Disclaimer: Own nothing except the wild idea, so don't sue...you'll get nothing. Some of the songs and ideas came from the Animaniacs episode "Baloney and Kids" (if you've never seen it, WATCH IT...you'll wet yourself from laughing!), but I don't own those, either. I don't own the show Barney and Friends, a fact I thank God for each and every day. Nor do I own PBS, for if I did, shows like Barney, Teletubbies, and The Wiggles would never have seen airtime.
WWE Goes PBS
Chapter One - The Unthinkable Is Thought Up & Enacted
Vincent Kennedy McMahon strolled into the conference room with his usual swagger, a smug grin on his face. He glanced around the room at his 'beloved' employees, including several past superstars, many of whom weren't too pleased to hear they had an unseen loop in their contract that allowed Vince to recall them at any time, no matter where they were.
"Glad you all could make it!" Vince greeted, while several superstars gave him looks that could kill. The WWE Chairman merely shook them off and turned to the business at hand.
"I'm proud to announce that the WWE will be having groups of its superstars - both past and present - making guest appearances on several public television shows in the near future. You all are the superstars I've chosen. Now, I realize that some of you were occupied with other commitments," he observed, glancing around the table at Trish Stratus and TNA's Jeff Hardy in particular, "but lawyers from the WWE are handling all the details."
He shuffled some papers and announced, "All right, the groupings are as follows: Batista, Jeff Hardy, Maria Kanellis, and Trish Status are going to be guest-starring on Sesame Street."
At this statement, the four superstars chosen relaxed somewhat. Batista and Trish's expressions were ones that plainly said, 'Oh well, could be worse'. Jeff merely nodded in acceptance, appearing to agree with John Cena's joke that the Charismatic Enigma would fit right in, while Maria brightened and looked excited.
Vince turned to the other eight superstars sitting around the table and gave them a grin that none of them liked...one that said, 'I can't wait to see the expressions on your faces'.
"The rest of you...well...just show up at the PBS station and ask directions to soundstage 29."
And so it was that eight superstars met in the parking lot of the local PBS station at nine the following morning. Triple H and Shawn Michaels arrived together, as did The Undertaker and Michelle McCool. John Cena and Mickie James pulled in next to each other, followed by TNA interviewer Christy Hemme. Edge was the last to arrive, looking for all the world like he'd rather be anywhere but there.
They made their way to the front door and were quickly shown to soundstage 29, which appeared to be set up like a schoolroom. The show's crew - many of which appeared to be holding back hysterical laughter - invited the group to sit down in the chairs on the set, most of which were child-size. Christy, Mickie, and Michelle perched themselves on the counters around the edges of the set, the only possible places that seemed even close to being able to support the weight of an adult. Hunter and Shawn, predictably, began inspecting the room for any neat toys, while John chatted with Mickie, Michelle leaned against Mark and tried to go back to sleep, Christy texted on her iPhone, and Edge leaned against the wall, put his shades back on, and appeared to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, crewmembers walked over to the group and gave them all microphones to clip onto their shirts, and Christy gave two people black eyes before angrily relenquishing the mega-sized Burger King coffee she'd brought in with her.
"Listen up, everybody," Mark called to the rest of the group as Michelle jerked awake, "let's just get through whatever show this is with a minimum of fuss, and just imagine what we're going to be doing after it's over, all right?"
"Did someone say imagine?" a painfully familiar voice asked, following said question with a dopey laugh that made Mark twitch like a psych patient and Hunter, Mickie, and Michelle cringe as though hearing nails on a chalkboard.
"That best not be who I think it is," John stated calmly.
"You got that right," Adam muttered, remembering they were being taped for public television and at least having the decency not to utter a swearword or two, despite the overwhelming urge to do so.
Seconds later, the fears of all eight were confirmed when a large purple dinosaur made his entrance, bouncing around like a toddler that had overdosed on Pixie Stix.
Yes, the unthinkable had occured: the WWE had come to Barney and Friends.
