"Do you ever wonder why Jughead shows no interest in girls?" Someone asked.

There was the sound of milkshake sucking through the straw above him. He had no idea who asked the question, but he recognized the voice that answered, muffled though it was by the bleachers above his mid afternoon nap hideout.

"God no. Isn't it obvious? He can't have the girl he wants, so he doesn't want anyone." Joanie replied. Her companion gasped in surprise.

"The amount of love triangles in Riverdale is staggering really, but it's fairly simple to explain." Joanie continued. "There are guys like Archie, who think they are in love with whichever girl they are kissing at the time. There are guys like Reggie who know they love one person but will entertain themselves with others while they wait. Then there are guys like Jughead, who just don't bother to play the field and throw themselves into a hobby instead."

"Jughead has a hobby?"

"Well, food is his hobby I think. Or his crutch. It's only his metabolism that keeps him from severe health issues." Joanie conceded.

Jughead rolled his eyes and tried to go to back to sleep. Joanie was far too interested in psychology and anthropology these days. Always trying to put people in boxes. He had to admit she was observant though, much too much for his liking.

Joanie's companion snorted. "Well we can agree that he has a fast metabolism. I disagree with you on a few points in your statement though, for instance: Reggie only loves himself."

"Not true. Reggie is certainly full of himself, but he has shown time and time again that he is more than willing to destroy his pretty face just for a minute alone with Midge. Did you see his black eye last week? For someone as vain as Reggie to knowingly put himself into a situation where the only likely outcome is facial or bodily disfigurement courtesy of Moose , it must be love. Not that it will get him anywhere, but he keeps trying." Joanie pointed out.

"Ok, but what about Archie, Betty, and Veronica?" challenged her companion.

Joanie laughed. "And Cheryl? Valerie? That girl who was visiting Pop for the summer? Archie loves love. Veronica loves to be adored, and Betty..." she paused. "I can't quite figure out Betty. I think maybe she loves the idea of being with the boy next door, happily ever after, but I don't think she would actually enjoy the reality of that if there wasn't the excitement of her competition with Veronica for his attention. Betty has some interesting quirks. If she ever figures out that Jughead loves her there will be fireworks of the very best kind."

Jughead and the other girl both coughed in surprise, Jughead slapping his hand across his mouth to stop himself from being heard and discovered.

"Jughead loves Betty?!" The girl sounded shocked. "How can you be sure?"

"I watch people. It pays to be observant." Joanie said smugly. "Did you watch that documentary last night?"

The conversation moved on and soon shoes shifted and the bleachers creaked, the pair above standing up to go wait for their next class. Jughead waited for their voices to fade before sitting up and placing his head in his hands. It was only a matter of time before the whole school would know, but would they believe? What if they did? Not the end of the world, he could just laugh at them and steal their french fries to show them his one true love was food, but some would always wonder.

Realistically, he knew it would come out sometime. It was true after all, and the truth always comes out in the end, as Betty was fond of saying. It was also true that he would never make the first move. Archie was his friend, and so was Betty, and he would rather just have her friendship than not have any relationship with her at all. If Archie knew that he was interested in Betty he would stop inviting him to go to the beach with them, Archie preferred to not have competition for the attention of the girls..

It would be a tragedy if he wasn't invited to go with him. He liked watching her play in the sand, wiggling her toes into the sandcastles to watch them collapse in stages. Joanie was right about that too, he supposed. Betty, for all her apparent perfection, liked to create cracks in a facade and watch it come tumbling down. He had only seen flashes of it, but underneath her happy go lucky exterior, something a lot more fiery lurked.

The bell rang loudly, bringing him out of his quiet contemplation. Next class already, should he bother going? His nap had been disrupted after all, he could just lay back down and try to sleep some more. He sighed, and grabbed his backpack and hat and crawled out from under the bleachers. Who was he kidding? Sleep would elude him after what he had overheard, and besides, the next class was History and the teacher had promised they would be watching real WW2 footage in preparation for their next assignment. Popcorn was being provided.

LATER:

Betty paused typing, her fingers hovering above the keyboard. A thousand words on the downfall of the Ottoman Empire for tomorrow's History class. If the teacher thought it was good maybe she would include it in the paper next week, for a bit of filler. If only something interesting would happen, something exciting to do an editorial on. Though most people were only reading the gossip column now anyway, she mused. She could probably copy out the dictionary and very few would notice. The column was a stroke of genius though she had to admit, it got everyone buzzing, trying to figure out from veiled hints who each blurb was really about. Susan really had a gift with enticing people. She somehow managed to dig out secrets nobody had even thought to look for let alone discover.

