It was an average day at the host club. The sun was shining, the hosts were hosting, the manager was… hosting? And the host club's favorite girl was eating as much pie as she could. Wait… that doesn't sound right, does it?

"Hyah!" Haruhi wailed as she broke the cinder block in front of her in two with her bare hands. "Yay! I did it! Neko-chan, did you see that?" she hugged the cat stuffed animal to her chest tightly.

"Haruhi," Hikaru spoke softly to her, pointing in the direction of the other hosts.

"What is it, Hika-chan?"

Tamaki was looking at her. "Haruhi, Hikaru, our guests will be arriving soon; you should get into position." He moved his finger up the bridge of his nose, almost like he was fixing glasses. But Tamaki didn't have glasses, and looked, confused, at his finger. That was very strange…

"I'm coming, Tama-chan!" she chimed cheerfully, taking her place to the right of Hikaru.

Kyoya surprised the girl by hugging her tightly. "Haruhi! Don't be so reckless again, I don't want you to disrupt the guests when they're here."

"Kyo-chan, you can't tell me what to do! Tell him, Hika!"

Hikaru stepped in front of Haruhi and glared menacingly down at Kyoya. "No."

Kyoya shrunk back slowly to his spot. "O-ok…"

Just then, the doors to the host club opened. "Welcome to the Ouran Host Club!" The group spoke, sparkling slightly as they did so.

5 MINUTES LATER: Mori and Renge's table.

"You guys are so great together." A pretty girl spoke as she took a sip of tea.

Another spoke from her left side. "Yeah, the cutest couple ever!"

"We may be cute…" Renge spoke.

"But our love is forbidden. I mean, we are fraternal twins after all." Mori finished.

The two girls exchanged a look. "Who cares if you're twins? Love is the most important thing there is, so give into it."

Renge's gaze lingered to Mori. "She's right."

Suddenly, Mori grabbed Renge in his arms. Softly, he placed a kiss on her cheek. The girls squealed in approval.

Renge turned bright red, but threw her arms around him. "…Mori…"

"…Renge."

HONEY'S TABLE

A guest looked at Honey with sad eyes. "Honey-kun, we're so sorry about everything."

"Yeah, about your dad and all." Another girl spoke.

Honey eyed them with suspicion. "Why bring that up now, ladies? You already knew about it before."

"It's just… my dad is so special to me, and I know I would be devastated if he passed away. I just thought about that."

Honey flashed his famous charming smile. "That's so sweet, ladies, how you care about your dad's."

All three of the guests turned a deep shade of red. "Oh, Honey-kun, don't say things like that…"

"Yeah, don't say things like that! Mommy just thinks it's too cute, I'll pass out from the adorableness!"

"Kyoya-senpai get away from here! You're such a creeper!"

Kyoya's eyes teared up. "Daddy! Honey called me a creeper! How could my precious son do that to me?"

Tamaki walked over and eyed the situation carefully. "Well, I must say, Kyoya, you can be creepy sometimes; I fully understand why Honey would be upset with you."

"DADDY!"

And so went on the family feud…

TIME FOR THE MANAGER TO COME IN…

Suddenly the sound of gears filled the room.

"Oh no, this again?" Renge said. "This guy's so annoying, seriously."

A hole opened up in the floor. "AHAHAHAHA! Ahahaha!" The boy came up out of the floor slowly and ominously. "The manager is here!"

"What do you want now, Kaoru?" Kyoya asked.

"This is all wrong!"

The hosts all looked at each other. "What's all wrong?"

"This!" He gestured to everyone. "Everyone's all wrong! I hate this idea, why do we need to keep acting like each other?"

"It pleases the guests." Tamaki said. "And no one is more important than our precious princesses, you know."

Kaoru jumped off of his pedestal. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, "princess this, princess that"." His eyes filled with tears. "Nothing is worth me having to watch my precious Hikaru be touched by that woman." He pointed at Renge.

Her eyes shone dangerously red. "Woman? I'll assure you I'm much more than a simple woman, I'm a lovely lady."

Hikaru put his arm on Kaoru's shoulder. "Oh sure, so ladylike."

Renge jumped at Hikaru.

Alright… I'm going to stop this fanfiction here before things get uglier than they already are.