February 23, 2010
I was supposed to be the perfect child
I wasn't
I was supposed to be in advanced classes
I wasn't
I was supposed to be on the honor roll
I wasn't
I was supposed to excel in math and science
I didn't
I was supposed to be all the teacher's favorite
I wasn't
I was supposed to be the perfect student
I wasn't
I was supposed to be the child they dreamed of
I wasn't
O_o
Dad says
One day
Everything will click
He knows it won't
He's just clinging to the last strand of hope
Mom's given up
She just glares at me
I tell myself
I don't mind
That my parents don't love me
Like parents should
I pretend the awkward silence at the dinner table
Doesn't hurt
But it does
O_o
All I want
Is someone to love me
Like me
For who I am
At school
They call me a freak
I don't belong
I don't fit in
At lunch
I sit at the empty table
Back of the cafeteria
I listen to my music
Before the lunch supervisors
Take my music away
O_o
Were I'm from
Being me is not accepted
Not allowed
Then why am I like this?
Why am I me
When I'm supposed to be
The perfect child
They always dreamed of?
O_o
They're mean to me at school
Freak Jenny laughs
I don't flinch
I show no emotion
Jenny narrows her eyes
What are you doing here?
You don't belong
She turns and walks away
I look down
You're right
I whisper
I don't belong
I never will
O_o
February 24, 2010
Every day I write in my journal
Because Ms. Rachel tells me to
And Ms. Rachel believes in me
So I write
O_o
Everyday
That I can
I pour my soul out
Ms. Rachel
She's supposed to read them
The entries
But I asked her not to read mine
She just checks
To make sure I write
So I write
My writing is different
Then the other students'
Theirs is choppy
And uneven
My writing is smooth
Like water
And soft
Like snow
I ask Ms. Rachel about this
She asks if she can read something
I show her a paragraph of writing
She smiles
Poetry
You write poetry
I laugh
I can't write poetry!
I don't know how
Ms. Rachel looks back at my paper
No Elizabeth, this is poetry
I don't know what to say
But…I mean…
How can I write poetry…
Without meaning to?
Ms. Rachel smiles at me
You're a natural poet
O_o
I stare into Ms. Rachel's eyes
They're hazel
They speak truth
They believe they speak truth
But I don't believe them
I look away
You'll understand eventually
Ms. Rachel says
I suppose it is poetry
I write
But not good poetry
I doubt its good poetry
I'm not good at anything
One of your…uh…Charms
Chris W. would say
What charms?
I ask
Kelli rolls her eyes
That's the point
She says
Like it's obvious
What point?
Because I don't know
What she means
Everyone laughs
I show no emotion
I pretend
I don't hear them
I tell myself I don't care
It doesn't hurt
But it does
It always will
O_o
February 25, 2010
You can read this one Ms. Rachel
O_o
My parents insist I take classes
Outside classes
Like robotics
Like programming
Like Saturday algebra
Like musical theater
Like piano
Like band
Like voice
They claim
I get to choose
The classes I take
But I don't get to choose
If I got to choose
I'd take theater
And voice
And I'd still take piano
O_o
When I was younger
My parents signed me up
For piano lessons
They got movers
To haul our little upright piano
To our living room
And I learned to play piano
I loved piano
I practiced more
Then I write in my journal
I had talent
At least I thought I did
Because my parents stopped taking me
To piano lessons
And they got movers
To haul our little piano
Back up
To its little corner
In the attic
And my parents
Signed me up for extra math lessons
And science lessons
And technology lessons
Nothing understandable
Nothing light hearted
Nothing fun
O_o
I go up to the attic
When no one's home
And I play the little
Upright piano
I play out my heart
My soul
My worries
My problems
Everything's okay
For a few minutes
But then I hear the door being opened
And I shut the piano lid
And run downstairs
Before any questions are asked
They never say
But I don't think I'm allowed to play
The little abandoned upright piano
It's my piano
The first I played on
Of course I will play
I will always play
O_o
Ms. Rachel? I'm going to Europe on Sunday. Could I take my journal to write in? It would mean a lot.
O_o
February 26, 2010
Elizabeth, of course you can take your journal. Thank you for asking. Where in Europe are you going? You must be very excited. Remember to bring back pictures and souvenirs to show us. I'm sure everyone in the class will be excited to hear about your trip. Have Fun
-Ms. Rachel
O_o
YOU CAN't READ THIS MS. RACHEL!
O_o
But you're wrong Ms. Rachel
I'm not excited
I don't want to bring back pictures
And souvenirs
No one in the class will be excited
To hear about my trip
Because they don't care
About me
They wouldn't care
If I died
I'm not planning on having fun
I don't want to have fun
I'm sorry
But I'm not
I'm going to Greece
-Elizabeth April
