This fanfic is my way of putting a light spin on a a more serious situation. To say it is a complete bi-polar of my other fic, would be not only true... but ironic. My other fic is as angsty and deeply written as I could muster. This one however, is my own way to keep myself sane with a lighthearted alternative. -I say 'sane', this is yet more irony as this fic is set in a Psychiatric Hospital. -Although with Rachel Berry as a patient, I assure you there will be many laughs right from the start.
Day One
'I'm not trying to kill myself.
Seriously, that is not what is happening here.
No, I don't think you do understand...
Look, just hear me through, I can explain.
LISTEN!'
Out of all that, Rachel Barbara Berry found that there was only one sentence she really wanted the world to focus on.
"I'm not trying to kill myself".
-But what Rachel Barbara Berry discovered, was that apparently, after 'accidents' like her own; people only heard what they wanted to hear... -naturally a more dramatic version, that in their minds goes more like this.
'I'm not 'trying' to kill myself... I already did it.
Seriously, I don't know what is happening to me anymore!
Nobody understands.
You wouldn't hear me even if I did explain.
-Nobody listens.'
Now Rachel finds this more than just a 'little' frustrating... she finds it absolutely ridiculous. This however is somewhat of a natural 'dynamic' response to typical frustration for any actress, let alone a false accusation of suicide. -But Rachel Barbara didn't win two TONY awards and an EMMY for simply being 'any' actress. She grew up knowing how to perfect the typical diva storm out. She knew the exact method for throwing the perfect tantrum. So when she found that despite her calm, reasonable and articulate explanations for how the 'accident' occurred were being ignored... Rachel found that she reacted the only way she knew how.
-Apparently screaming "I'm going to kill myself!" to the heavens before throwing a potato at your fathers head, isn't the brightest move for someone trying to convince her family and friends that her recent 'incident' was not a cry for help, but in fact an amusing, (yet exceedingly painful) accident.
Rachel had, in her opinion, the perfect life. There was no plausible reason for her to throw it all away. Firstly she was hugely successful and adored worldwide, so after achieving all she had ever wanted, why would she throw this away?
Secondly, she was Jewish. And well, lets just say suicide isn't exactly the best way to avoid that place they call hell.
Rachel had the perfect life. She simply made one, ONE mistake that somehow left her where she was at this current moment in time.
-Sat, or rather unhappily sulking, in a chair of the Maudsley Hospital, South London. Beside her, she had one Leroy Berry holding his hands in despair as he tried to understand why his little princess wouldn't tell him she was so lonely.
On the other side was her other daddy, Hiram Berry, who simply spent the last twenty minutes staring at her 'sympathetically' in hopes that she would reach out and tell him she was sorry, and she is grateful that him and her other daddy were insisting she receive this help she so clearly needed.
-"Miss Berry?" A tall, handsome older man in an intimating dark suit approached the family.
"Yes this is Rachel right here" a strangely enthusiastic Leroy jumped out of his seat and patted Rachel, almost proudly, as he answered for his currently estranged daughter.
For doing so, Leroy felt the embarrassment of three stares that read "Really?" from Rachel, Hiram and the Doctor. -It wasn't Leroy's fault, introducing his daughter proudly has always been a force of habit. She hadn't ever been in a negative situation her entire life.
"Is Rachel able to speak herself?" the Doctor joked with a crippled smile through his years of either wisdom or lacking skincare.
"Actually she took a vow of silence, she claimed every word she uttered was being wasted in the world so she refuses to speak until people are willing to be professional" the mouthful came from Hiram as he stood to join his husband, while a reluctant Rachel simply looked the other way.
The Doctor looked to Hiram still smiling, assuming it was an amusing joke to lighten the dark situation, he then coughed and stuttered awkwardly when a grueling five second, emotionless stare from both of the Berry men confirmed that 'no. -They were being deadly serious'. Rachel simply rolled her eyes and mentally berated that the Doctor was further proving her point.
