Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Instant Star characters, unfortunately.

A/N: Starts a few months after the end of the series. Might use a few of her songs from earlier seasons. I haven't decided yet. Some things in this story may not be realistic, but that's why it's fiction. POV may change throughout the story, not sure. Sorry if you think its too short, made it to 2000 words. Was almost 5 pages in microsoft works. Rated M just in case, not sure how angsty and or how much swearing and stuff will be in it.

Summary:

What if going to London was the worst decision she ever could have made? What if nothing turned out how she thought it would? As Jude's life spirals out of control can she find her way back or will she burn out?

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Chapter One: Death of an Era

Jude dragged herself out of bed, groaning from the worst hangover. This was almost a daily occurrence these days. She thought her life would be this amazing rock star life, but away from everyone she ever loved, she quickly learned it would be anything but. Stumbling her way to the bathroom she turned on the shower. She barely managed to get her clothes off before she climbed in. The hot water felt good on her skin, which felt so very numb. Tears streamed down her cheeks, but she washed them away with the water. This was the only time she let tears escape her. No matter what pain she felt she never let anyone know she cried. It was the one thing in her life she still had control over. After almost 45 minutes she climbed out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. She walked into her room threw on a black t-shirt, jeans, a scarf, and a pair of sneakers. She quickly ran a brush through her short red hair and made her way into her kitchen. (A/N: Her hair is back to the vibrant red it was in the first season and is cut shorter in back, longer in front, none of her hair reaches her shoulders. Its that short.) Grabbing an apple from the fridge she slowly made her way to the front door, lingering by the basement door that once held her studio. She had locked that door months ago and planned on never opening it again. Just then there was a knock on the door. Jude walked to the door and opened it up revealing her friend slash ex-nurse Tierney.

"Hey you, glad to see you're awake. How you feeling today," Tierney asked Jude as they walked out of the house and Jude locked it behind her. They had plans to go into town for some serious R and R as Tierney had called it.

Jude had ended up buying a house outside the city walls when she had first arrived in London. Better for privacy and all that. That's how her accident had managed to stay out of the papers, which she was eternally grateful for because she didn't want anyone back home to know. They would have just come out of pity and she didn't want that. She would suffer alone. Jude gave Tierney that 'how do you think its going' look and Tierney just sighed heavily.

"It is going to be okay Jude, I promise. You just have to have faith;" Tierney smiled at Jude as she opened the passenger side door for Jude.

Jude hadn't driven in months. Not since she had her accident. It was just too painful and scary. She went into panic attacks every time she got behind the wheel of a car. Four months ago everything had seemed so perfect. She had decided to come to England when she was offered a record contract and Tommy was finally hers and he wanted to marry her. But she couldn't do it, she was too scared. Afraid he might change his mind again and leave her. She couldn't take that pain again so instead she lied and told him she wanted to go alone. She needed to live the rock star life had been her excuse. And he had let her go cause he loved her. So off to England she went, all alone, and that's when everything went wrong. Just a week after she moved, signed a contract, and bought a house she had a horrible accident. She was driving along a back road late at night when she lost control, flew off the road and crashed into a very large tree. She managed to not be too injured amazingly enough, save for one thing that would change her life forever. Her voice.

"You did remember your voice maker right? I don't want to play the guessing game all day long."

Jude pulled out a small electronic gadget and typed into it. "Why not, it could be fun," An electronic voice said. Then Jude smirked at Tierney, knowing how much that stuff annoyed her.

"You are such a pain in the ass, you know that," Tierney sighed at her.

"Yes but that's why you love me," The voice said.

"Part of it anyways. I would love you more if you would stop being so down. They said it might not be permanent, and besides, you met me didn't you? That's something good right? You need to learn to see the good with the bad."

Jude sighed. She didn't know how she could find any good in this. The accident had crushed her larynx or some such doctor babble nonsense and now she couldn't talk. They had preformed a surgery that could give her back her voice or some of her voice at the very least. But she may also never get it back at all. The doctors just couldn't be sure. Which bothered Jude a lot. Doctors are not supposed to be unsure. They're supposed to know everything that's their job.

