As I climb into the impala, whiskey in one hand the keys in another, I make my decision. I load the gun and toss it into the worn black passenger seat .
Sammy's seat. Sam's empty seat blankly staring back at me. If I look hard enough, I can see him sitting there with his laptop. About to say some sarcastic remark, no doubt.
I put the keys into the ignition and start my baby up. Taking a swig from the bottle before backing out of the shady run down bar.
Sammy wouldn't have approved, me drinking and driving.
Well I wouldn't be here in the first place, if he didn't leave. Kinda his fault really. Actually this is all his fault, he left me no choice. My pain in the ass little brother needs me.
I turn on the radio to calm my nerves. Wouldn't want to end it all before I visited him. Hey Jude comes on. Mom used to sing this to me.
Hey Jude don't make it bad.
Mom, Dad, Bobby, Cas, and now Sam. Why must everyone I love die? Why did they have to leave me alone? There only has been one constant, me.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Yeah I was going to make it better. After all I can't leave Sammy up there by himself It reminds me dad's last words, to take care of Sam. I've already failed them both once might as well set this all right.
Remember let her into your heart.
Sam was in my heart and there was no way I could continue this way. I needed my brother, and I knew it. I swerved over the yellow line. The Impala swung over a bit, skidding. I always thought Sammy needed me, but I need him.
Then you can start to make it better.
I guess I was more drunk than I thought, though another swig takes some of the pain. After all I loved him and he left me. He has to realize death won't keep us apart, we are brothers. Nothing can keep us apart.
I had the gun for that reason after all.
Hey Jude don't be afraid.
I sure as hell am not afraid. I'm ready for it, or so I told myself.
You were made to go and get her.
The gun still layed safely in his seat. I was going to be with him if it was the last thing I did, and I knew this as I sang along for the last time. I will never hear this song again. The thought hurt like a bitch.
Theminute you let her get under your skin.
Only half a mile to the cemetery. Another swig. Another missed stop. Don't worry,Sam, big brother is coming.
The you begin to make it better
. These lyrics made me think. Is this what Sam would want from me? Another drink to chase the pestering thought away.
The gun taunted me with its metal gleam.
Anytime you feel the pain.
Hey Jude restrain.
Sam wouldn't want this. For me to take my life because he lost his. Mom won't want this. Dad would call me a coward. Sam's , though the pain is unbearable to stand, opinion would have mattered the most. Mine doesn't mean a thing in comparison. He'd be shattered to hear what I was planning to do if he wasn't dead himself. I ... I couldn-
Don't carry the world opon your shoulde-
Metal on metal.
Sparks and crippling pain.
The gun, flying threw the windshield.
So did I .
Laying in a pool of blood and pain, I'm disgusted to say, I welcomed the end.
Blood tripping into my eyes I knew it was the end. I'm coming Sam .
Dad always said all hunters would die an honorable death with a gun in there hand. A death someone could be proud of.
I was a disappointment him even now. What hurt worse was what Sammy would have thought. Me trying to take my self away from it all. A coward.
I guess that's what I do. Let down the people I love. As my life faded away I had one last though.
Big brother's coming.
