*DISCLAIMER: THESE WONDERFUL CHARACTERS BELONG TO SUZANNE COLLINS, NOT ME*

Prologue


It's a little past midnight now and Jackson is already asleep at her post. So much for helping me guard Peeta.

Not like he needs much guarding at the moment anyway. Peeta sits on a pile of rubble under a broken window, his hands bound, staring blankly into the night sky. In this light, he almost seems like himself again; the gentle boy with the bread. Until he can feel me watching him and he turns to glare at me, eyes full of distrust. "What?" He says, his voice acerbic. "Think I'm going to make a run for it?"

I shake my head, "No. Running away is my thing, not yours."

He almost snorts with disdain, his eyes turning away from me, "You seem almost proud of that."

"It's not something to be proud of."

We sit in silence for awhile, the only sounds coming from my team all sleeping restlessly a few yards behind us. Peeta doesn't move, he just continues to stare into the darkness outside. It occurs to me that this is the first time since getting Peeta back from President Snow that we have truly been alone. Or as alone as we can be, with everyone sleeping a few yards away. This is a luxury I thought I would never have again.

I push myself up from the rubble that litters the floor of the crumbling building and walk over to where Peeta is sitting. The window is large enough for both of us to sit beneath it without touching. I take a seat next to him and instantly feel the tension in air. I choose to ignore it.

"Peeta," my voice is small. I try to convince myself it's because I am trying to be considerate and not wake the others, but who am I kidding? "If I had things to say, would you listen?"

He hesitates, "How do I know if the things you tell me are real or not?"

"We are closing in on the heart of the Capitol, Peeta. That means that any day could be my last. At this point, what motivation could I possibly have to lie to you?"

Peeta considers this for a moment, "...I suppose you're right."

He does not say anything else, but I take this as a sign that he'll listen to me. It takes me a few minutes to gather my jumbled thoughts before I begin. "I made a terrible mistake and I think about it every day."

"And which mistake is that? I can think of a few," he says with that hostile tone that belongs only to the Peeta from the Capitol.

"At the Quarter Quell, when they split us up at the lightening tree. I never should have left you," my voice is barely above a whisper now. I don't dare look at Peeta because I know if I do, I won't be able to continue and I have so much to say while I finally have the chance. "I am so sorry, Peeta. I am so sorry for letting them take you."

His shoulders relax a bit but his voice still has a condescending edge, "They had to save you. You're the Mockingjay."

Coming from Peeta, when he's like this, it seems almost like an accusation. "I never asked for this. I never wanted to be the Mockingjay. I only agreed to do it after they took you because I figured that playing their game was the only way I could hope to get you back."

Peeta rubs his wrists where the shackles held him, "So how does it feel then? Having me back."

I can feel the fissures in my heart threatening to break me again. I struggle to compose my features into the carefully constructed mask that I have perfected over the past few months.

"And you promised not to lie," he adds gently when he sees the look on my face.

I gnaw my bottom lip for awhile before I can't stand to have him look at me anymore. I feel too dirty, too tainted to have his crystalline eyes on me. I put my head down on my knees so I can have a some semblance of shelter from his piercing gaze. "It hurts even more than when the Capitol had you."

Peeta bristled at this, "Then I'm sorry that your friends even bothered to come for me."

"No!" I say a little too loudly, my head snapping up. "That isn't what I meant. It's just..." I have never been very good at the whole 'feelings' thing but here in the dark, at the end of my life with Peeta by my side, I can finally give words to all the things I've been too afraid to. "This is not how I pictured our reunion."

I expect a lot of possible reactions from Peeta, but laughter is one I do not anticipate. "Oh really? How exactly did you think this would go? Did you think I would be overjoyed to see you and when you came running into my open arms, that I would kiss you and forgive you for everything that happened to me? That I would cry and tell you I love you?"

It hits me that that is exactly what I hoped would happen. During the time that Peeta was being held in the Capitol, I came to the realization that I did love him. Finnick is convinced that I have loved Peeta for a very long time before that, but I remember it hitting me when I saw Peeta on the Capitol's broadcasts looking wasted and broken. That was when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would die for him; not because he was a good person or deserved life more than I did, although both of those things are true, but because I was in love with him and wanted to protect him. But hearing Peeta voice my hopes this way, laughing about them, only makes me feel like a foolish little girl.

"Yes," I manage even though my throat is tight. "I hoped for all of that."

Something lingers in Peeta's eyes when he looks at me, but I can't place it. "This conversation," he says, his voice softer. "Real or not real?"

"Real," I say, my voice cracking. Too real. Much, much too real.

"You didn't love me in the first arena. All of the kisses and affection were faked for the cameras. Real or not real?"

Not all of the kisses, but I decide not to confuse him. "Real."

He twists the shackles again and I can tell they are uncomfortable on him. I grab the small key out of the pouch where I keep Peeta's pearl and unlock the cuffs, freeing his hands. He looks down at his hands in shock, obviously surprised that I let him free. "You loved me in the second arena, enough to want to sacrifice yourself for me. Real or not real?"

