This was not the way the battle was supposed to end. Guan Yu had been fated to win — he and his son Guan Ping were supposed to return from the assault on Fan Castle and then inform Lord Liu Bei on how they had managed to secure another victory for Shu. He still found it hard to believe that even Wu and Wei together proved overwhelming for the God of War.

Their task had been simple: assist Guan Yu and his heirs for the glory of Shu.

Even against the might of Yueying's war machines, Wei defences had seemed infallible. Even Ma Chao the Splendid and he, his cousin Ma Dai, had been powerless against the onslaught. Despite their most heated efforts, they had failed – Guan Yu was dead. Guan Ping was dead. And now Guan Xing, Guan Suo, and Guan Yinping were nearly half a family short. Two less people, and they were alone.

Just like he was. Just like he had always been.

Along with the rest of the country, Shu withered underneath the tides of war. Losing both Guan Yu and Zhang Fei proved too much for their beloved ruler. The remaining Guan siblings lapsed into depression after losing their father and brother. Jing Province had been forcefully returned to Wu and split between them and Wei. Sunrises at Shu never seemed so bleak.

After he had returned to Chengdu, the first thing Ma Dai spotted was Guan Xing and Guan Suo leaving the castle on their steeds. The younger Guan yelled in his direction, "Hey Ma Dai, have you seen our sister anywhere?! She's been gone since— since the battle." Once again, the question presented itself to him.

"Could you help us find her?"

Ma Dai's eyelids felt heavier than his spirits at the moment. After being sent to heaven-knows-where with Ma Chao (who had spent most of the time going on about righteous justice and avenging their fallen comrades), the last thing he wanted to do was waste time looking for a newly-made orphan who probably needed some time away from the world. Still, he was Ma Dai – he had always been the guy who cheered everyone up and never ignored a plea for help from a friend.

That, and Master Guan Yu had been slain because of him.

It was a horrible thought, surely, one that would be met with harsh words of concern from his sword-brothers at Shu. Whether he liked it or not, that lone idea revisited him like a specter – or maybe a premonition.

What if this? What if that? Maybe he could have chosen a horse that was a little less panicky around spears. He could have taken his chances with a different, perhaps stronger weapon. He could have been here instead of there, fighting and dying alongside Guan Yu rather than holding off Wei troops. He kept planning all these little steps he could have taken, as if the battle hadn't already happened and Guan Yu wasn't already dead.

It wasn't his fault – he knew in the back of his mind; there was nothing he could have reasonably done. The outcome of the battle was the will of the gods.

But he was Ma Dai, cousin of Ma Chao. It was in his nature to care too much, to give that much of himself to the cause. He sighed.

"I'll try and do what I can."

—–

"Everyone is looking for you, you know." Mai Dai strode in quietly, not wanting to frighten her. "Hope I didn't disturb you, Lady Yinping."

Finding the runaway daughter hadn't been difficult. She was seated on the grass, nestled behind a small hill a couple of miles from the castle.

Her brothers must have panicked. She was their family, their blood, their only sister. They had already lost their father and their oldest brother – they weren't going to risk losing her, too.

She was like a shadow, so jarringly quiet, with hair as black as ink stretching down her back and onto the grass. She hadn't even noticed him approaching. At his words, she dared a quick glance at the man and quietly uttered, "I'm sorry… I didn't want anyone to worry…"

She hugged her knees closer to her chest and stared off into the horizon. She had been watching the clouds to the south slowly grow darker and thicker, threatening a storm. She could only imagine all the bodies that were still out there, their bloodied clothing polluted by rain. The bodies of her father and Ping.

"Did you walk all the way out here by yourself? It would have been quicker on a horse, you know." He smiled at her — just like how he smiled at everyone else — but she seemed to ignore him. That grin faltered. "Your brothers are really worried about you."

The swelling silence got caught in her throat, and she coughed up a pained sob. It was the kind that everyone in Shu was used to hearing lately. It was the lament of missing family members and a burning home, a call of surrender to the grief that a person could no longer bear in silence. A feeling he sometimes knew too well.

