My day by Lisa Simpson
7:00am – Malibu Stacey alarm clock goes off. Wake up run to the bathroom. Bart has beaten me to it, again.
7:15am – Finally get into the bathroom. Clean my teeth, wash etc.
7:30am – Get downstairs for breakfast. Bart has scoffed his Krusty O's and is now watching the TV.
7:45am – Finish my breakfast and collect my pack lunch from Mum. Then wait at the door anxiously for the school bus.
8:00am – School bus about to arrive. Bart hasn't packed his bag. He runs around urgently stuffing his bag with anything vaguely school related.
8:05am – School bus arrives. Bart remembers that he is meant to bring in a book today. He runs upstairs and finds a Radioactive Man comic… idiot.
8:10am – On school bus. Nelson, Millhouse, Lewis and Wendel have all brought in the same 'book' as Bart. Bart begs me to give him a different book out my bag. Very annoying.
8:12am – Nelson gives Bart a wedgie for annoying me. Does he still have feelings for me?
8:20am – Arrive at school. Go straight to class. Bart runs to the school library.
8:30am – School begins. Mrs Hoover is ill, again. School forgot to provide our class with a substitute. Cue inane chatter amongst my immature classmates. I read through my book.
8:45am – Still no substitute. Skinner is running around the corridors panicking while Superintendent Chalmers is chasing him.
9:00am – Substitute teacher arrives. Fat, nerdy and sarcastic. He's lecturing us about comic books.
9:30am – BANG! Bart?
9:45am – School evacuated. Cause unknown.
10:00am – Janey says that Bart set fire to a hydrogen balloon. Where did he get that?
10:15am – Recess. See Bart in Principal Skinner's office. He makes hand signals through the window. Something about needing a new science project for tomorrow.
10:30am – Recess finally over. Back to class. Teacher teaching us about the differences between DC and Marvel comics. At least we are reading.
11:00am – Fire alarm goes off. Bart?
11:15am – Not Bart this time but the Lunch lady. Janey says we will be sent home if we cannot be fed.
11:45am – Fire brigade have been in the school for 25 solid minutes.
Midday – Fire brigade emerge from the school. Apu seems to have Industrial Brand School Ice Cream on his lips and Ned Flanders's breath definitely smelt distinctly of Sloppy Joes.
12:15pm – Still outside. Waiting for the teachers to make an announcement.
12:30pm – We are being sent home. Everyone is cheering. Bart is doing some weird dance to an audience. This is bad. Luckily I have my emergency study kit!
1:00pm – Arrive home. Dad didn't go to work again. He is lying on the sofa watching daytime TV. I think he is drunk. Mum is stressed out. She said her house isn't prepared for our return.
1:10pm – Time to make up for lost study time.
1:30pm – It'd be a lot easier to study if Bart and his friend didn't insist on playing video games so loudly.
2:00pm – Why won't they just shut up?
3:00pm – School would of finished now so I'm going to take a break. I'll go watch some Krusty.
4:00pm – Krusty was good but I still say the old episodes were better. Time to do my homework.
4:30pm – That stupid substitute teacher set us a ridiculous homework. Compare Batman Issue #107 with Radioactive man Issue #237. But I suppose homework is homework.
5:00pm – Teatime and then Mom wants us to watch this movie that Oprah recommended. Sounds lame.
7:30pm – Movie was lame but Dad and Bart kept making jokes. Made the whole experience bearable.
8:00pm – Start to write my diary, my e-diary, my blog, my e-blog and my twitter.
9:00pm – Finished. I'm now completely up to date in cyberspace.
9:15pm – Start reading 1984.
9:30pm – Animal Farm is better because although I appreciate the complexity of the issue in 1984 nothing can compare to the effect of the extended metaphor in Animal Farm.
9:45pm – Update my diary, e-diary, blog, e-blog and twitter with my thoughts on the works of George Orwell. 3 comments already. Janey doesn't know what I am talking about.
10:00pm – Time to hit the hay. I've had more productive days.
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