-Rachel wouldn't realize until later that night, that refusing to speak made her 'situation' all the less believable as she was giving off a mild 'hysterical traumatized' vibe rather than a political stand for justice.
The three men began to utter in hushed voices as the Doctor pulled out a chart and began gaining the signatures of either father. Rachel maintained her stubborn posture as she folded her arms and looked to the corner of the room, whilst trying to see from the corner of her vision and make out what they were saying.
All the diva could make out was: "irrational", "high maintenance", "erratic", "attention seeking", "reluctant", "difficult" and "beyond naive". Rachel found herself forcibly restraining her temper as she concluded a final outburst at the reception of a Psychiatric Hospital, would not do her any favors at this point.
She was broken from her track of thought as the sound of the Doctor's well-spoken voice interrupted her thoughts.
"Rachel, sorry I forgot early but let me introduce myself. My name is Doctor Stevenson. How about rather than putting you through any more tedious questions, I take you on a tour while your fathers have a break?" Rachel had to admit that while she still felt uncomfortable about the prospect of walking around a mental hospital, she highly preferred the option to the idea of remaining with her frustrating family. At least on a tour she would possibly run into some patients and staff who wanted her autograph she concluded.
Rachel nodded after a moment's apprehension and then stood to join Dr. Stevenson on a tour of what was apparently a world leading Psychiatric Hospital. -If they were reasonable she may even make a small donation she concluded, something the press would eat up.
-'Rachel Barbara Berry, a star that willing share her shine with others'... Rachel held back a beaming smile at the thought of the good publicity for her career.
"Now Rachel, don't worry I won't be harassing you with any questions about the accident, I'm simply here to show you around" Doctor Stevenson smiled politely as he lead her through numerous sets of doors before pushing a button in a lift that would take them to the fourth floor.
-"Thank you Doctor, quite frankly you're the first person in weeks to call it an accident! For some bizarre and inhumane reason or conspiracy I've yet to decipher, it seems everyone in my life is more than happy to state they feel I'm mentally unstable!" The singer laughed as she flicked her hair over her shoulder glamorously.
"You feel there may be a conspiracy Rachel?" Dr. Stevenson carefully questioned with an arched eyebrow of either interest or mockery. Considering he was a professional, Rachel decided it was out of interest, after all, who wouldn't be interested in hearing her speak if they got the opportunity. -I mean, seriously, she was Rachel FREAKING Berry. –Otherwise known as, 'the acting hot-stuff and singing siren' that had conquered the media quicker than Jennifer Aniston releases a new romantic comedy.
-"Well it's just a theory... but I mean I have the perfect life Doctor. I'm rich, adored by fans, not to mention horrendously talented. -Why would I aim to kill myself?"
"I don't know why would you Rachel?" Dr. Stevenson countered in an intrigued manner.
"Well," Rachel began before pondering her answer to the question, "I suppose they would argue it's because I have abandonment issues, what with constant rejection as part of my early career and throughout my personal life growing up. -I mean even my own mother rejected me! Oh and then they might say I've an obsession to be liked and loved by everybody to the point where this desperation is the very unappealing quality that drives them away from me. Not to mention the minor issue of my horrendous love life that I would love to share but my manager would kill me! Oh, and then there's the pressure of stardom, the love of my life never knowing I exist and my current habitation with cats rather than humans..." -I could say 'Rachel babbled' but you probably already noticed that, as did Dr. Stevenson who simply nodded to the Diva with an uneasy smile before unsubtly scribbling furiously on the chart he held in his hand.
The oblivious Diva perked happily as the 'ding' of the elevator sounded and the metal doors began to open. She had a good feeling about this. This place was 'worldly recognized' as an outstanding facility for psychiatric care. Clearly one five minute tour of the building, and Rachel was confident Dr. Stevenson would insinuate her fathers had 'wasted his precious time', and that the small Brunette was perfectly sane.
The doors opened to a brightly lit hallway, that had been painted with good intent to make the ward seem a 'happy' place, but in actual fact the paint was chipped and sometimes seemingly drawn on by children let loose with crayons.
