Title: A Lily By Any Other Name
Author: tea and frangipani
Category: Drama, Romance
Distribution: Fanfiction
Rating: G (FR13) to M (FR18)
Spoilers: Anything from PH to DH is fair game.
Disclaimer: 'A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.' Harry Potter and co. belongs to JK Rowling, Warner Bros., and ect. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made.
Summary: Lily Evans, in her many incarnations: the hidden beauty, the American makeover, ancient magic, a bet gone bad, Slytherin friendships, prank wars, pickup lines, parenting projects, and more… series of oneshots

A/N: My first ship ever was J/L. I still love it but well-written fics with the pairing are hard to find, y'know? Anyways, I don't have the time or energy to write out fics for every plot bunny that hops by, so I'm slowly killing them off one by one in this fic (I sound so violent!). So here are some one-shots; some of them are clichés I'm dying to try my hand at and some are just pointless exercises in futility. If anyone is somehow inspired (which I find doubtful, but it could happen) and wants to continue/borrow the idea, please by all means feel free. Just drop me a PM so I can read it! Right now I'm on a HUGE kick on anything Marauders. Please, please, please recommend fics – I don't care about pairings or canon, as long as it is well written and, well, good! This first instalment features American!Cousin, Makeover!Lily, Underage!Drinking, and other lovely exclamation marks (James! Petunia! Wedding! etcetera) If you haven't noticed, I don't have an ounce of creativity in my body so I just reuse tired clichés. It started out as an exploration of Lily and Petunia's relationship as sisters and ended as crack. What can I say?

Chapter One: What Is This Feeling? James Potter Edition

"I can't believe Petunia got married to such an ignorant slob!" Lily wailed, as she watched her sister dance with her new husband. Petunia looked radiant in her white wedding dress, while Vernon looked corpulent in his too-tight tuxedo, which resulted in an unfortunate bulging, strapped-in look. Lily would have been able to overlook his less than desirable physical attributes, if his personality was not wanting in so many different ways! The sad fact of the matter was that Petunia had married a man Lily absolutely could not stand. His opinions were belligerent and ill-founded; he was facing a dead-end career; he ate far too much but thought himself the most handsome man in the room; but the worst crime, in Lily's mind, was that he had absolutely no intelligence, none at all. He had nothing to recommend him, yet Lily found herself smiling and nodding at his jokes, if only for her sister's sake. After all, Lily thought morosely, love is blind, and if Petunia was able to overlook his many faults, then Petunia must be very love-struck indeed to have married Vernon Dursley.

"I don't want to imagine their honeymoon," her American cousin laughed beside her. "Squish squish. Vernon might break poor Petunia in half!"

Lily let her head thunk down on the table and groaned. Desiree reminded her in many ways of James Potter: she was obnoxious, flippant, vain, and convinced the whole world knew who she was. She was considered the prettiest one in the family, with burnt sienna ringlets and long eyelashes, but Lily thought she wore too much make-up and not enough clothing. Lily prided herself on her intelligence and didn't care much for vanity. Unfortunately Desiree had taken it upon herself to make sure Lily looked "acceptable" for the wedding (her own words), which meant that Lily was smothered in more makeup than a hooker in the red light district, and her usually wild hair had been hair-sprayed into submission. In fact, Desiree treated Lily like a Barbie doll: every time she visited she delighted in practicing applying make-up and doing hair and dressing her in ridiculous outfits as if she were a pet lapdog. The mere memory made her wince in phantom pain. She doubted her hair would ever recover from being so violently tamed and subdued with a curling iron, or her eyebrows from the radical plucking, or if the waterproof eyeliner would ever come off! The caked-on makeup made her feel dirty and its chemical scent make her sneeze. Lily did not understand the point of makeup at all: it was supposed to make your more attractive to the opposite sex, but what would happen at the end of the day when the makeup comes off? She was a firm believer in a clean face, but Desiree loved to tart herself (and others) up.

Lily grit her teeth and bore her solely for family's sake; otherwise she would have snapped long ago from her constant make-overs and discussion of all the boys she dated, the cutest celebrities she really wanted to meet when she was a famous actress slash singer, the newest eye shadow colours, all the clothing she buys and doesn't she think the bridesmaid dresses are really so adorable but we should be allowed to shorten the hemline, it's nearly past our knees?

