I'm wrighting you this, because once again I'm stuck in the everlasting circle, I can't stop thinking about you, you're everything that is on my mind. Like every year since I came here, like every summer, I'm afraid of what is going on with you, but this time I have no idea even where you are. You were the beauteful girl next door, and you still was even after you moved, but now you are the beauteful girl, with brown locks in heaven, sitting on the clouds.

Your mother is devastated, she misses you more than I ever tought it was able to miss someone, she maybe misses you more than me, if possible. She is at your grave everyday, I don't think it really has sunken in, that it's really you there, that you are one of them who isn't living anymore.

I'm sorry for the wet paper, but I can't believe you're gone, it hurts so much, I can still hear your last words, they are echoing in my head, like a song stuck on replay. And no, I won't leave you, I will stay with you, everyway possible.

I' m sorry I didn't come to your funeral, but I'm sure you know I said goodbye to you an other way, and your grave, I can't go to see it. It's like it will become more real, that you can't come back, that you are, for sure, gone. But I know you are gone, I saw them put you in a body bag, that black plastic bag, and drove you off, as you left us for something we have yet to descover.

Summer is diffrent, but she tries to deal, she tries to get you off her mind, like every other person who was close to you, but I think we all are doing it wrong, but it is working.

Your dad is also devastated, he came to your funeral, Seth told me he was crying, I was crying too, but in a whole diffrent place, it didn't feel right to say goodbye to you there, it's not like you were there. Seth told me that almost everyone was there from school, too, even tough your last year didn't go so good on your status in school everyone still came. We all miss you, you got to know that.

I got a letter from Trey yesterday, in it he told me he was sorry, that he heard about you, that he was going to fix his life upp, even better, and when he has finally made something about himself, he would come back and meet me again. Maybe I won't see him again?

Kirsten said that it might help by writing you this letter, she did it to Caleb after Rehab, she said it hepled a bit, not much tough, but the little it helps I will take, the little it takes to make you feel near again, I will do. I don't want to get over you, because I feel so bad when I want to stop feeling like this, but it is like when I get over you, I don't respect you, I told Sandy, he said I was crazy, that you want the best for me. He told me to move on, but I want the best for you, I want you to live, but you don't live.

Life isn't the same without you, even tough drama seemed to follow you, you made me feel whole, like that hollow place in my heart was filled, but when you left, it only became bigger.

Ryan.

PS. I love you always.