This is a new experience, beyond the depths of your comprehension! See, Wish wrote most of it on our forum, LeafClan, but things took a crazy turn, and, well, now it is published for your enjoyment. Owl edited the posts into this awesomeness now known as I am a Cat: The MOVIE! Please, sit back, relax, enjoy Wish's insanity, and NO FLAMING! [Wish: It'll make me feel bad...]


I'm a cat.

Meow.

See?

I meowed.

That's totally proof.

You know, that I'm a cat.

Watch.

Ill do it again for all you people who think I'm not a cat.

Meow.

There.

Believe me now?

Still no?

*looks at watch*

(10 seconds pass...)

How about now?

No?

Geez, you're killing me!

OK, fine!

I'M NOT A CAT!

I'm a...

*drumroll*

*stares at person doing the drumroll*

OK, just shut up. It's really annoying.

*drumroller throws drumstick in my face*

OW! GEEZ! MY FACE! Oh, hey look. It's chicken.

*bends down to pick up drumstick*

*bites off a piece*

This is actually really good.

*eats another bite*

Mmm...*bites another piece*

*starts choking on a bone*

I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE BONELESS RECIPE!

THE NEW ONE, FROM KFC!

CUZ I ACTUALLY ATE THE BONES NOW!

*starts having a coughing fit*

This is horrible...

*vomits*


[BACK IN TIME!]

Hey, look, the forum reply throttles are gone!

*clicks reply*

Forum Reply Throttle

Please wait at least 5 seconds...

*kicks computer*

*punches hole in monitor*

*stomps on mouse*

*picks up keyboard*

*breaks it in half and tosses it out the window*

*hears screams* Whaa...?

*peeks out window*

*sees keyboard has crushed a car*


[In editing room]

Me: HOLD ON! How in the world did a keyboard crush a car?

Producer: Um... It megasized?

Me: Good enough. RESUME THE TAPE!


[In the tape...]

*hears sirens*

OH SHOOT! THE POLICE ARE AFTER ME!

*gets shot at*

WHAT THE CRAP WAS THAT?!

Random guy: Well, you said 'shoot', so I did.

*tries to headkeyboard, but realizes the keyboard has megasized and crushed a car*


[In editing room...once again]

Me: This movie makes no sense.

Producer: Apparently, people tend to like random movies.

Me: I don't.

Producer: Me neither. But we're going to get money for it, so I could care less.

Me: True.

News Anchor: So...when are you guys going to be done?

Me: O.O Wait...what?

Producer: I rented out the news studio...

Me: -.- Now why would you do that?

Producer: Because it was there.

Me: I know it's HERE, but it doesn't mean you had to RENT it!

Producer: But it was so tempting...

Me: Temptation tends to do that.

Producer: Who's Temptation?

News Anchor: A young girl in Mississippi.

Me: *facepalm*

*doctor walks in*

Doctor: Facepalming is bad for your health. You now have diabetes.

*epic game achievement screen pops up*

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GOT...

DIABETES!

Me: *Pushes screen aside* How did I get diabetes from facepalming?!

Doctor: I'm not sure.

Me: But you're a doctor.

Doctor: PART-TIME doctor.

Me: So how do you know I really have diabetes?

Doctor: I don't.

Me: Oh, that clears everything up then!

Producer and Doctor: It does?

Me: Yeah, of course it clears everything up!

Doctor, News Anchor, and Producer: HOW?!

Me: Isn't it obvious? If I un-facepalm with this very convenient time machine... *points to time machine hidden in custodian closet* I won't have diabetes!

Doctor: How did you get that from me saying I only work part-time?

Me: I'm just a genius. Deal with it.

News Anchor: Wait...you built a time machine in here?

Producer: Yeah, is it against the law?

*bunch of police officers break down the door*

Head Cop: EVERYONE DOWN ON THE FLOOR! YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST FOR THE USE OF A TIME MACHINE!

Me: But none of us used it yet.

Head Cop: Whatever. You threatened to use it. NOW DOWN ON THE GROUND!


[At the courthouse]

Me: I PLEAD INNOCENT!

Judge: Well, you can plead that, but I don't like begging. YOU'RE FIRED!

Me: I wasn't even hired.

Judge: Riiiiiight. GUILTY OF CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT!

Me: When did the government... Oh. I see. *I pause*

Me: But wait... I didn't conspire. I mean, what does conspiracy mean, anyway?

Judge: I'm not entirely sure. But you're guilty of it.

Me: But how can you convict me of it, if you don't even-

Judge: Now I'm putting you down for resisting arrest.

Me: BUT I'M ALREADY ARRESTED!

Judge: Then where are your handcuffs?

Me: Ohhhhh... Crap.

