Chapter 1:

Here they come; two rounds.

In the beginning there were the Light Warriors who fought against Chaos, next in line were the warriors who fought for the crystals, and then were the warriors who fought against Kefka. In the future time you have the AVALANCHE who fought against Sepheroth, next you have the SeeD who fought against Ultimechia, then the warriors who fought for Terra against Kuja, and finally the warriors who defeated the monster Sin. All brought together to see which is the ultimate... Final Fantasy!

" Here they come ascending into the coliseum, The Light Warriors!" said Beowulf.

" That's right. They saved the world against Chaos!" said Baba.

(Crowed applauses, whistles, hoots, howls, etc.)

" Look at this its the Avalanche, saving the world from Sepheroth!" said Baba.

( Crowed applauses, except for the Shin-ra soldiers)

" Boo, boo, boo get 'em off the stage, kill'em all!" exclaimed the Shin-ra soldiers.

" Flooding in are the Seeds who saved the world! YEAH WOOOOHOOOOOO!" exclaimed Beowulf.

(crickets, cockroaches and lots of other annoying bugs make bug noises.)

" Yeah, oook. Nobody gives a damn," said Baba.

" Look it's the ones who beat that cross-dressing freak, Kuja." said Baba.

( Yells and whistles from most of the guys for Dagger. The girls mutter, " The princess dies at midnight...")

" Hey! I'm am not a cross-dresser... I'm just gender confused. NOBODY understands me!" exclaimed Kuja as he runs out of the coliseum crying.

" It's ok man just walk it off, walk it off." said Beowulf.

" And look it's the guys who saved the world from that one guy. You know the unimportant evil thingy." said Baba.

" Yeah him. That one guy. Ahh hell I can't remember his name." said Beowulf.

(Crowd could obviously not give a damn.)

" Yeah ok. (puts his hand over the mic.) Who the hell is he. It's biting my mind." said Beowulf.

" And last but not least the people who dropped a continent on the planet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. WELL NOBODY GIVES A DAMN, REALLY!" said Beowulf.

" Come on man. Let it go. So what if they dropped a continent on your kitty, just let it go," said Baba.

" Look, Mr. Poppy Pants was my best friend, ok," said Beowulf on the brink of crying.

" Ok man! (slaps Beowulf) It was stuffed! Don't you get it? S-T-U-F-F-E-D. Not real. " exclaimed Baba.

So as the rest of the crowed piled into the old roman style coliseum. The person in the pianist's chair started playing some battle music... it was the FF1 shop music. Needless to say the pianist was shot. Badly. In many places. Like, ya know, places guys shouldn't get shot. The pelvis. Gees, what are you people thinking. Did you think I was going to say his balls. You're so sick. Smack yourselves for being sick. Anyway on with the story.

" The first fight is... Rydia vs. Zidane!" yelled Baba.

" This should be a great fight, Baba." said Beowulf.

" Yep, a real good one. Zidane has speed and strength, but Rydia has the ability so summon monsters. Let's watch..." said Baba as he gets interrupted by the fight.

- On the coliseum battling area-

Rydia: Hah, what a loser. I asked for a man and you send me a, a, a, a, monkey!

Zidane: You called me a monkey! Well I'm gonna kill you, you, you witch.

Rydia: (sigh) oh not another dead guy. And he's was sort of cute.

Zidane: Cute? I'm much more than cute. I'm damn sexy. With a capital s. Oh Rydia, you want beefcake.

Rydia: Not from your funky monkey bakery.

Zidane:(mutter, mutter, swear, swear).

Zidane runs up and attacks Rydia with his daggers. He cuts Rydia's dress at the shoulder.

Rydia: Oh you PERV. Sicko trying to look down a ten year old's dress.

Zidane: Your ten! you can't be ten... (softly out loud) look at her rack.

--- simultaneous interruption from the announcers---

" She's ten?! Wow!" said Beowulf.

" Technically she ten because she went into this freaky warp thing that made her age rapidly when in reality it was like a year or so. So that happened when she was like 8 or 9." said Baba.

" How did you know that?" asked Beowulf.

" It says it on the teleprompter." replied Baba.

" Oh ok, I feel stupid," said Beowulf.

---interruption over---

Rydia: Oh that's too much. I summon thee, Titan!

Titan popping up from the ground: Yes, my lady.

Rydia: Attack that pervervy man.

Titan: Yes, ma'am.

Zidane: Oh yeah! I'll beat this steroid freak!

Titan: Steroid freak?

Zidane (trance): OH yeah. Grand Lethal, Fated Circle, Grand Lethal. Huh how's that?

Titan: Fine.

Zidane: Grand Lethal, Solution 9, oh yeah, Meo twister, Stellar Circle 5, take that, Shift Break, Scoop Art, hoo haw, Tidal Flame, Free energy. Grand Lethal, Solution 9, oh yeah, Meo twister, Stellar Circle 5, take that, Shift Break, Scoop Art, hoo haw, Tidal Flame, Free energy. Grand Lethal, Solution 9, oh yeah, Meo twister, Stellar Circle 5, take that, Shift Break, Scoop Art, hoo haw, Tidal Flame, Free energy. Grand Lethal, Solution 9, oh yeah, Meo twister, Stellar Circle 5, take that, Shift Break, Scoop Art, hoo haw, Tidal Flame, Free energy. Grand Lethal, Solution 9, oh yeah, Meo twister, Stellar Circle 5, take that, Shift Break, Scoop Art, hoo haw, Tidal Flame, Free energy. Grand Lethal, Solution 9, oh yeah, Meo twister, Stellar Circle 5, take that, Shift Break, Scoop Art, hoo haw, Tidal Flame, Free energy. Grand Lethal, Solution 9, oh yeah, Meo twister, Stellar Circle 5, take that, Shift Break, Scoop Art, hoo haw, Tidal Flame, Free energy. 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Oh yeah all tranced out.