She began to shiver; and for a moment, Ma Dai was afraid she'd break her own legs from how hard she was squeezing them.

"I was so weak," she murmured through her tears. "I… I could not help… Father, Ping, I should have… I should have been able to save them! But… I couldn't do anything!"

He remained silent as she wept. With each quiet, ragged breath, he started to hate himself a little more. If he had been a better warrior, he and his cousin would have been able to get to them in time. Guan Yu wouldn't have had to see his own son die in front of him. Yinping wouldn't have to suffer all by herself, like now.

He snapped his eyes shut. "If you want to blame anyone for this, please blame me."

His words caught her off guard, and she looked to the man who fell onto his knees right next to her. His smile was long gone. She had never seen Ma Dai with such a serious expression on his face. He seemed a bit scary, but the words that left his lips were far from that.

"You did all you could to help your family. My cousin and I were responsible for protecting you all, but we couldn't even get past the Wei units." He shook his head. "So please, don't think you've failed them. You're a formidable warrior as any other, Guan Yinping. I'm honored to have fought alongside you. I'm sure your father and brother are proud."

Her eyes widened, causing stray tears to slip down her cheeks. Why would Ma Dai even say such things? She had never once believed that what had happened was his fault. She barely knew him! But here he was now, trying with such humility to make her feel better.

"I… thank you…" were the only words she could manage before a snap of thunder cut her off.

"My lady, it's raining. Come on." Without a second thought, he scooped her into his arms and mounted his horse. All the things she had heard about Ma Dai's impressive horse-riding skills were true. It all happened so quickly that she didn't notice until he placed his hat on top of her head.

"I can't let a lady get soaked in the rain, can I?" he asked with a smile plastered on his face. She opened her mouth to reply, but Ma Dai hurried his horse with a jolt.

The wind cut against her cheeks and wiped away her tears. She instinctively wrapped her arms around Ma Dai's shoulders, afraid of falling. Though, she was sure with all his experience on horseback, he wasn't going to let her bump her head on the trail.

I could use some more practice with horse-riding, she thought. It seemed a little out of place, thinking about training again when she had been feeling so low just moments before. Maybe it meant that she was beginning to feel a little bit better. Thank you, Ma Dai.

—–

Ma Dai had never heard so many "I'm sorrys" and "thank yous", especially not one after the other.

"Does your throat still hurt? I brought you some porridge. Here." Yinping gently laid a steaming iron pot of rice porridge onto his lap. He hissed in pain, his legs shifting. She quickly hauled the pot back into her arms. "Oh, sorry! It's still very hot."

"It's fine. I'm surprised you can even carry that thing." He eyed the massive cooking vat in her skinny arms. He had witnessed about five or six soldiers hauling it up the castle steps earlier that morning.

"Is it not enough? I can ask Yueying to make some more." Yinping set the pot onto the floor. Ma Dai swore he felt the ground tremble. "Sorry. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have gone out into the rain and gotten sick."

"No need to apologize, Lady Yinping. It's what I do," he replied bashfully, a small smile forming on his lips. "I am Ma Dai, after all. Not as heroic as my cousin, but I'm here."

"So you are." She returned his smile. "Thank you again for yesterday. You didn't have to…"

"No, it was kind of fun." He punctuated his statement with a small cough. "I'm surprised you're still talking to me. I thought you would hate me by now."

"No, I don't hate you. I never did, just to let you know." She rolled on the balls of her heels. "But I feel I must make amends for your illness. Sorry for that, by the way."

"Aren't you afraid I'll get you sick, too?" Ma Dai quirked a brow.

"I don't mind." She shook her head. "I kind of deserve it, anyway."

"Don't say that. I'm honored—" He coughed into his arm. "I'm honored to fall ill for my lady."

My lady. Yinping's cheeks heated up. "Thanks. If there's anything you need, you can ask me. I'll try my best."

She gave a nod. She wasn't entirely sure what to make of this messy-haired artist with the easy smile, the one who made people like Xu Shu laugh. However, it was on her honor as Guan Yu's daughter to repay the kindnesses shown to her.

She hoped to see him smile always.