Warning: Major spoilers for anime up to and possibly past the end of thesoul society arc.
Okay. For a while I was really restless writing-wise, and I was just itching to write something. I was obsessing over GinKira at the time, and so just to write something I just started typing with Kira and Gin in mind. It just grew overtime, and I wrote a lot at first. As I started to slow down and look back on it, I was thinking I should try to wrap it up and make it a one-shot, but that just wasn't working.
This is pretty much a fic for me to write when I feel like it, in whatever wayI feel like. I started branching off incertain directions, then backtracking and going in entirely different ones. I'm putting up everything that I've written excluding the tidbit at the end that as of now is only half-written. There will be more chapters, this on is just really long with sections. yeah. I actually read through this a few times, so hopefully I cought at least most of the grammar/etc mistakes. Cept for in this a/n of course, cuz I'm lazy.
And on another note, I will be updating my FMA fic soon. I haven't actually started the next chapter yet, but I have made a lot of progress on shaping the background story for Roy and you-know-who. Once I get it more developed then I'll try to stick it in somewhere. Keep a lookout.
Disclaimer: If Bleach were mine, Renji would stop being an idiot for a day and pounce Ichigo.
P.S. I base mystuffs on the Lunar fansubs of the bleach episodes, including Gin's dialect. You'll notice that I usually say Captain and Lieutenant in text, and say Taichou and Fukutaichou in dialogue. I do this cuz I feel like it and I like it better when they say taichou etc. As I said, this is sort of a free-write for me, and I just write it however I like best.
This was a normal day in Soul Society for Kira, and of course with a normal day comes the normal paperwork. Most of the lower-ranked Shinigami in the Gotei 13 seemed to think that the Lieutenants also acted as part-time secretaries for their Captains when not off fighting hollows or discussing matters at the daily meetings. This is not entirely true.
Who does the paperwork in the Captain-Lieutenant ranks is, for most, a matter of preference. Although for some the Captain may order their Lieutenant to do it, or they may both dump it onto those ranked 3rd or 4th in their division. Some just do it when they feel like it, which often leads to a verbal thrashing from old man Yama.
For Izuru, it was a bit unpredictable. The majority of the time he would go to his office after the daily morning Lieutenant's meeting and do paperwork until noon, by which time he would usually be finished. If not, he would simply skip lunch. However, sometimes Kira would notice his office door ajar while on his way to the meeting, and when he returned his desk would be empty of papers. He couldn't find any set pattern to these visits, only that it happened once or twice every two or three weeks.
Sometimes his captain would walk in while he was working. As far as Kira could tell Ichimaru never actually walked in; his first warning of the Captain's presence was always a warm breath on his neck and some silver strands falling into the corner of his vision. The first time Gin had done this, Kira had practically jumped out of his seat, almost knocking the desk over. Once he had reorganized himself (with quite a bit of apology), he had to force himself to keep writing with a steady hand as the Captain watched over his shoulder. The next time this happened he barely flinched, and not long after that he didn't react at all to Gin's sudden appearance over his shoulder other than with a "Good morning, Ichimaru Taichou." Which would be answered with a "Mornin', Izuru." And after a while he would leave as suddenly as he came. At first this only happened two or three times a week, but now it happened almost every day. On the days he didn't come, Kira found himself worrying about where his Captain was rather than concentrating on paperwork, causing him to skip lunch those days. After all, he only needed to eat if he expended reiatsu, and that only happened on days that he trained or fought hollows.
Kira had just left the morning meeting and was headed back to his office. The day's paperwork was stacked neatly on his desk. He set to work, secretly anticipating his Captain's daily visit. It came to be around the time Gin would enter, and he tested himself to see if he could notice when his Captain entered the room (he still hadn't managed it). The minutes slowly ticked by, and his Captain did not appear. At some point he looked up at the clock and was surprised to realize it was lunchtime, and he still had half of the stack of paperwork to go through. Brushing away his sense of disappointment he tried to wrap up as quickly as possible, but it was still late into the afternoon by the time he finished.
So the Captain was busy today. That's all it was. It had happened before. Kira gathered up the finished papers and left his office to deliver them to 4th squad, who handled the distribution and collection of paperwork. He handed them into Captain Unohana with a good afternoon and left to go find Renji and Hinamori for their usual sparring match.
The next day came, and Gin still didn't show up in his office. The same happened the next day, and the next, and soon a week had passed with no visits from his Captain. Wherever else he saw Gin, it always seemed as if he were avoiding him. Either that or he just suddenly had somewhere else to go whenever Kira showed up in his field of vision. He found himself inexplicably depressed, and the Captain leaving whenever he entered a room only worsened it.