"NO," Lily nearly shouted, but bit her tongue when her mother sent her a reproachful look from across the room. Instead she said stiffly, "I don't really know why Petunia chose these dresses, they're not – really – my – style."

Desiree frowned and examined the dress she was wearing critically. "Oh, I don't know, I think it could be worse." She stood up and twirled in her stilettos. Lily nearly vomited.

The Dress, as Lily called it in her mind, was made from a sort of strange mossy green silk fabric with the regrettable appearance of being doused in an oil spill. Besides the colour, it was strapless and skin-tight, gathered very tightly in horizontal pleats. It was as suffocating as a bodice, and Lily felt her poor chest would be flattened and crushed beyond repair after spending the night in the dress (not that she had much to flatten, though; nature had made sure she had absolutely NO problems in that area). Desiree, on the other hand, had somehow found a way to look as though she was on her way to go clubbing and wandered accidentally into a wedding reception (Not only that, but her ample cleavage was on display, which only served to make Lily wonder why nature had granted that part of the anatomy generously to every female Evans except herself). On top of it all, she towered in stilettos, while Lily had to make do in sensible, very low-heeled mary janes. Petunia hadn't trusted her to wear anything with a heel higher than a half-inch.

In fact, after performing her bridesmaid's duties, Lily had been relegated to a small table in the corner of the room, because no one trusted Lily, at all. Her entire childhood was punctuated by bizarre incidents and mysterious mishaps ordinary clumsiness could not explain; it drove her parents crazy as they sent her to dance classes, yoga lessons, even an acting coach in desperation, hoping she would absorb some poise, grace, or at least charisma. After she got her Hogwarts letter, she thought her family would let up, since obviously the unexplainable accidents that occurred throughout the years were merely outbursts of accidental magic. However her family still firmly held the idea that a magical klutz is still a klutz, and a klutz is not to be trusted at any important events.

Her cousin Desiree (who always decided to fly in from America at the most inopportune moments) was also exiled to the sidelines. It wasn't that Petunia feared any accidental clumsiness from her part; rather she was afraid of what she would do on purpose. Desiree was the kind of person who would take it upon themselves to "liven" up a party, usually disastrously. This meant while the rest of the wedding party and guests were conga dancing throughout the banquet hall, the two girls were banished to social Siberia – that being beside the buffet table. Besides her less than graceful history, Lily suspected that she was being foisted off as Desiree's babysitter; the reason being that Petunia had said to her, "Desiree finds trouble, and trouble finds you. But at least you've got half a brain to get out of it, unlike her! So make sure she doesn't ruin the happiest day of my life, got it?"

Lily sighed at the thought of her sister. Her nubile, intelligent sister, marrying someone so utterly wrong for her

"Here, have some champagne," Desiree said, flashing her a brilliant smile. Lily scowled. "Oh come on, it's half a glass. I promise you, you're not going to end up like Great-Auntie Kath." The two gazed upon the tiny, grey-haired woman trying to sing in Chinese atop her chair.

Lily conceded and took a sip. Ooh, fizzy.

"I thought it might take your mind off the wedding," Desiree continued. "Since we have been basically uninvited to the reception. You'll get wrinkles if you keep frowning like that, you know."

Lily's hand twitched. Potter had made a similar comment last month, and she hadn't stopped herself from slapping him across the face. But this was her cousin, she reminded herself, and violence was not the answer! At least, not this time.

"Perhaps I'll just go back to the hotel room and finish my new book – " Lily mumbled, eyes flicking over to the exit as she wondered if it was really worth sitting with Desiree for another three hours.

"Oh no you're not!" Desiree interrupted loudly. "You are not leaving me alone here! Please, Lily, I promise we can talk about whatever you like. Er, like, bookshops. And history. I learnt about Napoleon last semester! He was very insecure about being short, he even has a complex named after himself."

Lily whimpered and reached for the champagne. It was going to be a long night.

-

It was getting late and the guests were beginning to act more and more rowdy. Even Lily and Desiree seemed to be enjoying themselves by the buffet table. Petunia narrowed her eyes and craned her neck. What on earth were those two girls doing, giggling in the corner? They usually couldn't stand to be near each other. Still, perhaps marital bliss extended to members of the immediate family. She let a slow smile steal over her face as she gazed towards her new husband. If the girls felt a fraction like she did, why, she could not wonder at their high spirits.

