It shouldn't be like this, you know. Somewhere else it went a different way. You shouldn't be standing in front of the apartment building holding up your brother's girlfriend as she sobs and shakes. It should be your brother you're holding, like you did all those years ago. She should be in the building, just like mom was all those years ago. Maybe you're being selfish, but there are some things that an older brother shouldn't have to see. Your younger brother burning is one of those things. But you've seen a lot, so why not add this to your list.
You can't help being sarcastic, but it's what's keeping you from breaking down in front of this goddamn apartment building that's burning up with your little brother inside.
At that the tears build up, angry and vengeful. Dammit, Sammy They don't fall though. They didn't fall twenty-two years ago and they won't fall now. Your eyes dash around in a questioning way as you lean against the Impala. You start to shake from head to toe as you wonder, why? Why did it happen back then and why is it happening now?
Jess pulls away from your shoulder for a second and her eyes search your face and a look flashes over her face. You know exactly what she's thinking and before you can say something, her eyes let out more tears and she shakes more. You try to pull her in closer but she turns around and stares at the building with glossy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.
The sirens cease then, but the flashing lights don't, and the smell has become worse. You know you're going to smell fire for months, maybe years to come. She finally turns around and her face shows a new emotion, anger and determination mixed. She looks at you in a longing, heartbroken way and you wonder if she's learned those puppy dog eyes from Sam.
You nod, not sure what you're nodding at, and her head seems to fall and the tears start again. She walks over to the passenger side of the Impala and gets in. You're not that surprised. Every time there is a fire, you are given a new responsibility. This time it wasn't your mom or dad who gave you Sam to take care of, it was Sam you gave you Jess to take care of. You nod, knowing you'll do it. She's the closest thing to Sammy you have left and you know this is what your younger brother needs and wants you to do.
The last look he gave you was the equivalent to those words that were spoken by dad. iTake your brother outside as fast as you can, go Dean now./i You just wish you could have saved your brother. And you're angry again and you want to hit something. Later, you promise yourself, later you can grieve, not now, Jess needs you.
Something breaks inside of you just like something must have broken inside your father and in Jess. You wipe your eyes, not crying, not now.
With one last look at the apartment building you get into the car and start her up. She roars and it reminds you of that night twenty-two years ago to the day. You echo a promise to never come back here again. You know that the girl sitting next to you is thinking the same thing.
You drive off into the sunset, a piece of your psyche breaking off and returning to the scene, a memory. You shrug it off, you don't have time to think about that, you've got worked to do.
