RING!
"Kirkland residence."
"Hey, Artie–"
"Later." BEEP.
RING!
"Kirkland residence."
"Artie, you told me to never hang up on someone unless it's Francis."
"Bad time. Is this important?"
"A-A-Artie, you hung up on me."
"Don't adopt that hurt tone of voice with me, Alfred."
"But you can't resistttt ittttt~"
"Just watch me." BEEP.
RING!
"WHAT DO YOU WANT, ALFRED?"
"What's wrong, Artie? Did I do something?"
"Alfred – no, no, I'm just entertaining a friend…"
"I don't hear anyone…"
"He's my doctor."
"He's mute?"
"He's a genius."
"A mute genius?"
"No, no, just a doctor."
"Doctor who?"
"Exactly."
"…I don't get it."
"You never will." BEEP.
…
DING-DONG!
"GO AWAY, ALFRED!"
"…You're not entertaining anyone! You're just watching TV!"
"I am too entertaining. The Doctor is here with me."
"Artie, you're alon–okay, WHAT in the name of PEACE, LOVE, and NICOLE KIDMAN are you DOING?"
"Eating and watching TV like a normal human being."
"Eating – what is that?"
"Fish fingers."
"…And?"
"…Custard?"
"While sitting in a blue refrigerator box?"
"It's the T.A.R.D.I.S., git!"
"Arthur, I can see the Frigidaire logo – wait, what's a T.A.R.D.I.S.?"
"It is bigger on the inside."
"…I think you've mentioned this before…"
"Tonight, Alfred. The Doctor's going to let me join him! Tonight's the night, Alfred, I just know it!"
"Arthur."
"Yes."
"Listen to me very carefully."
"Yes?"
"Doctor Who is not real."
"…"
"…"
"Nicole Kidman isn't real."
"OH, YOU DID NOT!"
"I did."
And thus yet another relationship ended over Matt Smith.
THE END.