In fact, she felt slightly guilty for excluding the girls from the wedding so much. True, Lily tended to have uncontrolled outbursts of the magical variety, and their cousin Desiree was often accused of purposely stirring the pot for her own entertainment, but they both had good hearts. They deserved to enjoy the wedding as much as she was. Making up her mind, she beckoned to her husband. "Come here Vernon, I don't believe you have been properly introduced to my American cousin. And we should bring Lily a slice of cake…"

-

"Incoming," Desiree giggled. "Girl bearing gifts."

Lily laughed at that. Beware Greeks bearing gifts. Except the Greek was her sister and her gift was a serving of wedding cake. "And she's got her husband with her. Oh bollocks! Why did she marry that… that…" she trailed off, losing her train of thought.

"I KNOW, he's just so – " Desiree paused, taking a gulp from her glass, "fat!"

"Why did she marry him?" Lily moaned. "It's a bad decision, a very very bad decision, bad…"

"Why don't you tell her?" her cousin suggested glibly. Lily blinked. That made sense. Petunia was her only sister, after all. It was her duty, and sisterly right, to – say whatever she wanted. Right? "Right," she answered herself loudly.

Petunia approached, looking at her strangely. "What's right? Here Lily, Vernon and I brought you some cake!"

"Cake?" Lily said forcefully, standing up sharply and sending her chair crashing to the floor. "Cake!"

Petunia stared at her in dismay. "Oh, Desiree, you didn't – "

"Now listen here, Petunia Evans, Dursley, Dursley-Evans, Durslevans, Evursley?" Lily faltered, then turned to Vernon, who was staring at her in a mixture of amusement and bewilderment. "Vernon, YOU. ARE. A. PIG."

Right after the words left her mouth Lily knew she should not have said them. It was like watching the scene unfold in slow motion: Vernon's face flushed red as he opened his mouth, Petunia overcome with shock and anger, and her own mouth refused to stop spewing out words. "You are a disgusting, rotund, corp – carp – corpulent man! Oink!"

Inanely, she pictured her sister's husband as a pig, and decided viciously that while he was a terrible-looking man, he would make an agreeable pig. He would probably sell very well as a Christmas ham. That was when the real trouble started, because at that moment Vernon began howling and clutching at his bottom.

Petunia's fear chased away her shock. "LILY, WHAT DID YOU DO?" In dismay, Lily realized she had had another bout of accidental magic, as she caught sight of the curly pig's tail emerging from Vernon's trousers.

The guests who weren't completely soused out of their minds began to look over at the commotion. Thankfully Desiree was on the floor rolling with laughter (the combination of wine and Lily's words had caused her to fall off her chair) and didn't notice the pig – er, Vernon.

"GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" The man was bawling, flailing violently and upsetting the punch bowl all over his shirt and breaking a leg of the buffet table, sending the crockery crashing to the ground.

"CHANGE IT BACK, YOU FREAK!" Petunia was screaming tearfully, running towards her husband before slipping on bruschetta and tearing her dress.

It all would have been dreadfully funny to Lily, if only it wasn't happening to her. Trying to think through her slightly tipsy state, Lily knew she didn't have her wand on her, and tried to cast some wandless magic. Except she couldn't remember how. So she clenched her eyes tight, waved her hands slowly in front of her, and hoped for the best. Soon, she felt a warm sensation creeping up her hands and thought, I did it!

"What the hell are you doing!" shrieked Desiree with laughter, who had managed to crawl out from underneath the table. "Why are you sticking your arms in the stracciatella soup?"

Lily cracked her eyes open. Damn, so she was. Quickly she removed her hands from the bowl of soup and tried again.

This time Vernon started yelping in relief, patting himself reassuringly to make sure he was still of sound mind and body. Petunia flung herself sobbing over her husband. By now the guests were thoroughly bewildered by the chaos, and Lily had to admit the place was a right mess. Even her parents were tottering over, drunk, calling pitifully for Petunia to calm down.

"Oh Vernon! Our first challenge as husband and wife and we got through it!" she blubbered into his shoulder, while he patted her awkwardly. Then Petunia raised her head and glared daggers at Lily and Desiree. "You two. Get – out – NOW!"