Titan: (yawn) (damage counter: 15)

Zidane: (tired) uh uh uh uh... Ok I win.

Titan: (drinks potion) refreshing.

Zidane: That's cheating!

Titan: Look who's talking trance-boy. Earth Shaker!

Titan lifts up the ground and throws a big chunk of it at Zidane, defeating him.

- In the announcer's box-

" Ouch! Poor monkey-boy. He'll be feeling that in the morning, noon. and night," said Beowulf.

" Well we have nothing left but to call the winner, Rydia!" said Baba.

" Now the next fight, Squall vs. Celes bouquet of flowers?" said Beowulf hesitantly.

" This should be interesting, never the less." said Baba.

As Rydia calls Titan back the Moogle Medics pick-up Zidane's body and remove it by chocobo back. They walk of as Squall and the flowers step up to fight.

-coliseum battle floor-

Squall: What the hell is this? Flowers? They will loose.

Flowers: (sway in the wind)

Squall: Die, flowers, die and go to hell.

Flowers: (sway in the wind)

Squall: (running up to the flowers getting ready to slash it to bits) Take this!

Flowers: (sway in the wind)

Squall: (picking up the bouquet) What is that?

Flowers: (sway in the wind)

Squall: You love me?

Flowers: (sway in the wind)

Squall: Well I love you.

Flowers: (sway in the wind)

Squall: (grabs his head) No I can't love.

Flowers: (sway in the wind)

Squall: Stop mocking me you wretched flowers.

Flowers: (sway in the wind)

Squall: I can't take it any more! Shut up! Shut up!

Flowers: (sway in the wind)

Squall: SHUT UP!!!!! (stabs himself and dies)

---in the announcer's box---

" Baba, what in the hell just happened?" asked Beowulf.

" I have no idea! The winner is: Celes' flowers!" exclaimed Baba.

The medics came down to remove the flowers and the body.

Flowers: (sway in the wind)

Moogle #1: Kupo po. (translation: Creepy!)

Chapter 2: The Blitzball of Doom.

" That was the first two fights everybody. (crowd cheers) And this is the next fight," said Beowulf.

" That's right, Beowulf," said Baba.

" That's right? That's right? What in the hell kind of phrase is, "That's right?" asked Beowulf.

" You know, it's one of those sayings. It's one of those catch sayings like in game shows," said Baba.

" Anyway back to the fighting. This next Fight is FFX's (10) Tidus..." said Beowulf.

" VS. FF7 Aeris!" interrupted Baba.

---(well by now you should know) the fighting floor---

Aeris: Mr. Tidus please don't hurt me.

Tidus: No way girl! You'll be my first kill. (runs up and slashes).

Areis: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (damage counter: 15)

Wakka and Lulu run up

Wakka: She has armor!

Lulu: Use Sir Auron!

Wakka and Lulu run away.

Aeris: (anime style sweat drop) What just happened?

Tidus: I have no idea.

Aeris: Oh yeah take this! Fire 2!

Tidus: (damage counter: 3000) uh uh uh. Oh yeah. To bad you're so cute, I'll have to kill you.

Aeris: What you said made no sense.

Tidus: Your too cute. I have to kill anything that is cuter than me! (rubs his hands through his hair. All the girls swoon)

Aeris: Well that makes no sense. Reflect!

Tidus: Take this you cute stealer! Firaga!

Aeris: What an idiot! (Firaga reflects off of Aeris and hits Tidus)

Tidus: Ouch! (Damage counter : 6998)

Aeris: I might even win. Ha. Cure 3!

Tidus: Ha ha ha! I just got cured. (Cure counter: 9999) I'm fully cured.

Aeris: Dang it. Ah son of a Midgar Zolom!

Tidus: Oh yeah Blitz Ace! (Tidus runs up and slashes like crazy)

Aeris: (damage counter 9998) (falls on the ground) Oh no. I can't win. Goodbye Cloud.

Sepheroth (from the stands): Hey I'm supposed to kill her. ME!

Tidus: HA! It's time for you to die! (He jumps high into air) Throw me the ball (spins around as Wakka throws him the ball to kick at Aeris.) Take This! (slips on the ball) Wha, huh, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Aeris: What the hell? I'm supposed to lose.

Tidus: (screams like a little girl until he hits the ground and his neck breaks) (damage counter: instant death)

Aeris: Ah hah! I won! What a stupid idiot.

The Moogle Medics run up, and brings many mops. Sweeping up his body and putting him on a stretcher.

" What the hell just happened?" asked Baba.

" I have no clue. This place just gets weirder and weirder," replied Beowulf.

" Well six fights, three incredibly weird victories. Maybe this is just a phase and it, hopefully, will blow over," said Baba.