It sickens me, an author of many crossover fics, that no one has created a Rosario+Vampire crossover like I intend to now. Now, I know you're all thinking, Ah, great. A new RV/N crossover. What is he this time? Shinobi? Kitsune? Vampire? ENNN! The correct answer is D: None of the Above!

Disclaimer: I own only the plot and several OCs, Naruto and Rosario+Vampire belong to two guys that are old and slightly (See 'VERY') perverted. Perverted old men...Stop it! Bad Pervy Old Guys! Bad! Leave Perving to the next generation!

Swamp Sage of the Demon School

Case 1: Succubus' Plan


It was a cloudy Wednesday night for the first year students of Yokai Academy, myself notwithstanding, in the 2003rd year after the human known as Christ's birth. I was walking towards a recent fight scene while watching the latest dumbass-of-the-year nominee slowly fade into unconsciousness. Kid's name was Saizo. Komiya Saizo if I recalled correctly from the briefing the Headmaster gave me about students to watch for this year. He was a second generation Orc, an ugly motherfucker, but strong as a bull and just as stubborn.

They weren't too bright when it came to their hormones, though. I could tell from the imprint on his stomach and face that it was a girl that did this too him. I smiled at that thought, thinking someone dropped their balls and took the bastard down. Ironic and divine justice if you ask me.

When the reality of the fact I would have to find the girl that did this, I sighed and pulled a pack of smokes out. Was it healthy? Nah, but I didn't care. My species were attuned to most toxins, and smoking was a common stress reliever in my own family. Dad did it, my perverted grandfather does it, my cousins do it, and Hell, my mom even smoked when no one was in the mood for a good roll in the swamp. If ya catch my drift...If ya don't, I suggest pulling your damn eyes off the television screen and put your face in a book for once.

I pulled the marabou stick from the small packet and slid it back into my hidden pocket, next to my wallet with my identification and cards it held. My hand went to my hip in search for my lighter and I scowled when I recalled why it wasn't there. That damn woman took my lighter...The smoke in my mouth hung unlit, the taste of the filter driving me insane.

I knelt next to the Orc and snorted as the smell of ass, sweat and shame filled my nostrils. His chest heaved slowly and I sighed in disappointment. The boy was going to live through this, get pissed off all over again, and then he'll most likely get beaten again, if not killed by the same girl. I growled and ground my teeth against the filter of my cig. This bastard will probably only get a slap on the wrist, a rapist like him deserves worse.

I contemplated killing the Orc, only for a moment, before my damned conscious got better of me. I grumbled and flipped my Razor out, pressing the two and then send button before walking away when the clouds started to spread and the moon rose even further. My investigation into this assault would have to be cut short, if I ever started it at all.

I had class in the morning, and I didn't want to be late.


The next morning I rolled out of bed with a grimace on my face. I had an off feeling about how today was going to go, like I was going to be hit with a world of insanity. I brushed the feeling off just as soon as it came and went to the bathroom. The shower faucet took a moment to start up, a moment too late as the yelling of my neighbor's latest 'bitch' began to get on my nerves. With a growl of annoyance, the shower was shut off just as it started to turn on.

With just my boxers on, I threw my bedroom door open and stormed over to my neighbor's; where shouts and crashes were being muffled by the large piece of refurbished oak. I lifted my fist and pounded on the door. Moments of silence suddenly came to my ears and I heard a male voice whisper, "Oh shit, it's him..."

"Open the damn door!" I hollered, deciding to ignore the way he said 'him' (obviously referring to me) and pounding my fist on it again, "Open it before I kick it down, Ero-baka!"

"W-Wait! Wait just a minute!" the male voice said before he tried to calm the angered female(s?) that was shrieking a moment ago for someone's blood. His attempts to calm her (or was it them?) did nothing to stop the door from being opened. My eyes widened slightly upon seeing two girls (them it was), both looking exactly the same, and they both had the face of fury on their exotic faces.

They appeared to be twins, most likely the third year girls named Ere and Eji, both from west Africa. The last name of the girls escapes my mind as I'm blown away by their immense beauty. Faces resembling those of tales I heard long ago and legs that just kept going. Their busts were fair and from the looks of the one on the left, Ere I think, she was the one leaving and the right, Eji, was the one apparently entering. I suspect that they must have both been unaware of the other's actions in this room until this morning.

A second later; sly grins crossed their faces and they had linked their arms around my own, their eyes gleaming with mischief and lust.

It was then I thanked my father for passing on his good looks to me and I muttered a small curse under my breath as I realized that I'd have to do laundry again tonight. I hate laundry. Damn machines take too long to clean anything.

"So long, Morioka Ginei," the one on my right said with a smirk as they pulled me away from the horrified and awestruck brunette teen staring with a slack jaw. The one on my left finished where her sister left off, "Hope you burn in hell!"

Needless to say, I wouldn't be making my first class. But I now had a hell of a reason to have a smile for the rest of the day!


