A/N: Read the warnings before reading this fic. This is a two shot, it is not like my normal happy fics, it has themes relating to Suicide, infertility, loss of an unborn child and depression. I am not straying from my promise to make sure my fics have a happy ending as I cannot force myself to kill off anyone and this fic will have a happy ending but everything in between is less then happy. Please do not flame me because you failed to read the warning and were offended or hurt by anything in this fic.

HERMIONE'S P.O.V.

Two years it has been since he left me here... alone...unloved...and completely, utterly depressed. I wasn't always like this, I was once happy, carefree, loving and full of hope, but now... I sport a deranged smile as I sit near the fire in this stupid, overly large manor that was supposed to be our home, with a shiny piece of metal that will finally allow my escape from my tortured life.

You see, five years ago we started dating. It was a shock to everyone at first, I mean...come on, who would believe that Hermione Granger and Severus Snape would ever date and fall in love – the idea was ludicrous but it was true... we did date and we did fall in love.

The entire relationship moved quickly. From the time we agreed to date to the time we decided to get married was only a matter of six months. The date was set, the place arranged, the dress picked out...it would have been perfect – but perfect was never meant to be, not for me at least.

Two days before the wedding I started to bleed. It was heavier then a period, much heavier, I actually passed out from the blood loss. Severus took me to St. Mungos where it was discovered that I was pregnant but the reason for my bleeding was because I lost it... I lost my baby.

We didn't get married when we planned. I was too weak and too upset to actually go on with it. We canceled and agreed to give it a few months before setting a new date.

Severus tried to hide his disappointment but I knew him to well. He was just as upset over the loss of the baby as I was but he held strong...for my sake.

It was only two months later when Severus and I had a heart to heart... I wanted a baby..our baby and I was willing to start trying even if we weren't married. Severus gave me a smile, a smile that only I'd seen when he agreed and so... we started trying. It actually didn't take long. I was pregnant by the second month but apparently, that baby wasn't meant to be either and I lost it only three weeks after discovering I was pregnant.

The very next month I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on. Ginny Potter was expecting her first baby and Harry couldn't be more proud. I tried to act happy, but deep down I was dying. I was jealous, I was hurt, and I felt like people were conspiring against me... was it really so much to ask for? Was it really so bad to want a child?

By the time Ginny hit four months along I discovered I was pregnant once again. I did everything I could do... even putting myself on bed rest in hopes the baby would stay with me this time, but again...it was a short lived happiness and I felt like I had died the same day as the baby did.

Severus did his best to comfort me, a side of him only I managed to see. He promised to figure out the reason I couldn't carry a child and by gods did he try. I watched him pour over books for hours and hours, day after day, but in the end... there was no logical reason for it. We ended up going to a specialist, a magical specialist that dealt with Infertility in wizarding couples and we were quickly informed that I had a curse on me that would never allow me to carry a child to term... it was a dark curse that was nothing more then slow torture.

Severus attacked it like a mad man. He looked up everything he could to find a way to break the curse but from everything we learned, the curse had never been able to be lifted once placed. I ended up on a potion to prevent pregnancy as neither of us could handle the loss of another child.

Ginny went on to deliver her child... a healthy, chubby little baby that looked so much like his father it was almost scary. I smiled and cooed just like everyone else but inside I was crying, screaming at the unfairness of it all. I just wanted a baby... every womans right.. but it alluded me.

Despite the potion I ended up pregnant again and this time it stuck for five whole beautiful months. It was the day I was to find out if our child was a boy or girl, we had actually reached that point and I was so happy, more happy then I could ever remember being. We weren't sure why the curse hadn't stopped it but neither of us were complaining. The healer waved his wand over my stomach. A pink or blue light should have glowed at wand tip but it remained black. The healer did a few more diagnostic waves and discovered the baby had died. Five whole months I carried our son before he was taken from us. I ended up delivering our still born baby that night. He was beautiful... small.. but beautiful. His skin was transparent as he had very little to no fat on his little body but he had already stated to grow hair, black, soft hair. We were devastated over the loss of our son who we named Arcturus.

I fell into depression after that.. one that I was not able to shake despite the comfort from Severus and our friends.

Three years into our relationship, I woke up to an empty bed. Severus had left some point in the night without so much as a note. I remembered thinking that morning that he probably couldn't handle it anymore, the loss was too great and I was a mere shell of myself.

I waited and waited but he didn't come back, he never sent a letter, he didn't send a message through the grape vine.. he was gone – gone from me and now, two years after he left I am still childless and worst of all... I am without him.

