A/N: Not exactly sure where this story is going but, I like the way it starts. It is a little confusing though, with all the points of view switching back and forth. I believe you can tell who is talking where though.

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or any of the characters.

The angry red marks criss-crossed and laced up and down her arms. She was working non-stop and hadn't slept in almost three days. She was surviving solely on coffee, enough to even give him a run for his money. Not that it was something to be proud of.

She was done thinking about him; the pain he had caused her. She had given up everything to get to where she was today and she couldn't begrudge him happiness. Even if it hurt her every time he was with her. The blonde bimbo. They flaunted their relationship especially in the bullpen. Stolen glances across the room, caresses. Even standing closer than normal.

Whenever she saw them she wanted to puke. And that's when it started. It was just to ease the pain. And it had worked for a while, until everything got worse. Then it wasn't just cutting, it was not eating, drinking heavily after work. Every cut, every drink, every skipped meal just showed her that she was in control. That she had power.

NCIS

Every night, she tossed and turned her dreams haunting her. She stopped sleeping for fear of seeing what lay behind her eyes. So she buried herself in paperwork. At least that kept away the dreams of her father, and of him. No matter how many times she ran towards him, her father always pulled the trigger.

With him it was worse, it would start with them happy together and then, a bullet would pierce the skin in his chest. She watched him bleed out so many times that she had memorized, what bullet wound took the most time and which killed instantly. She would wake up screaming drenched in sweat, tears running down her face. She would shake herself awkae, grab some coffee and take a shower. She never went back to sleep after these dreams. They hurt too much.

She wasn't sure when exactly the cutting had started or when it had become a regular occurrence. At first she had just slipped when she was cutting an apple. But the stress that was released when the blade pierced her pale skin had liberated her. She was lucky it was winter; she could wear long sleeved shirts without anyone noticing the difference. She convinced herself that it was just to relieve the stress of her everyday life; it had nothing to do with him. No one had noticed. She didn't have a problem.

NCIS

He noticed, he knew something was wrong, she wore long sleeved-shirts more often, she didn't look like she had slept or eaten in a couple of days and she was drinking coffee like there was no tomorrow. The circles under her eyes, spoke volumes. She had lost the spark in her eye, and the clothes she was wearing swallowed her. But it wasn't his place to worry about her. Not anymore.

NCIS

Food. Even the thought of it made her feel sick. She couldn't even look at it without feeling the need to gag. She had eaten maybe an apple yesterday, but she couldn't remember. She had been throwing up steadily, especially after she ate. But it didn't matter; there was nothing left for her anymore. There was no one left for her anymore. Any chance of happiness outside of her job was lost. She had been motivated by her father's death but now that she had killed the bastard who had done it, she felt empty.

NCIS

She had started drinking again. It worried him more than it should. She was reckless when she was drunk. He wanted her to be safe. He would always love her no matter what happened. He didn't want to have to stand on the sidelines and watch her kill herself. He had watched it when she was chasing the frog, but he had promised himself he would not let her do that to herself again, and yet here she was. But this time it was worse, not only was she drinking, she wasn't eating.

NCIS

He was distant, intimate in some ways close in others. I loved him. He never loved me. Not with her always being there. I watched the way his eyes lit up when he saw her. The way he always shed away from my contact, especially in the bullpen when she was watching. The love and concern he had for her was palpable. There was nothing I could do, but get hurt. It wasn't worth that. Especially not when both of them were suffering.

NCIS

They had been dancing around each other since she came back three years ago. They were both hurting. She needed someone to knock sense into her. She was drowning. He was just watching her. Flaunting his newest ex-wife. I don't know how he missed the pain in her eyes every time she saw them together. I never pegged him as unobservant. They used to read each other so well. But now they couldn't even see what was right in front of them.

NCIS

A/N: Please review. Idea's are appreciated, and criticism is accepted.