*SWAT team breaks down door*

Me: WHAT IS WITH POLICE AND BREAKING DOWN DOORS?!

SWAT Officer: Because it's fun?

Head SWAT Officer: DOWN ON THE GROUND! BREAKING AND ENTERING!

Me: This world is screwed up. *gets tasered*


[In interrogation room]

Interrogator: So, why don't you tell us what happened?

Me: Well, I WAS a cat, then decided I wasn't, then I got a key role in this messed up movie about oversized keyboards.

Interrogator: Uh huh. *scribbles something down on her clipboard*

Me: *stares at clipboard* And then I found out we were in a news studio.

Interrogator: So you didn't know that you were in a news studio?

Me: NO! Don't you think I would've mentioned that?

Interrogator: Well, people tend to... 'forget' important details. Can you try to remember when you helped the producer build the time machine?

Me: But I didn't build the time machine.

Interrogator: Then how did you know about it?

Me: It was sticking out of the custodian closet.

Interrogator: And why did you use it to conspire against the government?

Me: WHY DOES EVERYONE ASSUME- *stands up* THAT I CONSPIRED AGAINST THE GOV-

Interrogator: *pulls out taser* SIT BACK DOWN!

Me: Geez, OK. *sits back down, hands up* *gets tasered anyway*


[A few days later...]

*I wake up to a bright light*

Person behind light: *swings a marble on a string in front of me* You are getting sleepy...

Me: OK, cut the crap. That doesn't work.

Person behind light: It doesn't? I thought it did...

Me: Then you're an idiot.

Person behind light: *starts crying* MOM! SHE CALLED ME THE 'E' WORD!

Me: What 'e' word? I didn't say any kind of word that starts with an 'e'.

Person behind light: *runs away, crying his head off*

Me: O.O Uh... What just happened?


[An hour or so later...]

Me: Can I get some water? I'm thirsty.

Guy in front of me: No.

Me: How about a burrito?

Guy: No.

Me: Um... soda?

Guy: No.

Me: Do you know any word other than no?

Guy: No, not really.

Me: But you just said 2 other words. So...can I have my burrito now?

Guy: No.

Me: How 'bout now?

Guy: No.

Me: Can I have anything?

Guy: Maybe.

Me: DUDE! YOU SHOULD GET A MEDAL! THAT'S THREE NEW WORDS TODAY!


[A few minutes pass...]

Me: OK, can I have my soda? I'll give you a medal!

*door is kicked open*

Me: Oh, is it SWAT or the police?

Figure standing in doorway: Neither. I...Am... STARKIT!

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

[Five hours later]

Me: -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOO

Guy: Just shut up.

Me: That's what? 5 words? That must be quite the achievement.

Guy: *grins like an idiot* It is...actually.

Me: 7! HOLY CARP! YOU'RE ON A ROLL!

Guy: *blushes*

Me: Now, will you be a sweetheart and take me out of these handcuffs?

Guy: *unlocks handcuffs*

Me: *walks out of room triumphantly, before realizing my hands REALLY hurt* OHHH... OW... MY HANDS!

Random police eating a donut: *stares as I walk by*

Me: Hey there. Can I have one? *takes a donut from box*

Random police person: Uh...

Police Commissioner: HOW'D YOU GET OUT?! ON THE GROUND! *pulls out taser*

Me: *on ground* WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE AND TASERS?!

Policewoman: *tasers me*


[I'm in yet another room, this time in a straitjacket]

Me: *struggles a bit*

*guy walks in with a clipboard: He's flipping a few pages*

Guy with clipboard: So... how have you been?

Me: What do you think?

Guy with clipboard: *Looks up at me* Good point. So, it says here you have a fear of...Starkit?

Me: NO! NONO! NONONO! *struggles a lot, knocking chair over* OW! MY FACE!

Guy with clipboard: *laughing a little* Well, have fun down there.

Me: I will, as long as- *starkit pops into view* *screams loud enough to break the glass window thingy police always use*

Starkit: HAI THERE! AND DESE AR MAH FRNDS HOPKIT AND ANGUSTSDOW!

Hopekit and Angstshadow: HAI! WE WANT TO MAKE THE CLANS VEGETARIAN!

Me: I hate vegetables... *tries to bite Hopekit*

*Batman walks in*

Me: Oh, hey it's you.

*Batman takes off mask and is Barack Obama*

Me: I THOUGHT BATMAN WAS MICHELLE!

Barack Obama: Nope. *sprays me with pepper spray*

Me: *screams really loudly* I DIDN'T EVEN THROW ANY PAINT IN THE AIR YET!

*guy with clipboard walks in*

Guy: What the...

Me: *screaming* DON'T ASK!