My third class was a class I wished I had missed, but I had to attend in order to meet my informant. Nekonome Shizuka, the blending-in teacher and the teacher in charge of the school's newspaper club, a cat woman with beautiful short red hair and an enticing green eye color. I smiled at her as I walked past her place at the left of the doorway, welcoming her old students back. We were given a proper welcome and went straight to classwork. Probabilities of marrying a human and what to do to keep them alive in case your parents discover them.

I simply wrote: "Don't introduce to parents. Ever."

Easy A, right there.

After class, I ditched the school jacket that I had covered with a spell to make it seem like I was dressed in the school uniform beneath my chair, before approaching the teacher. I pulled a smoke out and stuck it in my mouth, not daring to light it in front of the most unpredictable and violent teachers in the class.

That is exactly why I like her most out of all my other teachers.

"Ohayo Numanokenja-kun," she greeted me with a smile, her tail slowly swishing back and forth. I gave her a small smile back in return before sliding the door shut. I went to the one open window and shut it with one hand before turning around and pulling a notebook and a pencil out.

"What'cha got for me, Shizuka-sensei?" I asked, tapping the pencil on the edge of the small notebook. Whenever I had a case, I tended to get excited...I blame my grandfather. He's the one that taught me all of this shit that's getting me through life; this morning's activities with Ere and Eji included.

Shizuka smiled and sat at her desk, pulling a small paper out and holding it out to me, "My second class student, Arashi Rin, has come to me with a complaint of being dumped."

I arched a brow. Sounded a little too lame to be my problem. I even voiced my opinion on this, "And this is my problem, because...Why?"

"She says her boyfriend is a Golem."

"That...would make sense," I muttered, taking the paper and opening it before arching a brow and looking back at Shizuka, "Her room number?"

"Hai. Be careful," the teacher said with a smile, "Wouldn't want to read about another botched case."

I grunted and turned away, fully intent on solving this before someone got their attention. I ran my hand through my messy blonde hair as I looked at the paper in my hand. Flat 314, eh? I crumpled the paper up in my hand before jamming it into my pocket. Looks like it's time to pay Rin-chan a visit.


I lifted my arm to knock on the door of the client before sounds of argument nearly two doors down got my attention. Door 318. Something about that sent off bells in my head, but I shrugged it off. Wasn't the first time I got a bad vibe on a case, and probably (unfortunately) wouldn't be the last. I went to the door and pressed my ear against it.

"Goodbye Moka-chan," a boy's voice said before the door was pulled open and I was brought face-to-face with a bored looking teen. He was nearly a few inches taller than myself and had the smell of a...human? I did a mental double take at that and sniffed again.

Instantly, I put my hand on the teen's throat and growled as I shoved him back, walking into the room he was leaving. He didn't seem to notice or struggle, oddly enough. Then again, humans were always strange to me. I pushed the brown haired boy against the wall and a guttural growl came from my throat. I pulled a fist back, ready and willing to send the boy to the netherworld.

"Wait!" a girl's voice cried behind me. I looked over my right shoulder and assessed her. Nearly my height with long pink hair, full breasts that had to be C, maybe a low D, cups. First year, based on her jacket's school insignia's coloring. A Rosario adorned her neck, and I could sense something...angry within her.

"He's human," I said, and her eyes widened in fear, which caused mine to narrow, "And you've known...What's your name, Miss?"

"A-Akashiya Moka," she replied with a stutter, "P-Please...don't hurt him!"

I looked from the girl to the human and back before asking, "What's his name?"

"T-Tsukune," Moka said, "Aono Tsukune. Who are you?"

"Numanokenja Naruto," I replied, leaning in and sniffing the boy's neck before coughing and backing away. His neck smelt like perfume. A lot of perfume. It was like he bathed in perfume, ate perfume, and then took a walk through a fragrance shop followed by a trip to the loo with a flowery shit. In Layman's terms, he smelt like springtime in the meadow.

"Numanokenja...I've...heard that before..." Moka mumbled. I ignored her thinking as I examined the human, Tsukune. Wiry build, book-smart appearance, shaggy brown hair...and from the perspective of a female, the human was not too bad on the eyes, either. Damn you bisexual amphibious instincts...

I turned his head to the left and right before sighing and releasing him. Without a word, he simply just walked out the door and slammed it shut. Scratching my head, I looked back at Moka and asked, "What's his deal?"

Moka, noticing that Tsukune had left, frowned and crossed her arms before replying, "We...had a fight..."

I mentally rolled my eyes at her reaction while my detective face held strong, "About?"

"He, ugh, I don't know. Tsukune-kun suddenly wanted me to leave him alone," Moka sniffled out. I groaned under my breath. Crying girls were not my forte. I watched as she worked herself up before sighing and hesitantly pulled her into a comforting hug, my arms barely tightening around her. The moment I did so though, the dam broke and she buried her face into my chest. Dammit, I liked this shirt too...Shit, now I have more laundry!