He looks up at me, his eyes desperate to get a grip on reality. I feel trapped in his gaze and cannot look away. "Real."

For the first time in weeks, I feel like I am looking at the real Peeta. The Peeta I knew back in District 12. His words, though barely audible, are full of agony. "Katniss, what's happening to me?"

Finally, I can't hold back anymore. Consequences be damned, I throw myself into Peeta's arms and lock mine around his neck in an iron grip. Nothing can make me let go, not even if he tries to kill me right now.

But he doesn't.

Instead, I can feel Peeta soften and eventually he wraps his arms around my back. I am surprised by his willingness to hold me; he must be having one of his good moments where he remembers that I'm not a threat. I allow myself this small indulgence. I have had so little happiness in my life lately that I don't even care what happens after this is over. Right now, with Peeta holding me, this is enough.

And with Peeta holding me in the darkness, surrounded by the smoldering ruins of the Capitol and my team sound asleep behind us, I feel safe to let go. The tears begin to flow before I even have a chance to think about it. The fierce sobs, the same ones that appeared after first seeing an emaciated Peeta broadcast for the first time, threaten to start. I can feel them building in my chest, the pain of my entire existence aching to be released. In true 'District 12 Peeta' fashion, he strokes my hair and rocks me back and forth a little in an attempt to calm me down. Once again, I feel like I have the old Peeta, my Peeta, back.

"If you go into hysterics now, you'll wake the entire team and have to explain to them why their Mockingjay is having a meltdown," Peeta says softly, a slight teasing in his voice. "We can't let them think the almighty Katniss Everdeen has emotions, now can we?"

Through the barrage of unrelenting tears, I manage to give a slight chuckle, "Everyone thinks I'm this cold, unfeeling thing. In reality, I'm actually an emotional wreck 90% of the time."

I feel his smile in my hair, "I believe that, you know."

There is a long moment of silence before Peeta speaks again, "How long do we have, Katniss?"

All trace of my laughter is gone and the tears continue. Of course, he is referring to how much time we have until his memories fail him again and he tries to kill me. I tighten my grip on him, unwilling to let him slip away just yet, "I don't know. Probably not very long."

"Then cry if you need to. Do or say whatever you need to feel better. I just can't stand seeing you like this, Katniss. Not when I can remember who you are."

So I do. The tears fall in fat globs onto his shoulder, dampening his black shirt. I cry for a while longer before I force myself to speak. "I'm sorry that it took me this long, Peeta. To realize that I love you. I'm sorry."

Peeta stills for a moment, "You and Gale became lovers while I was held captive in the Capitol. Real or not real?"

I begin to cry a little harder now and turn my face into his neck, "Not real, Peeta. Not real. Not real. I swear to you that is not real."

He resumes stroking my hair and I can feel him let out a long sigh of relief, "Not real," he repeats quietly to himself.

Not knowing how long we have until Peeta changes back, I decide to tell him. For a moment, I stop crying again, "Did you know that I never wanted to get married or have kids?"

"Yes," he says simply. "Everyone in 12 knew that about you. Most people back home felt the same."

"I..." Tears burn my eyes again, threatening to spill over. My voice is muffled by the skin of Peeta's neck, but I know he can hear me. "I remember being forced to do the photo-shoot in all of those wedding gowns and how much I hated every second of it. I felt like a doll, being dressed up and made pretty just for the Capitol's amusement. For Snow's amusement. But when you were taken from the arena..."

Peeta plants a kiss on my temple as a sign of encouragement, urging me to continue.

I let go of his neck but grab his hands in mine, reveling in their warmth, "When I woke up in the hovercraft and you weren't there... I felt like life had ended. Like there was nothing else. I think that might have been the first time I realized that I loved you; when I couldn't protect you anymore. I wanted to come get you, Peeta. You have to know that. I wanted to come get you every single day, but they kept me drugged and sedated for weeks. I kept breaking down every time I woke up and realized you weren't there and you would never be there again. It took a long time for me to figure out how to function again, in a world where I assumed you no longer existed."

"Katniss..."

I shake my head so he will let me finish, "While we were in District 13, Annie and Finnick got married. It wasn't anything grand, but I don't think they cared about that. You could just tell by the look in Finnick's eyes that being able to call Annie his wife was more than he every dared to dream for. He was so happy and Annie was so happy, and I while I was happy for them, I just felt..."

Peeta watches me intently now, his gaze soft and somewhat sad. He reaches his hand to my cheeks and then I realize I am crying again, silently this time. He wipes a stream of tears away before I catch his hand and hold it on my face. I close my eyes, leaning my face into his large hand, "I just felt robbed."

His brow furrows in confusion, "Why? You never wanted that."

I open my eyes and I feel as ragged as Peeta looks. Not just because of the crying, but because of everything. Life, war, pain, struggle. I can finally feel everything taking it's toll on me.

"I never wanted any of that until I met you, Peeta."

This time, it's Peeta who throws caution to the wind. He yanks me forward, crushing me into his chest and burying his face in my hair. Again, I allow myself this indulgence. I allow myself to feel happy and complete. Well, not entirely complete. It will probably always feel like there have been little holes cut into my heart from now on, after everything I have seen and done, but I feel as complete as I can feel.

