A/N: Oops, I did it again… No, wait. Wrong unrealistic, poorly imagined, two-dimensional female character.
(…my apologies to Britney fans, if such creatures still exist, but if she doesn't want to be fired at, she should stop handing us ammunition.)
In any case… yeah. It's another Seuss. And this one's gonna be a multichapter. Don't ask – I don't know. I just need something funny to work with.
Warnings include: Spoilers (barely), Jiraiya being weird, Naruto being weirder (does that count as OOC or very IC?), oh, yeah, and a Mary-Sue being Mary-Sue-y.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, for which I imagine people are even more glad this time.
Dedication: For Hekasorceress, who convinced me it was worth writing.
MARY… SEUSS?
Ch. 1: On Identification of the Enemy
When Jiraiya first took him
Out on training so new
He said to Naruto
"Beware of the 'Mary Sue'!
She'll appear as a woman
Or a girl in your case
And be luscious of body
And wondrous of face
Now that doesn't sound dangerous
But mark my words, boy
She'll wrap you 'round her finger
And make you her toy
You'll forget about Sasuke
And sweet Sakura too
When that horrid creature
Sets her eyes on you!
Her pretty face is the least
Of the troubles you'll find
This is why I must warn you
About her and her kind
These Sues have great power
They are absurdly strong
But you'll want to defend them
Even when they are wrong
Her past is quite tragic
Full of sorrow and woe
For her family was slain
By a jinchuriki, you know
Or she might be one herself
It's not entirely clear
Because she's the lost sister
Twin to your Sasuke dear
Or sometimes she's a sibling
To that Hatake brat
And she's still in ANBU
Despite all of that
And of her Sharingan
The Black Ops make good use
Though nobody's quite certain
Where she gets the juice
We're also not certain
Where she learned Gentle Fist
And though she had no permission
The Hyuugas aren't pissed
She had six Kekkei Genkai
The last time we knew
And she makes twice as many
Shadow Clones as you
She made Jounin at nine
And captained Black Ops at twelve
But far into her past
It's not wise to delve
And that arranged marriage
That won't go away
Was to Sasuke, or Neji
Despite what they say!
And so, Naruto,
Any questions now?"
"Uhm, yeah, pervy Sage,
Who's that silly cow?
With the double-D boobs
And that short tight skirt
And why doesn't she know
That ANBU don't flirt?"
"GASP! You idiot boy!
Naruto, now run!
I warned you 'bout this
That talk wasn't for fun!"
"Talk, what talk? Did you keep
Lecturing? 'Cause I toned out
After 'luscious of body,'
You pervy old lout."
"Ungrateful brat! Idiot
Fool! You have no idea what
This could cost us, so run
And just keep you eyes shut!
OOOOO
Next Chapter:
Jiraiya gets snared!
Horrors ensue!
If you'd like to read it,
Please leave a review!
