Directly after "Age of Steel" - Series 2, Episode 7
I do not own any part of Doctor Who.
Rose sat next to the Doctor, the doors of the TARDIS swung wide so they could admire the Carina Nebula, their legs dangling out into space. Rose was quiet, and the Doctor was unwilling to interrupt her private thoughts.
"I never meant to hurt him," she said abruptly. "It's just… when I met you, I realized how much more was out there, and I just sort of… outgrew him, you know?"
"Who? Mickey?"
"Yeah."
"Aw. Rose. He'll be okay, he's moving on, making a new life. What about you?" The Doctor looked at her, scrutinizing her face. He bumped shoulders with her affectionately. "So many places yet to see. We haven't even scratched the surface. You're not changing your mind about it now, are you?"
Rose smiled, "Course not. You aren't going to get rid of me that easily, Doctor."
He put his arm around her, thinking that he could not imagine getting rid of her, or moving on without her, like Mickey had done. Luckily, she was here next to him.
"Doctor?"
"Mmmm?"
"What do you think…" Rose took a deep breath.
"What do I think about what?" He looked at her properly now. She was gazing into his eyes.
"What do you think… about… me?" The Doctor gave her a puzzled look, so she hurried on, "I mean, I know what Mickey thought about me, and I THINK I know what you think of me, but you've never really said…" Rose turned and put one leg back inside the TARDIS so she could face him.
The Doctor frowned, then smiled his best smile, the one he kept for her. He pulled her to him in a tight hug, "Rose, Rose, Rose, I HAVE said it! I think you are the best! You're the best and most wonderful and most beautiful…" He pulled back, suddenly frowning at her again. "What do you think of me?"
Rose laughed, "Pretty much the same, I guess."
"So I'm beautiful, am I? Well, I was going more for dashing... with great hair, but I'll settle for beautiful." He ran his fingers through his hair as he said it, making it stand up more than usual, making her laugh again - the laugh that he could not do without. She took his hand and played with his fingers, almost absentmindedly.
"Doctor?"
"Yes, Rose?" He tried to be cheerful. Light. She obviously wanted to say more, and he did not know if he could bear it. She was still looking in his eyes and tracing her finger along his hand. She would need to stop that soon.
"Why haven't you ever…"
The Doctor caught her hand in his, stopping her fingers, "Yes?" What if she just said it? he thought. This thing that was always between them. Always in the way, yet always welcome. His hearts ached for her, all the time, yet he was afraid. What would happen when he had to say goodbye to her?
"Why haven't you ever kissed me?" She said it.
The Doctor gulped.
"Don't you want to kiss me?"
"Well, I…" he was flustered now. "It's not that I haven't wanted to kiss you at times, but…"
"At times?" she sounded a little resentful.
"No, no, really all the time, but, well, Rose, I HAVE kissed you."
"You have not! When?" she asked playfully, thinking he was making fun of her.
"Well, you wouldn't remember it, because you sort of… had all of time and space inside your head… and I kissed you just before I regenerated."
"I woke up on the floor of the TARDIS just before you regenerated."
"Yes, well it was right before that." His voice squeaked a bit as he said it.
"Why haven't you said anything before now?"
"Well, it was a bit of a delicate subject. You didn't remember. Actually, once YOU kissed ME, except you weren't you, you were Cassandra."
"Cassandra! What was she doing kissing you?"
"Well… I guess she couldn't resist," he winked at Rose.
"So I've kissed you twice and I don't remember either one?" She was teasing him now.
"Oh trust me, if you had kissed me when you were yourself and weren't absorbing all of time and space, you would definitely remember it."
"Really." She smiled mischievously, "Prove it." It was clearly a dare, and Rose leaned forward, cautious despite her carefree attitude, as if asking permission, and the Doctor could not stop her… no… could not resist her.
"Alright, maybe I will."
He was not sure who actually closed the distance between them, but when he kissed her soft full lips, his heartache intensified, and he could not resist putting all of himself into that kiss. Into her. A warning signal went off somewhere in his brain, but he ignored it, touching Rose's face as she parted her lips for him to kiss her more deeply. When they parted, Rose kept her eyes closed for a moment longer than he did.
"So, what do you think?" he asked a little breathlessly. His mind reeled; he couldn't believe he had just done that.
"Hmmmm," she opened her eyes and smiled. "Well, I think that for a first kiss, it was good, as kisses go."
"Only just good? Well, you must not have been concentrating properly."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah."
The Doctor leaned in this time, kissing her again, trying a different tactic, making it longer and slower. Rose responded by entwining her fingers in his hair, and he knew he had her now. When he pulled away this time, though, he was more serious. He remembered himself.
"Rose," he gently tugged her hands out of his hair. "Rose."
"Yes, Doctor?" She was still playful, still smiling.
He purposely made his face stern, "Rose, I'm sorry."
"Why?" She stopped smiling now, but took his hand again.
"Because we can't do this."
"Why not? Tell me, Doctor."
"Because we just can't, Rose!" The Doctor growled in exasperation and stood up, pulling her with him. He closed the doors to the TARDIS and walked to the console, meaning to end the conversation, but Rose walked up and hugged him from behind. She didn't say anything, just held him. The Doctor turned and gently tried to disentangle himself from her arms.
Rose touched his face, caressing his cheek while her other arm held him around the waist. He put both hands on her head, holding her there so he could look at her.
"Rose, don't you understand? Don't you see? Because if I let myself kiss you… if I let myself hold you… I won't be able to stop."
Rose put her hand on his chest and looked into his eyes, "Then don't stop, Doctor."
The Doctor held her gaze, his resolve melting. He hesitated for a moment longer before attacking her mouth with his own. He held her tighter, wrapping his arms around her as if he would never let go again, and he felt the tug on his hearts overwhelm him. A warmth rose in his body as he pressed himself to her, and she kissed him back with her own urgency.
They kissed like that until it was not enough to be kissing, and when The Doctor's hand moved up the back of Rose's shirt to feel her smooth skin, she smiled in encouragement. He broke off the kiss, holding onto one shred of control, one last check to make sure this is what she wanted.
"Rose…"
Rose held her finger to his lips, "Shhh… I want this. I want you."
The Doctor smiled and picked her up in his arms, excitement beating through both of his hearts. "I want you, too," he admitted. "For ever so long." And when he kissed her this time, the warning signal in his mind had vanished, and he knew nothing would ever be the same.
