It was a calm day at S-Mart. Ash had just finished stocking the toasters as Rick from sporting goods rounded the corner.

"Hey Ash, you cover me while I go smoke?" His tone was always condescending to Ash, even after the scene with the hellspawn two weeks prior. His circular-framed glasses and slicked hair gave the skinny, pasty man a goofy look. Ash just assumed he needed a woman in his life, even if it was an ugly one.

"No problem Rick, I got ya covered. Go smoke your cancer stick and try to fall off a cliff." Rick turned with a sneer and headed for the rear of the store.

What a screwhead

Several minutes had gone by when Ash's stocking adventure was interrupted by a young girl's quivering voice coming over the PA. "Customer assistance needed in sporting goods." Ash noticed the urgency in her voice and put the last toaster into place. All the boxes were neatly arranged across two rows of shelving as the displays sat shiningly above them.

As Ash rounded the corner end cap of fishing lures he got sight of a hulking creature. The silver-armored Elite sensing his presence turned to face the bewildered hero.

"Well hello Mr. Fancypants! What can I help you with today?" The Arbiter remained stoic at Ash's cynical verbalisms.

"Pathetic human, I am the Arbiter and am in need of armament. I am on a hunt from the Prophets themselves to kill the demon." The mention of the word "demon" got Ash's attention.

"Look splitlip, I am sorry to have to tell you this, but you are about two weeks too late. I killed the she-bitch and haven't seen any since." Ash couldn't tell if the Elite had an astonished or annoyed look on his face, nor did he care. "Are you going to buy something or am I going to have to ask you to leave the store?"

"Wort wort wort wort" The Arbiter let out what sounded like guttural laughter as it reared its head back and slapped its hand down on the counter, cracking the glass to the scope and binocular case.

"You puny human, would not stand a chance against the demon. He has killed many of my brethren and Lekgolo as well as the disgusting Jiralhanae."

"Now you listen here cheesecake. First of all, I couldn't give two craps about your oral-hiney or your Lego® friends if I ate a box of fiber. Secondly, you cracked our display case, and well, that just pisses me off. Thirdly, I did kill a demon, and if you aren't careful you are going to find your Neanderthal butt out on the sidewalk after I get through kicking it."

"Tell me human, are all humans who work in this store loudmouth braggarts?"

"Nope, just me baby."

Having apparently heard enough from Ash, the Arbiter reached out and grabbed him by the throat, lifting him off the ground. "Pathetic human, I will crush you like a bug."

"Come get some."

Ash reached up with his mechanical hand and grabbed the Elite's forearm. The hand clamped down on the Arbiter's flesh. The alien roared as pain shot through its arm and caused him to release its hold on Ash. At this point Teresa, who had been behind the counter with Ash, began to make a dash for the exit at the back of the store.

The Arbiter, now furious, smashed down on the glass display, splitting its frame down to the floor. Grasping each side with powerful hands, the Elite extended its arms to brush away the broken display, giving itself a clear path to Ash, who was on his hands and knees trying to regain his breath. The Arbiter took a few steps until it was towering over the employee.

"Hey ugly, your shoe's untied." The Arbiter hated the strings on his shoes; they never stayed tied. With a heavy sigh the alien glanced a look down, only to be greeted by the uppercut of a metal hand. The blow stunned the Elite as it stumbled backward. Ash followed up with another blow to the creature's chest, causing it to double over.

Ash took the opportunity to bash open the shotgun and rifle display, and reached for a shotgun; a twelve gauge double-barreled Remington, S-Mart's top of the line, made in Grand Rapids Michigan. It retailed for about 109.95, had a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger.

The Arbiter regained his composure and was greeted with the shotgun to his mandibles as he stood. "You dare threaten the leader of the Sangheili with your puny Earth weapon?" The Elite scoffed.

"Leader? I got news for you pal. You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and Shit. And Jack just left town." Ash pulled the trigger and the shotgun let out a bark. The Arbiter's newly-powered shields flared as they deflected the blast, then faded.

A nearby Grunt that was looking at pool toys threw his hands in the air and began screaming. "Run awaaaaaaay!" Ash landed another blow with his armored appendage as the dazed Elite swung and missed. The Arbiter had underestimated the tenacity of the employee, and began to fall back as he deflected blows from the human.

The battle continued through the store as the Arbiter fell back, positioning the human for his doom. The fighting spilled out the front door as it chimed and a monotonic voice thanked the two combatants for shopping S-Mart.

Suddenly Ash stopped his assault on the Arbiter as he stared at the street in front of him. An army of hundreds, maybe thousands of Covenant Grunts, Jackals and Elites all turned in unison to stare at the duo as the Arbiter bellowed out another "worty" laugh.

"Puny human, your time to die has arrived." The Arbiter turned his back to Ash and began to walk away as the massive army began charging plasma weapons.

Ash broke down the shotgun and slammed two more shells into the barrel as he glared back at the congregation. With a quick snap of his wrist, the shotgun reattached its barrels to the striker with a satisfying click. A smirk snaked onto Ash's face.

"Come get some."


Hope you enjoyed the story.. :) Probably a one-shot deal, but if enough people want it to continue I will consider it...