Lily felt the first stirrings of remorse and decided to express her regret to her sister, but Desiree took the warning for what it was and wasted no time in grabbing Lily's arm and making their getaway.

-

When the two girls had safely escaped the banquet hall and found themselves standing outside on a warm summer night, Lily turned to Desiree. "Why did you make me leave? I have to talk to Petty!"

Desiree snorted. "You do realize I just saved your life, right? If looks could kill, sorry honey but we'd be digging you a grave."

Lily sighed loudly out of frustration. "You wouldn't understand! She's my sister, and even though you got me tipsy enough to tell Dursley exactly what I think of him, I have to deal with him for her sake!"

"Don't even try to blame this on me, believe me, it was all you." Desiree shook her head. "Why does it even matter? She wanted us to leave, we did. At least it's an excuse to get out of that god awful place."

Lily pursed her lips. Oh, it was all fine for Desiree. She didn't have to deal with Petunia at the end of the day; she just took a plane back home to America. "Maybe I care about her because she's my sister and I feel terrible about what I did," she snapped back. "It's already so hard, I don't want her to hate me for what I am – " Lily stopped, remembering that Desiree didn't know about magic or Hogwarts.

"Are you kidding me?" Desiree rolled her eyes. "If she hates you for telling the truth about her dud of a husband, then she's not much of a sister."

Lily thought that over, but the implications were too uncomfortable to dwell on, and changed the subject. "Well then what do you suggest we do now?" she retorted. "I guess if we knock long enough someone sober will come and open the door – "

"Oh no we're not. The night is young and I am NOT wasting it on the doorstep of a wedding reception." Desiree stared up into the night sky. "I'm guessing it's only what, 9 o'clock. And they're all going to be living it up until the wee hours of the morning, so we have plenty of time to kill." Desiree shot Lily a grin. "Time to explore London and environs. I've got my eye on that club down the road. Think we can get in?"

"You have got to be kidding me. You turned seventeen two weeks ago!"

"Watch and learn, cousin dear." Desiree smirked, before tugging the neckline of her dress lower and shaking out her hair. "Pass me some lippie, will you."

-

"What do you mean, explore Muggle London?" James asked sceptically, as he bit off the leg of his chocolate frog.

Sirius leaned forward excitedly. "Exactly that, old chap! Tonight's the night. Your parents are off at that Ministry ball, they're not coming back 'til late, and when have they ever cared about where we run off to?"

James smirked. "Ah, the benefits of being an only child."

"You mean they spoil your arse off, you wanker?" Sirius retorted amicably. "So hurry up. Are we going or not?"

James hesitated. While he prided himself on being open-minded towards Muggles, the truth was he had never actually met one, let alone set foot in the Muggle world. Sirius was even worse, but he was always desperately eager to learn as much as he could about Muggles. Still, was it a good idea to go traipsing around Muggles at night without his parents giving them permission or even knowing where they were?

"Thomas, that seventh-year Gryffindor, told me Muggle girls walk around naked," Sirius added, waggling his eyebrows.

Thinking time over. Standing up quickly (and sending a small avalanche of crumpled candy wrappers falling off his lap to the floor), he declared, "The matter is settled. Padfoot and Prongs are meant to walk among Muggles!"

Sirius laughed. Ol' Jimmy was getting so predictable.

-

"That could've went better," Lily complained bitterly after the bouncer forcibly escorted them to the sidewalk. "How embarrassing!"

Desiree rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, we were so close to getting in. The bouncer was this close to letting us in the club until you opened your big fat mouth!"

"Letting you in, you mean. After all your chest is this close to POPPING OUT OF YOUR DRESS!" Lily shouted.

"Using feminine charm isn't a crime! There's a little thing you might have heard of called Woman's Lib! We don't all have to be future housewives like you!"

"You're not a feminist, you're just encouraging sexist stereotypes! And I'm not a future housewife, just responsible, a word you clearly don't know the meaning of!"

The two girls glared at each other for a long, tense moment. "Fine, maybe sneaking into a club wasn't the best idea," Desiree admitted with clenched teeth. Lily harrumphed in agreement. "But still," Desiree continued, "Don't you have any sense of fun at all? Can't you just cut loose for one minute and stop being so UPTIGHT?"

