Akihiko silently traced the muzzle of his Evoker down Junpei's spine. He stopped guiltily a moment later when Junpei groaned and shifted around threateningly. It wasn't really right to stay; after he had helped Fuuka recover Junpei and get him back to his room he should have left too. But he couldn't help lingering; being here alone with him brought back too many memories.
Junpei had taken too many risks tonight at Tartarus and had finally collapsed taking on a Shadow that was too much for him alone. Minato had found him later and after they had managed to destroy the Shadow he made the difficult decision to go on to the next floor without Junpei. Akihiko had already been tired by then, so he had helped get Junpei back to the dorm while Mitsuru and Yukari took their places. Now as he watched Junpei sleeping he reflected on how much he had changed since Chidori died. He was quieter now, and he tried to do too much. He supposed that Junpei was finally growing up, and Akihiko didn't really know if he liked that.
Akihiko stood up. He really needed to go to bed. Fuuka and he had done everything they could for Junpei, he just needed rest now. With a pang Akihiko found himself remembering the last time they had fallen asleep together. He had tried not to miss it in the months since Junpei had ended everything to go after a girl in a white dress. The hardest thing had probably been watching Ryoji stay over with him afterwards, comforting him. He had forced himself not to ask anything, but he wondered what the two of them had done together. And now Ryoji was gone too, and Junpei was pushing himself too hard every night.
He walked over to the door and hesitated with his hand on the knob. Then he stepped back. He always woke up first…it would be just as easy to slip out later and Junpei wouldn't know the difference. Besides, it wasn't like he was ever going to get an opportunity like this again. Rationalizing it to himself, Akihiko walked back over to the bed and carefully lay down next to Junpei, over the sheets. He risked letting one forearm touch him, just a tiny bit, but didn't dare to do anything more than that. Satisfied that Junpei was still fast asleep, Akihiko shut his eyes and drifted off to the slow, measured sound of the other boy's breathing.
He woke up before dawn and slid off the bed. Junpei hadn't moved at all. Relieved that he had gotten away with it, Akihiko didn't stick around to press his luck. He silently crossed the room and was gone a moment later.
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~
Junpei had been noticing for awhile now that Akihiko-senpai seemed to be acting a little strange. If he sat at the table in the main lobby, Senpai would take the seat next to his, but he wouldn't try to speak to him or do anything. On the other hand, he never intruded if Junpei was already hanging out with someone else. Junpei was eventually convinced that Senpai was trying to make sure he was never alone, but the way he was doing it grated on his nerves. One night when there wasn't anybody else around, he looked up from the table and frowned at him. "You don't need to keep an eye on me, you know. I'll be fine."
Akihiko was a little surprised at the suddenness of this, but it made him feel hopeful that the old Junpei might be coming back a little. "I wasn't really keeping an eye on you or anything."
"Then I guess you're a pretty boring guy if you can't find anything else to do then sit here night after night."
Akihiko flushed angrily. "Well…what does that make you then?"
Junpei shrugged. "I was already boring."
Akihiko frowned and stood up. "It just so happens I have plenty of stuff I could go do. I just thought…" he broke off.
Junpei played with the edge of the table. "It's kind of annoying when you don't try to say anything, though." His voice dropped. "And you're afraid to touch me now too…why's that?"
From under the rim of his hat he studied Senpai's strained expression. But Akihiko only said he didn't know what he was talking about. He was clearly lying; Senpai was really bad at it so Junpei could always tell. He stood up tiredly.
"Everyday stuff…just handing me the chopsticks, or tapping me on the shoulder, you do it weird now…if you do it. And then there was the other night of course." Junpei's tone and stance didn't change at all but Akihiko went rigid.
"I don't…what are you talking about?"
Junpei went over to the TV, turned it on, turned it off again a second later. Without facing Akihiko he said, "I know you carried me back. I know you patched me up…and I know you stayed."
Akihiko sat down heavily in the closest chair and clenched his fists against the table. Finally he mumbled "I'm sorry," his voice subdued and rough.
"For what? Doing absolutely nothing, like you've done for the past two weeks? Laying there watching me? Touching me with your stupid Evoker because you're scared to use one of your hands?" Junpei whirled around. "Do you have anything you want to say to me? Because this is getting old."