She followed Dr. Stevenson with a catwalk rehearsed walk, complete in her Jimmy Choo boots and Alexander McQueen black dress as she repeatedly flicked her shiny dark locks back and gormlessly smiled at passing staff members who returned her smile with looks of baffle and bemusement.
She was unaware of the sound of doors bolting behind her as she walked along a new ward with a fresh new audience of staff and patients.
"Here we have the nurses desk, it where appointments are made, questions are asked etc." Dr. Stevenson warmly informed her.
"Nice to see you ladies!" Rachel added, as she continued her catwalk while the three nurses at the station, peered over the desk to watch in wonder at the big headed celebrity, who had yet to get a clue.
"Over hear is the art room" Dr. Stevenson stopped by a glass window and pointed to a warmly coloured room with the sun shining through on top a table where several patients calmly drew and painted away their worries. Rachel smiled at the sight of one of the staff, a large frizzy haired woman, knelt down aid a struggling future artist and ensure the room was one that was at ease with the world. Just as she caught a glimpse of strangely familiar Blonde hair behind a painting canvas, that the fast beat of her heart informed her she had most definitely seen before, Dr. Stevenson spoke again.
"Now how about we continue Miss Berry?"
"Yes, of course Doctor Stevenson" Rachel responded as if her mind was elsewhere. As they continued the catwalk, she took a look back at the window of the art room and found that the Blonde hair had vanished. It was hardly a surprise that the Diva had imagined it, the chance of it being who she almost thought were, well... it just couldn't be.
"Now here is the lunchroom, we try to keep a vegetarian option at all times and ensure that group mixing is encouraged" Dr. Stevenson announced as his hand waved to his left where a small cafeteria could be seen.
As Rachel spotted a slushie machine she couldn't help but gulp down a painful memory, a memory seemingly caught being digested by Dr. Stevenson. Rachel quickly returned to her Hollywood smile and nodded forward for the tour to continue, not wanting to inform a Doctor in this kind of hospital of any kind of bullying in her past.
"And finally Rachel," Dr Stevenson began as he halted the tour by a tidy room with twin beds both made and prepared for patients, "this is room C12".
"It's particularly lovely considering its a twin bed," Rachel added as she took in the beautiful view and flowers at one of the bedside tables.
-"Well we aim to keep our patients in the utmost best facilities we can provide. However this room was booked with the knowledge that the patient inhabiting it, grew up as an only child and would not appreciate or benefit from sharing a room with strangers".
"Oh I completely understand Doctor," Rachel began as Dr. Stevenson ruffled his hand through his slick Grey hair as he wondered when the Diva would finally catch on.
"Personally, having grown up as an only child I can agree that while we do crave attention, we do also fear an ambush of the sudden need to share!"
Rachel... this will be where you stay during your time with us."
-"I mean just the thought of a intruder who snores! Oh Minnelli I don't think I could take it! I mean...wait. No. Time with? No, no, no, no, no!" Rachel felt her insides churning as she began to panic. This was all wrong; she wasn't supposed to be here. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. NO!
"You can't! I'm 24, and most certainly never agreed to such a ridiculous sham."
"Rachel I'm afraid when a person is declared mentally unstable and puts their life in jeopardy, they lose the right to control such matters". Dr. Stevenson pleaded as Rachel found all the surrounding walls closing in and air becoming hard to come by.
"But I didn't try to kill myself! I didn't!"
"Rachel whether or not you see it now, what happened to you was a very clear cry for help from a distressed young woman".
"Cry for? No, doctor this is a cry for help...HELP! HELP ME! THIS IMBECILE IS LOCKING ME AWAY AGAINST MY, impeccably 'sane', WILL!"
The surrounding staff began to slowly approach fearing an upcoming breakdown and a possible need for sedating the clearly delusional, new patient.
"Miss Berry I'm afraid it's out of your hands, you will stay here tonight and abide by the timetable on your bedside as of tomorrow morning, and remain to do so until we here at Maudsley Hospital feel you are ready to continue with your life without risk of harm to yourself."