That day Kira was carrying the day's load of paperwork to the 4th squad office. He couldn't explain it, but somehow he couldn't seem to concentrate on his work anymore and would often catch himself staring out a window or toying with his pen. It was almost evening by the time he had finished. Kira turned a corner and found Ichimaru lip-locked with another Shinigami. A male Shinigami. Kira felt an explosive mixture of rage, confusion and betrayal building quickly in his chest against his will. He ran up to them, losing his grip on his paperwork and littering the ground with sheets of paper.
"T...Taichou! What on earth...?"
Gin pulled out of the kiss abruptly, and the other Shinigami leaned against the wall, tittering girlishly and obviously drunk beyond wits. Kira couldn't seem to think clearly and lifted a hand to his forehead, and for some reason the only thought he could manage was Ichimaru Taichou smiles even when he's kissing...
"Izuru- Hey Izuru, you feelin' alright? You're lookin' mighty pale..."
Kira didn't hear the rest, as his raging emotions suddenly died down to nothing and his vision went blank.
When he opened his eyes, it was dark. He blinked a few times and tried to rub his eyes, but found that an I.V. was stuck in his arm. He yelped and pulled it out as he sat up. He had a deathly fear of needles that only Unohana knew about. He covered his arm where the needle had been with his hand and shuddered. He looked around, squinting in the darkness to try and make out his surroundings. Kira was surprised to find that he was in his own room, with an I.V. feed set up next to his bed. He pushed the needle farther away with a grimace, and in doing so noticed something out of place in the corner of his eye. He looked up and to his horror found Ichimaru sitting in a chair with his arms crossed underneath his Captain's robe.
"Oh- Taichou, I...um...?"
Kira realized then that Gin was actually asleep. It was almost an indistinguishable difference to his normal look, as his eyes were so narrow. He even still held a slight smirk in his sleep. Kira bit his lip, unsure of what to do now. He was feeling a little dizzy, and didn't think he'd make it over to his Captain without passing out again, but it seemed awkward to wake him by calling his name. He sat there in indecision, watching his Captain's chest slowly rising and falling in his sleep, and caught himself falling into a sort of trance just watching the movement. It occurred to him then that his Captain was sleeping in his room.
"Um... Ichimaru Taichou?"
Gin lifted his head slightly, which seemed to be the only indication that he had awoken. He uncrossed his arms and stood up, pulling his robe back on and widening his smile as he stepped closer to Kira's bed.
"Oh, Izuru, you're awake."
Kira remembered now what he had seen before blacking out, and he lowered his eyes slightly, but didn't look away. He fell back into his recent depression and spoke in a dull voice reflected by his eyes.
"My deepest apologies. It was wrong of me to interfere in the Taichou's personal affairs."
Gin walked up to Kira and placed his hands on his shoulders, gently pressing him back into the bed. Kira was too surprised by this to do anything other than realize his black haori had been removed and he was wearing only the white kimono and hakama underneath.
"You jus' lie down an' relax. Accordin' to Unohana Taichou, you ain't been eatin' near enough to keep up with how much reiatsu you been usin'. Got yourself all excited an' passed out."
Kira let himself be pressed down onto the pillows, glum realization hitting him. He hadn't eaten lunch for a week now, and he had even skipped dinner yesterday due to unexplained loss of appetite, even though he had been sparring much more than usual along with three minor Hollow missions. Breakfast was unnecessary, as you don't need reiatsu in your sleep, obviously. He never ate much at meals to begin with. A faint blush slipped onto his cheeks at his own idiocy.
"Ah...sorry. I hadn't really been keeping track... uh, Ichimaru Taichou."
Gin's brows rose slightly. "Oh? Ya never got hungry?"
Kira fidgeted slightly, both at the question and at the fact that his Captain had still not removed his hands from his shoulders.
"I...um..."
Was depressed because you didn't come to visit me in my office like you used to every day? He desperately wracked his brain for a bogus reason, as he knew the Captain wouldn't be satisfied without a convincing excuse. He was concentrating so thoroughly on this that he didn't notice a deeper blush creeping onto his face, and didn't notice the warmth of Gin's hand caressing his cheek. At least, not for the first two seconds. He jumped and looked up at his Captain's face. His grin was still there, but he had an almost lustful expression on his face. That look and the memory of before he passed out caused something to snap. He scrambled up and pressed his back against the wall behind his bed, ripping Gin's hands away from his face and shoulder.
