Disclaimer:: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the used songs in the fic. I don't own any recognizable material.
Hello, dear readers! I know what you're thinking. I'm insane. I have two unfinished fanfictions and one with everyday updates, and yet I'm posting another. And my history of posting isn't the greatest. But I couldn't help myself! I mean, how can I just sit here with an iPod full of inspiration and not share it with others?
Well, here's the first chapter. These might not come all too often, because, as I said, I have three unfinished fanfictions right now, and one that requires me to update every single day. But I'll post as often as I can. I have over a thousand songs on my dingy little iPod, plus the songs I don't have, for writing about. This is my first, because, as anyone who has read my profile or my story "Chip Away the Stone" or "Hermione's Got a Gun" will know, I have an unhealthy obsession with rock, namely a band everyone knows. Aerosmith. ^^
And that smiley face, which is only really eyes. I don't use the mouth, for some strange reason.
Anyways, I will always post the full lyrics at the end of the story, if you want them, and something important from the song at the top, like the chorus or an inspirational line.
Please enjoy this!
OH! And this will have many, many different pairings. Feel free to reccomend them. I don't do slash or yaoi or whatever you feel like calling it. I do, however, do the pedo stories. You know, HermioneSirius... I hate calling it that because I love it so much. ^^
Anyways, this first pairing is GinnyDraco, one that I've never written before, but I thought it would be best for the song What it Takes by Aerosmith.
Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of the dice?
Tell me what it takes to let you go.
What it Takes-Aerosmith
I sat in a cloud of smoke at my favourite bar, wallowing in my misery. I couldn't help it. It was all my fault that I lost her. I'd done it to myself, and I knew it. That made it all the more terrible on myself.
"Draco, come on, it's not like she was the only girl you've ever lost," Blaise said.
I couldn't be sure if he was trying to be an arse or if it was just natural, because that probably wasn't the best comforting words I've ever heard. A simple "there are other fish in the sea" probably would have worked just fine.
But he was Blaise, he was a Slytherin, and he'd never lost a girl. He'd never been in my position.
It was my fault that I fell in love with her, too. I wasn't used to people dating me not for my status, not for my bloodline, not for my father, but for just me. It put a lot of pressure on me, actually having to keep a girl mine, keep her interested, keep her wanting me for me.
Ginny Weasley was that girl. At least, I'd thought she was. I knew for a fact that she didn't care about me because of my father or my Pureblood status. She hated Death Eaters, and she was pureblood herself. So there were only two other possibilities-my looks or my personality.
And it must have been my personality. She never cared for blondes.
How was I supposed to know that telling a girl that you truthfully loved her might, in fact, scare the girl away? Well, that's what had happened, and I was regretting that I'd ever fallen in love.
"Thanks, mate," I said. "You're a real great friend."
I stood and made to leave. I needed some fresh air.
"Was it something I said?" Blaise muttered to the bartender, who laughed and began to explain that what he'd said had probably not helped me.
Well, he was correct.
I pushed through the door and stood on the corner in Diagon Alley, just people watching, breathing in the cool air of autumn, feeling my heart ache whenever I saw a couple. Why should they be happy when I was so...broken?
How had it happened?
I took in air fast through my teeth at the sight before me.
It was Ginny. She looked happier than ever. About as happy as she had been with me. She was with a friend, Hermione Granger, and they were smiling and laughing and just being girls. But she'd spotted me.
I tried to smile, but it hurt. We hadn't broken up officially. She'd just ran out of my flat that day last month, and I hadn't seen her since. She wasn't at the burrow, she wasn't at the ministry, she wasn't anywhere that I could find her.
She smiled back softly, but she kept walking. She didn't even look back, like I was just some homeless stranger she felt bad for. That made me angry, but, most of all, it deepened the gash in my heart.
It was then that I noticed the ring.
It wasn't the ring that I had offered her, oh no. This one was considerably larger, which was odd, because I couldn't think of anyone who would have more money than I, enough to buy a diamond that large. The Weasley's sure hadn't bought it as a birthday present, that was obvious. They were poorer than dirt. It couldn't have been any of the boys she'd told me she'd dated at some time or another.
The only person I could think of was Harry. Potter, my enemy. The one who had loved her for probably longer than I, though I hated to admit it, and who had buckets of money just lying around from his parents and from his successfull job as an auror.
I didn't go back inside-Blaise was buying anyways. I apparated home. I didn't think I'd be able to face my friends without breaking down. It hurt that bad-I had loved her. I'd proved it, too.
I'd used to feel her love, too. Or what I'd thought was her love. But now I felt only emptiness, and the cold feeling that she was already engaged to someone else, after only a month of being away from me. Had she loved me? She must have.
She must have.
But now she was back out and about, flaunting Potter's ring, the fact that she was happy and in love.
With someone who was not me.
I didn't understand it. How could she sleep in that bed, when I had shared so many nights with her, keeping myself at bay, of course, untill our wedding. How could she sleep where I had, and with him?
It stung. I'd lost eveything, I'd lost her, because I had taken the chance, and I had lost. I had told her I loved her, and I'd scared her away.
She was gone.
I climbed into my bed and stared at the wall, curled up beneath the sheets. It didn't seem that long before my alarm clock went off.