I feel his body shake as he speaks, "If we make it out of here alive, I swear to you Katniss, I will ask you to marry me. Properly. No cameras, no gimmicks, no Snow. Just you and me."

I laugh without humor, "That might be hard if you're constantly trying to kill me."

Peeta freezes and he pulls away just enough to rest his forehead on mine. "Promise that you won't give up on me, Katniss. I'm getting better, I can remember more things about you now and it's getting easier for me to distinguish between the truth and the lies the Capitol hijacked me with. I'm not saying that it won't take time, it may even take years, but I won't stop fighting if you don't. Please, promise me."

My heart feels heavy. Does Peeta know I plan to take out Snow and most likely myself in the process? Does he know I don't plan on leaving the Capitol in anything other than a body bag? For a brief moment, I let that thought go and replace it with one where we win the war and I get to go home with Peeta. Well, not our real home. District 12 is gone. But for me, home is now anywhere Peeta is. Could it really happen? Could we both really make it out of here alive?

The little voice in my head responds indignantly. Of course not. Neither Snow nor Coin would allow that.

Instead, I smile at Peeta and cup his cheek with my hand, "You could make the sun promise to never rise again, you know that?"

He does not smile, "Katniss. Promise me."

Outside the window, I can see the sun beginning to peek over the horizon. The sky is turning pink around the edges of the crumbling buildings outside. We will have to get moving soon.

"Peeta," his name is an invitation and he knows it. I lean in, my heart racing. I have never tried to kiss anyone like this before. There were the kisses in the arena with Peeta, but those were for the cameras. The few kisses I had with Gale were little more than consolation affection. This felt real.

My entire body seems to come alive as Peeta slides his hands up to my neck. He holds me gingerly, as if I'm made of tissue paper and the slightest movement will tear me. He's waiting. I look at him for a moment, surveying his undeniable beauty and I feel my heart break a little more. How could this creature be meant for me? No. No, what did Haymitch say? I could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve Peeta. Haymitch was right.

I imagine what having a life with Peeta after the war could be like. Getting married, having a small ceremony where our friends and few remaining loved ones congratulate us on our undeniable happiness. Finding a home somewhere where I could wake up every morning to Peeta's seraphic face smiling at me. Being pregnant with Peeta's child, for real, and seeing Peeta glow with happiness every time he sees my large, rounded belly. Growing old with Peeta, and watching our children grow up uninhibited by the fear of the Hunger Games.

Even if that future is so far away, so unattainable now, I smile. Just thinking of it makes me happy. I close my eyes and press my lips to Peeta's.

I intended for the first real kiss with Peeta to be affectionate and soft, but I am caught off-guard when my entire body seems to burst into flames. Flames that are licking hungrily at my skin. Instead of a gentle kiss, this time I crush Peeta's lips with mine, devouring his mouth. He does not resist, instead he grows eager. Peeta crushes my lips right back, his grip on the back on my neck tightening, not painfully, but protectively. His mouth opens slightly and I mimic him. Peeta tentatively touches my tongue with his but I can't resist, and seconds later I'm dipping, swirling, pirouetting my tongue in his mouth so I can taste him. I have to know. If I am going to die soon, I have to know what he tastes like. So I have something to hang on to at the end.

Peeta groans softly, "Katniss," he manages between my assaults on his mouth. "What are you doing?"

I stop for a moment, pressing my lips to his jawline. I'm growing bolder now. "Even if it's just once..." I kiss the corner of his mouth. "Even if I never get to kiss you like this again..." I'm back at his lips. "I had to know what it was really like. When it's real."

"I should kill you right now," Peeta whispers, his breath ragged as he lightly flexes his fingers around my neck. "Intinctively I know that. That's what the Capital programmed me to do."

"Yes. You should." I nod, placing a more delicate kiss on his lips. "You may never get another chance like this."

It may seem like I'm egging him on, but I would much rather be killed by Peeta than Snow or Coin any day. I can only imagine the tortures either of them have fantasized about for me.

He lets his hands drop to my waist, his eyes boring into mine with almost frightening intensity. It's obvious the playful banter about my imminent murder is over. "I'm still me right now, and as long as I'm me, I won't hurt you on purpose."

I sigh, kissing Peeta before standing up, "I know." I help Peeta to his feet as the sun begins to pour through the broken window. I begin to make my way towards our sleeping comrades when Peeta catches my hand. I turn back to see Peeta with the most heartbreaking look in his eyes. We can both tell the tracker jacker venom is taking over again.

"I love you, Katniss. No matter what happens, no matter what horrible things I may try to do to you, remember that I love you." He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, clearly fighting the venom. "Promise me, Katniss. Promise me..." He speaks through gritted teeth now. "...you won't give up on me."

Although I know it's risky, I place a kiss on Peeta's trembling lips one last time. This seems to ease him a little. "I love you, Peeta. I promise."

And I turn away to wake the rest of our team.

We have a President to kill.