"Jude quit wallowing. This is relax day remember," Tierney said, the annoyance evident in her voice. She loved Jude, but all this drinking and self-pity crap was just not good for her.

"What would you like me to do? I've lost the one thing I had left in life that gave me meaning. That gave me purpose. Without it I have nothing left," The electronic voice said. "I hate living this way. I wish that accident had killed me."

"Don't you dare talk like that Jude. I never want to hear those kinds of words again," She yelled. "And I mean it. I will have you forcefully locked up if that's what it takes to get through to you."

"You would do that to me? After everything I've lost?"

"Yes, if it meant saving you from yourself. I can't take this any longer Jude. It's killing me to watch you spiraling out of control. You hardly ever go anywhere anymore and your always drunk. It's not good for you. You need to stop this madness once and for all," Tierney sighed pulling into a parking spot.

Jude wasn't sure where they were until she heard a very loud noise and realized they were at the airport. "What are we doing here? Why have you brought me to the airport?"

"I packed your bags Jude, I'm taking you home," Tierney said turning to look at Jude.

"No, no, no, you can't do this to me, you cant," The voice said to her.

"Oh yes I can. You need to go home and face the ones you love. You have been hiding for way too long and it's time you face your fears. I know you're scared and angry, but it really is for the best. You need your family. They don't even know what's happened to you. And you need Tommy, no matter what you say," Tierney ranted out at Jude.

"No, I don't. I moved on and I'm sure he has too. And Sadie is off on her honeymoon with Kwest. And Jamie is busy with his record label and stuff. And Speed is too busy with his career and his wife. I have nothing back there for me. Nothing."

"Your sister will be home eventually. Your friends will make time for you. And on the Tommy note, I know you still love him. It's so clear across your face its not even funny."

"And what of my accident and the fact that I no longer can talk. And of this oh so lovely scar I have across my neck," The voice said as Jude pulled off the scarf she was wearing revealing a large scar on the front of her neck from her surgery. "I can't face them like this. I'm not the girl they once knew, I'm different. I can never be their Jude again. Their Jude died in that accident."

"I don't care what you say, your getting on that damn plane. End of story," Tierney said sternly as she got out of the car and started loading Jude's bags onto a cart. She then walked to the other side of the car and yanked Jude out. "Let's go. Now."

"No Tierney. I'm not going back there. I'm not. I managed to keep this from them and I don't have any plans to change that."

"I don't care of your plans. Your going now start walking or I'm dragging your scrawny ass and you know I can take you skinny mini."

Tierney was 5'11" and weighed quite a bit. She did boxing in her spare time. Jude knew she could take her so she followed her into the airport. Tierney held their tickets in her hand. They headed to where their flight was taking off. "Your coming with me," The voice asked.

"Yes, I took some time off. I knew you would need me. And I need to make sure you won't just land there and then get on some other plane."

Jude smirked at that. She had been planning exactly that. Tierney knew her way too well. They made it through baggage check and then boarded the plane together. Jude was dreading this more then words could say. She had been so grateful that no one from the states knew of her accident. Her contract and been cancelled, leaving Jude a free agent due to her condition, but even that had been kept quiet as per Jude's request. She had her lawyer's draw that up when the company had asked her if she would cancel her contract with them to save money and such. She knew her career was over anyways so she didn't care if she had a contract as long as they told no one she had left the company.

"It will be okay Jude, you'll see," Tierney said taking her hand in hers as the plane took off.

Jude sighed and looked out the window. She hoped so, but she really didn't see this being okay. The Jude they knew and loved really had died in that accident. All that was left was a shell of a girl they once knew. She really didn't want to go back there. Everything there would just remind her she had lost everything that had ever mattered to her.

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So what did you guys think? It's my first Instant Star fic. I love all the stories but they are very much the same so I thought I would do something a bit different. Review and let me know what you think please. Will hopefully post the next chapter tomorrow. I'm hoping to have the time to write.

~ Suza ~