Endless Night
By: Shlee Verde
Category: Missing Scene - The Sentinel Too, Part I; Song-fic
Summary: After, their conversation in the station, Blair waits for Jim in his office.
Rating: G - mild language, angst, character death (NOT ME - the producers did it!!!!)
Disclaimer: I don't own The Sentinel.....or the portion of the song 'Endless Night'.......I don't own anything. Poor college student here folks. :)
Author's Note: I just thought I'd give fair warning: I have never done a song-fic before. This wasn't what I was expecting when I started. I haven't decided if I like it or not.
Endless Night
Where has the starlight gone?
Dark is the day.
How do I find my way home?
Blair Sandburg sat alone in his dark office. He knew he should be doing something....anything to get his mind off what had happened earlier that day...what had been happening over the past few days. He should at least turn on the light. Blair gave a humorless laugh as he realized he was probably doing close to the same thing Jim was doing - sitting alone, in the dark. It didn't make him feel any better; in fact, it only made him feel worse.
He had tried to process it, really, he had. But how do process something like this? How do process the loss of a friend....a brother.....a home?Over and over again he heard Jim's voice in his head, cutting him deeper and deeper.
'I need space.'
'I don't know if I can get past this'.
'I've got to have a partner I can trust'.
Over and over. And then another phrase, one Jim had never said, but one he might as well have.
'I don't need you.'
Slamming his hands on his desk, Blair stood up and stalked over to the window, trying to stop the tears from flowing, cursing himself as he felt them on his cheeks. How did this happen?
How did things get so screwed up? "Damn it, Jim" he whispered to the night, "Where did we go wrong?"
Home is an empty dream.
Lost to the night.
I feel so alone.
Blair knew he had made a mistake. Yes, he should have told Jim about Alex. He knew that now. But he didn't see why a mistake should end their friendship. Everyone made mistakes. Everyone. Even Detective Jim Ellison. Why was he expected to be perfect? Why did he have to lose the best friend he had ever had and the only home he had ever known?
Blair couldn't believe that Jim would throw this all way. Three (almost four) years of close friendship. Of having someone to care, support, and love you unconditionally. Blair almost laughed. He didn't mean that how it sounded; he could just imagine Simon's face if the captain were to ever hear something like that come out of his mouth. He wasn't in love with Jim. But he did love him. Jim was his best friend. His brother. His Blessed Protector.
And Blair felt the tears run strong again as he realized: even after being hurt so badly he still loved Jim. Nothing could stop that. Nothing.
But he wished Jim would come.
Would he come?
You promised you'd be there.
Whenever I needed you.
Whenever I call your name.
You're not anyway.
I'm trying to hold on.
Just waiting to hear your voice.
One word just a word will do.
To end this nightmare.
When will the dawning break.
Oh, endless night.
Sleepless I dream of the day.
Blair turned and sat as he desk. He slowly reached up and brushed the remaining tears from his face. Crying wasn't helping anyone. How was he going to fix this? What would he do if Jim never came? He didn't want their friendship to end. He wasn't going to let it. He'd die first.
Blair picked up a pen from his desk. Fiddled with it for a moment. Then he started to write. He had learned long ago that writing cleared the mind and healed the soul. He poured out his pain, grief, and hope on to the page....telling the personal journal that he kept separate from his scholarly ones everything that he was feeling.
And somewhere along the line....he made a decision. He would go to Jim in the morning. They would talk, he would somehow make Jim hear him. Make him see. They could not let this end. Blair knew that he needed Jim in his life. And he could only hope that Jim truly needed him.
He would wait for the morning. With a new day, there was always hope.
I know that the night must end.
And that the sun will rise.
I know that the clouds must clear.
And that the sun will rise.
Just as he finished his entry, he heard the door knob turn. His heart leapt. Maybe Jim was coming after all. Maybe they could really fix this.
His heart froze when he saw who was really there for him. When he saw the gun in her hand.
And Blair knew.
For him there would be no dawn. For him the night would never end.
'Goodbye my brother,' he thought towards Jim - wishing there was someway he could say goodbye, someway that Jim could hear the words.
As Alex Barnes turned away from the lifeless form in the fountain, she looked at the horizon.
The light of the sun had just begin to touch the sky.
The night was over. She smiled. Now the battle could begin.
A jaguar roared a challenge. And a panther screamed in pain.
The End.