*Hopekit, Starkit, Barack Obama, and Angstshadow turn to stare at him*

Guy: Uh... O.O

Me: THEY'RE ALL CRAZY! NOW GET ME OUT OF THE STRAITJACKET!


[A few days later, after the whole incident is forgotten]

Me: Well, that was insane. You ready buddy?

Buddy: Yeah.

*we both put on ski masks and go to rob a bank*

*I try to kick open the sliding door*

Me: OHHH! MY FOOT!

*Buddy walks by, casually sliding the door*

Buddy: EVERYONE ON THE GROUND! YOU'RE BEING ROBBED!

*We both notice the bank of full of cops*

Me and Buddy: Ho...crap.

Police person: ON THE GROUND!

*I drop my bag and collapse on the floor*

Me: Buddy, you better get down, they're going to-

Police person: SHUT UP! *pepper sprays me, Buddy is perfectly fine*

Me: WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?! EVERY TIME! MY EYES!


[Back in police station]

*I'm sitting in another interrogation room*

Me: You know...I'm wondering why I'm not handcuffed.

*Police officer walks by*

Me: HEY! YOU! Put handcuffs on me before I'm accused of resisting arrest.

Police: HEY! WOAH! YOU'RE BEING AGGRESSIVE TOWARD ME!

Me: No! No! I don't mean to be...sorry...please...don't taser me. *Is pepper sprayed* OH! GEEZ! I DON'T WANT TO BE PEPPER SPRAYED EITHER! *screams head off, hands over eyes*

*Interrogator walks in*

Interrogator: Hey, hold on. I know you.

Me: YES! YOU DO! OW! MY EYES!

Interrogator: *sits down in chair opposite me, sighing* So, what did you do this time?

Me: *crying because of eyes* I robbed a bank.

Interrogator: But you didn't take any money. *Notices cast on my foot* What happened to your foot?

Me: I tried to kick a sliding door.

Interrogator: Well, that was stupid.

Me: Yeah. Say, did you solve the time machine thing yet?

Interrogator: O.O No...

Me: Seriously? It seemed to be a huge deal... Did you even bring in the news anchor?

Interrogator: What news anchor?

Me: *head-desk* The news anchor that wondered why we rented the building for a movie...

Interrogator: What movie?

Me: Did you become stupid over two days?

Interrogator: Hold on. It's been two DAYS?!

Me: Yeah, it's not like it was five years or something.

Interrogator: *stands up* AND HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WASN'T?!

Me: Yup, you got stupid after that long.

*Police kicks down dooor*

Me: GEEZ! STOP KICKING DOWN DOORS!

Police: You've got a visitor.

Me: Do I get a lawyer?

Police and Interrogator: NO!

*Visitor walks in*

Starkit: I'M BACK!

Me: *screams again* YOU ACTUALLY SPELLED THAT RIGHT!

Starkit: I did? *uses time machine*

[Edited post from Starkit]

Satrtik: I baj!

[Back to present]

Me: Can you arrest her now? She used the time machine.

Police: Who did?

Me: -.- This isn't going to end well for me, is it?

Police: Why?

Me: Because... I'm a cat.

*POOF!*

[I am now a little golden kitty]

Me: And my name is Dawnkit!

Police: AW...The little kitty just mewed!

Me: No, don't you dare cuddle me... Don't come any closer! NO! NO! NOOOOOO! *Is cuddled by Police*

Police: I'll adopt this little kitty! And I'll name her Kitty!

Me: That's a horrible name. Oh, wait...You don't understand me, do you? How about this? MEOW!

Police: AW! IT'S SO CUTE! *cuddles me again*

Me: Maybe I should just shut up now... -.-

*Police walks away, still cuddling me*

Interrogator: O.O Uh...did anyone realize that she just turned into a cat?

Satrtki:Nu I duny.

Interrogator: You make no sense. *tasers Starkit*

Me: *peeks over Police's shoulder* YES! YES! SHE GOT TASERED! THE WORLD IS RIGHT AGAIN! YOU ROCK INTERROGATOR-PERSON-WHO-I-DON'T-KNOW-YOUR-NAME!


[Wish: So, hope everyone enjoyed my insanity. I'm bound to go insane again sometime soon, so this will totally be longer. Remember, r-e-v-i-e-w. REVIEW! I want to know what you guys think of my brain. And tasers. Yay for tasers! So, you know...be patient and I will get more out for you guys! And some credit MUST go to Owl, for actually reading every post and editing it into this.

If none of you got the whole "I DIDN'T EVEN THROW PAINT IN THE AIR YET!" thing, it was something Adam Young said, about seeing an attractive girl and getting pepper sprayed. It was very inspiring. Now, stay out of the way of psychotic cops while I try to be insane for you all!]