The Elric Bros. Third Trip to RAW
By: DMEX
Nothing is mine, ya jackasses!
-Backstage-
Ed and Al are talking amongst themselves when none other than Sheamus comes in
Sheamus: 'Ay fellar! Didn't ya read da sign?
Al: What sign?
Ed: I didn't see anything…
Sheamus: Dat one right dere!
IF YOU CAN'T READ THIS SIGN, YOU'RE NOT TALL AND TOUGH ENOUGH FOR WWE
Ed (angry): WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A PIPSQUEAK?
Sheamus: Why don't ya just go back ta Central like a good little boy and maybe I won't decide ta beat ya up.
Ed starts swearing at Sheamus in Irish while Al drags him out of there
-RAW Zone-
Justin Roberts: Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Monday Night RAW; the stars of the FullMetal Alchemist Movie; Edward and Alphonse Elric, THE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!
(FMABH blares in the arena as the crowd goes crazy)
King: They're back for a third time! I can't believe it!
Cole: We are LIVE in Encino, California for the one of the longest running shows Monday Night RAW; as Edward Elric and his brother Alphonse Elric make their way to the ring.
King: I don't understand why Ed just doesn't admit the fact he is smaller than everyone else?
Cole: You better hope he doesn't hear you say that. Remember what he did to LAYCOOL? He beat them with an uncooked ham.
King: Well, LAYCOOL brought that upon themselves.
Ed: HELLO ENCINO!
(crowd cheers)
Ed: We're going to have a great show tonight aren't we Al?
Al: You mean for you to be more trouble than you're worth?
Ed: What the hell? I'm your brother!
Al: Not that kind of worth! I meant your temper-
You're not enough for me (ooooohh yeah!)
(Crowd boos and shout insults to LAYCOOL)
Ed (boiling mad): WHO THE HELL INVITED THEM!
Layla: Ed, I thought you would have learned from last time. But you have the brain size of a squirrel.
Ed's portrait shows on titantron but it shows a very small brain as squirrel chatter is heard
Ed (angry): DAMMIT! I'M NOT SOME SORT OF TREE RODENT!
Michelle: And who can forget about you, Al?
The titantron has a picture of Al in a room full of sheep
Ed (angry): DAMMIT MY BROTHER ISN'T SOME FARM ANIMAL!
Al: That's really sad that you would do something like that.
Layla: Well; at least I'm not some sort of freak giant in armor with a apron on.
Al (sadly): It's not like I asked to be this big…
King: Isn't that something Ed should be asking himself?
Ed (angry, to King): DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!
Ed chases LAYCOOL out with a massive stick of pepperoni
(crowd cheers)
-Sometime later; Kelly Kelly vs. Jillian Hall-
King: -Hits Jillian with the K2!
Cole: Jillian with a Jackknife Rollup! 1! 2! 3!
(crowd boos)
Justin Roberts: The winner of the match, Jillian!
(Jillian asks for a mic)
Jillian: You know what I'm going to do?
Ed: This can't be good…
Al: Let's hear her out.
Cole: I'm inclined to agree with Ed on this one.
Jillian: I'm going to SING!
(Crowd boos intensely)
Just as she's about to start her REPULSIVE SINGING (and I mean REPLUSIVE), Ed throws a mallet at the back of her head. A cartoon-like thud is heard
Ed (angry): DAMMIT JILLAIN! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US ALL?
You think you know me…?
(crowd has a mixed reaction when Edge comes out)
Edge: So let me get this straight? A State Alchemist like Edward Elric throws a mallet at a WWE Diva and a terrible one at that and earlier chases Layla and Michele McCool with a stick of beef. Then the last they were here, he beats them up with A HAM!
(crowd cheers)
Ed: They started it-
Edge: You know something, Edward; I got someone that wants to give you a piece of their mind!
Ed: Do your worst!
*: EDWARD ELRIC!
Ed & Al: WINRY!
(throws a socket wrench at Ed, the crowd roars into laughter)
Ed (angry): DAMMIT WINRY! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!
Winry: That was for hitting Jillian with a mallet!
(Winry is yelling profanity at Ed; the way Sarge yells at Beetle Bailey. Meanwhile-)
Edge is getting that demented look in his eyes
King: Oh boy… Edge is setting up for that Spear.
Cole: Pay attention Ed!
Edge rushes
King: Look out!
Spears Edward
Cole: SPEAR!
King: Onto Edward Elric!
(crowd boos)
Rushes at Winry
Cole & King: Look out Winry!
Randy Orton comes out of the crowd and sucker punches Edge
(crowd cheers wildly)
King: Randy Orton comes just in time!
(gets into the RKO stance)
Cole: The Viper is coiling!
(Randy Orton gets him with the RKO)
Cole: RKO!
As soon Ed gets up-
(gets RKO)
King: RKO!
(Then goes after Al then Winry)
I hear voices in my head they talk to me they understand they talk to me
(crowd cheers insanely)
Cole: Everyone gets an RKO tonight!
King: That just goes to show you that no one not even Edward Elric is safe from "The Viper" Randy Orton!
-3 days later, Winry's House-
Granny: I hope you boys learned from that little experience.
Ed: Yeah, watch out for guys like Randy Orton.
Al: And Edge.
Granny: I hope you boys aren't going to RAW anytime soon.
Winry: No way.
Ed: Besides, I'd rather go to Smackdown, than RAW.
Al: Don't get any funny ideas Ed.
(END!)
