Pretend.
- - - Rachel - - -
Its been about year, and everything (everyone) changed. They've all became 'best friends' while you're still stuck in the background and they use you as a voice.
You pretend it doesn't hurt.
(a showface starts.)
Finn went back to Quinn, and is happy as ever. He doesn't glance your way once (not that you care). He walks by without even a wave of hello, or a wave goodbye. He doesn't say a word to you, even if yourboth the leads in glee
Mercedes is still a bitch, whether Kurt knows or not. She still says how you steal all the solos, how you want all eyes on you. She doesn't help you get cleaned up after a slushie, or even asks if you want the help. she doesn't say hi, or goodbye.
Kurt is still at Dalton and happy, you don't bother him- and it's the only thing that does make you smile.
Tina is slowly becoming Brittany's new best friend. and she has all her time with Mike or Brittany. She doesn't smile at you, or even say something to you.
Mike is with Tina at all times, and you never notice him open his mouth once- but you saw him laugh once. (and he was laughing at you)
Brittany is still her same ditzy self, and doesn't know anything, then following.
Artie goes around like you don't even exist. he ignores you, and at one point you think he rolled over your foot.
Santana, is Santana. (not much to say here) she still calls you 'manhands' and other idiotic nicknames. She still shoves you against the lockers, and laughs when you get a slushie thrown in your face. (same old Santana...)
Quinn is too into her being popular, she ruins your day the most when she says 'Oh Finn!' and she still laughs when slushies are thrown, and she calls you those nicknames. She still laughs whenever she walks in the bathroom, and you're in there. She still draws rude drawings on the stalls. She makes your life hell.
Sam frowns, and frowns a lot. But doesn't do anything. he acts as if it'll hurt him, and the only thing standing between him getting hurt and not- is you.
Noah- he hasn't been around, and you have no idea why. He just moved, and didn't tell anyone. He was your only friend, and he left you. Left you all alone. You wonder what he would do, if he ever found out.
Lauren didn't return to glee, and you could care less- you have bigger problems.
Your fathers don't even bother coming home anymore, they paid off the house- and sends money to a bank account in your name. They write you as much as they can (after the fifth letter, they stop coming). They don't bother calling or even texting. They picked up their things, and moved- and you dont even know where they moved. They left you all alone, and your only sixteen.
You pretend it doesn't kill you inside.
(your 'showface' starts to crack).
-x-
You changed up your look, to blend in the crowd.
You traded the skirts, for jeans.
you traded the sweaters, for tank tops.
you traded the knee socks, for tights.
you traded the flats, for converse.
You also cut your hair, it's now to your shoulder- with slightly long bangs.
You changed to blend in, and hopefully the new clothes change people's minds.
wrong.
You become a 'mute' and you don't even like glee anymore- it's a chore now. because if you don't come, you're out. Mr. Shue doesn't even glance your way, let alone speak to you. He gives the solos to Mercedes and Quinn. The lead duets go to Brittany and Finn. And you have to quietly walk out whenever they start music.
You pretend like it doesn't crush you.
(a piece falls to the ground)
-x-
it hurts, it burns, it stings.
coffee.
they threw coffee in your face- and everyone starts to laugh. you rush towards the bathroom, only to have cheerios block it. You rush towards an empty closet, but Santana takes it with some random football member.
That's when you run out to find your car, covered in meat- and slushie. You forget about your car, and just run home. You can always get the car tomorrow.
You pretend it doesn't sting you, like the coffee.
(a piece falls)
It's in glee when you finally start to let go, and you just scream.
"mr. shue I hope the solo you picked out isn't for manhands, sh-"
you let out a ear popping scream, and let the tears fall freely- before getting up and leaving.
Not before you're stopped.
"Rach, why'd you scream?" Finn.
Everyone is staring/glaring at you, you just feel it. You continue standing still, back facing them.
You pretend you didn't hear him.
(another piece falls)
You skipped out on glee, and at one point- school. You hate your life, and you don't even know why you deserve this life. You cry yourself to sleep and you hardly eat- water became your best friend. You look at old pictures, of the times where you didn't have to pretend.
You pretend it doesn't burn a hole in your chest.
(another piece to the ground)
-x-
You go back to school, it's been almost a week since you last came. You're wearing an old hoodie of Noah's (Noah still hasn't shown up- and you haven't seen him in over three months) You didn't bother putting any make-up, and you have your hair in a messy bun. Also your jeans feel way to loose.
you go through the day without a slushie or a coffee thrown in your face. You don't get called 'manhands' or 'Rupaul'
It's in glee, and whispers go around- most about how you're doing drugs and one about your fathers leaving you.
"she even made puck move away"
You just snap.
"Leave. Me. Alone." you only whisper, not knowing what else to say.
The harsh comments come back, and no one stands up for you- and you just run away again.
You didn't pretend. You ran down the hall til You reach a unknown closet.
you're leaning against the door, letting the tears fall and you let out a couple of choked sobs.
Your phone goes off, and you answer without looking at caller I.D.
"Hello?"
"Rach?"
"Noah?"
"it's me- are you crying?"
"No"
"yes you are, where are you?"
"I'm at school..."
"where at school?"
"a closet, Noah where have you been? it's been monthssince I last saw you!"
"My Aunt Susie, she broke her leg and at the same time she got ill. Ma just had me come take care of her for the summer- but she didn't get better. Ma just moved us here"
"oh- is your aunt feeling better?"
"Don't change the fucking subject Rachel, where are you?"
"I told you a closet in school"
"where is this closet!"
"Noah I don't need-"
you fall back, and looked up seeing Noah standing up and canceling the call before helping you up to your feet. You cling to him, and you don't know if it's because,
Noah's back or because you've been holding this in for three months.
all you know is, you can't Pretend anymore.
