She was drunk. It was clear. Her lidded eyes, her pink face, her loopy smile, her hand movements. She was drunk, and she still managed to look like the most adorable thing Jade had ever seen.
She giggled. It was her first time intoxicated. She seemed to be enjoying it. She was a good drunk, smiling and laughing and being her usual friendly self.
Jade wasn't drunk. She could handle so much more than Cat. And had drunk less than half of what Cat had. Her stomach was warm, as was her skin. But she wasn't sure it was the alcohol. Her current cup was still half full. She walked closer, Cat sat in a half circle, chatting with Andre, Beck and Robbie. All drunk. Jade couldn't help it, she kept walking closer.
What are you doing? She wondered briefly. She knew what she was doing. She stood in front of the group. "Cat," she said.
She shouldn't be doing this, she shouldn't. Maybe she wasn't so sober. Cat looked up. Her smile got brighter. "Jadeyyy!" she exclaimed drunkenly.
Jade swallowed. "Come with me," she said.
"Where?" Cat asked, tilting her head.
Jade felt her insides twist. Such a simple act, such a strong reaction. "Inside," Jade said, motioning with her head toward the house.
Cat chuckled. "Come sit here," she said and patted the spot next to her.
Jade didn't want to sit here. Not outside, not with everyone else here. She shook her head. "Come with me," she said.
Cat looked at her for a moment, clearly debating it. "Kay kay!" she said finally and got up, wobbly.
She giggled at herself. Jade walked to her and put her free arm around her waist. They walked inside together. Cat started to walk toward the couch, but Jade tightened her grip and started to guide Cat toward one of the rooms. Once inside, she dropped Cat on the bed. Walked to the door and looked it. Cat laid on her back, body curved and she looked at Jade, finding it hard to focus on her face. She giggled. "Why are we here?"
Jade threw back the alcohol she had in her hand. She needed it. She walked to the bed and laid sideways, facing Cat. Their faces about a foot apart. Cat was smiling. "I wanted to talk," she answered.
She felt the alcohol warm her and make her skin start to buzz. But it wasn't enough. Her body was screaming for Cat and it was all on her. She couldn't blame the alcohol. Cat giggled again. "About what?" she asked.
"About you. And me," Jade answered, scared, vulnerable, clammy, but unable to look away.
"What about us?" Cat asked, in what could have been the start of a seductive tone, as she moved a little closer to Jade.
That alone made it harder to breathe. She opened her mouth, but all of a sudden she had no more words, no more idea. What was she doing? Cat's left hand went up to her cheek. Her breath hitched. "Why are you so serious?" Cat asked, then frowned. "Is something wrong?"
Jade shook her head, mattress against her left cheek, Cat's hand against her right. "Yes," she said. "I don't know."
Cat had a smile on her face. But it wasn't as big as it was before. While Jade's confusion was amusing, she was still concerned. "Which one is it?" she asked.
"All of them," Jade answered.
Cat's thumb started to move against her cheek. She closed her eyes. She couldn't do it. Not anymore. She couldn't tell this girl, this innocent, sweet girl how she felt. Because Cat was unfeeling. Unfeeling for Jade. At least what she did feel, it wasn't what Jade wanted. And suddenly, Jade couldn't handle that. A knot formed in her throat and tears threatened to push out of her close eyelids. She couldn't contain a noise that wanted to come out along with tears. It was a small strangled noise. But Cat heard it. Her eyebrows scrunched and her face was filled with concern. She moved closer as she asked, "What's wrong?"
Another sound escaped from Jade at the question. She wished Cat didn't care, didn't use that melodic voice. It made it worse. She couldn't hold back anymore, tears came out of her eyes. And to her utter surprise and by no means her command, words rushed out of her mouth. "I love you, Cat. I'm in love with you. And I can't . I . . " she didn't finish.
She wasn't sure what she couldn't.
She felt Cat's right hand on her left cheek, wedged between her face and the bed. "Jade," she said in a tone Jade had never heard, the sweetness causing a pang in her chest.
"Jade," Cat repeated. "Look at me," she said.
She was still drunk, but she sounded so much more sober. After a couple of sniffs, Jade slowly opened her eyes. Cat looked at Jade for a moment. This soft, open Jade. This Jade with absolutely no walls up. Cat had a small soft smile on her face; she couldn't help but think how beautiful Jade looked then, with fear so clearly in her eyes and runny mascara. She leaned in, slow enough for Jade to realize what was happening. But she didn't. She couldn't quite grasp it until Cat's eyes closed as their lips met. Jade's closed almost as immediately. Cat moved her lips and Jade replied in kind. It was soft, caring, loving. It was everything Jade had ever wanted. Cat pulled back and they both slowly opened their eyes. Almost simultaneously. Cat smiled at her. Jade returned it. They looked at each other, as unspoken words passed between them.