"Don't touch me! Am I supposed to be your plaything now until you move onto some other man? Seems you've tired of that drunkard quickly enough!"
Kira clamped a hand over his mouth and slowly slumped back down onto his pillows, breathing heavily and horrified at his own outburst. He turned his face away.
"F-forgive me. I was out of place. Punish me as you see fit."
Silence reigned for what felt like hours, but he knew in reality to be mere minutes. He didn't dare remove his hand from his mouth, and studied the texture of the carpet next to his bed until his breathing slowed. His stomach began to churn as he realized that he might be severely punished for such a breach of a Captain's private life. He managed a discreet glance at Gin, only to find his face too shadowed in the darkness to see his expression.
"...Sorry to disturb ya, Kira Fukutaichou. I'll jus' be on my way."
Kira swung his head around, but Gin was already gone.
Kira leaned back on his pillows, feeling somehow worse than before and yet completely restless. Kira, you idiot... butting in on the Taichou like that! Not only that, but you spoke entirely out of line on some stupid fleeting rage. He'll probably never call me Izuru again, much less visit me in my office... He had stared at the ceiling for barely a minute before letting out an agitated groan and throwing his sheets aside. He dressed and stepped quietly to the door.
It was nighttime outside and close to the new moon, which explained the darkness in his quarters. He took one step before realizing that he had nowhere to go in the dead of night. He felt extremely awkward for a moment before deciding to simply go on a walk. He glanced around; of course there was no one to see his moment of indecision. He weaved around random buildings, the faint glow of the moon casting dim reflections off of the stone walls surrounding him. He rarely stopped to actually look at the structures around him. He had no fear of becoming lost in the all-too-familiar city. He eventually sunk into a daze induced by the night, watching the ground pass by beneath his feet and aware of nothing else. A hollow crash broke his stupor. Turning to face the noise, he found it was only a crow that had managed to knock over a trashcan in search of food. The moonlight caught on the bird's slick feathers, making them almost appear silver, giving it an uncanny resemblance to his Captain's hair... Kira shook his head and shooed the bird away. It cawed indignantly and flew off. He turned down the walkway where the bird had been. The buildings here were very tall and close together with no windows, an alley. Almost as soon as he began walking into the much darker and confined space, he began to regret it, claustrophobic queasiness taking over. He stopped, swallowed, and closed his eyes. After a moment he forced himself to keep walking. He needed to overcome this fear in case he ever needed to enter a confined space on a mission. Despite that to encourage him, he had not managed to conquer it yet. He pushed on, and against his will his breathing slowly became faster and heavier and cold sweat ran down his face. The alley didn't seem to have a visible end, and he made the mistake of looking over his shoulder. He couldn't see the entrance anymore, and his heart leapt against his rib cage. He backed against a wall and whimpered, sliding down it while clutching his chest. Damn it... why can't I get over this stupid fear...! He pulled himself up on shaky legs and crouched, pushing himself off the ground and onto the shingled rooftops above the alley. Too late he realized through his terrified haze he should have calculated a farther jump. One foot landed on the very edge of the roof, but it was not enough leverage and he slipped backwards. His stomach lurched as his balance was lost and he began to panic. He yelled as he fell back down, cut off with a weak cry as his head hit the wall behind him with a sickening crack and his legs crumpled under the weight of his fall. White lights burst across his vision. Now on his knees, he fell to the side, smearing a streak of crimson across the white stone behind his head. He barely felt any pain, but he couldn't seem to move. His heart was hammering in his chest and he was beginning to hyperventilate. He felt like the walls were converging on him, suffocating him, and he tried to scramble to his feet. He yelped as white-hot pain shot through his ankle and his head began to pound. He slumped down against the wall. As the seconds ticked by he only became more and more panicked. Despite this, he didn't pass out, but remained painfully conscious. Hot tears streamed down his face and dripped onto his robes, and blood seeped through his hair to leak from his bangs. A sudden thought occurred to him before he finally blacked out. I don't recognize this alley...
Warm sunlight streamed through an open window and onto the bed, made even brighter by artificial lighting in the room. He could easily tell that he was in the 4th squad hospital building, as he had been brought here many times before. As if on cue of his awakening, the door opened and a brown-haired man slipped inside. Kira jumped and winced at the bolt of pain that shot through his head.
"Aizen Taichou! Why are you here?"
Aizen smiled and the sunlight caused an opaque sheen to appear on his glasses. "Ah, so you're awake, Kira-kun. I was worried, so I came to check on you."
