How to Escape Your Life

Chapter 1:

The problem

Star Fox was a team of heroes. They were renowned across the system for their deeds. Ever since their victory against the aparaoids the public insisted that they live the rest of their lives in absolute splendor for having saved the lives of not only all the people on Corneria, but everyone in the Lylat system. This wouldn't be so bad if it didn't mean that Fox and his friends were constantly smothered by adoring fans, congratulating military figures, and the ever present, rude, prying paparazzi. Not only did they not have any breathing room, but they didn't even get a say in the matter.

"God. If I have to see one more frickin' camera flash before I fall asleep tonight, I WILL chuck it at the reporter that dares to try takin' another picture."

"Falco, calm down. There isn't anyway for them to get into our hotel rooms right now. We're on the twelfth floor with a locked door and blackout blinds over the windows." Fox couldn't deny it though. He had been sorely tempted to beat that last reporter's ass.

Who do they think they are asking personal questions like that? I wouldn't feel comfortable answering that on TV even if Krystal was my girlfriend. Oh, if only. His cheeks burned a little at the memory of a journalist asking Fox if he and Krystal had gone past first base yet. Before Fox had been able to say anything to the idiot, Krystal had dragged him off, knowing full well that he would most likely just stutter and embarrass himself in front of the whole of Corneria. His thoughts drifted even as the object of his thoughts entered the room.

"If only what, Fox?" Krystal loved playing with him this way. Reading his emotions was so easy she didn't even need her telepathic powers most times. When she did though, it always produced good results. Fox was never very articulate when he was taken off guard. This time was apparently no different.

"Krystal! Uhm.. I just meant, Uh… that, if uhm. If only I could…uhm.. you know, er." God that power is a blessing and a frikking curse! Fox mentally beat himself up while he struggled for an answer. The whole time Falco watched from behind, made eye contact with Krystal, who winked, and then returned his gaze towards the window he had been looking out. As Fox stuttered on, Krystal's grin grew larger. She had heard the whole thought, but this was to amusing to ignore.

He's so cute when he's like this. It's too bad he's to shy to do anything about those feelings of his. I might just have to push a little harder. I would if I weren't so damn tired from that last ceremony. The night had been spent at a feast where several important people gave long speeches and presented the team with another award. Just like the previous night, the night before that, and the night before that.

Fortunately for Fox, Slippy's arrival spared him from having to explain himself any further. The green toad slowly plodded in and collapsed on the bed.

"Boy, am I glad to be out of there. That was a nightmare! All those lights dried out my skin! I can't keep doing this you guys. It's taking too much out of me." His squeaky voice made everyone cringe for a moment as they adjusted. As much as Slippy was their friend, he still had his faults, even if he couldn't help them.

"Well, as sympathetic as we all are Slip, we don't really have a choice. I've tried asking Peppy to get the press to leave us alone, and to let everyone know we're busy. I thought that with his new position as General he'd be able to do something, but he says there isn't anything he can do. He actually ended up giving me a list of all the planned events that we still have to go to. We have to go to Aquas in a week. They have about seven celebrations planned there. Fichina only has two, thank God. Katina and Sauria have five parties planned each, and even Venom is going to throw something now that relations with them are getting better. At the rate things are going, I'll be surprised if I don't receive an invitation from Wolf saying 'You are all cordially invited to the Sargasso Space Station for a banquet in your honor.'"

This got the team to chuckle a little, even if they realized that their circumstances were looking pretty bleak at the moment.

"But Foxie, we ain't entirely without influence ourselves are we? We could just, I don't know, bop some reporter on the head till they get the idea that we don't do "house calls" anymore? Even if it didn't work, it might be fun."

"Falco! I may not have been on the team as long as you, but even I know you're going about this all wrong! You don't take A reporter and beat him up. You take several reporters and beat them up."

"Although I admit that this would be really enjoyable, I think we should get some sleep. We have to do this all over again tomorrow. If you don't want to fall asleep in the middle of the ceremony, then we should probably go to bed now. If one of us does, it isn't like they'd kick us out though. We are too famous for a little thing like that to get us off the hook." As the team moved towards their separate parts of the room, they all let out a groan of discomfort. They had been on their feet for several hours. Each of them had been required to give a speech on behalf of the team. That, and several other speakers had decided to be very longwinded about their gratitude towards the team's efforts. As they all lay down, Slippy suddenly jumped up, startling everyone.

"Wait a minute that's it!" His voice reached a peak thought unreachable. "Fox you're a genius!"

"Bloody hell Slippy! You landed on my foot! You're not the lightest of creatures you know." she growled.

"Sorry, sorry, but this might actually work!"

"Slip-up, shut the hell up, or explain what you're talking about, but don't just keep us all in the dark while we wait for you to finish rambling." Falco was more irritable than the rest. He'd been up since the day before because a reporter had managed to climb through the window to take pictures of the team sleeping. Thankfully, the blackout shades had taken care of that.

"Fox said that falling asleep wouldn't be enough to get us kicked out. So we need to do something that IS enough. Something so bad that we won't be invited to anymore parties or ceremonies or celebrations, but not something bad enough to get people to hate us." he squeaked

Fox sat there, dead silent as he contemplated all the possibilities of this idea. They could actually never have to worry about being stuck at another one of these stupid ceremonies. But if it didn't work, then they'd have embarrassed themselves all for nothing, which would be brought up at every future ceremony they went to. But would that really be any worse?

"Slippy, this just might work, but what specifically are you thinking?"

"What we'll do, is bring in a lot of alcohol. A lot. As in more than Falco has ever bragged of."

"Hey!"

"Well you do brag a lot."

"Because I can! I have drank that much!"

"Uh huh. Sure."

"I have!"

"Right."

"You don't believe me?"

"Nope."

"Irrelevant." Fox cut in. "Slippy, please continue."

"So we get really drunk, we say and do some really embarrassing things, and no one ever wants at a public gathering like this again!"

"We can make it even better and invite Star Wolf for a drunken brawl. I'd like to see how much liquor that lizard can hold." Said Falco smugly.

"I don't want to know what Panther is like drunk, especially around me. He's bad enough as it is."

At the thought of a drunken Panther trying to flirt with Krystal, Fox's temperature jumped a few degrees. He started chewing his lower lip. Krystal noticed this.

"Hey, you with us?" she inquired.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry about that." Krystal just laughed. He loved that sound. "Anyways, yeah. I like where this is going. It's short, simple, and effective. Step one: Bring lots of booze. Step two: Get totally shitfaced. Step three: Never go to a party again, unless we're running it. Let's do it."

A/N:

Hey. So let me know how this is so far. I'm new to this, so if anybody notices any large mistakes go ahead and point them out. Even flames are welcome. Thank you.

800M23