Her words echoed what Potter had told her a month ago at the start of summer hols, right after she had reported him smuggling firewhisky into the Gryffindor Tower and she slapped him (not for the first time) for making a lewd suggestion involving the alcohol in question and a broom closet. Potter had berated her dreadfully, and it had been the first time in a long time since he had said such harsh words to her (for all her accusations of Potter being a bully, she had to admit he had toned it down from his previous cruelty). And then when Lily confided/complained to her roommates in Gryffindor, for once they didn't take her side. It had been an uncomfortable moment, when her friends (usually so supportive!) couldn't meet her eyes and started calling out things like, "Oh dear where has my crystal ball gone I think I left it in the Great Hall!" and "I suppose I shall just jump out of this window and go for a broom ride." All to change the subject and avoid that line of questioning.

Lily had to wonder. Was she uptight and straight laced? She didn't feel like an annoying, rule-worshipping teacher's pet. She just completed all her homework early, worked on extra-credit projects, sought guidance from the professors, tried to use her authority as a Prefect to guide the students of Hogwarts with a gentle but firm hand, respected the rules and appreciated the values it gave to their lives…

Oh no. She really was uptight and straight-laced and neurotic and every other word the Marauders had ever called her. When had it happened? She was studious, she was responsible… How had she turned into someone so annoying?

"I am uptight," she moaned in distress. "I can't even enjoy myself at a wedding for god's sake. I am going to turn into a grumpy old biddy – who lives with fifty cats and never has any fun, none at all – "

"No, no, you're right too," Desiree lamented. "Nobody ever takes me seriously because I'm not smart at all, not like you Lily, and I'm failing math and I have probably got no future ahead of me, I may have to become a lesbian gym teacher and never marry and grow a moustache!"

The two girls commiserated and hugged and had a small crying fit before subsiding to sniffles and wiping off their smeared mascara. They looked at each other.

"Well, I stole a bottle from the bar at the reception, if you're interested," Desiree said, looking slightly ashamed as she pulled a bottle from her dress.

Lily sighed. "Pass it over. With the way my life is going I am doomed to be an alcoholic anyways."

-

"Are you ready mate?" James asked.

Sirius paused, head cocked to one side like a puppy, eyes closed (most likely picturing naked Muggle girls). James had to agree that while the prospect of nudity was exciting, he still had a faint niggling feeling that Thomas could be pulling their legs… but why would the older Muggleborn lie about something so obviously important?

Finally Sirius opened his eyes and began rocking back and forth on his heels. "Prongs, we are embarking on a wondrous journey to a brave new world. We are stepping out where few, nay, no wizard has stepped before!"

James chortled. "Padfoot, you make it sound like we're first-years on our way to Hogwarts."

Sirius punched him in the shoulder. "Ah, but instead of magical mayhem that awaits us, it's naked ladies!"

"Have you ever seen a Muggle?"

The question caught Sirius off-guard. "Well, yes, that is to say, not exactly, but I know some Muggleborns, and they can't be all that different, can they?"

James hesitated, tugging on his shirt and dungarees. "'Course not, I just dunno if what we're wearing will blend in."

"Stop your non-believing ways, and trust in your dear old friend Padfoot. When have I ever let you down?"

"Let me count the ways," James said wryly. "Well it's now or never."

For the first time in their lives, the two teenagers left the Leaky Cauldron through the Muggle entrance, and entered a strange new London they had never encountered before.

"Oy, you pansies! Think yer Shakespeare with them ruffles?" a passer-by shouted, words slurred.

The two looked at each other. "Perhaps the lace was a bit much," ventured James.

"Forgot the lace. Who the hell is Shakespeare?"

-

The bottle was half-gone, with both girls taking periodic swigs as they wandered down the streets of downtown London. The drink loosened their tongues and Lily felt a pleasant buzzing in her head as the girls commiserated.

"Parents," sighed Desiree. "The whole reason I fly to London so much, y'know? I'm only important when one of them is using me against the other."

"My whole family's nutters," Lily commented sourly. "Petty is so pretty and smart and she ends up with Mister Pig. If that's the best she can do then I am definitely becoming an old maid."