Aizen sat down in a chair placed next to the bed. Kira leaned back on his pillows to ease the throbbing in his head. He could easily tell that it had been bandaged. He moved his ankle a bit, and found it to only be slightly sore. I must have just twisted it a little.
Aizen watched Kira closely, concern evident in his face. "Kira-kun, could you tell me what happened to you last night?"
Kira grimaced before nodding. He recounted what had happened, looking down in shame when he revealed his hidden claustrophobia problem and the resulting consequences. Once he had finished, Aizen's expression was unreadable behind the light reflected on his glasses.
"Please understand Kira-kun, I have the utmost trust in you, and I believe what you tell me. However, we found you at the end of a wide street, and all the buildings nearby were no taller than eight feet."
Kira jerked his head towards Aizen and froze, forgetting to breath for a moment. Confusion and dismay began to well up in the pit of his empty stomach.
"That can't be right... the alley went on forever, and the buildings must have been at least twelve feet..."
Aizen opened his mouth, but a silhouette appeared abruptly at the door and it was slammed open hard enough to send splinters of wood scattering onto the floor. It was Ichimaru. He looked furious, his smile had been replaced with a scowl, and his entire body shook with pent-up rage. Kira cringed, this was the first time he had ever seen his Captain display more emotion than a smile. His eyes were open, making him appear extremely dangerous. He was glaring at his former Captain.
"AIZEN!"
Kira had covered his head with his arms and drawn his legs up to his chest. The Captain's reiatsu was fully exposed, and pressing down on him without mercy. Aizen sat calmly turned around in his chair, entirely unaffected by the onslaught of power. Gin glanced past him at Kira, and he concealed his reiatsu almost immediately. He took a step as if to walk to Kira's side, but he stopped and drew his foot back, resting his crimson gaze coldly on Aizen. "You fucking bastard!" His long arm snapped out and gripped the collar of Aizen's robes, dragging him to his feet and out the door. The Captain made no move to resist. Kira could have sworn he saw a small smirk growing on Aizen's face as he was forced out of the room.
Kira slowly worked himself out of his fetal position, finding that he was a bit sorer than he had anticipated. Once he was fully stretched back out on the bed he closed his eyes. He was about to figure out what to do next when he heard shouts in the next room. Scrambling to his feet, he swayed once before pulling a chair up to the wall and standing on it to peek through the small hole high in the wall placed there for hell butterflies to easily travel from one room to the next. He saw Gin standing on the far side of the room, with no apparent change in his temper. Aizen was pacing back and forth, slowly, with measured strides.
"-no need to be so angry, Gin."
"No need to be angry? Yah used yo' sword's ability on him! An' for-"
Aizen was no longer pacing, but had appeared in front of Gin with one finger pressed over the other's lips in a silence gesture.
"I've told you time and time again. Do not mention my Zanpakuto's abilities, no matter how safe it may seem to do so." He drew his hand away. "As for Kira-kun, yes, I used it on him. He is only causing you grief and confusion. I can find you a much better pawn soon enough. In the meantime, he must go."
Gin's anger only seemed to elevate during this. "You..."
Aizen smirked and disappeared, now behind Gin. He grasped the other's waist and thrust his hips against Gin's buttocks. Aizen leaned in next to his ear. "You are mine, and I will keep it that way even if I have to kill that brat. I cannot allow the queen to be taken by the hands of a pawn." Gin wrenched himself from Aizen's grip, his eyes narrowed almost to their normal thinness in disgust and his mouth was in a taught line across his face, teeth clenched.
"Don' you ever touch me again Aizen Sousuke, or I'll kill ya."
Aizen laughed. "You know that's impossible, and despite your feelings for that boy, I know you couldn't hurt me."
Gin was now behind Aizen, with Shinsou pressed against the other's throat.
"Don'. I'm only warnin' yah this one time."
He sheathed Shinsou and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.