She stood up and stretched, idly picking up this week's issue and flipping to the gossip page. Yes, Susan had done well. The only column getting nearly as much mail was the Ask Abby one that she had roped Veronica into doing while Ethel was on her semester away. Surprisingly, Veronica had some really good advice. Betty frowned suddenly, wondering if Veronica was actually doing it or passing it off to someone else. Her frown eased and she shrugged, it didn't really matter did it? As long as people were picking up the paper to read it.

Her eyes moved down the column slowly. She had figured out who most of the tidbits were about, but the one about the clueless perfectionist needing to set off some fireworks with the crown prince? She just couldn't figure it out. Was the crown prince Reggie, heir to his dad's empire? Or Jughead, with the goofy hat he had been wearing for years? Or maybe someone else, with actual royal connections that she was unaware of?

And the clueless perfectionist, who could that be? And what kind of fireworks? It couldn't mean literal fireworks as it was the wrong time of year for that. Her eyebrow raised and she smirked. They must mean sexy fireworks then. The very best kind, she imagined. Her own experiences were decidedly lacklustre, but she supposed that most weren't, or there wouldn't be so many novels written about spontaneous combustion from across the room when two sets of eyes first meet.

She would like to spontaneously feel those kind of sparks one day. Or even just feel sparks at all. The biggest thrill she had had lately was when she snagged Jughead's hat with one hand and simultaneously stole fries with the other when he was distracted. How sad was it that stealing french fries from the biggest foodie in town was the only thing that had got her blood pumping recently?

The last time Polly was town, Betty had caught her staring at Jughead from the deck with her eyes narrowed. "Betty," Polly had said suddenly, "still waters run deep in that one."

Betty had wrinkled her nose up and frowned in confusion. "What does that mean?"

Polly had smirked and looked at her out of the corner of her eyes. "Let's just say I wouldn't kick him out of bed in the morning."

Betty had been shocked, and quipped, "Unless you turn into a cheeseburger at midnight you are unlikely to ever have that experience."

But Polly had shook her head and smiled, returning her eyes to where Jughead was hanging up some laundry for his mother. "One day he will look at someone like he looks at food, and if he devotes even half as much attention and determination as does finding his next snack, that person will be very lucky."

Betty tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, remembering the way Polly had sounded. Polly had always had a lot of boyfriends, she didn't have to fight over one the way Betty did. Betty didn't actually have to, but she enjoyed the plotting and planning and the victories that her friendly competition with Veronica had. It would be kind of boring, she thought, to be Archie's only girl. He was fun to be around, but kind of shallow. He would probably peak in high school, and be one of those guys reliving his glory days at school reunions in twenty years.

Jughead was another story. It would take someone very strong to get through to him, and probably a lot of effort. Something else too, since Ethel had tried everything and failed, despite her best efforts. Whoever caught Jughead's attention would have to possess that mysterious spark, to set off fireworks in his brain so loud that it would drown out the call of his stomach for dinner.

Alone at night, Betty would sometimes sneak out to their old treehouse, with her sisters long forgotten pack of cigarettes that were usually hidden in a hollow book at the bottome of her drawer and sit looking out at the water, imagining herself in one of the black and white movies she loved, as the sexy and alluring heroine, waiting for the spy to catch her and kiss her senseless. The darkness would slowly surround her, as she dangled a lit cigarette from her fingers, not even really smoking it, because she didn't like the taste, but just watching the glow for the few moments it was burning, half in her dream world. Oh, how she would love to be mysterious and sexy. Big curls, a long dark coat, spiky heels, and any guy she snapped her fingers at. But then life would interrupt, she would hear someone coming and hurriedly put out the smoke, remembering that she was Betty Cooper and she lived in Riverdale, where the only person who could truly pull off walking into Pop's in a trench coat and heels was Veronica, who of course would only ever wear a trench coat if it became the next big thing. Maybe one day she would live somewhere else, where nobody knew her, but she would miss Riverdale. Truthfully, she only wanted to be mysterious, because nobody would suspect it. It would probably be just as boring to be mysterious all the time as it was to be the town Mary Poppins; Practically Perfect in Every Way. Maybe she ask Jughead one day, he was the most mysterious person in town after all. How did he always know where food was to be found, or exactly when the cookies she was baking would be done? What did he actually do when he wasn't eating or playing video games? How did he manage to get such good grades, when he mostly slept through class?

Shaking her head resolutely, Betty lowered her fingers back to the keys and put her thoughts toward the work she was supposed to be doing all along.