"Uh, there...there Akashiya-san," I hesitantly comforted her as I patted her back, "I'm sure he'll come back..."

Moka seemed to freeze in my arms. I swore under my breath, why? Because I probably fucked up again...It's like a guarantee with me! This is why I hate being a comforting shoulder for girls...I'm a damn detective, not a boyfriend, scratch that, 'friend that is a guy'. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing when it comes to a female's emotions (thank you Dad).

"T-Thank you, Naruto-kun," Moka sniffled out a minute later, leaving my embrace and allowing me to sigh quietly in relief, "I...I've got to go talk to him."

I nodded in understanding, "Good luck. I've got a...something to do. So long Akashiya-san."

"Goodbye Naruto-kun!" Moka said as she left, giving me a rather nice smile. I sighed and scratched the back of my head.

"Well damn...I should've probably capitalized on that..." I mumbled before smirking and looking up, "You wish, Ero-jiji."


I left my interview with Rin-san nearly an hour after I helped Moka calm down. Apparently Rin's boyfriend had become smitten with another girl. One with blue hair, a sultry smile, and a nice bust size, definitely double Ds or even an E cup. To get even more specific, she wears a yellow school sweater over a white shirt with a red tie and her hair has ribbons in it and she's maybe about 5' 2" with the figure of a model. How do I know all of that? Well it's simple.

She's standing right in front of me, in her true form. Now she had a tail, talons, and an even more promiscuous form.

God, I hate the Succubi race. They give women a bad name. Not to mention they like to fuck with our, our meaning men's, hormones, emotions, and minds...damn bitches...

Currently the girl was standing across from a now silver haired Moka (who also looks more promiscuous, I sense a growing theme for this year's freshmen female population) and the human Tsukune was looking nervously between Kurumu and Moka. This kid's either one of three things: brave, stupid, or most likely, a goddamn coward. Personally, my money's on the last option. I think I can smell a hint of urine coming from his pants. Christ, I should just kill him and save him the heart attack. The way he's shaking in the legs, it's obvious he's done with us.

Then again...when's the last time I could fuck around with anyone?

"You don't deserve Tsukune-kun!" the girl exclaimed to Moka, snapping my attention from the coward, "He's my Destined One and with him, I shall give birth to the next generation of Succubi!"

"Oh, and if he's not?" Moka countered. I furrowed my brows in confusion, was it me, or did her voice seem much more...bubbly when we talked?

"Then he shall join my harem of boys!" Kurumu exclaimed with a smirk. I blanched and fought down my gag-reflex, choosing instead to interfere when a familiar scent hit my nose. A scent that always ended with someone getting arrested, aka, vanishing from the face of existence.

"Oi, Akashiya-san," I called, walking into the fray and easily parting a path through the circle of witnesses. Both girls looked my way, the red-eyed silver haired...oh dear god, she's a vampire...girl arched a delicate brow while the other girl seemed to rage even more. Ignoring the succubi radiating hatred to the vampire, I continued, "Take your pledge, servant, or whatever the hell Aono is and go. I've got to deal with this girl..."

"Humph, I shall do no such thing," Moka replied, crossing her arms under her ample bosom, "In fact; you shall be the one to run along. Understand?"

I narrowed my eyes and forced some yokai into them, allowing my true eyes to come forth and glare holes into her head. I was inwardly pleased to see some sweat appear on her head and spoke with authority, "Listen Akashiya, I don't care what your beef with this girl is, but I've got a job to do. Don't get in my way. I'd hate to see you get all dirty..."

"Filthy vermin," the vampire sneered at me, "You dare speak down to me? Know your place-Ah!"

I blocked her attempted axe kick with one hand and gripped her heel tightly. Pushing her aside, I walked past her and flicked the blue haired succubus in the forehead, sending her flying nearly fifty feet. Thank you, Granny! The girl groaned from her spot and I turned to look at an amazed Akashiya Moka. With a prideful smirk, I taunted, "And I don't have to wear a Rosario...imagine that."

Akashiya narrowed her eyes and glared at me, "This isn't over, Numanokenja."

"Perhaps," I said looking back at the girl before sliding to the right as I avoided another kick. The ground shattered at the impact and I narrowed my eyes at her, "So...Saizo was you're doing? I approve. Keep it cleaner next time though, ok? Don't want you to get the wrong person's attention..."

With that said, I went to my 'captive' and grabbed her shoulder. I placed a paper on the blue-haired girl's head, which caused the Succubus to revert to her hidden form, before picking her up and carrying her like a sack of potatoes. With a nod to the vampire that was staring me down, I turned and left. There was a mutual agreement that next time we met, we would see which blood is stronger.

That of the Vampire Lords or that of the Swamp Sages...


AN: Oh you know it's an awesome new story. I'm working on 'Will of the Green Flame' as well as trying to get the next chap for 'This is War' started. My poor mams has pneumonia and she's not exactly happy that I'm writing right now, so...Review peeps...Review!

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