Kira was trembling violently, a hand shoved in his mouth to stifle any sounds he might have made. His former Captain's utter change in personality had seemed to completely shatter a part of his mind. Aizen Taichou... He couldn't accept that the man he had known, gentle and kind and always there to help when you're in need, was a completely different and evil person underneath. No...Maybe there's reasons behind this, there always are...right? Aizen's eyes snapped to the butterfly hole, and Kira could have sworn his heart stopped in his chest. The Captain's face barely moved, just a slight crease in the brow and a downward turn of the lips, but it told enough of hate. Kira's head suddenly blossomed with pain, and he clutched at it, futilely trying to stop the growing ache. His surroundings seemed to melt and shift and change, and he whimpered, losing his balance once again and falling backwards off the chair as his surroundings lost all definition. Then Gin was there, and it all was back to normal in a flash, and his head no longer hurt so horridly. He looked up at Gin, who had kneeled down and caught him in his arms just before he would have hit the floor. Gin's eyes were closed once again, but he was trembling as badly as Kira had been. He looked... afraid. Kira's eyes widened as he realized that he could read his Captain's face like a book Fear that Aizen would go to far, fear that he would never return his love, fear of being afraid. Fear to do anything more than hold him. Kira bit his lip and shook his head, salty water beginning to streak down his face. "Taichou, you idiot!" And he wrapped his arms around Gin, holding him as if letting go would cost him his life. Disbelief and surprise flashed onto Gin's face, then he was smiling, but nothing like the mask he always wore. He pulled Kira into his lap and just held him there, slightly rocking back and forth as Kira cried into his chest.
In the other room, Aizen was sitting on a chair in the corner, brooding, and biding his time.
Yumichika walked joyfully down the hall, more like skipping than walking. He had just spent a few hours admiring himself in the mirror, trying different kinds of perfume, and preening in general. Now he was in one of his I'm-beautiful-and-oh-so-happy-for-it moods. He happened to remember a rumor running around that Lieutenant Kira had been injured somehow. He happened to be walking in the direction of Kira's hospital room on his way to get some skin lotion from Unohana. He stopped outside the door, humming merrily to himself and reached for the knob. He opened the door and froze, open-mouthed and staring at the 3rd Squad Captain cradling his sobbing Lieutenant in his arms on the floor. Yumichika made some weak choked noises, and Gin's head swerved around, glaring open-eyed at him. He gulped and quickly shut the door, walking off down the hallway dumbfounded, disoriented, and completely forgetting to pick up his lotion.
Eventually Kira fell asleep in Gin's arms, and he gently lifted him into bed. He walked to the door and opened it, looking over his shoulder before shutting off the light and walking out. So fragile. He left the building, still wearing a genuine smile that drew many confused stares from those who knew the difference.
Kira slept all day didn't wake until the next morning. A 4th squad member had come in and finished healing him during the night, and he found himself full of energy. He walked down to the morning meeting and saw that his office door was ajar. Grinning to himself he continued on his way, looking up at the sky the entire way there. Once the meeting was finished, he walked back to his office and peeked inside, but it was devoid of both papers and his Captain. A little disappointed, he went into the woods to where Renji and Hinamori would be sparring. When he arrived, they were doing stretches, but stopped when they saw him.
"Oh, Kira-kun, we heard what happened! Are you alright?"
Kira flinched. "You know what happened?"
Renji stepped forward. "Actually, all we heard is that 'Kira Fukutaichou was attacked in the middle of the night' or 'Kira Fukutaichou tried to jump onto a roof and missed' or 'That retard tried to bash his head in against a wall.' I for one would like to know what really happened."
Kira sighed in relief. But now he wasn't so sure what truly happened, with Aizen's strange actions. He decided to recount what he remembered, despite what Aizen had told him. Hinamori was sympathetic about his claustrophobia. Renji was not.
"Dumbass, why'd you never tell us? Not knowing something like that could cost us our lives in a tight spot!"
"Renji-kun, don't be so hard on him!"
"It's alright, Hinamori-kun. I thought I could get over it myself and never have to tell anyone. I'm sorry, I won't keep things from you anymore."
Renji grunted and picked up Zabimaru. "Let's do this already."
The sun had reached high above the trees by the time they stopped for a break. Hinamori spread out a homemade picnic on the grass, and they sat in a circle to eat and talk. Kira stayed silent most of the time, listening to the other's conversation and interjecting every now and then to add on a little. At some point Renji turned to Kira. "So, Kira, Yumichika tells me that he saw you and Gin in an interesting situation in your hospital room."
Kira looked up from his rice, blinking. Oh shit. "Eh- well- um-"
Hinamori looked inquiringly at Kira. "Remember what you said, Kira-kun, about not keeping things from us?"
They had him cornered. Kira thought back to what happened, and blushed furiously. He couldn't talk to them about that, at least not yet. Even if they didn't mind, he didn't think he had the nerve to tell them. "I...well..." It would be right on the tip of his tongue, only to whither away to knot itself in his chest. He just couldn't do it, even if he wanted to. Not yet. Just a little time to get used to the idea that he and his Captain were...
"Kira-kun?"
"...Please excuse me."
He stood up, bowed politely, and ran like a Menos was hot on his heels.
Review if you want. I'm continuing whether yah like it or not, this is my therapy writing, yes. -pets it-