"Rach, why are you in a closet in the first place?" Noah questions you, as he holds you against him. the tears running freely onto his shirt, and your hands form fists cluching his shirt.
"No one" you whisper, "no one likes me, no one loves me" you shut your eyes tight and press yourself against him more.
"I'm such a loser, an ugly geek who doesn't sing goo-"
"Rachel, what the hell are you talking about?" Noah lifts your head up and you're force to meet his worried hazel gaze.
"What happened?"
"everything" you whisper, "slushies, harsh nicknames cruel drawings- coffee-"
"coffee?" he narrowed his eyes at her, "someone threw coffeeAt you?"
you nod slowly, before leaning it against his chest again.
"They started a rumor- about how I made you move away"
you shut your eyes again, and you feel him tighten his grip on you.
"Who?" he nearly growls out.
"the gleeks..."
He jerks your head up, shock written all over his face. He grabs your hand and forces you to walk towards the choir room.
The tears build up again, and you have to walk faster to keep up.
"dont make me go in there Noah"
He stops, and turns to you "Rachel, what's going on?"
"Don't make me go in there" you whisper again and shut your eyes, "please Noah"
He pulls you to his chest, "I got you Rach" he whispers and pulls away
"I wont let them hurt you, I promise"
You believe him, you have to believe him- he's the only person who talks to you, (and the only one who probably likes you). You cling to his side, holding his hand and hiding your face walking in step with him. You have your eyes tightly shut, avoiding eye contact with everyone.
"Puckerman!" it sounds like a mix of Finn and Santana, "why is that thingholding onto you?" You know that's Santana speaking now.
"thing? you think Rachel's a thing? the thing is you, you're a cold heartless bitch" Noah snaps at her, "You're the one named Satan, not Rachel. If you didn't notice, she's wearing myhoodie."
"why is manhands wearing your hoodie?" Quinn speaks, "and where have you been?" she sounds bored.
You feel Noah tighten his grip on you, and you only open your eyes to look at him. Anger written all over his face, he meets your gaze- and softly smiles at you.
"Nevada, I was in Nevada taking care of my Aunt."
you shut your eyes again, and hide it in his side. Not looking at them, you cant- you just cant.
"slushies, coffee, harsh nicknames and cruel drawings. Does any of that ring a ball? You think it's fun to break someone? What the hell did Rachel do to you? Mr. Shue, your a fucking teacher, and you let them break her? I'm gone for three months, and you use that time to ruin her life? Fuck you"
You're tearing up, this is the first time ever when you don't pretend
(The showface, it cracked, it started the fall- and now it's laying on the ground, finished)
"Come on Rach" he whispers, and removes the hood. That's when he notices the bags under your eyes- and he notices the pale coloring to your skin, "Rach, have you've been eating?"
You open your mouth, but close it- then shake your head. you drop your arms from his waist, and stare down at your shoes.
He grabs your face, and forces you to look up at him.
"Rach-"
"you were gone, my dads left me- and everyone here, hates me. i had to pretend it didn't hurt, that it didn't crush me that it didnt kill me"
"what do you mean, your dads left?" Noah asks, with a confused look.
You stare down at your hands and feet, before looking up at Noah again.
"they left- paid off the house, made a bank account to send money for me and moved away. I don't even know where they moved." you whisper, "you were gone, and I had doubts that you didn't even like me. And they" you look at the now shocked glee club, "They hate me, they were slowly killing me"
Noah forms fists, and pulls you close. Before turning towards the club, "Now tell me, what the fuck did Rachel do to deserve all of this?"
None of them answered him, and they just sat there. Noah started walking, and you fall into step with him. He leads you to his truck, when he finally speaks.
"You're moving in" he tells you, you open your mouth before he stops you.
"You're moving in, Rachel. When ma finds out, and you say no- she'll move you in the middle of the night. Rachel, you're sixteen." he grabs your hands and you look into his eyes, "You're moving in, Not because I pity you- because I dont. I care Rach, you're one of few people I care about and I hate the idea of you staying by yourself" he sighs
"I hate myself for leaving without telling you, but I'm not going to stand around and watch you fade away. Rach, I miss you- and I need the old Rachel Berry back. I'm going to find her, and bring her back. I need you to be yourself again, this ghost Rachel isn't the same." he drops your hands, and brings his up to your face. "Rachel, you know how I feel about you. Did it slip out of your mind?" you move closer to him, and close your eyes.
"Rachel, I do feel that way. I'm here, and I won't let them hurt you- they can't hurt Noah Puckerman's girl."
You meet his gaze again, and for the first time in months- you're smiling. He smiles softly, and leans down kissing you softly.
You dont pretend, and you won't pretend anymore.
A/N: So that's something i just randomly popped up in my mind, is it sad that i know how to write something like this?
sometimes in my mind, Mercedes fakes her friendship with Rachel because of Kurt. So in this she's a bitch, its easier to write Santana & Quinn as bitches... and Lauren, well i dont know much about her character so i dont know how to write her. Artie.. well I love Kevin McHale, but Artie is a character that still needs to grow on me. Sam, well he's- i dont know. Finn, is a idiot- no doubt about that. Brittany, ditzy so easy to write her. Mike is another hard character to write about, they need to introduce him!
Rachel & Puck are the only two i can honestly understand... so its easy to write them. & in my mind, they're like perfect for each other (unlike Rachel & Finn = WRONG) and the friendship between Rachel & Kurt is amazing, so that's easy to write.
Also, sorry if some words are misspelled or if anything seems... off.
the review button is waiting to be hit on ;)
