A/N
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Please don't sue – I may not be able to afford it but I know
my rights and I stick within them.
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concepts. To the uninitiated, this means you must first seek permission
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Have fun, enjoy the fic and please don't forget to Read and Review. Pip the Bloody.
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It was a quiet day; the sun was out and burning bright in the sky; the main street was silent. It was one of those days that every one loves… except, of course, Spike. He was in the back room of the magic box smoking a cigarette and watching the funniest thing on earth unfold before his eyes. That is, the funniest thing on earth bar stoned Muppets. Pip and Ben were attempting to teach Buffy how to fight like them.
" So what did you say you call this?" Buffy asked, a confused look on her face.
"The conchairto." Pip said patiently for the fourth time that minute.
Ben rolled his eyes and slouched over to the wall where he slumped by himself.
"Okay… I want to try!" Buffy said.
Buffy and Pip stood either side of a dummy; each with a steel chair in their hands. Pip lead by tapping his chair against the ground twice and Buffy followed, both of them swinging their chairs around to make contact in the middle. As the two chairs made contact a voice echoed from all around the room and a ball of fire appeared where the dummy had previously been.
"I am Metatron, Herald of the All Mighty and Voice of the one true –"
SMACK!!!!!!
Whoever it was picked the time and place to just appear as to steel chairs collided with his head. He staggered backwards, clutching his head in a way that reminded Gina of the times when Spike hit a humans.
"That's a great way to say hello at least you didn't use a fire extinguisher." Metatron stated.
"Who the fuck are you and why isn't your head half way to frelling LA?" Pip asked, amazed.
"Not another foul mouthed prick." Metatron said under his breath with a glance at the ceiling. "I'll try this again shall I? I am Metatron. Herald of the All Mighty and Voice of the one true God!"
"Okay… But what are you doing here?" Buffy asked.
"Well if you must know. I'm here the charge all you with a quest."
"A quest?" Giles asked in astonishment.
"Well not all of you just one of you." Metatron said with a shrug.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "So what do I have to do?" She asked.
"Nothing." Metatron snapped at her. "It's the tubby s.o.b. we need for this job."
Ben's eyes bulged. "So you want me to save the world for a second time in as many weeks?"
Buffy turned away slightly. "Welcome to my world." She muttered.
"So what big nasty demon needs killing this time?" Xander asked.
"Well you all remember the mistress don't you?" Metatron asked in a patronising tone of voice.
"Sorry. I always forget when some ungodly creature tries to kill me. Of cause we remember, it was only last week!" Pip snapped. "Spike, you got a fag I can pinch?" He asked.
Spike pulled out a cigarette from his pack and held it out to the teen. Pip sat down next to Spike, taking the cigarette from him and lighting up. The two had become close – well not close – They had developed a repor over the past couple of days. Thanks mainly to Jack Daniels. Lots of Jack Daniels.
"Well the mistress had a disciple in hell and when lardy here," Metatron gestured to Ben. "Killed her he went mad and busted his way out of hell. The last time we saw him he was in a small town on the East Coast called Br–"
"Brookfield, Connecticut " Pip butted in.
"Yes." Metatron admitted.
"How did you know that?" Asked Giles.
"Simple." Pip
exhaled and ground the cigarette under his heel. "Its sods fucking law. I'm off to find a bar." He stated,
walking out. Spike looked around at the remaining group, sighed and followed
Pip out.
About three hours later Ben and Gina found Pip and spike. They were propping up
the bar in the Bronze, drinking steadily in silence. Ben and Gina asked Spike
what was wrong.
"How should I bloody know?" The vampire snapped at them. "The only thing he's said is 'Jack Daniels', 'more' and 'Stella'. Why he would want that stuff is beyond me." Spike downed the shot in front of him.
Ben walked up to Pip and asked him instead.
"Brookfield! Of all the shitty little towns in the world that thing picked Brookfield!" Pip spat before sinking deeper into his drink.
Ben thought for a second and then it dawned on him.
"Can't believe I didn't see it!" Ben said, slapping his head.
"See what?" Gina was confused.
"Pip used to live in the states. In a town called Brookfield."
Ben explained to Gina with a significant look.
Just at that moment a handful of vampires burst into the Bronze. Spike downed
his drink, cracked his knuckles and stepped towards the unwelcome newcomers.
Pip's hand slapped down onto his arm.
"I'll get this round. You sit down and wait." Pip told him before walking up to one of the vampires with his hands behind his back. "Hay wanker!" He called.
The vampire lunged at Pip. He pulled a bottle of vodka from behind him, smashed it over the vampire's face and flicked his cigarette onto him. The vampire burst into flames then disappeared. Pip was feeling a definite rush of adrenalin as he jumped onto a table and prepared to launch himself at another vampire.
"Shouldn't we help him?" Gina asked the guys. Which was of course girl-code for 'Go help him.'
"After I finish my cig." Spike announced.
Pip launched off the table and knocked the vampire over. A third vampire grabbed him from behind.
"Okay, now we help him." Spike handed his cigarette to Gina as he and Ben went to Pips aid. Needless to say the fight didn't last much longer.
Pip, Ben and Spike reclaimed their seats at the bar. "Hey bartender! Four Jacks." Pip called down the bar.
"Where is he?" Spike asked Gina as he also reclaimed his cigarette.
"He's gone." Ben said, looking around at the remaining people.
"He's scarpered." Spike said, leaning over to check the bar area for a dead body.
"He's fucked off!" Pip said, reaching over the bar and grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels and four glasses.
Gina hit him. "Pip!" We're trying to keep this down to a 12!"
"Since when?" Asked Spike.
"Gina, the operative word in the statement is 'trying'." Pip said with a smirk. " Well, we're in luck."
"How's that?" Gina asked Pip. "Between you, Ben and Spikey we're already up to a 15!"
"It's Spike!" Spike growled at Gina as Pip spoke.
"No. It's homecoming next week! Lets get out of here." Pip said, taking a large swig from the bottle of Jack Daniels and staggering toward the exit. He fell flat on his face. "A little help here?"