As the doorway of the room was now blocked with not only Dr. Stevenson, but by two well-built casually dressed staff members, Rachel realized it was too late. She was officially a patient at Maudsley Hospital in London. She found herself secretly thankful she had just finished her run as 'Velma' in 'Chicago' on the West End, heaven knows this kind of publicity would be critical damage to her blossoming career.
While she hated her fathers for visiting her in London and causing all this, she also found herself grateful of the knowledge that her cats and apartment would be in safe hands until she returned.
As the Diva felt the tears of despair falling down her cheeks, she fell back onto one of the beds and swallowed her pride. She would have to go along with this sham. Do that, and maybe she would finally get her life back and get out of this prison of a so-called 'hospital'.
For the second time of that exceedingly long day, Rachel found herself wishing somebody would actually listen to her as she sighed to herself in the lonely space she now resided in...
"I'm not trying to kill myself".
(One week earlier)
As she poured the salts into her bubble bath Rachel inhaled the lavender smell and smiled at the relaxation the bath offered after finally finishing an exhausting 12 month run as 'Velma Kelly' in 'Chicago' on the West End.
She loved the job, she honestly did, but the long hours and little time off meant it wasn't exactly uncommon for Rachel's relationships to be short, and her friendships to fade. Apart from her fathers coming to stay for a week, Rachel had been horrifically lonely in all honesty. She only really had her cats, accordingly named 'Audrey' and 'Hepburn', in honor of the actress she admired after watching 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' after first moving to England after completing her run as 'Elphaba' in her first Broadway musical 'Wicked'.
As the bubbles soaked her tired and worn body Rachel relaxed into the comfort of the bath, finding her mind wandering. The irony is that as body was cleaned, her mind wandered straight into the gutter.
She thought back on all of her ex lovers. There was more than a few unsuccessful tales in her short life to say the least.
First there was Finn, Finn had been... well... she went down the alter with him, and if it hadn't been for her maid of honor being in a life threatening car accident, well her career wouldn't be what it is now. Strangely Quinn had saved her when her own life was put in jeopardy that day.
But still, Finn had always been well... somewhat well equipped, she smirked to herself. To be completely honest she had been more than a little grateful considering his kisses were sloppy and lovemaking more than a little 'average', so it was nice to have a least a minor improvement to the poor experience.
Rachel remembered wanting Finn for the first time, not when he met her in Glee, but when she saw him after discovering Quinn, the head cheerleader was his girlfriend. She saw his lips on Quinn's as he met his girlfriend at her locker. -He had looked so desirable then, she couldn't understand what went wrong when he kissed her. Maybe Quinn was just a really good kisser to make up for his less than average kissing skills?
Puck! Now Puck could make out, he was just well...a little 'too handsy' for the diva's taste. I mean yes, she had boobs, but he didn't need to remind her every second by squeezing them raw! -Rachel found herself then wondering how he touched Quinn. Was it rough, gentle? He did love her so it was probably passionate. -Now this Rachel could imagine. -She was ashamed to admit that while Quinn Fabray's trademark was her Bette Davis ice cold stare and intimidating eyebrow arch, what the cheerleader didn't know, was that it was during these moments of being the ruling Ice Queen of McKinley... well, it was during these moments that Rachel found herself inexplicably turned on.
The diva had one theory that the sole reason she irritated and tampered with the Head Cheerleaders affairs so much, was just as risk of Quinn later cornering her and yelling all fires blazing as Rachel took in the radiating passionate heat the Cheerleader unknowingly offered in these confrontations.
As Rachel found her stomach stirring, she became aware of the fact that she was currently lying naked in a bathtub, aroused at the thought of her former ex-tormentor-turned-best friend.
She briefly attempted the escape the delicious thoughts, but the heat and throbbing of her core informed her it was pointless trying. Rachel was officially frustrated.
