Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters. If I did, the boys would just do bad things all the time. Hehe.

Please review. Constructive criticism welcome.

Wrote this when I was feeling like crap again after seeing a wallpaper that I thought described the series rather well. This idea then popped into my head. It's before Ed finds out how Al is doing.

I don't have a beta either, for what it's worth. Meh. Anyways, on with the story!


There is no equivalent trade for the sight of my little brother growing up.

Al…

That one word still hurts. Those two little letters cause pain I've never felt before. Even my mother dying didn't create this gaping hole in my heart. Pain makes you stronger, or so I've been told, but whoever said that has never felt what I'm feeling now. I don't even know if I will ever see him again. He was all I had. I never got to say goodbye.

My stupid brother…

He gave up everything for me. Just to give me my life back… My old body, real limbs, no more automail… He always was stupid. I am his older brother. I was supposed to be the one to protect him, to make everything okay. He always had this guilt about him that I knew would be our undoing. I suppose I should have done something sooner.

Only a year younger than me…

He could speak wisdom far beyond his years. Some of his words would even surprise me at how deep their meaning was. And, as should be well known, that is saying something. He had more strength and courage than even the strongest war veteran. He could put an army to shame. Hell, he could put anyone to shame. Mother should have been proudest of him, not me.

No way to watch him…

I thought I would die when I performed human transmogrification on him. I thought I would go up to see mother. I thought I would be able to see him grow up, smiling sadly to myself, though knowing that we would meet again one day. But now I can't. I am not in the same place mother went to, this I know. No one here even knows who I am, and they certainly don't believe in alchemy. The few times I inquired about a sensei for alchemy, my questions were only answered by laughs. I wouldn't use alchemy again anyways. It was what took away my brother's body. It was what started all of this.

He's gone…

I hope he isn't alone, wherever he is. I gave up my body to restore his, yet I am still alive. I still inhabit my body, though I suspect I am in a different dimension. It can't have been for nothing. I hope he got his body back… I am determined to find out though. I have to go see him, see how strong he is getting. Perhaps he is still studying alchemy. He had the potential to be a greater alchemist than I ever was. Now that I've given it up, perhaps he can get the recognition he always deserved. Either way, I will see how he is doing, somehow.

I will find a way to get back to him. Even if I have to challenge the sun.