Chapter 1

My story

I am Isabella S. I have yet to figure out what the S in my name stands for. See I am eight years old and I have yet to be adopted. As far as I know it can mean shit. I have been in foster care since I was 6 months old my mother died from cancer and my father well he had raped my mother. My mother tried to care for me the best way she could I guess the feelings about me weren't always the best because of the way I was conceived. I have been in and out of foster homes when I was a baby it was easier I never really remember the places. But this one it's different there are seven of us here and it is so crowd. There are two to a bed and four sets of bunk beds.

My life isn't easy I go to school to get away from the mess here I wish they could find me an adoptive family but with me being older and getting older every year it seems like I get looked over a lot. When I am home there isn't a minute I get to myself someone is always blocking the bathroom and the living room is too small for me to sit and do my homework. I walked off into the woods one day and found this little clearing it was the most beautiful thing it had a blown down tree in the middle I would sit out there until I get everything done. I wish I could just stay out here but my foster mom and dad wouldn't like that in fact they wouldn't even like the fact that I'm here now. I am the oldest out of the seven I am made to do everything I clean before and after school, I make dinner breakfast and pack the kids food. Yes I mean kids I myself feel more like a mother to them then the foster ones.

When my foster parents are home its hell. All they want to do is yell and hit on us. I and the rest have to wear long sleeve shirts and pants at all times they say it is to keep us warm in the cold classrooms but I know differently. The worse one is my foster dad he has picked us up took us over his legs and pulled our pants down and beat our asses with belts to the point many of us can't sit down afterwards for three days. The teachers at our school I know have asked us a thousand times why we couldn't but they didn't want to hear the details and I was sick of being moved around all the time.

My social workers comes by every week and its always the same the parents tell them everything is fine I never get a chance to get her alone to actually tell her what was going on in this house I wanted to so bad but next month I turn nine and I get my chance to tell her at my individual meetings we have every year. I knew the foster parents weren't allowed to be in the room while we spoke. I wanted so badly to be adopted and she was trying everyday to get my adopted. I had learned that if I behaved and did as I was told I would be ok it's just trying to stay out of trouble the younger ones always tell the parents that I did it so I get it ten times worse. I go on day by day trying to please them but sometimes it doesn't work.

When I am good though I get to sleep on the less crowded couch but that's when everything goes wrong. One day it was about a week since I started staying here and they seen how much worked l I had done that they let me. The foster mother works nights until six in the morning and the father is the one that watches us. That night was the first night that it had happened I had helped the little ones get their baths, brush their teeth and helped them dress for bed. I myself did the same and went to make the couch fit to sleep on as I was laying down the father came over and sat on the end of the couch and said he wanted to watch some TV and that I could just lay my feet over him. That night was also the first night my guardian angel start to speak to me in my head. He turned the TV on and put the blanket over me. I laid there facing the back of the couch trying to block the light of the TV from my sleepy eyes. As my eyes started to close my eyes that when I felt a unfamiliar hand sliding up my leg to my thigh. I jumped up.

"Don't move its ok it is something a parent does to their child." He said smiling and for a minute I believe him.

"Now lay back down and I'll show you more love."

I laid back down on the couch he instructed me to bend my legs up and spread them apart. I felt his hands going for my panties under my nightgown he gently pulled them off and started to rub on my girl parts. I closed my eyes trying to get his face out of my head. It didn't work he slid his hands higher and I flinched I felt him grab my hands and tie them together and placed them on my stomach and then he tied a scarf of some sort in around my mouth and head. I was terrified.

"Now don't move or scream or it will hurt more do you hear me." I nodded trying not to think about what he was going to do.

After he said this he slowly undid his pants and slid them down his legs he had put the pillow over my face after he did so and I heard him open a package. Once he was done I felt his warm hands moving up my leg again to my girl parts. I felt his fingers going into something I did not know was there. He was making noises in his mouth and was going in and out of a point in my body that was starting to hurt badly. He stopped maybe it's over I thought to myself.

That's when my guardian angel spoke to me in my head.

"It will hurt but don't worry I will be there to save you soon."

His voice was kind and gently it soothes my body and he kept repeating a song in my head. Then the pain did get much worse I could feel someone over top of me and something going into me again this time it was fingers I didn't know what it was but it hurt. I felt tears coming down my face and pain coming from my girl parts. I started to cry harder and harder and then he hit my face and told me to shut the hell up. I heard noises again and felt something warm going on inside of me something that felt strange but it was from my body. Then the pain went as fast as it came on but was still there I heard the TV turn off and someone walking out of the room I was still tied up with the gag on my mouth. Was he going to come back and untie me I thought to myself? I must have fell asleep after that because I heard my foster mother come into the house and come over to me and untied my hands and arms and hurried me into the bathroom she told me to undress as she filled the bathtub.

I got into the bath tub and started to wash myself I had looked over to me clothes that now laid on the floor next to the toilet my underwear had blood on them in fact I seen it coming from me still. I heard a lot of yelling coming from the other room and I knew that the parents had gotten into a big fight over what had happen to me. I heard the musical voice in my head again.

"It will be ok I will soon be next to you to help you in any way I can."

After that night it happened once every month or twice a month I lost count after the second time I didn't want to remember it. Now that my birthday was today I was going to spill everything to my social worker. I went to her office guided in by my foster mother she gave me a look that meant I could tell her what Eric had did. I sat there waiting in that room for what had seemed like forever. My social worker came in but this time it wasn't just her it was another person with her. They both sat in front of me.

"Hello Bella how are you doing today. This is my boss Mr. herald he is doing an evaluation on me and was wondering if you minded if he sat in with us."

"No Mrs. Hoss I don't mind I'm doing OK."

"Ok Bella so your nine today isn't that great how does it feel?"

"Feels like any other birthday."

"Of course are you ready to talk about this year that you been in the home with the Smiths."

"It's ok at certain points."

"What do you mean at certain points Bella what's going on?"

"I just feel like I'm more the parent to the kids then the foster parents put together they depend on me doing everything."

"Well you didn't tell me before. I never had the chance to."

"I try to but you usually just talk to them and they rush you off so you don't ask anyone anything."

"Well I am so sorry Bella ill start looking for you another foster home ok."

"That's fine can I go now I'm already missing school."

"Take care of yourself and ill have you out as quickly as I can ok."

"Thank you Mrs. Hoss."

"You're welcome give me a few days ok."