"No, no, I analyzed the whole situation, Cousin Pet's the kind who has a ten-year plan, you know? Dudley's her idea of a perfect husband; he's got that job making drills. And she wants a kid before she's twenty-two so she has to get started soon."

Lily sighed, and stumbled.

"Here, let's rest on this park bench for a moment," Desiree said. "My stilettos are killing me!"

After a moment of silence, Lily started again. "I always thought Petty understood me. But after today, I don't think – I don't think she'll ever want to talk to me again – " To her embarrassment, she hiccupped and began to sob.

"There there, Petty will get over it. Here, have some more," Desiree handed the bottle over.

" – But I couldn't help it, drinking too much champagne was just an excuse to tell her what I really think of Vernon – " she paused and gulped from the bottle. " – And this summer was supposed to be a good time away from school but it was a total disaster, and I think for the first time ever I don't want to go back to school in September, because I know I'm going to have a terrible time thanks to the bloody James Potter – "

"James Potter? What, he an ex-boyfriend?" Desiree offered a handkerchief to Lily.

Lily blew her nose. "That would never happen, but he bloody well loves ruining my life anyways. He always runs with his posse of friends, causing trouble but nobody, not even the teachers say anything because he's so ruddy popular and everyone loves him and of course there's not a single thing wrong with him Lily, why would you ever think that!" Lily realized she had descended into petty sarcasm but couldn't seem to stop. "Out of everything he could do, he pranks people, yes what a fantastic use of his talents!"

Desiree snorted. "Sounds like love," she tittered.

"No, I hate him," Lily insisted. "He scares the children and disrupts class and teases me and always runs his fingers through his messy hair – "

"You know if he makes fun of you, that means he likes you," teased Desiree.

"Oh, do shut up," Lily said unpleasantly. "I would kill you if you weren't holding the alcohol right now." She kicked off her painful shoes and massaged her tender feet.

At that Desiree laughed outright. "I will corrupt you yet, Lily-Flower."

The nickname reminded her of the Marauders and Lily opened her mouth to reply, but was soon distracted by yells originating from down the street.

"What on earth…" she mumbled, leaning forward and swaying slightly. It was late at night but people still walked the streets, and the busy thoroughfare still had many cars whizzing by. Tourists, bar-hoppers, and clubbers alike were out and about, most intoxicated. Obviously one of the drunks was causing some sort of disturbance across the road.

"It's like the Knight Bus but EVERYWHERE!" someone was screaming incoherently. Lily felt her stomach sink.

"They're running through traffic," Desiree said incredulously, squinting their eyes.

It was true. Somebody was dashing across the busy London road, causing several near collisions, slammed brakes and honking horns. Yelled curses and obscenities from the drivers floated up to the girls' ears.

"No, it's two people," Desiree amended. "Why don't they just cross at the crosswalk instead of zigzagging?"

Lily didn't hear her. "No. Bloody. Way." She groaned. "It can't possibly be – "

-

" – JAMES!" Sirius shouted, pale-faced. "I'm scared! AND THERE'S NO NAKED LADIES!"

"I don't understand! Why won't they stop!" James screamed as the Muggle vehicle stopped inches from his toes. "Foul beasts!"

The two friends darted through traffic. The cacophony of horns, blaring lights, shouted swearwords and raucous laughter left them dazed and confused. "What are these Muggle monsters?" yelled Sirius. "I don't know! I wish I hadn't cut Muggle Studies so much!" James shouted in reply.

James spotted a park, where none of the machines seemed to go. "Salvation!" he screamed, and the duo ran for their lives towards the safety of the trees.

"We did it," wheezed James. "We survived."

"Say," panted Sirius, gesturing behind James, "Isn't that Lily Evans?"

-

"You know them?" Desiree asked, making a valiant attempt at stifling her laughter.

"It's Potter and Black," she moaned.

Desiree stared. "What the hell are they wearing?"

-

James stared. That was Evans?

The Evans he knew from Hogwarts was frumpy, overbearing, and just a tad neurotic. She had nice hair and unusual eyes; he would give her that. But he was used to seeing her with her hair plaited severely, figure covered by robes, and scolding him for doing something or other.

But now, here she was in front of him, relaxing barefoot on a bench, fiery hair tumbling in loose curls, and makeup on her face. She was wearing a strapless dress cut down to there, with a bottle in her hand and was that cleavage he was seeing?!

