NO!
author: Ellender
Disclaimer This story and characters and everything else belong to JRR Tolkien, except for my OOC's
rated: T
summary: King Thranduil has invited many guests for a celebration...and for some reason, the guests are wooing and hitting on Legolas. What is going on?
warnings: lust, talk of sex, but no actual sex, humor, AU
Legolas, Thranduil, and many others
...
It was early morning in the woods of Mirkwood, and Legolas had been sleeping very soundly in his room. He heard a small noise, that woke him up slightly, but he ignored it, turned over and fell back into a lighter sleep. Then suddenly he was wide awake and sitting up in bed, eyes very wide, having heard something that was definitely louder. Then he heard some twigs snap, leaves falling. Yes, someone was climbing his tree. Who would be doing that this early?. He hated being woken up early in the morning unless it was for an important reason, and this definitely didn't feel like a good enough reason.
"All right; who's stealing into my room right now." He could hear muffled laughter and thought he recognized that snickering coming his way. "Whoever you are, go away, I don't feel like company right now. It's way too early to have to act civil to anyone, especially someone climbing up my tree; my own personal private escape route. GO AWAY! Whoever you are, I hate you, now leave!"
'A little cranky in the mornings, huh, Legolas? What's the problem? Do you have someone else up here with you? Are we interrupting something?"
"Oh, gods, it's you two...no, no, NO...Please, not you two...anyone but the Elves from Imladris! And Glorfindel and Erestor? " Legolas pulled his covers over his head and pretended to be crying. "Valar, save me, please..." Then from under the covers, he pulled his pillow over his face, and laid there for a moment, before sitting up in his bed and answering them. "Does it look like there's someone under these covers with me, or does it actually look like someone, anyone, could even fit under these covers with me?"
"Yes, it does look quite small for the Heir of Mirkwood," Erestor looked very puzzled.
"This bed is not MEANT for more than one person. I've had this same one since I was an Elfling, if you must know," Legolas snapped at him.
"But your father is King Thrand..."
"...Pain in the bum," Legolas rudely interrupted Erestor.
"You shouldn't talk about your father that way."
"Why not? He's MY father, he makes me crazy. I've had the same bed for 500 years. But that's ok, it's still very comfortable, and I'm hardly ever here, anyway. This whole room is still very childish. But it's my fault, really. I never bring the subject up."
"But you're living like a pauper, Legolas," Erestor continued.
"That's ok, I'm used to it being this way...at least I keep clean and have a few decent clothes...obviously unlike the two of you. Look at you, Legolas snickered.
Well, Glorfindel and I just got here from Imladris about 30 minutes ago. We came along with Lord Elrond and his twin brats..".They finally got a grin out of Legolas. "We thought that we needed a good walk."
"A walk? It take a month to get here from Rivendell by horse."
"Ok, a long run, then," he grinned.
"So what are you all doing here? Legolas asked curiously.
"We came for a visit," Glorfindel stated, finally joining the conversation. "Your father invited all of us to come for the spend time with the both of you."
"I don't think so, I have other plans..sorry," Legolas tried brushing them off.
"So, Legolas, what are those plans for the week?"
"And why are you asking me that, my Lord?" Legolas answered a little annoyed.
Glorfindel interrupted him. " If you're not really too busy, how would you like to spend some of that not all that busy time with us?"
"Why would I want to do that? I told you I have plans," Legolas answered him, a little uncomfortably..
Legolas looked at Glorfindel who was staring back at Legolas with a wide grin on his face. "Legolas,are you taken right now?" He asked very unexpectedly. Do you have anyone in particular in your life at this time? If not we're available at the moment and we love threesomes...and you of course."
"What?" Legolas yelled as he jumped out of bed, rubbing his bleary blood-shot eyes. He knew it was going to be a bad day getting up this early, but not this bad. He really saw this coming out of nowhere. "Am I available? Why would i have anything to do with either of you even if I was? What gave you the strange idea that I'm available, or that I"m gay?" Ok, he was getting extremely uncomfortable now.
"We never see you with a lady on your arm..."Erestor replied.
