Title: Slytherin Conversations
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Conversation at the Slytherin table is never boring.
Warning: Slash. Foul language. Gutter minded fun.
Author's Note: I apologize for any and all spelling mistakes. Sorry.
The conversations that were held at the Slytherin table at Hogwarts: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were...interesting, to say the least, the very least. No one really paid attention to what went on at the Slytherin table. The Headmaster was more concerned with Harry Potter, McGonagall focused on her precious Gryffindors, and Snape...well, he knew what those kids were like and he stayed away for his own safety. Currently, all the Slytherins were present, that is, except for one Pansy Parkinson. Said brunette was rushing into the Great Hall and towards the table. Not that any of the other houses were paying attention. Pansy slowed down and sat next to Millicent and Theodore. Both gave her looks of amusement as she filled her plate and tried to catch her breath.
"Why were you late?" Millicent asked. Pansy looked at her and gave a little smirk.
"I was in the library." Draco coughed at her answer and glanced up. The brunette smirked again and began to eat her meal. Finally, Draco spoke.
"You? You went to the library? You, who never studies and vowed to be a muggle before reading an, how did you put it, oh yes, 'an old dusty book'?" Once again the girl smirked and Theodore let out a sigh of annoyance.
"Stop smirking and just tell us what you were doing."
"Ah, remember Theo, patience is a virtue." Pansy chuckled at Theodore's growl. "I was researching something for a personal project. Now if you would all kindly stop interrogating me, I would like to get back to eating." And with that Pansy continued to eat. Her friends just stared at her before going back to their meals. Blaise, always the curious little wizard, put down his fork and sighed. Everyone in the nearby area rolled their eyes and put down their own eating utensils. Anyone who knew Blaise knew that that sigh meant he had a question on his mind, a question he wouldn't stop asking till he got what he deemed an acceptable answer.
"Pansy..." Blaise whined, "why were you in the library?"
"I already told you I was researching a personal project."
"A personal project? What does that even mean? Were you looking up different sexual positions to help improve your sex life? Can I borrow the book when your done?" Draco coughed again and hit Blaise in the arm. Blaise pouted and rubbed his arm.
"No! I was not looking up things to improve my sex life. Mill and I are very happy in the bedroom." Millicent blushed and muttered under her breath, while her friends laughed.
"Like you have room to talk, Draco. Blaise obviously isn't happy if he wants to improve your sex life!" Millicent hissed. Immediately everyone stopped laughing and looked Malfoy. There was no trace of laughter on his face, but their was no trace of anger either, he was completely emotionless. Blaise fidgeted and looked back and forth between his boyfriend and friend. He decided to try and diffuse the situation.
"Hey you ever wonder what a guy is? I mean if a 'girl is wham, bam, thank you ma'am' what's a guy?" The tension immediately ceased and everyone wore looks of confusion.
"That's... an interesting question." Theodore said after a few minutes.
"Where do you come up with this stuff?" Draco asked, with affection coating his voice. Blaise grinned and shook his head.
"I dunno."
"I got it!" Pansy yelled. The other tables heard the yell and thought about turning around, but remembered that they liked to ignore the Slytherins and continued to eat their supper.
"Got what?" Theodore asked.
"What you call a guy! I got it! I figured it out!" Pansy let out an excited squeal.
"Would you like to share with the class?" Draco asked.
"I would love to. Thrust, fuck, thank you Chuck." Draco and Blaise snickered, Millicent and Pansy giggled, and Theodore just shook his head.
"Pans, you've got a disturbing mind." Nott stated grimly.
"Like you wouldn't believe." Millicent added.
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" Pansy asked.
"Are you really asking me that question? You're the one who has a theory that Harry Potter is gay and secretly pining after Draco even though he's with Ron." Draco gagged and Blaise grabbed his hand possessively.
"That's not a theory, it's completely true!" Theodore raised an eyebrow.
"Where's your proof?" He asked.
"Proof? Where have you guys been? He's always with Ron..." Pansy started.
"They're best friends." Blaise pointed out.
"...he's always touching Draco..."
"When they're punching each other's light out." Millicent interjected.
"...and he constantly looks at Draco during classes and meals."
"He's throwing him glares not puppy dog looks of love." Theodore tried to burst her bubble.
"What do you call that?" Pansy asked and pointed over Draco's shoulder. They all turned to look and caught Harry looking at the blond. He saw their looks and glanced away. His cheeks began to redden.
"Oh, wow." Draco said.
"No. No, wow. You're mine." Blaise said.
"I didn't mean it like that. I'm just surprised that Pansy was right. I mean, the Boy Who Lived is...gay. Wow."
"If you say wow one more time, you're not getting sex." Draco shut his mouth.
"Someone's whipped." Theodore smirked.
"Yeah." Pansy giggled.
"Do you want to be in the same boat as, Draco? Don't laugh or you will be." Pansy stopped mid-giggle at Millicent's threat. Nott smirked again and made a "whipping" sound.
"Unlike you Theo, Pansy and I actually get sex." Millicent and Blaise laughed at the scowl on Theodore's face.
"Draco and Blaise lying on a bed, F-U-C-K-I-N-G. First comes lube, then penetration, next thing you know both boys are coming." Pansy sang.
"That's sick, Pans. True, but sick that you put it into song." Draco shook his head. The girl grinned and Theodore spoke up.
"I don't think that's how the song goes." All the Slytherins were silent before laughing out loud. The song spread along the table and soon all of the Slytherins were laughing. Albus Dumbledore watched the house along with the rest of the teachers.
"What are they laughing about?" McGonagall asked. She was surprised to hear such a sound from the Slytherin table. She had never heard genuine laugher from those students, only snickers and cackles. Severus shook his head.
"You probably don't want to know. I definitely don't want to know. Believe me those kids are...disturbing." Dumbledore looked at the Slytherins who were finally calming down and a twinkle appeared in his eyes.
"Now, Severus, kids will be kids."
"Yes, and monsters will be monsters." Severus remarked.
Hey! Personally, I think Severus really cares about the Slytherins but I had to add that. Did you like it?? Another one of my sad attempts at humor. Review, review!!
