All right, Im writting this because I suddenly got attacked and it wont let me go. Ive only seen a little bit of the Tinker Bell movie. So...Its all about Silvermist. Its all about her. Like what if under that spacey calm persona was something a little bit darker that she worked hard to cover up on a daily basis? what if her kindness was all a facade to keep the questions at bay. what if what if I was a fish.
Oh and I broke everything all up because Emma informed me (and I agree with her) that the huge paragraph it was in was far to irritateing. I don't think I broke it up right…Gahh! This is hard work….how do you break it up RIGHT anyway?
I smiled weakly at Tinkerbell as she attempted to carry the small drop of water over to the spider web. It broke in her hand and I could see the anger and frustration that flashed threw her eyes.
Anger and Frustration. I thought, watching as she swooped down for another drop. I could have helped her a little more. I could have told her to be more gentle. Just like the fragile life of a Swallow Man or a Fairy, the drops of water could be easily broken. I knew how easily they could be broken.
Something simple always broke a person.
I smiled on the inside, being sure to keep my face a neutral look of concern and worry for my so called friend, Tinkerbell. Honestly, though, I couldn't care less. There was no way Tinkerbell was going to be able to carry something as delicate as a drop of water. The stupid girl was too hot headed and emotional. What was that expression? She wore her heart on her sleeve? I sort of liked that about her though. She was very expressive. I could always watch her face after something happened and I would know what she was feeling. I didn't have to try and guess. Most fairies always seemed to know what everyone was feeling. It was like they were all in tuned in on the same frequency and new things that I didn't. They could sense and relate to each others emotions, comfort each other.
Something I couldn't do.
Something that left me baffled and unable to do anything when something happened. Most of the time I never even knew something HAD happened. It was different with Tinkerbell though. She always had an expression on her face. My favorite one was the look of desperation or disappointment she got when something awful happened to her. It was an emotion I tried to copy often. But it was slightly hard to do realistically. After a couple more tries with the water, Tinkerbell gave up and went off with the light fairy.
So fickle. I thought forcing my face to smile. I couldn't believe that they couldn't tell just how much I faked everything. How little I truly cared. I felt slightly relived when I watched them go.I Letting my calm and happy mask slip away. Once they were gone I looked down at my reflection in the water. It was blank.
Blank and emotionless.
My eyes, which everyone always told me were beautiful and so bright seemed dull and cold to me. I couldn't understand those people. I never understood them. I didn't get one single thing they did. Why did they care so much if the birds flew, or if the lady bugs got painted? They were all destined to die any way. I didn't understand Tinker Bell and Terrence. I didn't get how they felt so close to one another.
I didn't get how them just being together made them happy.
I dipped my hand into the water breaking the mirror like surface and making my emotionless face ripple and distort. Lifting my hands out of the water I thought about diving in and laying there. Just slipping under the surface and letting its cool embrace hug me until I fell asleep forever. I didn't want to be around these pitiful Fairies and their disgusting emotions. They were always singing to the animals, painting the flowers or collecting the light. What did they even need light for anyway? It's not like they ever did anything in the dark. Not like me. I usually flew aimlessly in the night. Watching as the sad and lonely moon made its way across the big empty black sky.
Stupid fairies.
I thought again. Setting my drop of water on a near by spider web. I pushed all thoughts from my mind. I let go of the fairies, their emotions that I didn't understand, their trivial sorrows and their pointless will to make everything beautiful for no real reason at all. I spread the drop over a long string of the sticky web and floated back a little bit. This was my job. It was my purpose. My only purpose, Putting drops of water on a spider web so that the sunlight could come out and dry it all up.
Destroying my work.
I admired it slightly. Knowing that with the coming day it would all vanish. A weird stirring happened in my stomach. It always happens whenever I complete a project. It's an accomplished feeling. Even though it is pointless, I feel towards it. I feel something about it. I stared at the dew covered spider web for a little while more. Thinking about the fragility and pointlessness of it all and trying to identify the weird feeling that was building up inside of me. I didn't know if it was a bad feeling exactly. I didn't know all that much about feelings but, I was slightly enjoying it. Not the part about not knowing what the feeling was called, but the part of actually feeling something other then frustration and anger. It was all this dew covered spider webs doing. It had gone and made me feel things other then accomplishment. Or maybe it was the feeling of accomplishment that had made me feel the second unidentifiable emotion. Whatever the cause was, I was still trying to figure it out when a small little black fly buzzed passed me and landed right in the spider's web. Sending all of the dew drops I had worked so hard to painstakingly place on the thin silky web to fall to the ground, and shatter like little pieces of glass. My eyes hardened as the unidentifiable emotion that had been building up inside of me snapped and dissolved.
Fading away back down inside of me.
I looked up and watched the fly with cold, hard, grey eyes. It struggled against the sticky spider web. Beating its little wings and making pathetic whiny noises. I flew closer, revolted by the mere sight of it. It managed to turn a little bit while fighting for its little life. Instead of breaking free though, its right wing clipped the edge of the spider web, entangling itself even further.
I smiled a little.
Not a happy smile and not a sad smile. Just a smile. It meant nothing. An involuntary movement of my facial muscles as I watched the thing that had destroyed my hard work, and killed my building emotion, struggle until it was so tangle it was incapable of any type of movement at all. I flew up close to it and stroked one of the wings entangled in the web. It shuddered under my finger tips and I felt a sudden surge of power. I could save the fly, make sure its life continued on right here and now. But it would only prolong the inevitable. Its life was in my hands and I was not in a generous mood at the moment.
"Are you ready?" I asked it, stroking its broken wing one more time. It made a loud squeaking noise and I flew backwards. Allowing the fat black spider, that had been waiting calmly for the fly to entangle itself, to mender down its web slowly. The fly saw it coming and struggled more. I wondered if the spider was taking its time because it wanted to terrify the little creature caught in its web even further. I wondered if maybe the spider was like me, and maybe it just wanted to see the fear and desperation because it didn't know what those things felt like.
I wanted to see it too.
I wanted to know what they looked like. I wanted to know what they all looked like. All the emotions I didn't have. But most of all I wanted to see what it looked like right before another living thing was about to die. I wanted to see that expression. I wanted to see someone who could show me that they knew they were about to die and they knew there was nothing they could do about it. That expression. It sent a tingle down my spine. I watched in fascination as the fly was killed in front of me. The spider sunk its large fangs into the fly's head and wrapped a large black leg around its kill. The fly made a final squeaking noise and then went still.
It wasn't enough though.
The fly was a fly. I couldn't see the emotions on its face. It was just a fly. I wanted to see emotion flicker threw another living creatures eyes. I wanted to watch their facial expression change and settle when they understood, it was over. I turned slowly and floated back down towards the water. I really wanted to see that emotion. I looked into the water again and tried to arrange my face into the way I thought the emotion would look. How would I feel if I saw my own death right in front of me? My face remained impassive.
And then I thought about Tinkerbell.
I thought about how her emotions always shone on her face so brightly and clearly. I wondered about all the Swallow men and all the Fairies. What would their, 'about to die' face look like? What would Tinkerbell's look like?
Okay. Thats what I think about Silvermists thoughts. shes pretty psychopathic if you ask me. But shes my favorite. definetly my favorite. And yes I know its a bit of a long shot to think that thats where her thoughts would be, buuuut. Bleh.