"So, do you ever see me on the arm of an Ellon, either? Doesn't that tell you something?"
A large gasp was heard in the room..."Oh, he is bi-sexual...and so full of surprises, isn't he?" as both Erestor and Glorfindel eyed Legolas lustfully up and down.
"No, I am not bi-sexual, either! Go away, just leave. This is none of your business...and why are you still standing there?"
" Well, no women and no men in your life...in your bed, he smiled and continued eyeing Legolas lustfully.. .What's wrong with you, my sweet?"
"NOTHING! And I am not your sweet!"
"So you've never had sex before at all? How exciting..We could pop a cherry here. .."
.Erestor looked at Legolas very mysteriously,."and I LOVE cherries. Oh, and the things I can always come up with for whipped cream he said as his finger, put it in his mouth and sucked very slowly and seductively, on it...oh, yes, the things I can do with that..."
"Get out of my room!" He threw on his blue satin night robe and walked briskly to the door to open it, as Glorfindel stepped in front of it. He leaned against the door blocking it, chewing on a twig, with his legs and arms crossed. no we wouldn't have gone that far, just try to give you a few ideas, kinky, bdsm-ish, or otherwise. and see if you could make it from there on your figure things out yourself
"So, what are your plans, you two? Rape me? Just take me here and now and have done with it? You are crazy!"
The two of them started to laugh and Erestor grabbed Legolas and threw him on his bed, jumped on him, held his hands over his head and kissed him very tenderly on the lips. "If you would like us to, we could.."
"But actually, you know us well enough to know we would never go that far, right?" he grinned.
Legolas just lay under him, glaring up at him with death in his eyes. Now it was time for Erestor to get nervous.
Glorfindel stepped forward to help his lover out with the situation. "No, Legolas, we would never do something like that...against your will, that is..." he smiled playfully, kneeled down and ran his hands through Legolas' unbraided hair, smelling deeply of it, and giving Legolas a small kiss, himself, very chastely, but looking at Legolas the whole time as if he wanted to devour him whole. "No, we would just try to give you a few ideas, kinky, bdsm-ish, or otherwise, and see if you could make it from there on your own., and figure things out yourself. See what you could do with it..."
"And why would you do this to me?" Legolas asked them with that death-look still in his blood-shot eyes.
"So you could see what it is to be with a real Ellon," Erestor began, but never got the chance to finish, as a fist came flying at his face and he slid clear across the room to the wall by the door.
'There, you've been shown the door, now go out of it and go away."
Glorfindel reached over to help Legolas and had to duck suddenly to avoid ending up sitting right next to Erestor on the floor by the door. "Oh, and by the way, I DO know a real Ellon, my father, and he is nothing like the two of you.! Could you leave now, please?" Glorfindel went over and helped Erestor up, who at the moment was rubbing his sore face and behind. They both turned as they were leaving. "Good day to you my Lord, perhaps we shall have the chance to enjoy your companionship again at dinner. Maybe your mood, will have improved by then. They bowed as they left. "Your Grace." They shut the door behind them and finally left.
Legolas slid off his bed, walked over, locked the door, and fell back on his bed, pulling the pillow over his head once again, growling. He knew this was going to be a bad morning, when he heard someone in his tree, but he had a very very bad feeling the day was only going to get worse. ' See what happens when you wake up early?' He thought to himself and smiled. Since Elrond, Elladan and Elrohir had all been mentioned by those two, having come to also spend the week with the Thranduil family, he really wondered if the twins at least had ulterior motives concerning him, too. He was sure Elrond wouldn't. He would never pursue Legolas and particularly in such a manner. He had been married before and had children. That all definitely counted for something. Even though he knew Glorfindel and Erestor were teasing him, mostly, he didn't think he could deal with that again. Especially not for the rest of this day. So feeling fairly certain that the day was his and his father's, and would be more 'suitor-free' from here on; he sighed, crawled under the covers, and went back to sleep...innocently not realizing where the rest of the day was going to lead...
TBC
Hey! I actually made a cliffie! Well, sort of...
