she fans her face and stares at the ceiling.

"I love you too, Santana," I answer.

Santana: Look. I'm from Lima Heights Adjacent. We don't do these kinds of things and if you tell anybody that I was crying because I'm going to miss Rachel, then you're gonna find out whether or not I really hide razors in my hair.

Glad we had this talk.

Now this shit is way too heavy for me and Q.

"Shots!"

Brittany: I love shots! "Body shots!"

Quinn: You don't think her comment was targeted at anyone in particular, right? She was definitely addressing the whole group. "And by this I mean, you know, become friends." Gah, her insecurities are just so heartbreakingly cu-

Screw it. I need a shot to loosen up the mind cobwebs.

"While I do not mind having a wine cooler with you ladies, I cannot take a shot. I do not know my limit and I do not intend to test it tonight," Rachel pleads.

"Oh please, you had a great time the last time you took a shot. You made out with Blaine and karaoked your heart out. Besides this is the safest place you could be drinking in to figure out what your limit is before you get to college… in New York… with strangers… who want to slip you a rufi," Santana rationalized. "Live a little, Berry! It's our last night."

I nod my head because Santana has a point.

A bottle of Jose Cuervo later and I've discovered a few life lessons.

1) Tequila goes down easier after the third shot.

2) Santana's body is very very warm.

3) Rachel's tongue may have more talent than my whole body.

5) I like feeling fuzzy. And I don't remember changing into a tank top and my cheer shorts.

8) Oh yeah, and Brittany can stick her whole fist in her mouth.

Rachel: "Tequila! I loves me somes tequila. Teh-Key-Laaaaahhhh!"

Brittany: "The Pee Wee Herman dance!" I have to jump on the coffee table and join Rachel in one of my top five favorite dances.

Quinn: I don't think I can stay awake much longer. The tequila is putting me to sleepy. That, and it's getting kind of awkward because Brittana over here keep randomly making out!

"We're not all in relationships, you know. Get a room!" I yell.

"Get a life," Santana yells back.

"We will! But first, I have to get you and Rachel a full glass of water, each. Drink it all and I promise you'll feel fine tomorrow," Brit offers. The alcohol seems to have no affect on her motor skills.

"Thanks, Brit."

We – Rachel and I – are so exhausted we don't even bother pulling out the hide-away mattress in the living room couch. Instead, we throw down some blankets on the floor as a makeshift mattress and cover up with a sheet. The heat radiating off of her tiny frame seems unnatural.

"They're happy, aren't they?" I ask the room.

"They really are. They're lucky, you know. I am certain we will be like that some day," Rachel's soft voice responds.

"Happy? Lucky?"

"In love."

… I think I'm going to die.

"How are you so sure?" I ask tentatively.

"Because if happy endings didn't exist, then what would be the point in living?"

I really hope she's right. Leave it to Rachel to always be an optimist even when she's drunk.

"Goodnight Rachel."

Rachel: "G'night Quinn."

Quinn and I will be happy and in love some day, I just know it. I can only hope to find love in New York. How can I not? It's such a romantic city.

Quinn will find it, too. Who knows, maybe her person has been waiting for her in New Haven all along or maybe she's already met them.

Maybe.