A/N Hey, every body!!!! IIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm back from Lyoko!!! And boy, do I have a story for you!! Yes, I know Raistlin and Fizban are still struggling on at school, but to tell the truth, I'v completely lost whee-power on that fic, and the fact that my only current encouragement for it is that my best friend has nothing else better to do doesn't help much... So here's a blotbunny for ya! ) We join Raistlin on a calm, fall afternoon, curled up by the fireside with a spellbook... Muahaha...

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from DL, or Avenue Q

RAISTLIN
Aah, an afternoon alone with
My favorite spell book, "Broadway
Time Traveling of the 1940s."
No apprentice to bother me.
How could it get any better than this?

Raistlin's laboratory door slams

DALAMAR
Oh, hi Shalafi!

RAISTLIN
Hi Dalamar.

DALAMAR
Hey Shalafi, you'll never
Guess what happened to
Me at the Temple of Paladine this morning.
This cleric was smiling at me and talking to me

RAISTLIN
That's very interesting.

DALAMAR
He was being real friendly,
And I think he was coming on to me.
I think he might've thought I was gay!

RAISTLIN
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?
Why should I care?
I don't care.
What did you have for lunch today?

DALAMAR
Oh, you don't have to get
All defensive about it, Shalafi...

RAISTLIN
I'm NOT getting defensive!
What do I care about some gay cleric you met, okay?
I'm trying to read a spell.

DALAMAR
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Shalafi.
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

RAISTLIN
I don't want to talk about it,
Dalamar! This conversation is over!!!

DALAMAR
Yeah, but...

RAISTLIN
OVER!!!

DALAMAR
Well, okay, but just so you know —
IF YOU WERE GAY
THAT'D BE OKAY.
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.
BECAUSE YOU SEE,
IF IT WERE ME,
I WOULD FEEL FREE
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)

RAISTLIN
Dalamar, please!
I am trying to read this spell...
What?!

DALAMAR
IF YOU WERE QUEER

RAISTLIN
Ah, Dalamar!

DALAMAR
I'D STILL BE HERE,

RAISTLIN
Dalamar, I'm trying to read this spell book.

DALAMAR
YEAR AFTER YEAR

RAISTLIN
Dalamar!

DALAMAR
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR
TO ME,

RAISTLIN
Argh!

DALAMAR
AND I KNOW THAT YOU

RAISTLIN
What?

DALAMAR
WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,

RAISTLIN
I would?

DALAMAR
IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,
"HEY! GUESS WHAT,
I'M GAY!"
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)
I'M HAPPY
JUST BEING WITH YOU.

RAISTLIN
High Button Steel-Toed boots, Pal Caramon...

DALAMAR
SO WHAT SHOULD IT
MATTER TO ME
WHAT YOU DO IN BED
WITH GUYS?

RAISTLIN
Dalamar, that's GROSS!

DALAMAR
No it's not!
IF YOU WERE GAY
I'D SHOUT HOORAY!

RAISTLIN
I am not listening!

DALAMAR
AND HERE I'D STAY,

RAISTLIN
La la la la la!

DALAMAR
BUT I WOULDN'T GET
IN YOUR WAY.

RAISTLIN
Aaaah!

DALAMAR
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
TO ALWAYS BE
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,
TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,
YOU WERE JUST BORN
THAT WAY,
AND, AS THEY SAY,
IT'S IN YOUR DNA,
YOU'RE GAY!

RAISTLIN
BUT I'M NOT GAY!

DALAMAR
If you were gay.

RAISTLIN
Argh!

Fireball explosion

A/N (evil laughter) Well, there you have it, folks! A little something about our dear insane mage that you might or might not have known already... Review, review, review, folks!! )