I'd been awake all night, just listening to my heart, wondering how it could beat so steadily under so much pain.
I didn't go to work that day, or the next, calling in sick both times.
I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to forget about her, and the only way to do that would be to face her.
I didn't bother showering, or changing, or even waiting until the alcohol had completely left my blood before I apparated to the burrow.
Luck was on my side today, and she was home alone.
I knocked on the door, and Ginny nearly shrieked when she opened the door. It was okay. I would have been afraid of myself.
"Ginny," I said.
She appraised me, my face, my clothes, most likely the smell of strong alcohol just pouring off of me.
Finally, she said, "Draco." She offered me a smile. "What are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you."
She tilted her head, then seemed to remember that it was freezing outside, and I was in practically my underwear. "Okay. Come in. I'll make you some tea. Do you want to borrow a pair of clothes? You've probably got some here still."
"I don't want to be any trouble," I deadpanned. "I just want to ask you a few questions."
She looked at me curiously before handing me a cup of tea. "Okay."
"You look good, Ginny," I said monotonously. "You look happy."
She smiled. "I am happy. Are you?"
I stared at her incredulously. Did she really just ask me that? What was it with people being so tactless lately? First Blaise, now her?
She looked down at her feet and shuffled awkwardly. "I guess not."
"I just want to know why, Ginny," I said quietly. "You just left. And I haven't seen you since. Why?"
She looked back up at me. "Because I didn't want to marry you, and didn't know how to tell you. I know, I'm a coward." She tried to ease the tension with a smile. "Some Gryffindor, huh?"
I didn't smile back. "You could have said no. You didn't have to leave. Don't you love me?"
She didn't reply. She looked away.
"At least tell me," I said. "I have to know that you don't love me, then I'll be okay!" I was begging her. She looked back up at me with tears in her eyes. "Please! I need to figure out how to let you go! If this is what it takes to make the pain go away..."
A few tears slid down her face.
"I don't love you, Draco," she whispered, but I could tell she was lying.
"Please," I choked, a tear falling from my eyes as well.
Before I'd known Ginny, I had been perfect. I had had the perfect life, as perfect as the life of the son of an ex-death eater on the failed side of the war could be. But as soon as I met her, I was trapped. My heart couldn't seem to let her go, and it still had me locked up, chained to her in ways I didn't know was possible. I loved her.
"Ginny, you told me you loved me," I said, actually crying now.
She tossed her hair over her shoulder and tried to look condescending as she said, "I lied."
Somehow I already knew this, but it hurt like crazy to hear the truth, anyways.
She'd taken all of my love, and then she'd just left me, still in love, but with no way of showing her.
"Are you happy?" I asked quietly through my teeth, but without giving her any sort of chance to answer. "Are you happy all by yourself?" She knew I knew she was engaged, but I asked anyways. "Are you happy this way, without me? You don't miss me?"
She shook her head. "I'm not alone. I don't miss you."
"Don't lie!" I yelled. I stepped forward. She cringed, but I caressed her cheek as gently as I could. She seemed to give in a little. "You don't miss my touch? My love for you, it didn't mean anything? You don't cry for me like I do for you?"
She choked the slightest bit. "No," she whispered.
"Just finish me," I said. "Make the pain go away. Tell me how I can get rid of the pain."
Ginny stared into my eyes. I could see what everyone had warned me about in there, all of her lies and the evil that she could wreak upon a man without she herself even ever knowing it.
"I'm sorry."
I left then, unable to take it anymore.
The next few days, Blaise told me to just let her go. She was getting married. I had to get rid of the pain, and the only way to do that was to admit that I had to let her go, admit that I had lost her.
I had the perfect life. The perfect life of the son of a death eater on the losing side. But I was dying anyways. I didn't want to die in my perfect life, but I couldn't help it.
I was burning in my paradise.
...
There goes my old girlfriend, there's another diamond ring
And, uh, all those late night promises I guess they don't mean a thing
So baby, what's the story? Did you find another man?
Is it easy to sleep in the bed that we made?
When you don't look back I guess the feelings start to fade away.
I used to feel your fire
But now it's cold inside
And you're back on the street like you didn't miss a beat, yeah
Chorus:
Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of the dice?
Tell me what it takes to let you go.
Yeah
Girl, before I met you I was F.I.N.E. Fine
but your love made me a prisoner, yeah my heart's been doing time
You spent me up like money, then you hung me out to dry
It was easy to keep all your lies in disguise
Cause you had me in deep with the devil in your eyes
Chorus
Guitar!
Tell me that you're happy that you're on your own Yeah, yeah, yeah
Tell me that it's better when you're all alone
Tell me that your body doesn't miss my touch
Tell me that my lovin' didn't mean that much
Tell me you ain't dyin' when you're cryin' for me
Chorus
Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of the dice?
Tell me who's to blame for thinkin' twice
No no no no 'cause I don't wanna burn in paradise
Ooo Let go, let go, let go,
let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go,
let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
I don't wanna burn, I don't wanna burn
Please tell me if you liked this! If you don't I won't continue...I mean, why would I do that if no one likes it? And trust me, I know when no one likes it.