Akihiko opened his mouth but shut it again a moment later, shaking his head. "…no. I can't."
Junpei watched him for a moment. "You told me it was no big deal. It meant nothing…you told me that the whole time. So when I left, 'no big deal.' Right?"
Akihiko closed his eyes and didn't reply, so Junpei went on.
"And I suppose now you're telling yourself you just wanted me to be happy, and it was better that way, and a bunch of other stupid noble bullshit that's easier than admitting you liked it, and you miss it…and I hurt you."
Akihiko straightened up a little, his voice weary. "What the fuck do you want me to say?"
Junpei sighed. "…figure it out, Senpai, you're smart." He left Akihiko and went up to his room to go play video games. When Akihiko finally went to bed later the noise kept him awake. And Junpei played all night.
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~
On the fifth night of Junpei's Video Game Assault, Akihiko had lost all patience with him. For the second time he burst into his room without knocking. Junpei gave him the most cursory of glances, noting the dark circles under his eyes and the way Senpai seemed even paler (if possible) before he went right back to playing.
"What seems to be the problem, Aki-hiko-sen-pai?" Junpei took his time on each syllable.
"Would you…PLEASE…shut that damned thing off. I'm begging you." Akihiko sat down on the floor and rubbed his puffy eyes miserably.
It didn't affect Junpei at all, however. "If it bugs you, jerk off or something 'til you go to sleep. Works every time."
Akihiko made no answer and Junpei paused the game, expecting to see him glaring angrily or perhaps winding up for a punch. Instead though, he was staring at the floor. "I haven't really done that…since."
"Well, that's touching. I'm not helping you out with that though."
Now Akihiko did glare. "I didn't come here to ask! …Besides, I know you don't want to anymore." His voice caught a little. Normally he would have reigned it in better, but he was just so tired.
Junpei nodded and unpaused the game. "Yeah, that's right. I'm through with that kid stuff."
Akihiko looked at him for a minute and then reached over tiredly to just rip the plug out of the wall, but Junpei wasn't finished talking.
"I think we should do more."
He never took his eyes off the screen, but his words stopped Akihiko cold. He completely forgot about unplugging the game. He sat there panicked for awhile as Junpei continued to play, then finally he just said the first thing that came into his mind.
"Just what the hell kinds of things did Ryoji teach you?"
Junpei's character promptly died and he cursed and threw the controller at the TV. "Ryoji?! Senpai, are you nuts?" He glared back at Akihiko, clearly blaming him for making him lose the game. "Ryoji's…" he paused. "…was…even more into girls than I am, if that's possible. What are you mixing in with those protein shakes?"
"Then…the two of you didn't…?"
"Uh…No."
"…oh."
"I suppose you think I did it with Chidori too."
"Well, no…" Akihiko tried to find the words he wanted. "I mean, what the two of you had seemed so…pure."
Junpei sighed softly, making Akihiko feel even worse. "Yeah…that's very much what it was."
"Junpei…I really am sorry she's gone." Akihiko dug his fingernails into his palms. "Really…that's why I didn't say anything. I know you loved her."
Junpei took a little bit of pity on him. "All right…all right, Senpai. I got it." He sat up straighter and leaned closer to Akihiko. "I got it, so…you don't have to say anything else."
Akihiko started to say something else anyway but he didn't get the chance.
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~
Neither boy got much sleep that night, either. First there was the awkwardness of picking up something they had left off months ago. Then came the inevitable argument over who should do what. Ultimately Junpei decided it was probably more fun to let Senpai have his way…and make him feel really, really guilty about it the whole time. That freed up Akihiko to go ahead and do what he wanted, but then he had to try and figure out what to do. Junpei helped by making suggestions, most of which made Akihiko turn red and wonder if he knew what he was talking about or just making things up, but eventually they got it right. All in all it ended up being something of a long drawn-out process.
Later, when the clock said it was way past Dark Hour, the two of them lay panting on Junpei's bed. Akihiko pulled up the covers and settled his face comfortably against one of Junpei's shoulders, yawning.
Junpei messed with his hair for a minute. "You know I think this is your favorite part…?"
Akihiko was tired enough to be taken off-guard. "I missed it."
"Oh?" A smile crept across Junpei's face, a smug one, but Akihiko didn't see it. He was already asleep.