-Unfortunately sexual frustration was something she had found a little too common after finally breaking up with Finn a year ago, (the two had tried valiantly after their failed engagement, but as Rachel's career took off, they found that Finn no longer wished to go with her).
Flashes of Blonde hair and piercing hazel eyes filled her mind as she found her hand slowly slipping further and further up her tanned, inner thigh.
This was beyond wrong, it was beyond weird to be doing this...again.
-But despite her best efforts Rachel couldn't deny the feeling of erotic explosion that came with the sexual consideration of a Miss Quinn Fabray.
It was only as her body shook that Rachel even realized she had just 'gotten off' to the thought of Quinn yet again, after years of trying to forget the sexual seamstress who haunted her dreams and fantasies.
Reluctantly, Rachel pulled her (now even more) exhausted body from the tub as she tried to make her way to the medicine cabinet where her towel was placed on the sink.
It was only as she reached out to grab the towel at the same time as the slipping pills, that Rachel even realized she had just 'cummed' to the point of losing function of her knees. The pills flew all over the floor and Rachel found herself slipping backwards across the wet tiled surface as she attempted to keep the towel on and regain balance.
There was a frantic fumble, a splash, the desperate attempt to free her neck from the chain of the shower head that was now, incidentally, choking her. -And finally there were the screams as her fathers opened the door after hearing a concerning amount of banging coming from the bathroom.
As the door opened, Hiram and Leroy Berry were met with the horrific sight of their daughter attempting hang herself in the bathtub after apparently failing to OD on sleeping tablets that were thrown all over the room.
-To Rachel, this was the moment that would spark her brand new favorite catchphrase...
"I'm not trying to kill myself"
(Present)
When Rachel awoke she found herself stuck to the thin bed sheets from crying herself to sleep, as well as having her bottom firmly in the air. -It was times like this she was glad there were currently no cameras.
She slowly got to up to find a sports bag on the bed on the opposite side of the dimly lit room. -Knowing her fathers had at least had the decency to send more casual clothing served as at least a small comfort to the now very much alone diva.
Rachel wandered across to the bed and quickly threw on a pink tank top, baggy white sweatshirt and pink pajama pants. The diva was about to fix her make-up and hair when she remembered where she was, and that it was the middle of the night judging by the blackness outside her window. She instead opted for a make-up wipe and quickly brushed her dark hair before standing and heading cautiously to the door in her bare feet and pajamas.
As she peered down the hallway she found herself both at unease at the completely deserted nature of the normally busy ward, but also grateful for the time to explore the unknown territory on her own terms.
She quietly crept down the hallway, taking in the earlier sites as she did so. The cafeteria now seemed intimidating and dark, the art rooms warm light now seemed to have been put out, and the nurses station now simply had a security guard and a nurse who appeared to believe they could get away with 'that' because they had assumed every patient was asleep given the time.
As she scoffed in disgust at the middle-aged staff members fawning over one another at the nurses station at the end of the corridor, Rachel found her eyes wandering down another deserted hallway. -One where she heard the soft sound of the scribbling of a pencil, echoing along the ward.
Cautiously the diva turned and began to walk down the hallway, stopping immediately as she turned a corner and came fact to face with the last person she ever expected to see not only in England, but also in a place like this...
Sat cross-legged on the floor in a colorfully patterned Grey sweatshirt and checked pajama shorts; (now dropping her pencil and sketchpad as she looked up in shock at the diva before her) was her former best friend.
-Her former Glee teammate.
-Her former maid of honor.
-Her former high school companion, the stunning beauty otherwise known as Quinn Fabray.
"Quinn?"
-"Rachel?"
I'd say something like 'ooh', or 'ahh', but I think we all guessed that the two girls would end up in the same place. -Hardly a shocker for a Faberry fic right?
-Hello sarcasm!
-Please silence my ramble and internal cursing for sounding like an 'idget!' by giving me the privilege of your reviews. Review, favourite and alert if you enjoy!
I know you 'kind of' want to know what Quinn is doing in the hospital in England of all places!