Evans, no, Lily, sighed and licked her lips.

He stared at her lips. Her sweet, luscious, pink lips.

"Oh knock off Potter, stop staring. Have you seen what you two are wearing?" she looked askance. "Are those leather chaps? And rain boots?"

"Is that a bottle of Firewhiskey? And where are your shoes?" Sirius swooped in when it became obvious that James would be doing his impression of a gaping fish indefinitely.

Lily blushed (she blushed at Sirius, James was already planning his slow death) but the girl beside her answered for her. "Bacardi rum actually, Firewhiskey sounds like something you just made up. I don't know what bet you lost but you look ridiculous."

"Miss Evans, it was very rude of you not to introduce me to this lovely flower. American, are you? I am the one and only Sirius Black." Sirius took Desiree's hand and pressed it to his lips as he performed an exaggerated bow.

Desiree looked distinctly unimpressed.

"Potter, are you alright?" Lily asked him in a half-whisper.

"Uh – er, call me James," he said, putting on his best sloppy grin and messing up his hair.

Lily gave him an odd look, the kind of look that said, "Are you well?" Checking to make sure Desiree was suitably distracted by Sirius' antics, she grabbed James' sleeve and pulled him down to her height. "Now what in Merlin's name are you two doing in Muggle London?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time…" Then realizing how pathetic he sounded, James added, "We can handle anything the Muggle world throws at us!"

Lily raised an eyebrow at that and said coolly, "I highly doubt that. You realize that you don't even know how to cross a road properly?"

James' face burned. Lily sighed again. "Well it doesn't matter. You two have to get back to Diagon Alley right away. Desiree's my cousin and she's a Muggle, and besides I don't want you to ruin my night more than it already is!"

"Get your greasy paws off me!" Desiree's annoyed exclamation interrupted Lily's words.

"Well, you see, I would go back to Diagon Alley," Right, fat chance of that happening. James was planning on staying with Lily as long as possible… "But we're lost, right? And we didn't bring our wands. Can't you help us, Lily?" He gave her his best puppy-dog eyes.

"What kind of irresponsible idiots are you, not even bringing your wands!" Lily hissed. James smiled. She looked gorgeous when she was angry.

"Fine," Lily threw up her hands. "I'll help you. But couldn't you have worn something better to blend in with?"

James stared down at his bright red, open ruffled shirt, leather chaps, and yellow rain boots. "Sirius told me this is how Muggle dress. I suppose the hat was a bit much?" he asked, touching the sombrero on his head.

Lily winced. "You don't have a clue about Muggles," she said crossly.

A wet, smacking noise made them both turn around. Desiree and Sirius were snogging furiously on the park bench.

"Well that was fast," Lily said, making a face. "Thought my cousin would resist that mongrel for at least half an hour."

James suppressed his laughter, wondering how Padfoot would react to that description. "Yeah, he needs a muzzle," he grinned.

Lily looked surprised but still giggled. "I thought you would hex me for saying that about your best friend."

"The trouble he gets in is all his fault. His ex-girlfriends make sure of that." James half-shrugged. "Besides, I would never hex someone holding a bottle of booze. Common courtesy."

She looked adorably surprised, then embarrassed. "Right… well, do you want some, then?"

He grinned and took a long swig. "I've never seen you like this, Evans. I had you pinned as a goodie-goodie." Bugger, he meant to say Lily, not Evans…

She pursed her lips. "Perhaps you only saw what you expected to see," she offered, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "Hogwarts is a big place. I don't think we've had more than three real conversations together since first year."

"That doesn't count you yelling at me, does it?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

She smiled back sweetly. "And that doesn't count you pranking me."

"Touché." He drank more of the rum. Feeling emboldened by the drink and Sirius' example (if Sirius can get a girl in five minutes flat then it must be possible for him), he asked suddenly, "Ev – Lily, want to go to Hogsmeade together when we get back to Hogwarts?"

"Potter, it will take a lot more than intoxication to get me to date you."

Ouch. The girl had a mouth on her. Still, he gave her a dazzling grin and said, "I'm sure I'll wear you down yet. Cheers," then downed the rest of the rum, laughing at her petulant expression.

"You could have left some for me!"