Now as I sit by the fire, thinking of how happy things could have been I cant help but cry. I've lost so much over the last four and a half years, loses I would never wish upon my worst enemy. My mood suddenly changes and I laugh at the irony of it all. I risked my life along with Harry and Ron to make the world a better place, a place I would feel safe to raise a child in and someone, some sadistic bastard took that from me.

I glance around our manor once more and sigh. The place is so empty, so lonely. There is no warmth despite the roaring fire, the manor is a freezing hell for me, but I know it will all be over in a few minutes time and that thought make me smile... a true, genuine smile.

I raise the blade to my wrist and slice. The bright red blood flows freely and I watch it drip from my arm to the floor. The feeling I get is satisfaction. Satisfaction in knowing that who ever cursed me will know that I refused to live through their torture and took myself out of the equation. I raise my bloody arm and use it to slice the other wrist. I needed to do it before I became to weak... this had to be done right the first time. I again watch the red, sticky liquid that my body desperately needs to sustain life, drip to the floor below me and I smile. I know my friends will be upset, I know they will be angry so I do the only thing I can think of and use my bloody finger to write 'I'm sorry' on the floor next to where I plan to lie down and let death take me away.

The room is getting darker, my senses are dulled but I still smile, completely unaware of the sorrowful eyes of Bandy, the one house elf that Severus left behind.

I don't know if I've died, I just don't. My world seemed to have frozen in time but whatever it is... I feel peace for the first time in years as I float in this odd state of being.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

BANDY'S 'short' P.O.V.

Master left me here to watch over the miss. She is unhappy, more unhappy then I have seen anyone. I watch her walk around the manor, crying and cursing and have done so for two years now. I felt like something was different tonight so I followed her into the study and stood in the corner, watching and waiting to see why something feels different.

Master had discovered a potion to cure the curse on the miss and left to get the ingredients. Master said they were hard to find and most were rare so it could be along time before he returned to her. I had to promise Master Snape to stay out of her way and pretend like I do not stay here. I was not allowed to let her know I was even in the manor so for the last two years I have watched in silence.

I watch a smile come to her face and I smile as well, it has been along time since I've seen that but that is short lived as I see her slide a piece of metal across her skin and start to bleed. I don't know what to do but I now Master would be very displeased if she was hurt.

I finally snap back to life after watching in horror as she turns pale. I cast a charm and freeze time in the manor as I know I must get Master Snape.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

SEVERUS'S P.O.V.

I had just collected the last ingredient for the potion I need to brew. I sat back on the rock that rested peacefully on the mountain side and smiled, I would soon be back to Hermione. Two years ago I had found a small black book in the library, a book I didn't even know existed. I flipped the pages of the book and almost fell over when I found a potion that would end dark curses. As happy as I was, I didn't want to tell Hermione and get her hopes up in the case I couldn't find the ingredients.

I wrote her a note telling her I would be back as soon as I could. I simply said that I needed to figure out some things and needed to leave for a while. I place the note on the dresser and left while she was still sleeping.

As I closed my eyes and leaned against the rock for some much needed rest, I heard a load pop off to the left of where I was. I pulled my wand instinctively as I have been through hell over the last two years dealing with evil creatures that wanted nothing more then to make me into a meal. I prepare to open my eyes and fire a stunning spell when I hear a soft elfy voice call Master Snape and I instantly knew it was Bandy.

The elf looked frighted and upset so I put my wand away and gave him a questioning look. He wrung his little hands and started to cry while telling me what he had witnessed and what he had done to stop it.

I can feel my heart plummet as he tells the story in vivid detail about the blood and the shiny piece of metal that caused it. When Bandy finally finished, he took me by the hand and disappeared with me back to the manor.

We arrived in the study and land no more then five feet from Hermione. Her skin is pale, her lips blue yet she wears a smile. The blood is surrounding her body and it is very obvious that if not for Bandy she would have succeeded in taking her life.

My heart is pounding in my chest so hard that it feels ready to burst through the skin. I fight back my overwhelming urge to panic as the sight of her body in such a state is worse then anything I ever witnessed in all my time of serving Voldemort. I know every second is going to count so while Bandy refreshes the charm to hold longer I bend over her body and seal her woulds with my wand. Once I am sure I have sealed her completely, repairing the veins and tendons first. I pick up her body which is now colder then it should be and carry her up the stairs to our room.

After I laid her down on the bed, I went straight for my lab in hopes it has not been disturbed. I walked straight over to my cabinet and pull out three blood replenishing potions that were luckily still good. When I returned, I forced the potion into her mouth, making he swallow every drop before slumping into my chair that Bandy placed near the bed... All I could do now was wait and hope she was alright.